The 3 Mindsets You Need To Be Happy

When I was younger I had a blood disorder that affected my serotonin levels and caused me to be depressed.

At seven years old I would watch cartoons and break out into tears. I felt like I was losing the battle against my emotions.

I thought a lot about what it means to be happy, and how I could be happier despite this chemical imbalance.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever really won this battle of emotions. I still have ups and downs, good days and bad days.

But I’ve realized that when it comes to being happy, the circumstances don’t matter that much. It’s all about your perspective and your mindsets.

So here are the 3 mindsets that we need to be happy.

1) Our Present Does NOT Dictate Our Future

No matter where we are, how we feel, or what we are doing—that doesn’t decide what will happen in our future.

When everything is going wrong in our lives, we’ll have a hard time imagining a hopeful future.

And you aren’t the only person that gets trapped in this feeling of doom and gloom. Impact bias is the tendency for people to overestimate the length or the intensity of future feeling states.

When we are depressed we can only assume that we will be depressed forever. We are twenty feet deep in a hole with only a shovel—we feel we can only go further down.

But if we have this mindset instilled within us, we’ll be able to get out eventually.

2) The Past Is A Story, The Future Is An Imagination

If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
But, if you are at peace, you are living in the present.
-Lao Tzu

We spend a lot of time regretting the past, or worrying about the future. But we don’t realize that these things are not exactly what they seem.

Humans are naturally pretty terrible at remember the past. Every time we recall a past memory we are actually remembering the last time we remembered it. In this process we alter the memory.

After years and years, the past is just a collection of completely inaccurate stories we tell ourselves. Some of us tell happy stories, some tell sad stories, but they are all stories.

Don’t base your emotions on the past.

The rest of the time we spend worrying about the future.

We stress about deadlines, awkward conversations, whether we will find love, get the job, and even whether or not we will be happy.

Think about that. We ruin our happiness in the present because we are worrying about whether or not we will be happy in the future.

Humans are bad at correctly recalling the past, and we are also terrible at predicting the future. Every doomsday scenario that plays out in our heads fail to come to pass.

The solution is to not regret the past, but move on, and not worry about the future, but live in the moment.

3) We Don’t NEED A Reason To Be Happy

This is the most important mindset for happiness. If you need a reason to be happy, your happiness can always be taken away.

Happiness is something we should try to cultivate within us. We need to learn to be happy for the sake of being happy.

Material possessions, promotions, friends, relationships, respect—these are all great and should make us happy, but we should never rely on them to be happy.

If we learn to be happy for no reason at all, we’ll be able to keep our happiness no matter what happens around us.

And that’s what we all want right, to be happy?

HOW TO MASTER JEDI MIND CONTROL

Over the last couple of years I have become fascinated with the idea that everything in your life is a result of what goes on in your mind.

If there are two twins that are the exact same in every way, except that one is relentlessly positive and the other is endlessly negative, their lives would be completely different.

They could encounter the exact same scenarios and obstacles but they would perceive them in different ways. The positive person would see them as a chance to grow, and the negative person would see them as evidence that you can never succeed.

With this in mind I am convinced that learning to skew your mind towards the positive and the useful is the best way to completely transform your life.

Here are the three steps to learning to control your mind like a Jedi.

1) Observe your thoughts.

In order to start controlling the endless chatter in your mind you first have to get rid of the idea that you are your thoughts.

We tend to think that the chatter in our mind is who we are and that is it, but that is just a part of who you are. You are your whole body from top to bottom and your entire subconscious, not just your conscious thoughts.

Now what you need to do is to step back from your thoughts and observe them. Start keeping track of when you are thinking negatively. The next time you find yourself upset, step back for a second and think “Wow, I have a lot of negative thoughts right now.”

Doing this will help you catch yourself in these useless reflexive thought cycles. Nothing good comes from beating yourself up or feeling sorry for yourself so the more you start to catch yourself, the quicker you can implement my next step.

2) Cancel your negative thoughts.

Now that you are starting to keep an eye on what you are thinking instead of just letting the chatter go on, you can start to pull yourself out of these habitual thought patterns.

Your brain doesn’t like using a lot of energy, so if you are a person who naturally reacts negatively, your mind will jump to that first because it is easy. Doing something outside of the norm requires conscious effort, something your brain would rather avoid.
Yeah, thanks evolution, we really appreciate that…

My favourite way to pull myself out of my bad habitual thought cycles is to use an “interrupt mantra.”

An interrupt mantra is something that you start repeating over and over once you realize that you are in one of these cycles. It will replace your useless thoughts with the exact opposite and more useful thoughts.

If you are someone who has problems with procrastination, once you realize that you are thinking “Man, I hate doing this work, I just want to relax and watch some Netflix” you have to switch to your interrupt mantra. It could be something like “I am energized and ready to take on anything. I’ll conquer this project with ease and energy to spare.”

Repeat that as many times in a row as you have to and after a while of canceling your negative thoughts, your mind will start to reflexively jump to the positive and more useful thoughts.

It only makes sense that your procrastination will naturally shrink when your reflexive thoughts are that of being energized and ready to conquer the obstacles ahead of you.

Interrupt mantras can work for any negative thoughts. If you have negative thoughts about your confidence interrupt them with “I am an amazing and confident person. I am going to start giving myself the credit I deserve.”

If you have problems with willpower interrupt those thoughts by saying “I have tons of willpower to spare. I am a strong person who can beat any temptation with ease.”

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed whether it be ten, twenty, or thirty times in a row.

3) Meditation.

This step isn’t required, but it will make the whole process ten times easier. When I started meditating I didn’t realize just how impactful it would be. I also didn’t realize how many of my favourite celebrities and great thinkers meditated.

Everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to Katy Perry, to Oprah Winfrey and more credit meditation as a key part of their success and ability to stay balanced.

We could discuss meditation for hours, the spiritual aspects, the physical effects it has on the brain over time or even just the calming effect it can create instantly. But for now there is one plus side to meditation that I want to share with you.

It allows you to step back from your thoughts.

With the type of meditation I do the point is to focus on your breath so intensely that your thoughts cease. Now, during meditation you are sure to have thoughts pop into your head. In this case you just allow them to surface without analyzing them, and then get back to focusing on your breathing. If you get an itch on your leg, you feel it, but then immediately bring your attention back to your breath.

This will train you to be able to have a thought or emotion surface without allowing it to pull you into its rabbit hole. This way when something happens in your daily life that aggravates you, instead of stewing over it for hours and ruining your whole day you can step back and say “is this really a useful thing to focus on? Do these thought patterns improve my life in any way shape or form, or do they just serve to steal energy and happiness from me?”

Armed with this ability to step back and question these reflexive thoughts, you can truly start to control your mind and use it for your own self improvement.

A quote that has been repeated by many of the great minds of the world, and is very close to my heart is: “The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

This quote perfectly explains the two different relationships you can have with your mind.

Either you control it, or it controls you. The decision is yours.

With love
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys

Replace your Should with a Could

They say you should be yourself.

I’m not sure who they are but I’m starting to think that they are on to something.

Every time you act like someone you aren’t or do something you don’t want to just to appease someone, you get a little bit further away from who you are.

Fear

Everyone agrees that you should be yourself. There are thousands of quotes and motivational pictures depicting this. No one would ever tell you “Be more like someone else.”

So why is it people still spend so much of their time doing things they don’t want to, and traveling down a path that isn’t right for them?

It’s because of fear. They are afraid that what they want in their heart won’t work out.

Afraid that if they take the leap there won’t be anything there to catch them.

They let fear push them into a corner.

Should

I hate that word. I encourage you to throw it out of your vocabulary.

Whenever you are using this word it’s because you’re thinking about something that you don’t want to do, but for some reason feel like you have to.

I should go to university. I should get a normal job. I should settle down.

This word is a virus that you have because you’ve been surrounded by it your whole life. You parents, teachers, peers and society have all instilled their own “shoulds” into you.

After writing that word so many times it looks alien to me. I hope it looks alien to you as well.

Every time this word appears in your life I want you to think very carefully about how it got there and if you really need it.

Could

I would encourage you instead to replace all of your shoulds with coulds.

Could is a word that I can get behind. It allows you to imagine possibilities.

When you are thinking of a could, you are allowing yourself to believe in something that you want.

I could start that business I’ve been thinking about. I could talk to that cute cashier. I could travel around Europe.

It’s a much more useful word.

Rid yourself of the shoulds and start thinking in coulds.

You’ll explore more of who you are and less of who other people want you to be.

Ten Commandments Of Learning

I’ve tried a few things in my lifetime. Some of them I have been good at, and others have caused me to fall flat on my face like Bambi.

I’ve learned how to play the drums, how to do door to door sales, speak/act on a public stage, create YouTube videos, work out, and the list goes on.

I’ve always enjoyed learning new things and throughout the years I started to realize that any venture you plan on undertaking will have certain universal truths that can help you be successful.
And save you a LOT of time.

I could write an article on each of these, but I want to give you something comprehensive.

Without further ado, here are my “Ten Commandments of Learning.”

1) Be Passionate

No matter what you are going to try, you have to have passion.
It has to invigorate you.

If your venture doesn’t excite you then at some point you are going to lose interest and motivation. You don’t want to get into something that you will eventually drop and forget about.

If the thought of sewing doesn’t excite you, pick something else. This should be common sense but you would be surprised how many people do things with a lack of passion.

Maybe they want to impress other people or they think it’s something they should learn.

Don’t do something for any other reason than fulfilling a passion. Otherwise the results will be lack luster and you will waste your time.

2) Learn From The Professionals

We are lucky to live in the internet age. There are thousands of qualified people giving out free information at every turn.

Instead of just jumping in head first without knowing anything, take a little bit of time to research some people that have already succeeded in your venture and allow them to be digital mentors.

If you have a credible professional closer to you then great, learn in person. Unfortunately most people won’t have that luxury.

You can find hundreds of YouTube videos, blogs, magazines and podcasts on any topic.

This will save you a lot of time spent learning things the hard way. These people have already learned things the hard way, use them as a resource.

Get a digital mentor, or ten, and get cracking.

3) Start Small (*ere ere* Break it down now)
My impression of DJ scratching.

I can not stress how important this one is. Learn the absolute basics first, master them, and then move on to the next stages.

When I was teaching people how to do door to door sales I would focus on one thing at a time. Usually I would start with body language or voice projection.

I wouldn’t even worry about the pitch, closing a sale, or any fine details for a while.

Before any of that, they had to learn the basics.

When you learn an instrument you don’t start off playing Mozart. You don’t even learn a song right away.

First, you start by learning how to hold it, how to play scales and how to take care of it.

Learn what the basics are and then master them.

4) Fall Into A Phase

If you want to learn something effectively you have to immerse yourself in it. Willingly accept that this is something you love and for a time it will take up a lot of your attention.

People might become annoyed when they notice that you talk about this venture a lot and you relate everything back to it, but this will help integrate it into your very being.

I learn everything by going into phases. Right now I am in a positive thinking and willpower phase. I watch YouTube videos about it, listen to audio books, meditate, do positive affirmations and a whole list of other things.

When you go into a phase you may partially neglect other parts of your life and that’s fine because right now you are focusing on something important to you.

You also have to realize that this venture won’t be your main focus for your whole life, but after it is over the lessons you learned will be integrated into you and will help you in any other endeavors.

Allow yourself to fall into a phase and you will learn ten times faster.

5) Dedicate An Allotted Daily Time to Practice

So you have allowed yourself to fall down the rabbit hole and you are deep in a phase.

You spend time learning about your venture, and immersing yourself in your venture, but you must ensure you practice it.

All the theory in the world isn’t worth anything if you never practice and you need to set aside a daily time slot to do so.
It has to be everyday, non-negotiable.

It can be an hour, or ten minutes. If you think you don’t have enough time to practice, then make the time.

Wake up a half hour earlier and do it then, before the birds are chirping and the world is breathing down your neck.

This goes hand in hand with being in a phase because you might not be able to do this for your whole life.

But right now, you need to do it. Get it done everyday, no excuses.

6) Connect With Others On The Same Path

I am a firm believer that you can’t do everything on your own.

You will run into other people while you are venturing down your path. Use their help.

Ask them for advice, get them to practice with you, have discussions with them, and allow them to be a part of your immersion process.

You can find these people on forums, in YouTube comments, or in everyday life.

If you surround yourself with people that have the same interest you will always have a second perspective and a motivator.

7) Allow Yourself To Fail

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

Anything you have ever done, you have failed at. From speaking, to walking, to brushing your teeth, and everything in between.

The first thirty times you tried walking you literally fell flat on your ass.

So why do we associate failure with embarrassment when we are older?

I guarantee that if you fail at anything one hundred times, you will be better at it than ninety percent of people.

You will learn a bit about yourself, and your craft, every time you fail.

The difference between the master and the beginner is that the master has failed more times than the beginner has ever tried.

8) Teach Another Person

This is the part of the puzzle that most people never fit in. In order to truly internalize a skill you need to teach it.

This will force you to look at the learning experience from every angle and examine your craft down to the smallest details so that you can answer any question.

When you teach someone else something that you have learned, they will experience obstacles that you may not have experienced. You will learn from their failures just as you learned from yours.

Not to mention that you will be helping someone and making the world better.
Each one teach one.

9) Keep It In Your Thoughts

Before you go to bed and night and when you wake up in the morning make sure your venture is on your mind.

Imagine yourself at the end of your journey, a master of new skills, a more resilient version of yourself.

Remind yourself why you started, and why you will persevere through any obstacles.

I like to do this by having daily affirmations. Before I lay in bed at night and before I get up in the morning I repeat a chosen phrase to myself. I close my eyes and visualize my goal as if I am already there.

The mind is a powerful thing and whatever you focus on the most is what will come to fruition in your life.
Make sure it is your goal.

10) Be Humble

Never assume that you know more than anyone else. Take criticism gracefully.

Take the positive out of everything that you can and leave the negative behind.

You must always view yourself as a student, learning as much as you can from all sources.

It is essential that you remain humble and open, otherwise you will not be in the state required for optimal learning. If you are closed minded and arrogant you won’t grow.

These are my ten commandments for learning.

I live by them every day. They will give you the foundation to build your dreams on.

Learning something new is always scary, but if you remember that the commandments are always the same you will feel as though you are walking a familiar path.
It’s a beautiful stroll, isn’t it?

Make Your Mind A Negative FREE Zone

What a nightmare.

I was face to face with my mortal enemy, and I couldn’t do a thing about it.

I could feel my blood boiling, my heart racing, and my adrenaline pumping. I tried to tell myself to stay calm, but I was shaking with anger.

I was finding myself in this situation more and more often since his family had moved in with my girlfriend’s family. Talk about a universal joke on everyone involved.

My girlfriend at the time had more reason to hate him than I did, I have no idea how she dealt with it.

I always hated that I felt all this anger towards him, but he felt nothing.

No matter how much I held his image in my mind, wishing all manner of evil towards him, he was unaffected.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
-Mark Twain

That is how anger works.

You are the only one who is affected by your anger. No matter how justified it is, you have to deal with consequences of your negative thoughts.

Your frame of mind will decay and you will torment yourself the longer you continue this destructive thinking.

This is the same for all negative thinking or emotions.

If you are envious of someone, you feel the negativity and their lives are unchanged.

Apply this thinking to any pessimistic emotions you have and you will see this is always the result.

You can’t avoid everyone who will drag you down or rile you up.

But no matter how much they get to you, I want you to stop thinking about them and stop talking about them.

Not because they deserve to get off scot free, this isn’t for their benefit, but because you deserve to be happy.

Imagine your mind is your bed room.

Your thoughts are the posters and knickknacks you decorate it with.

Would you ever cover your room in pictures of people you hate? Would you ever allow any object into your room that upsets you?

So why are you letting so much of this garbage into your mind? After all, you are in your mind every moment of every day.

I am firm believer that negativity can only breed more negativity. If you can’t forgive and forget, pick one.

Keep your mind clean for your own benefit.

Decorate it with everything that invigorates and uplifts you.

The world outside can drag you down at every turn, don’t drag yourself down on the inside as well.

PS:

I wrote this a couple of days ago and something weird happened last night.
I saw my old “Mortal Enemy” again.

I was going to an event to support a friend who is a DJ and as I walked in I recognized the security guard.
It was him.

You can call it a coincidence, but whatever it was, it was weird. I saw in his eyes that he wanted peace, and so did I.

After all the time and energy I wasted, after all the negativity I allowed into my life, it meant nothing.

Peace in your mind creates peace in your life.
And you deserve a peaceful life.