The Work/Life Balance Fallacy

When we were children, time didn’t occur to us. All our activities fit perfectly into the day. Unless the sun was going to bed, our time seemed endless, wistfully passing by.

Our parents dealt with our schedules, moving and shifting around hockey practices with dentist appointments. Our lives were handled in their responsible care and we were blissful.

Soon after, we matured into self-sustaining adults with our own work schedules and responsibilities. We began to focus on time; trying to fit all the minutiae tightly in.

Then, we became obsessed with time. We became obsessed with balance. It seems that most of us endlessly sought a balanced life.

However, the ‘balanced life’ does not exist.

One of life’s biggest lies is the notion of a balanced life. Nothing ever achieves absolute balance. Nothing.

Between professional and personal life, striving for that perfect balance is most peoples’ mislead goal that they find attainable without ever stopping to truly consider it.

This is tough to believe mainly because one of the most frequent mantras for what is missing in most lives is, ‘I need more balance.’ We hear about balance so much that we automatically assume it’s exactly what we should seek.

It’s not.

We should be seeking purpose, significance, and happiness, the qualities that persist in a successful life.

Seek those important qualities and you will more than likely live a life out of balance, crisscrossing an invisible middle line as you pursue those qualities.

Think of balance as the middle line, and out of balance when we’re away from it. Get too far and we’re now living in the extremes.

The persistent problem with the middle is that it prevents us from making extraordinary time commitments to anything. Stay here too long and our lives will grow stale and ordinary.

Stray away from the middle and we could get reckless, marginally living a terribly hard life, devoid of relationships, fond memories and love.

Knowing when to pursue the middle and the extremes is true knowledge. Results are achieved with perfect negotiation with your time.

The reason we should never pursue absolute balance is because the magic never happens in the middle.

Magic happens at the extremes.

The extremes are where we are truly tested in will and guts. Our strengths are galvanized towards a lifelong dream. We naturally understand that success lies at the outer edges, but we don’t know how to manage our lives when we’re out venturing.

When we work too long, our personal life suffers. We unfairly blame work when we say, ‘I have no life.’ Even when work doesn’t pose a threat, our personal lives can be filled with endless ‘have-tos’ that we, once again, reach the same conclusion, ‘I have no life.’

When we get bombarded by both sides – professional and personal – we face an imminent breakdown and once again proclaim, ‘I have no life.’

Time waits for no one.

If we stray too far to the extremes, chasing our professional lives, we forget to cherish the middle, the simple.

Sometimes our work schedules become overwhelming, but our belief is that if we work hard now, we can enjoy the fruits of labor later.

Push something to an extreme and postponement can become permanent.

We seem to believe that we can make up for lost time.

But do we really think that we can get back a child’s birthday or bedtime story? Is a party for a five-year old with imaginary friends the same as a dinner with a teenager with high-school friends?

In Click, Adam Sandler has an epiphany before death where he says, ‘family first.’ Realizing all the time he spent at work instead of with his family, gave him his biggest regret.

He couldn’t make up for lost time. He couldn’t find balance.

Time on one thing means time away from another. This makes balance impossible.

Finding the right amount is essential to our personal and professional lives. Through careful deliberation of our activities, we can slowly understand where our time is best spent.

We have to spend our time on what matters most to us, instead of scrambling with minutiae. We have to accept the fact that not everything can get done in our days, weeks, months, years, and lives.

We need to realize where our true passions and priorities lie in life. We need to separate all the important activities from the things we think are important.

Professional and personal success are measured equally. If we do not treat bodies with respect, our families and friends with respect, we suffer immeasurable in the latter.

If we do not achieve professional success, we feel defeated and depressed, bringing those feelings into our personal lives.

We must crisscross the invisible line, while simultaneously chasing purpose, significance, and happiness.

We must spend a little extra time sharing memories with our families and friends and being mindful of ourselves – our bodies and minds.

We must also focus on our professional goals by working our hardest – but not longest – and giving our entire being in that singular moment.

Balance cannot be achieved.

The art of counter-balancing is a more realistic goal. With everything that we do in our professional life, equal time must be spent in our personal lives, and vice versa.

