THANK YOU

I’ve been writing consistently for just about a year now.

At first, writing was just a cathartic exercise to help me express myself and feel relief from the things I struggled with. In all honesty my first post was about a woman that I liked and how I didn’t feel good enough for her.

I started writing at a time when I felt like I had no one to talk to. I know that I have many people in my life that care about me, but I didn’t want to change the image they saw of me.

So I wrote everything down online, and for a long time no one paid attention. I didn’t mind that.

But eventually people started relating to my stories. I always tried to put a positive spin on everything and focus on solutions to these struggles, instead of the endless negatives that came with them.

Fast forward a year and 2HelpfulGuys has released our first book.

“Not So F.A.Q.: Common Questions, Uncommonly Asked.”

It is a compilation of questions Leroy and I receive on a daily basis. Some are the most common questions about confidence and health etc., and some are more specific questions that strike a chord within us.

In this book I wrote my answers as if the asker and I were sitting outside looking at the stars in deep conversation.

I answered with my heart and put my own experiences with these struggles out there for them to relate.

Although I was answering one person, this conversation would not be for their eyes alone, and that scared me. Not only was I revealing myself to anyone who would care to look, but people would be paying for these insights.

I’m not good at asking people for money. With this book I’ve had a really hard time asking people if they’d like to buy, simply because I want to share this message with everyone without strings attached.

But the problem is that I want this to be my career. I want so desperately to have the resources to continue to spread our messages and help the people we resonate with.

Leroy and I at 2HelpfulGuys have dreams so big that they would surely be laughed at, but we have a deep routed attraction towards these dreams and the good that they will accomplish.

Even with this in mind, I still have a hard time asking people if they want to buy our book.

This made me worry.

I didn’t know if I was good enough, after all, I’m still a work in progress. I’m not perfect and I’ve never been perfect. I’ve often felt like I’ve been worse than most people out there.

But someone left a review to our book that made me realize that all of this worrying and fear was unwarranted. One specific thing that they said struck a chord with me.

“This book is inspiring because the authors pull back the polished masks folks wear and show the teeming process that is happening underneath. The reader is invited to actively think along with the answers being presented, and instead of being the last word on the subject, the answers that the authors give are more like a jumping off place.”

I don’t have all the answers, and I would never try to say that I am better than anyone else. I am still going through the process of improving myself every single day, and this reader understood that.

I was so worried that people would expect our answers to be a one stop cure to everything that they struggle with, but the truth is, we can only offer each other a new path to journey; a new perspective and new tools to carry with us in our growth.

Writing these articles week after week, working through my problems with you and hearing your insights has helped me to grow in ways I could never have imagined.

So I’m writing this post for you, our readers, as a thank you for giving us the opportunity to grow with you.

I’ve written about my fears, my dreams, and my mistakes, and every time we have helped each other work through these difficulties.

With our growing popularity I have often become tempted to leave out the blood, sweat and tears from my stories for the fear that people will think I am not a worthy teacher.

But as always you have shown me that these struggles are what connect us. We all go through tough times, it is what makes us human.

So thank you for teaching me every day, for growing with me and for accepting me as I am, at my highest and at my lowest.

I will continue to serve you to the best of my ability, and maybe one day in the future we will sit underneath the stars and have those beautifully deep conversations about the trials we’ve struggled through and the dreams we yearn for.

Until then,

Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys

Looking Confident When You Don’t Feel Confident

Confidence is a hard subject to tackle. It is one of those attributes that always leaves us wanting more.

Even though people have always said that I am a confident and outgoing person, that can quickly fade away when I am put into a situation outside my comfort zone.

No matter how big your comfort zone gets, there is always going to be unexplored territory waiting to test your resilience. When you step outside that boundary, even if you don’t feel confident, you need to show confidence.

That is why I have developed some guidelines that I follow; little confidence hacks that help bring my best self with me even outside my comfort zone.

These tips will help you come off as confident until you expand your comfort zone.
Fake it until you make it!

Whether it is a job interview, a business meeting, talking to the opposite sex or even just trying to make a friend, here are my three confidence hacks.

Smile!

No matter what situation you are in, you should have a smile on your face.
With the obvious exception of a funeral.

I remember being at a group interview a couple of months ago. I could tell that everyone was nervous, as expected, but there was one girl who wore it on her face.

While most people displayed subtle signs of their nerves—Fidgeting, slight stutters, short breath—she was putting on a performance with her expressions. I felt ever grimace, every pound of her heart.

She did not smile one time during the whole interview and it was very clear that she wasn’t good at handling pressure.

Needless to say, she didn’t end up getting the job.

70% of communication is non-verbal, so when you smile you show that you are happy, confident, and attentive. The reverse can show people that you are worried, anxious, unable to handle pressure and a myriad of other qualities you do not want to convey.

Another thing to note is that when you smile, you actually trick your brain into being happier and more relaxed. Your brain says ‘Hey, if I’m smiling I must not be in danger. So things can’t be that bad right?’
Well, it probably doesn’t literally say that.

So even if you are nervous, smile! It will convey to the other party and yourself that you are able to handle this situation.

Eye Contact!

I cannot stress how important this point is. It might seem like something so trivial, but study after study has found that people who maintain higher levels of eye contact are seen as:

• More powerful and confident
• More like-able and attractive
• More emotionally stable
• More qualified and competent
• More trustworthy and sincere

When you make eye contact you are conveying all of these messages to people, but not only that, you are also showing that you actually care about the interaction.

Just imagine engaging with someone who makes little to no eye contact with you. What would you think about this person?

You might think they are nervous, over-thinking, or worst of all that they aren’t even paying attention to you.

Whether it’s a speech, a job interview, a date, or a networking situation, more eye contact results in a better interaction.

The other party will see you as more confident and when you look that person in the eyes, you will be facing your nerves head on.

Body Language!

As I said earlier in this article, 70% of communication is non-verbal.

So far we have dealt with how you convey your confidence through your facial expressions and eyes. Now it is time to deal with the rest of the body.

You could write a whole book on body language—my favourite is ‘How to tell what people are thinking’ by Peter Collett—but I will go over some basic guidelines that will help you convey confidence, and trick yourself into feeling confident.

1) Stand up straight.

In most of the animal kingdom there is a strong connection between height and status. In humans there is an overwhelming amount of evidence supporting this.

While you can’t make yourself taller, you can ensure that you are standing tall, not slouching.

This will show that you are at attention, and that you are not submissive.

2) Keep your head up.

If you have your head down you are subconsciously telling those around you that you are submissive.

Keep you head up and face situations head on to convey confidence and competence.

3) Look comfortable.

Another way to seem confident is to look relaxed.

When you look tense you are sending signals to people that you are nervous, worried or afraid. If you look relaxed then people will believe you are in your comfort zone.

Don’t tense your muscles and don’t fidget or touch yourself. Take deep breathes, talk slowly and show that you are comfortable in the situation.

No one is confident all the time. If you never get nervous then you probably aren’t stepping outside your comfort zone often enough.

When you do step outside that boundary, take these tips with you.

I’m confident that you’ll be just fine.

 

HOW TO MASTER JEDI MIND CONTROL

Over the last couple of years I have become fascinated with the idea that everything in your life is a result of what goes on in your mind.

If there are two twins that are the exact same in every way, except that one is relentlessly positive and the other is endlessly negative, their lives would be completely different.

They could encounter the exact same scenarios and obstacles but they would perceive them in different ways. The positive person would see them as a chance to grow, and the negative person would see them as evidence that you can never succeed.

With this in mind I am convinced that learning to skew your mind towards the positive and the useful is the best way to completely transform your life.

Here are the three steps to learning to control your mind like a Jedi.

1) Observe your thoughts.

In order to start controlling the endless chatter in your mind you first have to get rid of the idea that you are your thoughts.

We tend to think that the chatter in our mind is who we are and that is it, but that is just a part of who you are. You are your whole body from top to bottom and your entire subconscious, not just your conscious thoughts.

Now what you need to do is to step back from your thoughts and observe them. Start keeping track of when you are thinking negatively. The next time you find yourself upset, step back for a second and think “Wow, I have a lot of negative thoughts right now.”

Doing this will help you catch yourself in these useless reflexive thought cycles. Nothing good comes from beating yourself up or feeling sorry for yourself so the more you start to catch yourself, the quicker you can implement my next step.

2) Cancel your negative thoughts.

Now that you are starting to keep an eye on what you are thinking instead of just letting the chatter go on, you can start to pull yourself out of these habitual thought patterns.

