4 People We Must Avoid AT ALL COSTS.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” – Jim Rohn

Well, I think it’s more like ten to fifteen. The ten to fifteen people we see the most have the greatest impact on us.

Surrounding ourselves with positive people changes our perceptions. As our social groups encourages, pushes and lifts us up, our own system does the same for them.

Conversely, toxic individuals are completely exhausting to be around. When we surround ourselves with negative people, it will take a toll on our mind and body.

Eventually it seeps in and consumes us. Slowly, we become complainers, judgers, gossipers, and victims.

The distractions and emotional baggage that toxic people bring into our lives are unnecessary obstacles that we must inevitably cross.

We all know a few toxic people – they might be our distant co-workers, family spouses, or our closest friends. Even a modicum of regular contact with these people influence our decisions and thought processes.

The sooner we remove them from our lives, the better. Here are four toxic individuals that we must avoid at all costs.

The Complainers

It seems that everyone has something to complain about. Even when life is completely amazing, these individuals find something to rant about – the weather, crime rates, global warming, etc.

Even for trivial issues, these individuals find something. It seems that they create problems when everything seems to be great, just to possess the right to complain.

As we consume others’ complaints, we forget how good our lives are and we begin to create problems out of thin air.

Avoid The Complainers at all costs.

The Judgers

Judgmental people will find a way to criticize anything and everything they come in contact with. They draw conclusions without understanding all the facts.

These individuals believe that they’re right in every situation. They feel like they have the right to impose their views on others.

No matter what we say to these individuals, nothing can be changed. Save your breath and your life.

Avoid The Judgers at all cost.

The Gossipers

People gossip because they feel insecure with themselves and their lives. They cannot separate fact from speculation and when facts twisted, wrong information is spread out, and peoples’ feelings get hurt.

Gossiping can quickly change a friendly environment into a hostile environment. As people begin to gossip to us, we should change the subject or ignore them completely.

We must ask ourselves, ‘do I want to partake in hurting someone’s feelings?’

The answer to that question should always be a resounding ‘no.’

Avoid The Gossipers at all cost.

The Victims

These individuals never take responsibility for their actions. They are constantly making excuses or blaming others for their mistakes and wrongdoings.

They feel like the world has a personal vendetta against them and choose to lie down and give up.

As these individuals experience further turmoil, it’s just more reason to play the damaged victim.

When you surround yourself with these people, you internalize a victim attitude. You begin to perceive the world as evil and never accept responsibility for your actions.

Avoid The Victims at all costs.

The Four

If any of these toxic individuals ring a bell, there is a high chance that you have one or more of these people in your life.

These four individuals consume our minds from the inside, out. As we constantly receive their messages, we start to identify with people.

When we turn into these people, we start to negatively impact those that close with us.

Pessimism breeds more pessimism.

However, the same can be said for optimism. As we surround ourselves with optimistic people, we, in turn, become optimistic. We spread our positive energy to those closest to us.

Pessimism and optimism are a choice. Which one do you choose to surround yourself with? Which one do you choose to spread to the rest of the world?

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

More Control In Your Life

We cannot control every aspect of our lives and we shouldn’t even attempt to. In fact, most of the misery people feel in life comes from attempting to control the uncontrollable.

We can’t control the economy or the weather. And we most definitely cannot control others.

All we can control is ourselves – our character, our outlook, our actions and contributions.

Everything else, for the most part, is largely uncontrollable.

But still, we try. Why?

It is an instinctual desire to have a larger sense of control over our inner and outer worlds. We want control over our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We want to control our outcomes and the relationships we have in the outside world. But we mustn’t stray to far.

Control is a double-edged sword

If we have too much control, we can become rigid and inflexible. We start expecting things to turn out exactly as planned and lose our ability to adapt when things go awry.

On the opposite end, if we have no control in our lives, we can feel like we’re in a tailspin. No control means little choice over our wills, paths and life purposes. We are left to the whims of luck and chance.

We can’t tell you how much control is sufficient. It varies from person to person. Our levels of control might be someone else’s definition of too much or too little. We all need different levels at different points in our lives.