When I die, I want to have the shortest list of regrets possible. With that in mind, making sure to be mindful of my body, treasuring my relationships and chasing professional success are goals, which are strived for equally.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Symbol of scales is made of stones on the cliff

The Recalibration Technique

Habits control every aspect of our entire lives. What time we wake up in the morning to what we consume daily to whether or not we binge eat those cookies are all governed by habits.

What is a habit?

A habit is a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

As we continually do the same activities every day, our brain becomes accustomed to the same stimulation. It forms strong neural connections, which makes the activity easier and easier to occur.

Eventually, our brain conducts itself automatically. It chooses to take the shortest, simplest path to immediate gratification.

Binge eating cookies is just an automatic habit because our brain knows we love cookies. Smoking cigarettes when we’re stressed are automatic patterns that our brains use because at one time we used cigarettes to cope with stress.

Building strong effective habits are the foundation for a stable healthy lifestyle. But today, we’re not going to focus on my unhealthy addiction to cookies or someone’s unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Instead, let’s talk about the Recalibration Technique

Everyone has goals and aspirations that they want to achieve. We have dreams that garner all our attention and energy but over time we dwindle, until our dream is left stranded.

But when was the last time we sat down and consciously thought and put purposeful energy towards our purpose?

From time to time it’s worthwhile to stop and take stock of our lives. But it seems we only do this practice towards the beginning or end of a year.

To deepen our understanding of our purpose we must first learn lessons from the past and move with purposeful action towards the future. We must continue to refocus our lives and slowly build clarity of our purpose.

The Recalibration Technique provides a framework to build focus and clarity. Through these two simple questions that we developed, we are able to recalibrate our minds when we falter.

1) Am I purposefully using my time and energy towards my dream?

With the constant hustle of life, it can be hard to focus on our purpose and ourselves. We get lost in the fast lane, as life passes us by.

We should ask ourselves this question to refocus our life and make small steps towards our passions. Aim to move towards your goal by just 1% each week.

If you want to write a book, write just one paragraph (or page) a day. If you want to paint a masterpiece, just do a few strokes a day. If you want to learn, sing, or act, just make some small moves by reading, humming or roleplaying every day.

Every day is a new day to move closer to your dreams. Use it appropriately.

Without a clear understanding of where our lives are heading and when we will achieve it, we are just wasting our most precious resource – energy.

2) Where can I expend less energy to spend more on my dream?

Everyday we are constantly bombarded with mind-numbing tasks. People want our energy and time and we allow them to steal it without batting an eyelash.

Refocus your spare time and energy towards your goal. Ask yourself where you frequently compromise your time. Where do you frequently consume negativity because you feel like you are stuck in a situation?

We are never stuck in any situation. We choose to be in the current situation through our mindsets and perceptions.

Which situation or action can we desist to pursue more purposeful actions towards our happiness and dream? When can we say a resounding ‘No’ to the negative energy, people and situations in our lives to pursue the positive counterparts?

Your choices and decisions make up whom you are. Chose them wisely.

Here is your mission if you choose to accept it:

Ask yourself these two simple questions once a week and slowly move towards once a day. Take some time, find a quiet spot and write or type your way through the answers.

The Recalibration Technique is intended to help you live with greater purpose and more passion. As the habit is solidified, your brain will constantly refocus your life and will take the shortest, easiest path towards it.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free and love on.

3 Terrible Ways Self-Sabotage Ruins Our Success

When Steven and I first started 2HelpfulGuys, we didn’t have a vision. We didn’t even have an idea.

We knew we wanted to help people in some way. We wanted to impact peoples’ lives through our articles and cheesy videos.

We couldn’t start anything until we had a great name behind us. We sat there for hours trying to come up with one.

Steven and I stared at my laptop screen, then back at each other, then back at the laptop screen. We were shouting out random synonyms for the words like ‘happy’ and ‘life’ and ‘positive.’

Nothing really stuck, except us. We were stuck.

Be honest now, how often do you sabotage yourself?

For most people, it’s almost daily. We have dreams at night that make us ponder incredible possibilities for the future. But as the morning sun rises we let our dreams die in the daylight.

We wake up and carry on with our monotonous lives because of self-sabotage. We’re afraid of what might be. We’re afraid of our seemingly impossible challenges.

We stay in our secure little 9-5 bubbles, despite the endless unhappiness.

