The walking tired

I am a zombie.

Well I’m not actually a zombie, but right now I feel like the living dead.

It is that time of year again, the weather is getting warmer and everything is blooming.
Including my social life.

During the winter this year I turned into a bit of a hermit. I experienced some really big changes in my life before the closing of last year and this greatly impacted how 2014 would start for me.

I felt like the six million dollar man, except I was rebuilding myself. Better, faster, stronger and smarter.

zombie tired

I was in love with my brand new way of being.

I was waking up early, working out more, eating breakfast, and taking small steps every day towards a future I could be happy with.

But it is a lot easier to lead this kind of lifestyle in the winter. No one wants to go outside and hang out, it’s freaking could out there.

Now that spring is here everything in blooming, my social life is no exception.

So why am I a zombie?

A blooming social life means drinks and staying out late. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy spending this time with close friends and meeting new people, but it is hard to strike a balance and avoid sacrificing productivity.

As I write this I have a wicked hang over and I just woke up from a nap at 6pm.

Sometimes I am so confused.

The world gives you conflicting messages. I’m always reading quotes saying “Don’t do anything you don’t love.” and “Enjoy the now!”

But then I see quotes saying “You have to think about your future with each step you take.”

If I spend all of my time enjoying the present, I might sacrifice the future I want for myself. But if I only focus on the future, I’m afraid I’ll look back and hate the fact that I never stopped and smelled the roses.

I usually have some lesson or advice to give in these posts, but not today.

I honestly don’t exactly know what to do. I don’t like saying no to people and a part of me doesn’t even want to say no. But I feel as though I have to start saying no every once and a while or it will be extremely difficult to accomplish my goals this summer.

If anyone reads this and has advice for me, please feel free to throw it at me.

I haven’t hit a balance yet, but as long as I keep these thoughts in mind I will be able to pull myself out before I get into a phase.

For now, I will be a bit of a zombie. I’ll just try to keep my brain intact.


Never let lousy people affect you again

I’ve never told anyone this, but I have an alter ego.

When I rip off my shirt I have a giant “O” on my chest. I am Captain Obvious, because I am one hundred percent sure that you already know what I am about to tell you.
I know, it’s not as exciting as the super hero I met last week.

Some people are lousy.

From head to toe some people are just horrible. My friend calls them “Unsavory” which is fitting because after you experience a lousy person you have this disgusting aftertaste in your mouth. BLEH. Nasty.

There are many different ways that people can be lousy to you. People will lie to you, cheat you, ditch you, and even hate on you. People would snatch the gum right out of your mouth if you yawned in front of them.


It can be hard to deal with these people.

No matter what you do, it seems you always get the short end of the stick and they don’t give a damn. The worst part is that sometimes this person is awesome and they have just one really crappy personality trait. How can you justify hating them then?

So how do you deal with these people? How can you fix the problem with the least possible amount of stress and negative emotion?

Every time you are angry or frustrated with someone you are allowing them to take up a bit of your mental energy.

They are just fine, thinking about whatever lousy things they are thinking about, and you are sitting around stewing in your anger. You must change the way you think about the whole situation.

“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”
-Mary Engelbreit

One of my biggest pet peeves is being ditched. I loathe people who say they are going to do something and then bail at the last minute. I have a couple friends like this. Hell, I have lost some friends because of it. I liked them a lot, I just got tired of being dissapointed.
Now I don’t even get to enjoy the random conversations we would have had.

You have to realize this is the way that person is.

Once they have shown that side of themselves, you can’t be surprised when it happens again.

If you know they are a liar, don’t put stock in anything they say. If you know that they ditch people all the time, you can still ask them to come out, but don’t get your hopes up. You are angry because you refuse to see the pattern and you have unrealistic expectations.
You are lying to yourself.

I still become a little upset the first time someone shows a lousy side of themselves, but after that I adjust. I’m not saying that if someone does something lousy that you have to stop talking to this person, I’m actually advocating the opposite. Just realize that not all people are perfect and you shouldn’t expect anything more than who they are.

The closer you get to seeing the clear picture of this person, the more you should adjust the role you allow them to play in your life; how much of you mental space you allow them to take up. If someone is lousy make sure you don’t hinge much of you happiness on them.

will smith

There are a lot of lousy people out there and a lot of people have lousy qualities.

I’m not perfect. In fact I have spent most of my life being the crappiest person I know. I doubt you are perfect either.

So, if you know that you have lousy traits, why expect anyone else to be free of blemishes. They just have different imperfections than you.

Life is all about moderation.

Give everyone an equal chance. Speak ill of no one. Minimize those that drain you and expand on those that empower you. Never dwell on the negatives and never let negative people drag you into the mud.

Allow people to play whatever role they play in your life, though the great part is that you get to choose how big that role is.

After all, you are the director of your life.
Don’t let it be a lousy one.


Why bother arguing on the internet?

Opinionated – conceitedly assertive and dogmatic in one’s opinions.

By Bloxy062 on Deviant Art
By Bloxy062 on Deviant Art

There is so much anger and negativity on the internet.

I recently activated my Facebook account again. I had shut it down a while ago because it stopped serving any purpose and seemed to be a waste of time. I activated it so I could try to share my blog with more people, but ever since I started visiting the website I have been disturbed by it.

Every time I sign on I see so many arguments laced with poisonous words. People attacking other people simply because they have differing opinions.

I’m not saying that I am above it all, I’m human as well.
It’s not that I don’t have opinions, I’m just not opinionated.

When you attack someone else’s beliefs, you can never change their mind.

What I prefer to do instead is to learn why they hold the beliefs they do. I act like the student and they are the teacher. I approach the situation as if we are old friends discussing the matter. That way, when you come to a point with which you disagree, they have shared their side and you can now share yours.

If you choose to verbally attack them, they will just become more closed off to your ideas. They might even disregard future attempts by others, remembering the bad experience they had with you.
With a humble heart, you can affect people in a much more meaningful way.

There will always be someone out there saying things that upset you.

What is the point in engaging this person. When you do so you breed anger within yourself and fuel them. The anger of the internet will continue without you. If you want to have a positive impact on the world, why not LIVE your ideals instead of trying to force others to believe what you believe.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
– Mark Twain

I have seen so many people fall into misanthropy.

It makes me so sad. How is it that people base their opinion of the human race on the internet, rather than what they experience in everyday life. When I walk the streets I smile at people and do you know what usually happens?
They smile back.

When you stop caring about what goes on in another persons head, you can start to see the good in people.

Usually I try to help but in my posts, but this one is just for me.

I just needed to get this off of my chest. I guess it’s just a rant. There will probably be a lot of people who disagree with everything I say here and that’s okay.

If you believe you are fighting the good fight, then continue on. I just hate to see good people become pessimists. When the anger and hate finally takes over their soul. When they start to look down upon the bulk of society, it breaks my heart.

I believe that what you have inside you will be reflected back from the world around you. Keep joy and sincerity in your heart and don’t worry about the rest. Take a walk, smile at a stranger, and you might realize that the world around you isn’t so bad. Don’t let the world get you down.
The fights will continue on without you.

How to enjoy things you hate

Today I pet my cat.

Alright that might not seem like very much to you but usually I hate petting my cats. They shed, they won’t leave me alone after I’m done, and they seem to constantly shuffle out of arms reach. So why is it that I was petting my cat for almost forty five minutes today?
He looked sad.

I couldn’t help it, his eyes said “All I want is some attention, please.” I feel that way sometimes, I think everyone does. All he does all day is wander around the house. During the summer he goes out, but I live in Canada, with all the snow it’s hard out there for a kitty. He ventures out sometimes, but quickly regrets it. What does he do with the rest of his time? Does he just lay around and stare at the walls? I’d go mad I think.
Does he get bored? Does he feel neglected?

I don’t enjoy asking those questions. The possible answers make me uncomfortable. What if I’m letting him down by never giving him any attention? Do his feelings towards me change? More questions, I have no answers. I’m sure someone has answers, but I am not that person.

But, I was petting him now. He was happy, and honestly, I was as well. Just as I had reflected his state of melancholy, I could now feel myself reflecting his excitement. I had always hated the act of petting him, every part of it. But now I realized that no matter what, in seeing his spirits lift, mine lifted as well. I could be delusional, I don’t mind. I think I am going to approach every interaction with this state of mind.

I like to imagine that each person has a light bulb of feel good. When we help others to shine, we don’t have to work so hard to light up our surroundings. Imagine if everywhere you went you helped make one person shine brighter. Your smile to a stranger, might cause them to smile more often towards other strangers, who knows where it could spread.

When you make others happy, you are making the world a brighter place. It may not seem like much but I promise you, on your dark days, it can save you.

Does my cat actually have feelings and thoughts? I’m not smart enough to know the answer, but I know that when I was petting him, he was happy. And so was I.
Love you hide ❤

Details and outlines

My heart is pulled back and forth so easily. There is a woman that visits my work, she is so beautiful. Her eyes convey a sense of grace. She is a calm ocean, beautiful on the surface, but with depth unimaginable.
Her smile melts my heart.

I am too afraid to tell her my name. Normally I can talk to anyone but around her I go blank. I think I have built her up into something bigger than myself. I have to realize that she is just a person. Like all other people, she has quirks. She probably has a funny laugh, she probably eats in a weird way.
I don’t know.

We put others on a pedestal because we only ever see one side of them. We see them in 2D, while we see ourselves in every painstaking detail.
I wonder what she thinks of me?

She always sees me talking to people, I’m always sharing a laugh. Maybe she views ME on a pedestal. Nah. I want to ask her out so bad. I promised myself that I would ask her out the next time I saw her, but god called my bluff, she came in the very next day.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t manage to say my name, never mind ask her out. I feel like this is a metaphor for my whole life. I always promise myself that “Next time I will do this and that” but it never happens. I’m so afraid of everything. People think I am so outgoing, I am probably more insecure than 90% of people out there. Then again, I only see outlines. Shadows and reflections. Never the true image of another person.