Our Fears Are A Double-Edged Sword

I once watched a woman on Maury who was terrified of cotton balls. She would dream of a giant cotton ball man murdering her most nights.

She was so terrified that she hardly left the house. She succumbed to the fear and it consumed her entire life.

We all have fears. Some of us are terrified of spiders or heights and some fears are more rational than others.

My main fear is failure. I’m afraid of disappointing others, failing to accomplish my dreams and goals, and failing myself.

Failure will inevitably destroy us if we allow it. It has the power to paralyze our bodies and leave us broken and sedentary.

It makes us tremble, keeps us from leaping into new experiences and challenges. It debilitates our growth process and hinders our ability to learn.

These are my fears, and maybe if you experience the same ones, we can learn from them together.

A) Failure as a fellow human

Sometimes I am afraid that I am not enough for others. Sometimes I feel like I should do more, say more, and be more.

The thought of letting the people I love down feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to be more present, more appreciative and more loving.

Let us all aim to be stronger individuals towards others – friends, partners and strangers alike – and aim to impact each and every individual we encounter in a wholly positive manner.

B) Failure to pursue my passion

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never reach my goals. While these moments are seldom, they come rushing and almost overcome my entire being.

The thought of not reaching my potential feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to work harder, smarter and use my time wisely. We should never compromise our passion and life to pursue work that does not truly make us happy.

Let us all aim to pursue our passions, so our work-life and passions become intertwined into one sole entity.

Our energy and life is limited. Why should we spend one single moment not being completely content in our work life?

C) Failure as myself

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never be truly enough for myself. Sometimes insecurities resurface and it can be hard to wrap my head around it.

The thought of succumbing to my insecurities feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to battle the insecurities head on. Work through them one by one and leave them broken and battered on the floor.

Let us all cast away our insecurities in the successful attempt to grow into the strongest version of ourselves. Everyone has insecurities that resurface from time-to-time, but let us never allow time to wallow in them.

Fear as a Stepping-Stone

As debilitating as fear can be, it is completely necessary for us to grow and progress. Fear is an astounding motivator. It is our worst enemy, but it can also be our best friend.

When my fears of failure resurface, there are only two options: succumb and wallow or fight and grow.

The latter is more appealing than the former. Without our fears, we would never truly understand where our weak points lie and what we must do in order to grow. 

Even though the worst thing I can think of in life is failing others and myself, I am very grateful for all my fears. Without my fears, I would never truly understand the importance of presence, hard work, appreciativeness, passion and love.

However, while putting all this out in the universe, I wonder if there are others that fear the same things.

Or, maybe, all my fears are just as irrational as a giant cotton ball man murdering me.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Four Pillars To A Fulfilling Life P.1

Living a fulfilling life can be a difficult task. Everyone has a different idea of what a fulfilling life consists of.

For me, the ‘rules’ are simple. I like simplification.

When understanding how to live a fulfilling life, I ask myself, “What is the easiest method that I can implement to benefit others and myself?”

I’ve discovered many ‘rules’ to living a fulfilling life. They are broken down into four major categories – Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual – and they can be easily implemented with minimal effort.

Each of these four are major pillars (struts) holding up the building (your body and mind). Strong building blocks create an unshakeable fortress.

Physical

The physical pillar solely consists of your physical body. People attend school full-time to understand how the body works and how to achieve optimal health.

But as important as school may be, the information is very simple. Being healthy is a simple idea. You don’t need to school to understand how to be healthy.

The common sense approach tells us to treat our bodies with respect.

The process is simple – eat properly, sleep effectively, and move regularly.

Eating a diet of sugar and salt damages our fortress. Eat plenty of greens and drink ample water. Your body needs these things to function optimally.

People claim they can function on 5 hours of sleep, but minimal sleep eventually sneaks up on your body. Your days fly by, as you gloss over them in a sleepy haze. Your fortress needs at least 8 hours to function properly.

People that complain they have low energy or are generally unmotivated usually have desk jobs. A little daily exercise each day alleviates both those problems. You don’t need the gym to be active. Play some sports or go for a walk around your neighbourhood. Your body is not meant to be sedentary for long stretches of time.

When you disrespect your body, sometimes you will feel the effects immediately, like feeling lethargic after too much sugar. Sometimes the effects creep up on you, like progressively getting agitated because of little sleep.

Regardless of the outcome, your body tells you when it needs something. When something is lacking, it fights for it. Sometimes we have to let our bodies win, and eat better, sleep efficiently, and move frequently.

Mental

The mental pillar solely consists of your brain function. Everything you consume – knowledge, information, and news – affects our mental capabilities.

This pillar can also be simplified quite easily. Each day aim to learn something new or build on an existing skill/hobby.

As part of this pillar, I aim to read every single day. Even a few pages makes a difference in the way I feel.

“Poor people have big TVs. Rich people have big libraries.” – Jim Rohn.

What if you don’t like reading? Watch YouTube videos or listen to podcasts and audiobooks. One of my favourite YouTube channels is CrashCourse. The creators provide an overview using cute graphics from a variety of interesting topics.