Although, through our many experiences, we have figured out one thing we can control, without wandering too far in either direction.

Control our inner world

Sometimes the bus arrives early and we miss it by a few moments. Or someone close to you hurts you. Or it could be as trivial as your roommate drinking all the milk.

Regardless of the problem, most of what happens to us is completely out of our control. However, our ultimate response – how we react – is directly under our control.

How we perceive each situation determines how we feel. But, a positive outlook is tougher than we might expect. Our perceptions are informed by a compilation of what we consume on a daily basis.

Almost everything we see or read is some form of negativity or chaos. The average person watches four hours of television and then spends another few hours browsing the Internet.

Between the television and the Internet, we can’t escape the clutches of negativity.

If we want to control our inner world – our thoughts, feelings and actions – we have to consider the information we consume.

Perhaps we should use the extra ‘TV time’ purposefully consuming positive and empowering information. Or meet with friends that will lift us up. Or work through and tackle new challenges that remind us how strong we really are.

We have to safeguard our outlook to control our interpretations of the world around us. We have to seek optimism with urgency.

Being an optimist means that we are able to find the glimmer of good in every person, situation, and problem. We able to be hopeful when things go awry. We are able to adapt when things don’t proceed as planned.

Optimism, like pessimism, is a choice completely under our control. Given the choice, which should we choose – a life of positive experiences or negative expectations?

Which way shall we steer our lives today and every day?

What will we stand for today? Will we allow petty situations to overwhelm us? What kind of positive values and beliefs shall we release to the world every day?

When we align our positive outlook with diligent intention, we can begin to take control of our internal worlds and feel happier and more fulfilled.

We can face the worlds’ challenges head-on and become an unshakeable fortress.

So today, when everyone is trying to control the bus schedule or trying to stop their roommates from drinking all the milk, spend your time purposely with the intent of controlling your unshakeable optimistic outlook.

As always, our beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

1 Timeless Way To Improve All Your Relationships

Most people will give you the same answer to the following question:

“Do you treasure your relationships?”

I asked myself that question yesterday and the answer was an obvious ‘yes!’ It is just a common trait that we share as social beings.

But then I asked myself a follow-up question. And most people, myself included, cannot answer with the same authenticity and assertion.

“How do you treasure your relationships?”

This question is a lot harder to answer. I found myself stuck, racking my brain for answers.

When was the last time I told someone I treasured them? When was the last time I paid a loved one a simple heartfelt compliment? Unfortunately, I have failed at this task.

While most people do treasure their relationships, they often forget to show it. Here’s how to remedy this major problem.

1. Friendships

My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything that is in my power to help them. Even if it were out of my power, I’d still attempt to move the world.

Most people would identify with the similar sentiment.

But it has been too long since I’ve said or did something that conveys my feelings. Today, I picked up the phone and told two of my friends that I love them. I told two of them, that I’m there for them no matter what.

I told two of them that they can vent and I’ll listen, they can cry and I’ll have a free shoulder, and they can feel lonely and I’ll always be behind them like their shadows.

Today, meet-up, call, text, email, Facebook, MySpace, or any other cryptic interaction you use and tell your friends that you treasure them.

2. Your Significant Other

I started seeing an amazing girl over the last month and half.

I treasure her. Every single moment that I share with her is never a waste. Every single moment has a burst of bliss, energy and affection. When I’m around her, I feel like that cartoon wolf with the bulging eyes and heart.

When was the last time you expressed how you felt to your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? When was the last time you told them that you felt like the cartoon wolf when you cast your eyes on them?

Tell them and show them through your eyes and ears. They don’t want your money or fancy gifts. They just want you, through and through, fully.

Today, stare into their eyes and say something meaningful and heartfelt.

3. Family

Their love and affection is almost expected and that’s a terrible way to live because we take them for granted. I am guilty of this and extremely embarrassed.

I’ll be moving out of the nest and spreading my wings next Friday and as that day nears, I find myself getting bluer.

That expected love and affection from my family will not be an everyday occurrence and it seems that I have not treasured them as much as I should of.

I’ll miss just simply talking to them about nothing, resting my head on their shoulders, or receiving a warm hug.

Today, rest your head on your families shoulder, hug them, and tell them that you appreciate and love them for everything.

4. Strangers

The sad fact is that not everyone has friends, significant others, or families to treasure. If you lack one, depend on the other two. And if you lack the above three, you can treasure this category of people.

When you interact with a stranger for a brief moment – a cashier, a banker, a co-worker or even a telemarketer can quickly become someone to treasure. As awkward as it may feel in the moment, tell the stranger that you appreciate them.

Watch how they react to your heartfelt words. They will blossom and unfold in front of your eyes. They will begin to glow and radiate warmth towards you.

Telling or showing your loved ones that you care and treasure them will change and improve all your relationships. It produces profound affects on anyone you interact with.

Today, I hope you take a little bit of time out of your schedule and treasure your relationships. It is as simple as listening, asking, and cherishing, complimenting, being and loving.

As always, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

How To Escape Loneliness

Our family surrounds us at birth, and they’re present for the most part throughout your life, but they never warned you of the loneliness in this world. They never prepared you for the harsh truths and rough life that you may lead.

You were thrown headfirst endlessly seeking happiness and pleasure. Through the entire journey you fall and fail, and fall and fail some more, trying to find a speck of happiness in someone or something.

Your Social Circle

I depend on my social circle to a very large degree. I don’t know who I would be without them. I would be lost.

But before this blissful time, I was hopelessly alone. All through elementary and high school, I just had myself. I was ridiculed and severely unhappy.

In elementary school, I would pretend I was sick and stay home. In high school, I hung out with the librarian and that was where I would eat my lunches, while he talked about his war stories and medical history.

Neither of us enjoyed it.

Your significant other

One of the earliest memories of relationships was from grade 3. Susie was her name. Or maybe, it was Suzy? I told her I liked her, and she screamed and ran away. All the kids made fun of me. I was unhappy.

So what? If girls had cooties, I was okay with it.

Apparently, my peers weren’t. I never had another relationship until high school, which ended terribly and I was emotionally destroyed. After the break-up, I would work seventy-hour weeks just to drown out the emptiness I felt.

Work, work, sleep, and repeat.

Curtis had an xbox

The kid down the street had an Xbox. I hated him. I wanted an Xbox. I deserved one. I got decent grades and I never hurt anyone. Why did he get one and I didn’t?

His parents were rich.

Maybe you have both, friends and a significant other, but something is missing. Your social life is flourishing, but you need an xbox to be happy. That will impress others! If others are impressed, they’ll like you and you’ll be happy.

But then I got that Xbox, and I had a sense of bliss for a little while. But, no one was impressed, no one liked me, and I wasn’t happy.

What’s the solution?

I like to think all factors in my life as external factors. These only supplement happiness, but they don’t provide baseline happiness.

Baseline happiness comes from inside you. It comes from own self-realization that you’re worthy to be happy. Everyone can be happy, but it must come from within.

My friends provide additional happiness, but, first, the baseline must be achieved. In order to make friends, I had to be happy first. I had to realize that I am worthy enough to have friends.

I don’t have a significant other to share everything. However, I am happy, and in time, someone significant will come, but only after I’ve accepted myself wholly.

Xbox and copious amounts of money will not bring you happiness. It might make your life easier for a little bit. But it’s never enough. The richest people are also the most unfulfilled. They realized, the hard way, that money can’t buy happiness. You will be able to have anything you want, but in the end, those items bring just momentary happiness.

When you are able to be happy alone, everything else falls in place. You have to discover intrinsic happiness for yourself. Being happy will take work and time, but search for it.

Give yourself a moment each day to figure out what happiness means to you, what it will take, and how you can achieve it today. Happiness varies from person to person. Discover it for yourself.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

HOW TO MASTER JEDI MIND CONTROL

Over the last couple of years I have become fascinated with the idea that everything in your life is a result of what goes on in your mind.

If there are two twins that are the exact same in every way, except that one is relentlessly positive and the other is endlessly negative, their lives would be completely different.

They could encounter the exact same scenarios and obstacles but they would perceive them in different ways. The positive person would see them as a chance to grow, and the negative person would see them as evidence that you can never succeed.

With this in mind I am convinced that learning to skew your mind towards the positive and the useful is the best way to completely transform your life.

Here are the three steps to learning to control your mind like a Jedi.

1) Observe your thoughts.

In order to start controlling the endless chatter in your mind you first have to get rid of the idea that you are your thoughts.

We tend to think that the chatter in our mind is who we are and that is it, but that is just a part of who you are. You are your whole body from top to bottom and your entire subconscious, not just your conscious thoughts.

Now what you need to do is to step back from your thoughts and observe them. Start keeping track of when you are thinking negatively. The next time you find yourself upset, step back for a second and think “Wow, I have a lot of negative thoughts right now.”

Doing this will help you catch yourself in these useless reflexive thought cycles. Nothing good comes from beating yourself up or feeling sorry for yourself so the more you start to catch yourself, the quicker you can implement my next step.

2) Cancel your negative thoughts.

Now that you are starting to keep an eye on what you are thinking instead of just letting the chatter go on, you can start to pull yourself out of these habitual thought patterns.

Your brain doesn’t like using a lot of energy, so if you are a person who naturally reacts negatively, your mind will jump to that first because it is easy. Doing something outside of the norm requires conscious effort, something your brain would rather avoid.
Yeah, thanks evolution, we really appreciate that…

My favourite way to pull myself out of my bad habitual thought cycles is to use an “interrupt mantra.”

An interrupt mantra is something that you start repeating over and over once you realize that you are in one of these cycles. It will replace your useless thoughts with the exact opposite and more useful thoughts.

If you are someone who has problems with procrastination, once you realize that you are thinking “Man, I hate doing this work, I just want to relax and watch some Netflix” you have to switch to your interrupt mantra. It could be something like “I am energized and ready to take on anything. I’ll conquer this project with ease and energy to spare.”

Repeat that as many times in a row as you have to and after a while of canceling your negative thoughts, your mind will start to reflexively jump to the positive and more useful thoughts.

It only makes sense that your procrastination will naturally shrink when your reflexive thoughts are that of being energized and ready to conquer the obstacles ahead of you.

Interrupt mantras can work for any negative thoughts. If you have negative thoughts about your confidence interrupt them with “I am an amazing and confident person. I am going to start giving myself the credit I deserve.”

If you have problems with willpower interrupt those thoughts by saying “I have tons of willpower to spare. I am a strong person who can beat any temptation with ease.”

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed whether it be ten, twenty, or thirty times in a row.

3) Meditation.

This step isn’t required, but it will make the whole process ten times easier. When I started meditating I didn’t realize just how impactful it would be. I also didn’t realize how many of my favourite celebrities and great thinkers meditated.

Everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to Katy Perry, to Oprah Winfrey and more credit meditation as a key part of their success and ability to stay balanced.

We could discuss meditation for hours, the spiritual aspects, the physical effects it has on the brain over time or even just the calming effect it can create instantly. But for now there is one plus side to meditation that I want to share with you.

It allows you to step back from your thoughts.

With the type of meditation I do the point is to focus on your breath so intensely that your thoughts cease. Now, during meditation you are sure to have thoughts pop into your head. In this case you just allow them to surface without analyzing them, and then get back to focusing on your breathing. If you get an itch on your leg, you feel it, but then immediately bring your attention back to your breath.

This will train you to be able to have a thought or emotion surface without allowing it to pull you into its rabbit hole. This way when something happens in your daily life that aggravates you, instead of stewing over it for hours and ruining your whole day you can step back and say “is this really a useful thing to focus on? Do these thought patterns improve my life in any way shape or form, or do they just serve to steal energy and happiness from me?”

Armed with this ability to step back and question these reflexive thoughts, you can truly start to control your mind and use it for your own self improvement.

A quote that has been repeated by many of the great minds of the world, and is very close to my heart is: “The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

This quote perfectly explains the two different relationships you can have with your mind.

Either you control it, or it controls you. The decision is yours.

With love
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys