Three Keys To Improving ANY Relationship

Improving relationships with friends and significant others is a common goal amongst people. People want to connect more with others, on a deeper level.

That has led me to consciously consider my interactions and change them. It begins with having a good intention.

We meet great people and we’re so overwhelmed with excitement. We build this amazing relationship with that person and everything is great.

But then, the excitement dwindles and we get caught in a routine and we start to develop little pet peeves. That initial spark is forgotten. That zest of why the person was great eventually fades.

To create, improve or rejuvenate a once great relationship, your intention must be to be great. You have to make the other person feel great. You have to make the other person feel appreciated and loved. It’s difficult and we all fail, but I think these three methods can strengthen and improve any relationship.

Key #1 –  Be Present

I went out with this girl for coffee. Midway through, her phone rang and she was on it for 15 minutes, as I stared in dismay. After her social call, she couldn’t let go of her phone, constantly texting or fiddling.

She was sharing her eye contact between her phone and I. She couldn’t give me her undivided attention for longer than three minutes. I find that incredibly problematic.

Most issues in relationships are caused by a lack of attention. You cannot show respect to someone, pick up on peoples’ non-verbal cues or feelings and completely understand the other person unless you’re completely present in their lives.

But, you can stand out. You can be the anomaly. Make a meaningful connection with your eyes and body, be present and envelope them with your unhindered presence.

Leave your phone on silent when you’re with loved ones. Or just leave it at home, and go for a walk with the person. Give them your undivided attention and they will understand how much they mean to you.

The cellphone ding makes people feel important, but what’s more important than the person across from you sharing a coffee right now?

Key #2 – Appreciate Them

Most people get wrapped up in the idea that appreciation involves extravagant gifts or these large spectacles like writing ‘thank you” in the sky. I thought I needed those to show people how much I cared for them.

But people don’t want your gifts. They just want to be appreciated, appreciated for all the little things they do, and feel and, most importantly, appreciated for who they are.

Appreciate who they are as a human being and, above all, be there for them. Be there when they need you, and be there even when they don’t.

Through all their ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ and trials and tribulations, they want to know that you’re there and that you truly care.

The people in your life want to feel your real appreciation. Thank you loses its’ meaning the more you say it. Instead, say ‘I appreciate you for…’

Key #3 – Make Complimenting a Daily Habit

There is a lot of power in words and they often get taken for granted. We think nice things about our friends and significant others, but rarely express them.

It seems like criticism gets more of the spotlight than compliments. In reality, compliments should be dominating the life-stage.

We’ve become people that forgot how to say nice things. When was the last time you complimented your friend or significant other? Personally, it has been three days and that’s a long time to hold nice comments in.

Make it a daily habit, or instead, a challenge, to compliment someone you care about. Solidify it into your daily routine and don’t feel completely fulfilled until you’ve made someone’s day through your words.

Say something meaningful and unique to make each compliment really matter. Make the person in your life feel like there is no one else deserving of those words in that very moment. True compliments arise from love and adoration.

This is the hardest step of the three because it requires both of the above steps. You need to be present to recognize the little quirks and you need to be able to appreciate that person for who they are.

These methods will change and impact your relationships in a very significant way. They are simple and just require a little presence, appreciation, and daily kind words.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

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Expand Your Comfort Zone Today

Looking back, all the valuable skills I ever learned required a phase of discomfort. The first time you try something new you have no idea what you are doing and that would make anyone uncomfortable.

I remember the first day I did door to door sales. While walking up to the first house that I was going to knock on, I felt like I was going to throw up or die; whichever came first.

But, here I am today. After knocking on countless doors and talking to thousands of people I can do it without breaking a sweat. It’s made me a more outgoing person and has expanded my comfort zone so that I am comfortable in more social situations than ever before.

That’s the way your comfort zone works. You want to stay in it as much as possible, but the only way you can possibly grow as a person is to venture outside of it. Once you’ve spent enough time outside your comfort zone, it grows to include that newly explored territory.

There is an amazing sense of accomplishment in the moment when you conquer something outside your comfort zone.

Leroy and I have been writing articles for 2HelpfulGuys for quite a while, but when we first started we were petrified. Now we are releasing our first book and I’m scared again, I have no idea if it will be received well.

But we know that pushing outside our comfort zone will make us stronger, so we keep pushing.

If you want to take your first steps outside of your comfort zone, here are some things that you can try.

Contact A Celebrity You Admire.

We tend to feel like there is some sort of invisible wall between us and the people we look up. The idea of interacting with them might seem a little far-fetched and make us uncomfortable. If that is the case for you, you have to give it a try.

I tweeted at my favourite author, James Altucher, and not only did he answer back, he followed me!

It might not seem like a very big deal but trust me, when you accomplish something like this you will feel like the whole world is in your reach. Your comfort zone will expand and you will believe no one is too big to contact.

Who knows, maybe one day you end up in a conversation with a CEO that might change your life?

Start Conversations With Strangers.

If there is anything that makes people uncomfortable, it’s striking up a conversation with someone in public. As a society it seems too uncomfortable to even sit beside someone on the bus, let alone have a conversation with them!

So the next time you are in public, step outside that comfort barrier and try talking to someone random.

Do this on a bus, in a mall, at the grocery store or wherever you see people in public. I guarantee that once you do it a few times, your comfort zone will grow and you will be able to do it without a problem.

Force Yourself To Face A Fear.

If there is a one-step method to getting out of your comfort zone, this is it.

Like most people, I used to be afraid of public speaking. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you view it, I was asked to speak at a conference when I was 13.

I was asked to speak about my blood disorder and how it affected me. The very idea of getting up on stage and talking about my personal struggles with hundreds of people seemed like a nightmare to me. But I did it regardless.

I remember my eyes watering up so much that I couldn’t see the page, and my legs felt like rusty machinery that needed to be oiled.

After this experience I realized that I loved being on stage and I started to take drama classes. Now I am a lot more comfortable on stage in front of people. Hopefully I’ll be able to speak in front of a larger crowd one day and expand my comfort zone even further.

Being uncomfortable is well, uncomfortable. So it makes sense that we want to stay inside that zone where we feel at home. We don’t have to be nervous, risk messing up or getting embarrassed. But we also don’t grow.

That is why you need to step outside your comfort zone as often as possible. When you become comfortable with feelings of discomfort, you’ll be able to accomplish anything.

Expand your comfort zone as large as you possibly can and conquer your world.

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