Lastly, make it a goal to consume less news each day. The news rarely reports anything positive or uplifting. You don’t need the added negativity in your life.

I was going to move to the ‘emotional’ pillar next, but this article is already too long. Instead, I’ll cover the last two pillars next week.

While waiting, aim to improve each of these pillars – physical and mental – by 1% before next week. 1% is doable, right?

Just for this week, eat one extra vegetable per day, sleep an extra 15 minutes, and go for a short walk around your neighbourhood.

Just for this week, learn something that you’ve always wanted to learn, or read a book, listen to an audiobook on your commute, or simply just avoid the news.

These minor improvements compile and eventually you’ve improved significantly over the course of a few weeks.

Be sure to check back next week for the rest of this article.

When every aspect of our lives is clearly defined and progressing, life is easier. When living a fulfilling life, the unintended side effects are happiness and abundance.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

How To Deal With Regret

Sometimes I ask myself – “do you feel like you should be different? Or act differently? Or feel differently?”

I don’t know if everyone asks himself or herself the same questions. Maybe you can quell my thoughts in the comments section below.

Recently, I’ve come to a realization. Everything that I have been through – the ups, the downs, the struggles and turmoil and everything in between – have made me the person I am today.

Regret is insignificant. No matter how hard we try, at this very moment, nothing about the past can be undone.

Regret is backward thinking

When you look to the past for answers, you are fighting an uphill battle. You desperately struggle as you battle the ravaging tides and the harsh winds.

Eckhart Tolle believes your egoic won’t let the past go because it needs it to feel alive. Your egoic mind wants to feel significant so it latches onto the past.

It keeps you living and thinking backward. It holds you in a troubled state. Your relationships, your work, and worst of all, yourself, crumble as you’re suspended in ‘regret thought-processes.’

The more you dwell in the past, the stronger your egoic mind grows. Like a feral animal, the more meat you give, the more it wants.

Present is forward-thinking

This very moment is all we have left. This very moment is the only one that can be changed, cherished and adored.

Even as write this, moments pass. The less I regret, the less I dwell, the more seamlessly the present moment passes.

There is little time to regret. In this very moment, there is only time to be content.

Be grateful that you are alive and breathing. Be content with the ability to think clearly and feel wholly.

Any room for future thinking?

Future thinking will also ruin you. Future thinking is just as toxic as regret.

Currently the future does not matter. Even as you begin to say the word fu-ture that first syllable is forever lost in the past.

That syllable should be let go, just as the future should.

The Love Exercise

There is no room for regret in this moment. Instead, spend a little time just being. Spend some time appreciating the person you are – maybe it’s your hair, eyes, or your brain.

Or pat yourself on the back for a small win – maybe it’s your first day sticking to a new diet or maybe you made it an entire day without having a cigarette.

This is an exercise I frequently do to avoid regret. The idea occurred to me after reading Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant.

He was at the point of killing himself because of all the common pressures that plague us – lack of love, security, support and freedom – until one day he decided to look into the mirror and say “I love you” over and over again.

He cured himself through positive reinforcement. I find that the same works with regret. Spend time today, and every single day, to giving yourself trying the Love Exercise.

Soon you will regret less and your egoic mind will detach. You will begin to love the person you are. You will begin to appreciate the present moment.

I wish nothing but amazing vibes to all our readers. I know whatever plagues you – whether regret, pain, or the future – you will overcome it.

And if you need a little push along the way, 2HelpfulGuys is here for anything.

Until next time my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free and love on.

How To Escape From A Rut

I’ve been in a complete standstill for the last three weeks. I was stuck, unhappy and saw no end to it. But, today is the first day I actually feel ‘alive.’

I made a conscious decision to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start anew. I realized three things that pulled me out and, today, I started my day properly.

It begins with a change in perspective.

Realize that it will end

In the natural progression of life, standstills will happen. They will occur frequently and, perhaps, for extended periods of time. But realize this portion of your life is short-lived.

You will feel better, if you allow yourself to.

Life occurs in cycles. As sure as the seasons change from fall to winter, spring to summer, so will your ups and downs. At some point in your life, ruts will occur, but don’t wallow. Realize it and push through.

Use it to grow stronger

In my last article, I mentioned that every negative situation has a positive. Well, every bad stretch serves a purpose to your larger life.

This bad portion, for lack of better words, is bad. But treasure and notice the changes.

A stronger person is born out of ruts because you learn. You learn how to manage debilitative emotions, how to handle lack of progression, and how to pull yourself out.

Take this valuable knowledge and store it in your back pocket. When the next one occurs, you apply it and learn more, carrying little bits of knowledge throughout your entire life.

Actively search for solutions while you’re in this phase. Every rut has a silver lining. Explore it.

Have an end goal

I don’t know the exact reason for my rut. I woke up and felt different. This different feeling held on for the next three weeks. Maybe I let school or my relationships get to me.

Regardless of the reason, when I look forward, everything changes. In a few months, I’ll be done school and moving out. That is my end goal. This rut is a momentary.

