The girl I was with recently said, ‘How are you so confident?’
The truth is, I don’t know. The majority of my life was spent an unconfident mess. There is something wrong with being unconfident.
In my last article, I referred to being confident as absolutely essential to getting a job. In general, I believe that confidence is essential to leading a fulfilled life.
Confidence allows you to decide what you want and when you want it. It allows you to grow as person.
So few people are confident. People are scared or worried of everything. I was scared of failing, scared of embarrassment, and scared of rejection.
But, it was my job to overcome it.
I tried to retrace my journey towards confidence. Here’s what I came up with:
When I was a teenager, my mom wanted to inspect my friends. She made sure that I didn’t associate with ‘bad people.’ At that time it meant, ‘the thugs that drank on park benches.’
She realized that friends DIRECTLY impacted a person. Whether they are positive or negative influences, they eventually rub off on you.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
If you want to be confident, it starts with your inner circle. I was fortunate enough to stumble into my circle. It consists of extremely confident and positive people. They have had profound effects on my personality.
I urge you to shed the toxic, negative relationships in your life and pursue ones that will impact you positively.
B) Absorb Knowledge
PURSUE IT. I know it sounds simple, but most don’t do it. Learn everything you possibly can. Start by reading or watching ‘how-to’ videos or interviewing people.
Out of competency comes confidence. The more knowledge you possess, the more confident you will be. One of my earlier passions was politics.
I studied everything about government, economics, business, and war. I learned that everything the news was reporting was a complete nonsense. When political debates came up, I was confident in my knowledge.
I explained myself and stood for something. My ideas came from an area of confidence, which were backed by knowledge.
C) Reassure Yourself
“I, Leroy Milton, will be confident today.”
That is one my affirmations that I recite every morning and night. It reminds me everyday that I have to be confident. This affirmation is like a goal for me.
I have to hit it everyday. I have to make sure that my confidence is tested everyday.
Even my mantra, “Be Bold, Be Free, and Love On,” is a reminder to myself. Being bold is the FIRST STEP, because only then will I be free to love.
D) Jump In
“What’s the worst that can happen?”
I wasn’t ‘taught’ how to swim. I got pushed into the deep-end at the tender age of nine. It was a type of Darwinian trial, but I’m still here and I can swim.
Plus, my dad wasn’t going to let me drown. I’ve realized that most of your ‘worst-case scenarios’ only exist in your head.
A girl slapping me in the face when I ask her out is far-fetched. The girl won’t publicly yell at me when I try to talk to her.
Sometimes, you just have to leap in feet first. Trial and error is the most effective way of learning. You can figure out what works and what doesn’t based on your personality.
There it is. I think that’s all of it. I’m sure there were more factors in my fabled journey to confidence, but nothing as significant as these.
Even though these scenarios only exist in my head, I’m still scared of failing, embarrassment and rejection. But in the end, it doesn’t matter.
Be bold, be free, and love on.