A Problem Person or A Solution Person?

Everyday we’re confronted by problems and challenges in varying degrees. They are seemingly endless. “My boss hates me! I can’t deal with Sally. I have no friends.”

With each passing day, more seem to arise, till they consume us. The only thing you crave is a breath of fresh air, as you desperately gasp.

Running away isn’t a permanent solution. You have to deal with them head on. You have the option between two different types of people.

Are You a Problem Person?

Unfortunately, the majority is this person. Sometimes, I’m this person. I focus on the problems and wallow in them, letting them consume me, till they affect everything.

Thoughts, feelings, and habits all go down the tubes, as I internally scream, ‘why me!’

This type of person is only concerned with one thing – when is the next problem going to arise? They expect more problems, and it’s almost like, they need the problems.

They need them to self-identify with a helpless self, with a vulnerable and weak self. Recently, I allowed my problems free reign over my thoughts. They ran like a broken record, over and over.

But I came out of it. How? I self-identified with a different kind of person.

Be a Solution Person

I sat down with my good friend, old-fashioned pen and paper. I jotted down my problems with little dashes beside them. I tried to come up with as many solutions as possible.

It took a very, very long time and most of them were unusable, far-fetched even. But there they were, on paper. After two hours and thirty-six ideas, one was decent enough to implement.

Be the person to seek actionable steps to your problems. Figure out a way to get yourself through your struggles. Internal and external problems can all be solved with conscious realization.

Confront your boss and ask what you can do better. If he still hates you, quit, find another job. Trying to satisfy someone who cannot be satisfied isn’t worth your sanity.

Is Sally really worth all the trouble she’s giving you? Maybe she’s a complaining acquaintance. Walk away. Maybe she’s a close friend or family. Walking away isn’t realistic. Limit contact. You don’t need the added negativity.

You don’t need friends to be happy. Find happiness in yourself. When you fix yourself, you can show everyone how amazing you are. Approach strangers, listen openly, ask questions, and be present in their lives. Help them first, and they will help you. Be their friend first, and they will be yours.

It is significantly harder to figure out solutions, than it is to wallow in your problems. But, with the prospect of retrieving control of your feelings and habits, it’s well worth the extra struggle.

Start the habit of creating solutions. It will be hard. It will take a very long time. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you will be able to solve all your problems without struggling. You’ll be able to solve other peoples’ problems.

I’m not at that level yet. I still have to figure out all my problems. But I know if I practice enough, I can be a true solution person.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

pronl

How To Escape Loneliness

Our family surrounds us at birth, and they’re present for the most part throughout your life, but they never warned you of the loneliness in this world. They never prepared you for the harsh truths and rough life that you may lead.

You were thrown headfirst endlessly seeking happiness and pleasure. Through the entire journey you fall and fail, and fall and fail some more, trying to find a speck of happiness in someone or something.

Your Social Circle

I depend on my social circle to a very large degree. I don’t know who I would be without them. I would be lost.

But before this blissful time, I was hopelessly alone. All through elementary and high school, I just had myself. I was ridiculed and severely unhappy.

In elementary school, I would pretend I was sick and stay home. In high school, I hung out with the librarian and that was where I would eat my lunches, while he talked about his war stories and medical history.

Neither of us enjoyed it.

Your significant other

One of the earliest memories of relationships was from grade 3. Susie was her name. Or maybe, it was Suzy? I told her I liked her, and she screamed and ran away. All the kids made fun of me. I was unhappy.

So what? If girls had cooties, I was okay with it.

Apparently, my peers weren’t. I never had another relationship until high school, which ended terribly and I was emotionally destroyed. After the break-up, I would work seventy-hour weeks just to drown out the emptiness I felt.

Work, work, sleep, and repeat.

Curtis had an xbox

The kid down the street had an Xbox. I hated him. I wanted an Xbox. I deserved one. I got decent grades and I never hurt anyone. Why did he get one and I didn’t?

His parents were rich.

Maybe you have both, friends and a significant other, but something is missing. Your social life is flourishing, but you need an xbox to be happy. That will impress others! If others are impressed, they’ll like you and you’ll be happy.

But then I got that Xbox, and I had a sense of bliss for a little while. But, no one was impressed, no one liked me, and I wasn’t happy.

What’s the solution?

I like to think all factors in my life as external factors. These only supplement happiness, but they don’t provide baseline happiness.

Baseline happiness comes from inside you. It comes from own self-realization that you’re worthy to be happy. Everyone can be happy, but it must come from within.

My friends provide additional happiness, but, first, the baseline must be achieved. In order to make friends, I had to be happy first. I had to realize that I am worthy enough to have friends.

I don’t have a significant other to share everything. However, I am happy, and in time, someone significant will come, but only after I’ve accepted myself wholly.

Xbox and copious amounts of money will not bring you happiness. It might make your life easier for a little bit. But it’s never enough. The richest people are also the most unfulfilled. They realized, the hard way, that money can’t buy happiness. You will be able to have anything you want, but in the end, those items bring just momentary happiness.

When you are able to be happy alone, everything else falls in place. You have to discover intrinsic happiness for yourself. Being happy will take work and time, but search for it.

Give yourself a moment each day to figure out what happiness means to you, what it will take, and how you can achieve it today. Happiness varies from person to person. Discover it for yourself.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Two Little Letters That WILL Change Your Life

Today is my third day of the last semester of my school career. If you have been with us since the beginning, you know of my complete disdain for school.

You’ve probably read some of our earlier articles on perseverance and living for yourself. With the culmination of school becoming an approaching reality, my body is becoming more energized, happier, and fulfilled.

Finally I can pursue my dreams, my goals and my aspirations.

The last four years have felt like someone has been controlling my life. I feel like a helpless puppet, played with and strung along this path. I’m not pointing fingers, but I am here because someone insisted I get an education.

Maybe you don’t want to go to school, but someone is forcing you

In the ever-changing world, school has become less of a requirement. Unless you hope to become a doctor or lawyer, school is becoming increasingly pointless.

But they keep forcing their opinions on you. They keep insisting you get a quality education, but shrug the horrendous amount of debt that looms over your head.

Maybe you want to leave your job, but you feel obligated to stay

You have obligations to your co-workers, family and friends. They are controlling you, keeping you in the same place, demanding your attention and valuable life.

Because of your obligations, you can’t see a way out. You decide to stay, despite your better judgment, living someone else’s expectations for your life. You feel trapped in the same place, stuck for perpetuity.

Maybe you want to learn something, but people beat you down

You crave a new skill, but people say, ‘That’s a far-fetched idea. You’ll never make it.’ You absorb this negative feedback and internalize it.

You give up your zest for learning or trying because others have said you couldn’t do it. Before long, you’re stuck, again, in your cyclical life.

When I wanted to learn politics, I faced opposition from all sides. I wanted to change the world positively. Most people told me I was crazy, that it would never work. I gave up.

The Solution is a Powerful Two-Letter Word

The word no is one of the simplest words in the English language, but it possesses significant power. We don’t exercise no as often as we’d like. We might disappoint people.

But your sanity and life depends on those two little letters. When you say yes to someone, you inherit all of their expectations, requirements and burdens. We can’t solve all the problems of the world without taking care of ourselves first.

Say no when someone thinks they know you better than you. Say no to people who feel like school is the best decision for your life.

Of course, we have those obligations to our families. But say no, by finding another solution while you’re in your current job. Say no to the slavery of your 9-5 if it doesn’t satisfy you. Seek solutions.

Say no to negative people and dream crushers. Say no to people that think you’re crazy, stupid, or foolhardy.

Maybe if I rejected all the dream-crushers during my political phase, I could have changed the world. But I gave up because I forgot to say no. But, then again, I’m trying to change the world now. This time, in a different way.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

One Simple Lesson Learned From Ducks.

Everyone has problems. That is just a part of being alive and human. Then again, even animals have problems. They have serious food chain problems. Their problems are much more life threatening.

While some of problems are life threatening, most are small. We enlarge them in our own head through our thoughts and feelings. We make them bigger than they are.

We allow them to take up a lot of mental energy and expend our time and effort by thinking about it.

Don’t Sweat the Little Things

“She said what about me. I don’t know how to do this. I can’t find a job. I can’t believe an ex is seeing a close friend. The weather is dreadful today.”

We take these little problems and let them endlessly circle our heads. They occupy so much mental energy even though they will have no bearing on your future.Problem-Solving

Next time you find yourself contemplating a problem, think about how much it would matter to you in 60 years. How much would it matter to you 50 years? 25 years? 10 years? 5 years? 1 year? 3 months?

It arranges the problem into perspective. If these problems do not affect you in the long-term, sweating about it is a gigantic waste of time.

Don’t Make Them Larger Than They Are

At the current time, any problem seems large. It seems like it’s taking over your life. You feel paralyzed with fear, anguish, and regret. In most cases problems are extrapolated in our own heads.

We make them larger than life. We want to complain about it. We keep it in our heads because we need to feel something. Most problems are small. They have no real bearing on your life.

Complaining about it gives the problem a life. It makes it larger than normal. It fuels the problem till it becomes something worth talking about. Save yourself from it.

Be Like A Duck

I watch the ducks at my work float along the water. They seem to have such inner peace and stillness in their bodies. They just sit there and let the current sweep them away.

During a confrontation between ducks, peace can be observed. After two ducks get in a fight they will separate and float off in separate directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times to release the surplus energy that built up during the fight.

The_Duck_by_clumsypersonAfter they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened. These ducks are pretty low on the food chain, yet they seem to hold no qualms with the world. Even after a fight for life, they appear to be at peace.

Your problems hinder your ability to be at peace. Constantly being stuck in a loop of problems hinders your thoughts and actions. Be like the duck. Release all your energy from the problem.

Complain no more, think about it no more and move towards a peaceful life. How do you deal with the little problems in your life? Leave a comment below. My readers and I would love to hear from you.

Be bold, be free, and love on.