Self-sabotage ruins our dreams, and in turn, us.

When Steven and I ask people why they don’t pursue their dreams, we receive the same three excuses. It is the same excuses that we once had when we started 2HelpfulGuys.

1) I don’t know how?

No one begins an endeavour knowing exactly how to do it. Everything is one giant trial and error process.

We filmed out first YouTube video on my terrible laptop camera. It barely worked and when it did, I couldn’t find the file. Worse, when we tried to upload it, the video didn’t work.

‘This file is the wrong format.’ Those words still haunt my dreams.

Through all the struggles, we figured it out. How? There’s one word that opens up our entire world.

“Google.”

If you can’t find it on Google, find a free book on Amazon. If it’s not on Amazon, find a volunteer on Meetup.com. Information is more accessible now than any other point in history, and most of it is completely free.

Use it to your advantage and learn all the applicable skills you need to further your dream.

The Internet is a beautiful place filled with useful information, if we can just tear ourselves away from Facebook, memes and cat pictures.

2) There just isn’t enough time in the day

I’m sure we can all agree that we share the same amount of time in any given day. No one has developed a magical potion or time machine that changes it.

This comes down to priorities. This comes to down to personal motivation and sheer diligence. If you have a goal, dedicate time each day to complete it.

Schedule time every single day and don’t end the day without furthering yourself in some small, even insignificant, way.

If you can move closer to your goal by just 1% each week through reading, writing or learning, you’ll be more than halfway by the end of the year.

That’s doable, right? One measly percent?

3) I need ______ to be successful

Fill in the blank.

Everyone believes they lack something important before they can reach their dream. Whether it is money, knowledge or any other blank in our personal book of excuses, we are more than comfortable abusing it.

In truth, there isn’t anything lacking. All you need is you. You are more than enough. Everything great started with one person. It took one person to come up with an idea and build something great.

Only then, did people notice and start to help.

Following your dreams requires only your complete and undivided attention and effort. Without you, nothing is possible.

So today and every day, take the plunge. Cast away your excuses and start to take action.

Let us use all the free resources possible, manage our time better, and believe in our abilities.

And, as far as being stuck on the name, it didn’t matter.

We were just 2 guys trying to be helpful.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

The King of All Lists

I’ve been doing to-do lists for a long time. Every single morning, I wake up and write down exactly what I want to accomplish by the end of the day.

As I crossed things off that list, I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment. Crossing things of my goal list is extremely gratifying.

In my opinion, to-do lists are amazing. They give you an outline of the day. They allow you to complete your goals and promote generating/implementing a routine.

They’re built for people that use the common excuse; “I don’t have time,” which, I’ve discovered, is quite a large number of the population.

Outline Your Day

Wake up every morning and write down exactly what you want to accomplish by the end of the day. Keep it short and concise.

Long lists prevent you from completing them, which knocks you down a peg at the end of the day. Make you sure you keep it small.

Have a set of constant goals that you must achieve (more on this later). For me, it’s daily affirmations, learning Spanish, and going to the gym. These are my constant goals to attain each day.

Make Time

For all intensive purposes, I consider myself a busy person. I blog, make videos; attend school and work, and constant learn (or read) something, which sucks up most of my time.

“How do you have time?”

The answer is quite simple. I make time. This is something magical about the to-do list. Having those goals on my to-do almost force me to make time. I know the feeling of not completing that list.

I work to avoid that feeling! I don’t have any extra divine time. I just make sure I fit it in. The to-do list encourages me to complete everything.

Build a Habit

To-do lists help build a routine. As mentioned, I have certain things that stay constant. Gym was always a constant habit, which I internalized early on.

However, affirmations and Spanish was something that never came easy. I constantly forgot to complete them or decided to avoid it for just one day.

Here’s where the list came in. Including those things on my list gave me extra motivation to complete it. I couldn’t allow myself to sleep without completing my list, even though it included a difficult Spanish lesson and time-consuming affirmations.

Now, those things are a constant event on my list, but I don’t need them to be. I’ve built the habit. I know, even without including them on the list, that I have to complete them before the days’ end.

Now, including those goals are formalities. Use your to-do list to build and internalize new habits.

“To-Don’t” List

I used to have a terrible nail-biting habit. My earliest memories included my fingers in constant pain and bleeding. I can’t place any early memories before nail biting.

I’ve pretty much done it my entire life. This was a hard habit to break.

How did I do it?

To-Don’t lists to the rescue. I started my day by writing “Today, I will not bite my nails.” And every night that I didn’t bite, I crossed it off.

Boom. Instant gratification.

The problem with people and bad habits is that they visualize the distant future. They see one week or month into the future and breaking the habit seems almost impossible.

Not biting my nails for a FULL week? Not drinking for a FULL week? Not smoking for a FULL week? That seems torturous.

Instead, focus only on today. Today is the only day that matters. Get through today. And then, tomorrow, get through that today. Time doesn’t exist outside of today. Time is just a series of todays.

Similar to the to-do lists, not being able to cross it off at the end of the day, felt terrible. My decision always includes gratification and today I will achieve it.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

A Habit of Highly Effective People

People-watching is one of my favorite things to do. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. As I was taking the bus this morning, I couldn’t help but notice the under-rested student population.

Scores of people yawning, drowsy, passed out and drooling. They’re a complete mess. People do not sleep enough. There, I said it. Someone had to. I feel like it’s something that most people don’t do, but, in my opinion, is so important.

The solution seems so simple to me.

Just sleep more.

People use every excuse in the book. “I don’t have time. I have school! I just can’t sleep!” For me, the solution to all these problems is sleep.

I Don’t Have Time

When I tell people I have a job, a blog, a YouTube channel, and I’m at school full-time, they’re always baffled.

“Where do you find the time? I don’t have the same time you do.”

I do not understand. It seems to me that people think that I somehow have acquired extra time. That’s not the case. I have the same 24 hours that you have.

I appear to have more time because I sleep well. Time seems to be the biggest excuse in everyone’s life. This seems to be the go-to-excuse for most peoples’ problems.

For me, sleep seems to solve the time ‘problem.’ Want to know the secret? I sleep early. Sometimes so early, I can be considered an old man. I sleep early and wake up early.

I (almost) always wake up before the sun. You cannot imagine the amount of things you can accomplish before the sun rises. Everything is quiet and I’m able to finish tasks without any external distractions.

I Have School

Guess what? I also have school. School takes up large portion of my day. Once again, effective sleep is the key. Wake up early! The majority of my daily routine is completed before 8AM.

I give myself an hour after 8AM to focus on school activities. My mornings are efficient because of my previous 8-9 hours of sleep.

Secondly, it allows for better quality work. With adequate sleep, I feel alert and my memory is sharp. Studying is surprisingly easy, when you’re alert and sharp.

I Can’t Sleep

I met this girl who said, “I just can’t sleep. I lay in bed and can’t seem to fall asleep.”

Don’t worry; (unqualified) doctor Leroy is here to diagnose the problem. We talked for a while about her night routine. What she does and when she does it. Here it is:

She is on her cellphone! This just doesn’t make sense. You can’t be on your cellphone AND sleep.

Electronics (i.e. cellphones) produce blue light. Blue light affects your pineal gland (brain) and reduces your ability to produce melatonin.

Melatonin: A chemical in your brain that tells you its time for beddy-bye-bye.

The blue light tricks your brain into thinking it’s still daytime. Your brain says, “Hey, it’s daytime. You don’t need to sleep right now. STOP THE MELATONIN BOYS!”

Avoid all forms of blue light AT LEAST an hour before bed. My method is to read before bedtime.

Cut Out The Unnecessary

Cut out all the wasteful tasks in your day. Do you watch television for longer than you should? Do you putter your time away? Keep a log of everything you do for at least three days.

You will be amazed with the amount of time you waste on frivolous time-wasters.

The Most Effective Habit

Like it or not, sleep is incredibly important for literally everything occurring inside and outside your body. This habit is something most people often sacrifice. For me, sleep is one of the highest priorities.

Sleep combined with a strong daily routine allows for the maximum output of energy and efficiency.

 

 

Challenge: My bedtime is usually at 9:30PM-10PM. Sleep around that time and set an alarm for 6AM. Try this once. After getting your 8 hours, see how you feel in the morning. My bet is that you’ll feel how I feel, great.

Be bold, be free, and love on.