It seems as if we live in a world of lies. Nearly every adult will tell you that lying is wrong. But when it comes to avoiding trouble, saving face in front of the boss, or sparing someone’s feelings, many people find themselves doing it anyway. Sometimes, I lie because I just feel the need too.
It can be something stupid like my height. But still, I don’t quite understand why? I have nothing to gain from it and I am sure people catch me knee deep in it.
Eventually, you are forced to lie because you previously lied and it continues to grow. No matter how small the lie is, it always chips away at relationships.
I’ve referred to my past relationships a lot, but it is all too clear the life I’ve led. The most significant relationship I’ve ever had was riddled with lies. There was not a shred of truth in her and I was too oblivious to see it.
Or maybe, I just did not want to see it. Regardless, it crippled me inside.
I’ve complied the three types of lies in this world and why it is necessary to stop.
A) White Lies
I suppose to most of you, these are considered the least harmful of all lies, hence the ‘White.’ But I do not believe that at all. White lies destroys relationships. It usually starts with a simple lie.
“That fish was 10 feet long. No, those tight pants fit you great.”
When these white lies compound and are used excessively, it can make your interactions less authentic. At its worst, people will get the notion that you are not being genuine and, eventually, they will begin lose trust.
I have no verbal filter. Some people are afflicted with this occasionally. For me, it is literally all the time. I constantly have to censor myself around new people or risk losing relationships.
But I feel that being genuine is integral to building lasting relationships. White lies (lying to spare ones’ feelings or being brutally honest to hurt ones’ feelings) can be avoided but toning it down. Tell the truth but provide reasoning and positive feedback as well.
Some people will take offence, but it is always followed by acceptance and endearing responses.
B) Lying to Avoid Situations
We often find ourselves in less than desired situations. Situations like meetings, soirées, and general gatherings. What happens? We fib to get out of it.
“I can’t go out. My cat died. I have homework. A dingo ate my baby.”
Well, maybe, not so much the last lie. Instead, I propose saying “No.” Try it; exercise the power of “No.” Fine-tune the word “No” and use it in your everyday life.
You can use it with any and every situation you encounter and avoid the traps that will occur if you originally lied. Stop trying to justify the reason you give the recipient and end it with a simple “no.”
C) Lying To Yourself
Out of all three, I feel like this is the most common lie among us. We lie to ourselves constantly, everyday. This is the most destructive to us. Eventually, we start internalizing it, believing it and it becomes second nature.
“I do not have a drinking problem. I do not need therapy. I am not fat.”
Lies prevent you from realizing your faults and progressing. You internalize your problems as normal and forget that they are problems. With the exception of “I am not fat” these lies are all incredibly harmful.
Whatever you want to accomplish, from sticking to a healthy lifestyle to conquering your drinking problem, lying about what is really going on puts you one step farther from that objective.
Instead, visualize, in full detail, what it would feel, sound, and smell like to attain your goal. Construct a picture in your head, already attaining that goal.
Lying is incredibly damaging to your relationships. I suppose, I do not have to stress that. Anyone that has lived has lied and hurt people. But this is not the life I want to lead.
I want to be known as genuine and trustworthy and it all starts with the truth.