Your brain doesn’t like using a lot of energy, so if you are a person who naturally reacts negatively, your mind will jump to that first because it is easy. Doing something outside of the norm requires conscious effort, something your brain would rather avoid.
Yeah, thanks evolution, we really appreciate that…

My favourite way to pull myself out of my bad habitual thought cycles is to use an “interrupt mantra.”

An interrupt mantra is something that you start repeating over and over once you realize that you are in one of these cycles. It will replace your useless thoughts with the exact opposite and more useful thoughts.

If you are someone who has problems with procrastination, once you realize that you are thinking “Man, I hate doing this work, I just want to relax and watch some Netflix” you have to switch to your interrupt mantra. It could be something like “I am energized and ready to take on anything. I’ll conquer this project with ease and energy to spare.”

Repeat that as many times in a row as you have to and after a while of canceling your negative thoughts, your mind will start to reflexively jump to the positive and more useful thoughts.

It only makes sense that your procrastination will naturally shrink when your reflexive thoughts are that of being energized and ready to conquer the obstacles ahead of you.

Interrupt mantras can work for any negative thoughts. If you have negative thoughts about your confidence interrupt them with “I am an amazing and confident person. I am going to start giving myself the credit I deserve.”

If you have problems with willpower interrupt those thoughts by saying “I have tons of willpower to spare. I am a strong person who can beat any temptation with ease.”

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed whether it be ten, twenty, or thirty times in a row.

3) Meditation.

This step isn’t required, but it will make the whole process ten times easier. When I started meditating I didn’t realize just how impactful it would be. I also didn’t realize how many of my favourite celebrities and great thinkers meditated.

Everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to Katy Perry, to Oprah Winfrey and more credit meditation as a key part of their success and ability to stay balanced.

We could discuss meditation for hours, the spiritual aspects, the physical effects it has on the brain over time or even just the calming effect it can create instantly. But for now there is one plus side to meditation that I want to share with you.

It allows you to step back from your thoughts.

With the type of meditation I do the point is to focus on your breath so intensely that your thoughts cease. Now, during meditation you are sure to have thoughts pop into your head. In this case you just allow them to surface without analyzing them, and then get back to focusing on your breathing. If you get an itch on your leg, you feel it, but then immediately bring your attention back to your breath.

This will train you to be able to have a thought or emotion surface without allowing it to pull you into its rabbit hole. This way when something happens in your daily life that aggravates you, instead of stewing over it for hours and ruining your whole day you can step back and say “is this really a useful thing to focus on? Do these thought patterns improve my life in any way shape or form, or do they just serve to steal energy and happiness from me?”

Armed with this ability to step back and question these reflexive thoughts, you can truly start to control your mind and use it for your own self improvement.

A quote that has been repeated by many of the great minds of the world, and is very close to my heart is: “The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

This quote perfectly explains the two different relationships you can have with your mind.

Either you control it, or it controls you. The decision is yours.

With love
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys

Seven Methods To Deal With Your Worries

I’ve been running around like a headless chicken. This last week of school has been agony. It has been sucking my soul. Today has been one of those days where nothing seems to click. I woke up worried.

I woke up thinking about all the assignments I have due over the next few days. I even forgot to write an article for today. I feel like this article is rushed. These worries are taking over.

It happens to everyone, but this isn’t a side of me that I like very much. It’s dramatic, but when you get caught up in the moment it can feel like you’re drowning. All you want is a breath of fresh air.

Today I want to focus on solutions rather than problems so let’s ignore the thousands of hours I could spend figuring out the why, and instead, focus on the how. How am I going to get rid of these worries? Here’s what I came up with:

1) Write it down and throw it away.

I find it incredibly therapeutic to, first, be able to physically look at my worry, and then proceed to throw it out.

Throwing away your worries and stresses can have a profound effect. The physical act of writing down your negative thoughts and then throwing them away can be a mental cleanse.

2) Cancel rule.

I find this method extremely effective. The next time you worry and find yourself lost in your thoughts, start repeating ‘cancel’ to yourself.

Repeat the word ‘cancel’ over and over again, until the word itself means nothing. You will have derailed your negative train of thought and you can start to focus on something else other than your worries.

3) Confide in someone.

“A trouble shared is a trouble halved” – Chinese Proverb.

Sharing your worries with another person allows you tackle that stress with someone who may have encountered the same problem. Everyone is human and they have the same worries that you do.

You’re not alone in this. Their guidance and objective perspectives could lead you to a revelation that you would have never reached otherwise.

4) Write your grateful list.

You don’t have to be surrounded by family eating turkey to be grateful. You will beat up, tired, lonely and heartbroken throughout this life. During these times being grateful for whatever you do have can be the only thing that saves you.

I jump to this tip as soon as I feel even a slight funk coming on. Write down ten things you are grateful for, or twenty, or thirty. As many as you need to remember that there is always something in your life worth feeling good about.

The worse off you are, the deeper you will have to dig. But if you find something to be grateful for at rock bottom, you’ll never have to worry about falling again.

5) Go for a walk.

Being in nature is calming – but even looking at an image of nature can decrease worry levels and increase positivity.

I love walking outside. The sights and smells have a very calming effect on my brain. Sometimes, I take the beauty of nature for granted. When you stop everything and go for a walk, you really start to appreciate the beauty around you.

That energy is transferred to me and leaves me with a renewed sense of vigor.

6) Breathe deeply.

Few people breathe properly. They have breathing that is shallow and faint because it’s left to the unconscious mind. Pay close attention to your breathing. Focus on your breath and feel it deep within your stomach.

It allows your body and brain to get a burst of oxygen, relieving any worries. There are a lot of little problems that can be worried over. The key to managing worry comes from ignoring these little problems and just taking a couple deep breaths to calm down.

Take thirty seconds to stop what you are doing and breathe. This always helps me. No matter what you are doing, you always have thirty seconds to spare. 

7) Ten-year trick.

I imagine myself ten years in the future, at a bar with friends. Everyone is laughing. We are talking about how funny it is that we used to think everything was such a big deal.

Then I break out my story about the current situation I am in and how trivial it really was. Of course everyone dies of laughter because the future me is hilarious.

Imagine what a funny story your current situation is going to be a couple years from now. This will help you keep things in perspective and move on from your worries in a more graceful fashion.

8) Reset tomorrow.

I lied. Sorry. But, I came up with one more.

Sometimes I am in a funk, I’ve tried everything, and there is no way out. At this point I remind myself that this is just a feeling, not who I am. Maybe today is a write off, but tomorrow is a new day.

Every morning begins anew. Focus on restarting tomorrow. Everything will be fine. Worries come and go, and no matter how big or small they are, there is always a resolve. The more you worry, the bigger it becomes and the longer it stays at the forefront of your mind.

They won’t go away unless you stop thinking about them. The more you think about your problems, the more your problems will multiply. Think positive thoughts and put on a brave face. If all else fails, reset tomorrow.

Thank you readers for helping me figure out my worries. I’m glad you’re on this journey with me.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

I have been writing in a journal before bed at night. I don’t write any deep or emotional thoughts, I just write what I did that day. Plain and simple.

I went back and looked at a couple of my first entries into this journal and I noticed something.

In the first pages of my journal I talk about having difficulty with new habits I am trying to create. How I find it hard waking up early and sometimes I miss the gym.

I had completely forgotten about my progress through this period.

Before I revisited these journal entries I was going through a phase where I felt like I wasn’t making any headway in life. I felt like I was on a treadmill going nowhere.

I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me, thinking that I wasn’t doing enough.

By taking a journey through my thoughts from months ago, I realized that I had improved in nearly every area of my life.

Comparing myself today against myself a short time ago was like night and day.
It gave me confidence.

Don’t compare yourself to other people.

When you look at someone else your instinct is to pick out every one of their good qualities that you lack, and weigh them against yourself.

The problem is that the things that make you amazing, probably aren’t the same for that person. You might be jealous of their girlfriend, but do they have friends and family as amazing as yours?

The things that make you unique can’t always be measured and compared against another person properly.

Outlines vs. Details.

Another major problem with comparing yourself to other people is that you only see an outline of that person.

When you look at yourself, you know every single painstaking detail backwards and forwards. You know every blemish on your body, every negative personality trait.

Looking at people as they walk past, you might assume that their life is great but you don’t know what they go home to. You don’t know what goes on inside their head.

You are building the image of the people around you up so much higher than yourself, when in reality they have struggles and hardships just the same as you.

Like it or not, you are who you are.

The only thing you can do is be better than the person you were yesterday. If you can do that then you should be proud of yourself.

Comparing yourself to other people will distract you from your own journey.

Horses wear blinders during races so that they can stay focused on the carrot without being distracted by the other horses.

Put up your blinders and go after your own carrot with all your might.