Everything changes when I enter a new phase in my life and that excites me. It breathes new life into my lungs.

Have a goal solidified in your head. Keep the image strong and push toward it. Through your rut, hold it firm and be steadfast. Goals are important to give you that little extra nudge.

Ruts will occur. It keeps life different and interesting. If we didn’t have them, we would probably complain about a mundane life. If we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t be able to cope.

And, worst of all, we wouldn’t grow as a person. Growth is the central purpose in life. Through ruts, we become stronger, happier and more fulfilled.

We can learn a lot from them. So don’t toil and wallow. Stop, learn and progress.

Be bold, be free and love on.

HOW TO MASTER JEDI MIND CONTROL

Over the last couple of years I have become fascinated with the idea that everything in your life is a result of what goes on in your mind.

If there are two twins that are the exact same in every way, except that one is relentlessly positive and the other is endlessly negative, their lives would be completely different.

They could encounter the exact same scenarios and obstacles but they would perceive them in different ways. The positive person would see them as a chance to grow, and the negative person would see them as evidence that you can never succeed.

With this in mind I am convinced that learning to skew your mind towards the positive and the useful is the best way to completely transform your life.

Here are the three steps to learning to control your mind like a Jedi.

1) Observe your thoughts.

In order to start controlling the endless chatter in your mind you first have to get rid of the idea that you are your thoughts.

We tend to think that the chatter in our mind is who we are and that is it, but that is just a part of who you are. You are your whole body from top to bottom and your entire subconscious, not just your conscious thoughts.

Now what you need to do is to step back from your thoughts and observe them. Start keeping track of when you are thinking negatively. The next time you find yourself upset, step back for a second and think “Wow, I have a lot of negative thoughts right now.”

Doing this will help you catch yourself in these useless reflexive thought cycles. Nothing good comes from beating yourself up or feeling sorry for yourself so the more you start to catch yourself, the quicker you can implement my next step.

2) Cancel your negative thoughts.

Now that you are starting to keep an eye on what you are thinking instead of just letting the chatter go on, you can start to pull yourself out of these habitual thought patterns.

Your brain doesn’t like using a lot of energy, so if you are a person who naturally reacts negatively, your mind will jump to that first because it is easy. Doing something outside of the norm requires conscious effort, something your brain would rather avoid.
Yeah, thanks evolution, we really appreciate that…

My favourite way to pull myself out of my bad habitual thought cycles is to use an “interrupt mantra.”

An interrupt mantra is something that you start repeating over and over once you realize that you are in one of these cycles. It will replace your useless thoughts with the exact opposite and more useful thoughts.

If you are someone who has problems with procrastination, once you realize that you are thinking “Man, I hate doing this work, I just want to relax and watch some Netflix” you have to switch to your interrupt mantra. It could be something like “I am energized and ready to take on anything. I’ll conquer this project with ease and energy to spare.”

Repeat that as many times in a row as you have to and after a while of canceling your negative thoughts, your mind will start to reflexively jump to the positive and more useful thoughts.

It only makes sense that your procrastination will naturally shrink when your reflexive thoughts are that of being energized and ready to conquer the obstacles ahead of you.

Interrupt mantras can work for any negative thoughts. If you have negative thoughts about your confidence interrupt them with “I am an amazing and confident person. I am going to start giving myself the credit I deserve.”

If you have problems with willpower interrupt those thoughts by saying “I have tons of willpower to spare. I am a strong person who can beat any temptation with ease.”

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed whether it be ten, twenty, or thirty times in a row.

3) Meditation.

This step isn’t required, but it will make the whole process ten times easier. When I started meditating I didn’t realize just how impactful it would be. I also didn’t realize how many of my favourite celebrities and great thinkers meditated.

Everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to Katy Perry, to Oprah Winfrey and more credit meditation as a key part of their success and ability to stay balanced.

We could discuss meditation for hours, the spiritual aspects, the physical effects it has on the brain over time or even just the calming effect it can create instantly. But for now there is one plus side to meditation that I want to share with you.

It allows you to step back from your thoughts.

With the type of meditation I do the point is to focus on your breath so intensely that your thoughts cease. Now, during meditation you are sure to have thoughts pop into your head. In this case you just allow them to surface without analyzing them, and then get back to focusing on your breathing. If you get an itch on your leg, you feel it, but then immediately bring your attention back to your breath.

This will train you to be able to have a thought or emotion surface without allowing it to pull you into its rabbit hole. This way when something happens in your daily life that aggravates you, instead of stewing over it for hours and ruining your whole day you can step back and say “is this really a useful thing to focus on? Do these thought patterns improve my life in any way shape or form, or do they just serve to steal energy and happiness from me?”

Armed with this ability to step back and question these reflexive thoughts, you can truly start to control your mind and use it for your own self improvement.

A quote that has been repeated by many of the great minds of the world, and is very close to my heart is: “The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

This quote perfectly explains the two different relationships you can have with your mind.

Either you control it, or it controls you. The decision is yours.

With love
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys