The Most Helpful Guide To Being Likable (25 tips)

I was a shy kid when I was younger.

I wasn’t exactly normal. I had a blood disorder and I had a special teacher in class because I had trouble learning and fitting in.

Also, I had ridiculously curly hair, it was an afro.
Why did my parents let me have an afro!?

The worst part is that hair would be so awesome right now.
I was ahead of my time.

Needless to say, I just wanted some love… Or at least some like.

We all want to be liked, right? These days people generally like me, but sometimes I still feel like that weird kid with the curly hair. I’m still hoping to be liked every day.

So that is what I’m here to do today, help all the weird people become more likable… Okay, normal people can read this too.
Who am I kidding, NO ONE is normal!

So here it is: The Most Helpful Guide To Being Likable.
These tips are in no specific order. Let’s go!

1) Smile!

Everyone is happier around people who smile. If you smile more often, guess what? People will smile back. You will brighten up their day a little bit and they will like you more because of it!

70% of communication is non-verbal and when you smile you show that you are happy, confident, and attentive. This is key in becoming more likable.

2) Eye Contact!

Studies have shown that people who maintain higher levels of eye contact appear to be more likable, stable, confident, trustworthy and attractive, among other qualities.

Not only that, but maintaining eye contact shows that you are fully engaged in the interaction instead of thinking about tomorrows breakfast. People like being valued over breakfast foods, trust me.

3) Offer Compliments!

We are all insecure, and if you say you aren’t insecure then that means that you are not secure in your insecurities! So what should we do to help each other out with these pesky insecurities?

If you have something nice to say, SAY IT! A compliment can turn someone’s day around completely and they will like you more because of that.

4) Keep Promises!

No matter how small a promise is, it is still a promise. If you can’t keep to your word then no one will trust you. If people can’t trust you then how can they like you?

In this age of ditching plans and forgetfulness, reliability is a rare quality. If you keep promise people will remember.

5) Don’t Speak In Monotone!

Imagine the teacher from Ferris Bueller’s day off. Would you want to hang out with that guy?

bueller

No one wants to listen to someone who sounds like a robot. Use different tones and volumes in your speech to keep the other person’s attention.

6) Use Names!

We all like hearing our own name, it’s like a sweet song to us. It let’s us know that the person talking to us sees us as an individual and that they care enough to remember us.

This works even better if you remember someone’s name the second time you bump into them. It creates familiarity and comfort, which everyone likes.

7) Laugh!

There is something called the “law of state transference.” It states that if you are showcasing a certain emotion or state, that people around you are more likely to experience that emotion as well.

Can you remember the last time someone very sad was around you. It probably made you feel a little awkward, and sad as well. Even if your jokes aren’t the greatest, if you are genuinely laughing, the other person will be much more likely to laugh as well. Try it out!

8) Slight Touches!

We all like human contact. It releases small doses of the chemicals in our brain that can cause us to feel love. That doesn’t mean that if you touch someone they’ll turn into a love zombie for you, but a slight touch can cause someone to be more endeared towards you.

Just make sure they are very slight touches in safe place. Don’t reach below the belt. Keep it to the shoulders, arms, or upper back and do it in a joking and playful fashion.

9) Open Body Language!

70% of communication is non-verbal. When you stand with your arms crossed and your head slightly down you will be subconsciously conveying to everyone that you are not open to conversation or other people.

Open yourself up, lean back, uncross your arms and smile. All signs of openness will show people that you are ready to engage, and people will like that.

10) Pay Attention!

attention

Use your listening skills, stay off your phone and show the people around you that when you are talking to them, they are your highest priority. No one wants to repeat themselves, and no one wants to talk to someone who doesn’t even value them enough to give them their attention.

11) Show Confidence!

When you are confident, people will gravitate towards you. If you seem awkward people will assume that any interaction with you will be awkward. And who wants that? Not me, not the cashier, and not even your grandmother.

12) Exit Small Talk ASAP!

Small talk is needed to start off a new relationship, but you will never leave any sort of lasting impact on people if you only ever engage in small talk.

Use my guide to get from small talk, to deep relationships and you will never have to spend twenty minutes discussing the weather again!

13) Find Common Ground!

Most of the time people enjoy talking about things that they enjoy. Who would have thought?

If you want someone to enjoy your company more and like you more, find some common ground that way you can both enjoy the conversation. This will create a snowball effect of enjoyment.

14) Provide Value!

If you can teach someone something, they will be more likely to remember and like you. It’s even better if it’s something that pertains to them. Providing value isn’t just for business, it’s for relationships as well.

15) Groom Yourself!

If you are smelly, people might not like being around you, sorry. You can’t change who you are but a general rule is that you should try not to be too offensive to the senses.

Groom yourself, shower, put a little effort into your style and you’ll instantly be more likable.

16) Be Positive!

Don’t be a Negative Nancy, a Debbie Downer, a Pessimistic Paul or a Gloomy Gary.

As we’ve learned you’ll end up bringing others down through the law of state transference and they won’t like it, or you, very much at all. Stay positive, people will like you more and you’ll like yourself more.

17) Tell Stories!

story

Nothing is better than a good story, and nothing is more painful than a bad one. Through good stories you can make people happy, make them laugh, teach them something, leave them in awe, or cause a whole spectrum of other outcomes.

Humans have communicated through stories since we could speak, and maybe even before that. Become a better story teller and all of your relationships will improve.

18) Tell a Secret!

Studies have shown that when you tell someone a secret, even a small one, it will make them trust you more. This is probably a similar effect to state transference, if someone trusts you enough to tell you a secret, then you are more likely to trust them.

And as we’ve said before in the promises section, a base level of trust is a requirement for likability. Secrets create familiarity as well, making you seem closer to the person you entrust your secret with.

19) Mirroring!

In the same vein as finding common ground, we like people who share similarities to us. A known way of creating that feeling of similarity and familiarity is to slightly mirror the person you are speaking with.

Standing in a similar stance and using similar hand gestures can help in creating this perceived similarity, but don’t focus on this to much or you won’t be paying attention. Which is point 10.

20) Ask a Small Favour!

The Benjamin Franklin Effect is the idea that when we do someone a favour, we justify it to ourselves by thinking that we did the favour because we like the person. If you ask someone for very small favours, they will oblige and then like you more. Plus, you will get the opportunity to thank them and they will feel good about themselves. It’s a win-win.

“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
-Benjamin Franklin

21) Be Humble!

While you should be confident enough to strike up conversations and hold your own, don’t brag too much and try to impress people. No one likes a ‘one-upper’, someone who always has to outdo every story that people tell.

Just be comfortable in who you are, and show some humility.

22) Don’t Judge Anyone!

You don’t want people to judge you, so why would anyone enjoy being judged by you.

judgemental owl

Even if you aren’t judging the person that you are talking to, if you are judging others around them, they will assume you judge them when they are not around. If you show that you are an accepting person they will feel much more comfortable around you and like you a lot more for it.

23) Ask Questions!

Asking genuine questions will lead to deeper conversations and show people that you have an actual interest in them as a person. Don’t make the conversation all about yourself, ask some good questions and you will find so much more beauty in the people around you.

24) Acknowledge Everyone!

When you are walking down the street, nod at people and smile at them. Ask your cashiers how their day is going. Acknowledge as many people as you can and everyone will like you more. After a while of doing this, you will become more confident and you will naturally radiate a positive, open energy.

25) End on Good Terms!

The first impression you make on someone, and the last impression you make before leaving are important. When you are done talking with someone, take the time to tell them that you enjoyed the conversation.

This will put the law of state transference into effect and they will probably say that they enjoyed talking to you as well. This is a compliment, a sharing of mutual enjoyment, and a great way to leave a good impression for next time.

Well, those are my tips.

I still feel like that weird kid sometimes, but I try to follow these tips so that I can have the best possible relationships with everyone around me because you know what?

We all have weird people inside of us who just want to be liked.

I like you, and I hope you like me too!

1 Effortless Tip That Will Change Your Life

There is one simple action that can instantly transform your life and the lives of the people around you. It has the power to invigorate, inspire, and include.

It’s something that costs nothing and but its’ intrinsic value is incomparable.

But most people forget about it. Or stop doing it. Or pick the negative alternative. I believe that many personal problems can be solved using this one simple action.

The simple technique isn’t hidden in Pandora’s box or shrouded in clouded mystery. It has always been there, available to you, waiting for the right moment to shine.

So what is it, you ask? I hope you’ve figured it out by now and doing it as you read this.

Of course! Eureka! The simple technique is a:

Smile.

I spend my weekday mornings commuting to school on the bus, surrounded by so many scowling faces. It seems like we’ve forgotten how to smile.

We’ve forgotten how to be happy. Forgotten how to feel happiness. Forgotten how to show happiness.

When we were children, we never needed a reason to smile. It was automatic, almost instinctual. Literally anything made us smile and it was suspended there. We giggled and played, which made us giggle more. It was an endless cycle.

But somewhere along the lines, we grew up. We forgot how to keep a suspended smile. And when it did rear its’ beautiful head, it quickly disappeared.

But your smile is eager! Your smile wants to be shown to the world. It craves your attention. It has profound effects on you and everyone else around you.

To Invigorate.

When someone smiles at you, you can’t help by smile back. Your response is automatic. It is genuine and it is heartfelt.

For a brief moment in time, you share something with another and you feel invigorated. You are happier, more satisfied, and more loved.

I invite you to be the person that invigorates. Be the first to make someone feel happier, satisfied and loved. Aim to invigorate someone’s life.

You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

To Inspire.

When someone smiles at you, you get this ‘aha’ moment. Suddenly everything appears clearly, more distinct.

Your body and mind are inspired to feel happier. When you are inspired, life seems easier. You’re suspended on top of the world. Nothing seems to break you.

I invite you to be the person that inspires. Be the first to make someone feel like they are on top of the world. Give someone the ability to be formidable in the face of adversity.

You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

To Include.

When someone smiles at you, inside your own body there is a mix of incredibly complex chemicals. I don’t know the science, but you share an instant connection with that person. You instantly like that person.

That connection makes you want know that person. You want that person in your circle because he/she sheds positive light. That simple smile includes you into their world and shares their love.

I invite you to be the person that includes. Be the first to make someone feel like they are part of your life. Share your positive light and love.

You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

What if I can’t smile?

Force yourself to smile. Force yourself to hum a tune. Act as if you were already happy, and that will trick your brain into being happy.

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under more direct control of the will, we can directly regulate the feeling, which is not.” – William James, Psychologist

Now is the time to smile. If you can’t, now is the time to hum or sing or dance. It is time to forget everything and simply smile.

So I invite you now to share a simple smile with me? Share a simple smile with a loved one? With a stranger? With a co-worker?

There are countless opportunities to smile and people to direct it to. Start today. You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Change-your-life-Dull

Looking Confident When You Don’t Feel Confident

Confidence is a hard subject to tackle. It is one of those attributes that always leaves us wanting more.

Even though people have always said that I am a confident and outgoing person, that can quickly fade away when I am put into a situation outside my comfort zone.

No matter how big your comfort zone gets, there is always going to be unexplored territory waiting to test your resilience. When you step outside that boundary, even if you don’t feel confident, you need to show confidence.

That is why I have developed some guidelines that I follow; little confidence hacks that help bring my best self with me even outside my comfort zone.

These tips will help you come off as confident until you expand your comfort zone.
Fake it until you make it!

Whether it is a job interview, a business meeting, talking to the opposite sex or even just trying to make a friend, here are my three confidence hacks.

Smile!

No matter what situation you are in, you should have a smile on your face.
With the obvious exception of a funeral.

I remember being at a group interview a couple of months ago. I could tell that everyone was nervous, as expected, but there was one girl who wore it on her face.

While most people displayed subtle signs of their nerves—Fidgeting, slight stutters, short breath—she was putting on a performance with her expressions. I felt ever grimace, every pound of her heart.

She did not smile one time during the whole interview and it was very clear that she wasn’t good at handling pressure.

Needless to say, she didn’t end up getting the job.

70% of communication is non-verbal, so when you smile you show that you are happy, confident, and attentive. The reverse can show people that you are worried, anxious, unable to handle pressure and a myriad of other qualities you do not want to convey.

Another thing to note is that when you smile, you actually trick your brain into being happier and more relaxed. Your brain says ‘Hey, if I’m smiling I must not be in danger. So things can’t be that bad right?’
Well, it probably doesn’t literally say that.

So even if you are nervous, smile! It will convey to the other party and yourself that you are able to handle this situation.

Eye Contact!

I cannot stress how important this point is. It might seem like something so trivial, but study after study has found that people who maintain higher levels of eye contact are seen as:

  • More powerful and confident
  • More like-able and attractive
  • More emotionally stable
  • More qualified and competent
  • More trustworthy and sincere

When you make eye contact you are conveying all of these messages to people, but not only that, you are also showing that you actually care about the interaction.

Just imagine engaging with someone who makes little to no eye contact with you. What would you think about this person?

You might think they are nervous, over-thinking, or worst of all that they aren’t even paying attention to you.

Whether it’s a speech, a job interview, a date, or a networking situation, more eye contact results in a better interaction.

The other party will see you as more confident and when you look that person in the eyes, you will be facing your nerves head on.

Body Language!

As I said earlier in this article, 70% of communication is non-verbal.

So far we have dealt with how you convey your confidence through your facial expressions and eyes. Now it is time to deal with the rest of the body.

You could write a whole book on body language—my favourite is ‘How to tell what people are thinking’ by Peter Collett—but I will go over some basic guidelines that will help you convey confidence, and trick yourself into feeling confident.

1) Stand up straight.

In most of the animal kingdom there is a strong connection between height and status. In humans there is an overwhelming amount of evidence supporting this.

While you can’t make yourself taller, you can ensure that you are standing tall, not slouching.

This will show that you are at attention, and that you are not submissive.

2) Keep your head up.

If you have your head down you are subconsciously telling those around you that you are submissive.

Keep you head up and face situations head on to convey confidence and competence.

3) Look comfortable.

Another way to seem confident is to look relaxed.

When you look tense you are sending signals to people that you are nervous, worried or afraid. If you look relaxed then people will believe you are in your comfort zone.

Don’t tense your muscles and don’t fidget or touch yourself. Take deep breathes, talk slowly and show that you are comfortable in the situation.

No one is confident all the time. If you never get nervous then you probably aren’t stepping outside your comfort zone often enough.

When you do step outside that boundary, take these tips with you.

I’m confident that you’ll be just fine.

Confidence

 

The Extroverted Superhero

Everyone knows at least one person who is extremely extroverted. Someone who is completely comfortable in every social situation. They feed of off peoples’ social energy. I call them energy vampires, but more positively, an extroverted superhero.

How do they do it?

For as long as I can remember, I had been an introvert. I had been severely bullied in elementary school. I had a two ‘friends’ through it all. Really, they weren’t friends, but just people in similar circumstances.

All through high school, this trend prevailed resulting in a lack-luster high school experience. While the bullying receded, the lack of confidence and self-esteem grew inside me. I had distant memories of happiness and confidence slowing slipping through my fingers.

I felt like I was not good enough, not for anyone else and not even for myself. I couldn’t form new relationships and I couldn’t maintain old ones. I started to internalize this behaviour.

It was definitely a dark time. Thoughts always zoomed passed my head. Maybe it was hormones talking, but I was anxious and depressed. Would suicide solve anything? What if I faked my own death and started over?

But, gradually I changed. I never really thought about how or what prompted it, but I changed. Thinking back now, I know how it happened. Everything changed gradually after I met one person.

Taking Baby Steps

I noticed that he started smiling at people, random people, for no reason. There is a lot of power in a smile. It’s not very often, that people smile at others. I adopted the random smile. Even without actual social interactions, smiling eased me out of my comfort zone.

Smiling eventually made people approach me, which took out half the internal battle. Extremely anxious at first, the interactions got easier.

You have to learn to walk before you can run. You have to take small steps to get over this hurdle. Something as small and simple as a smile can have profound affects on you and the receiver. You will notice that they almost always smile back.

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A contented feeling erupted in my body and I smiled more. The more people I smiled at, the more that feeling grew. Eventually smiling became a normal reaction.

The Gradual Talk

Eventually these smiles blossomed into brief, albeit terrifying, conversations. It was extremely nerve-racking. Everything that was not supposed to happen happened. My hands started to sweat; my heart was beating faster and faster, louder and louder, until I couldn’t even hear myself think.

But after each conversation, my body produced a euphoric rush. That feeling pushed me to talk to more people. I needed to feel that rush again. Thinking back, it was like a drug and I was addicted.

I found myself talking to someone new every single day. My body was craving that rush and pushed me to do it. The crippling fear was there, but I used it to my advantage.

Being an introvert is hard work. I always knew I wanted to be a extroverted superhero, but when every single fiber in your body is telling you not to do something, it’s hard to go against it. But I promise you, when you do, that feeling is incredible.

I went from being a complete introvert to a moderate extrovert. Unconsciously, I desired a change and then gradually changed. What would happen if someone consciously decided to change? I think you may become an extroverted superhero.

I would love to be an extroverted superhero one day. Talking to anyone, at anytime, about anything, is an underrated superpower. Plus, I think I could pull off a cape.

Approaching random people is still somewhat hard for me, but it gets easier and easier every single day.