Your Happiness Must Come From Within You

If your happiness comes from anywhere but inside yourself, then it can be taken away.

I’m not saying that you should never allow happiness to come from the things and people around you, what I am saying instead is that you should try to develop a baseline happiness that emanates from inside yourself.

That way when things go wrong in life—and they will, very often—you can take it in stride, learn from it, and become better because of it. 

The goal is to raise our baseline happiness as high as possible, until it is relentless no matter what outside factors may be weighing at our feet.

Everyone Wants To Be Happy

This is a goal that many people never reach, mostly because they try to obtain happiness through money, power, respect, and material objects.

They don’t realize that all of these things can be taken away, and basing the foundation of your happiness on these things instead of yourself, is akin to building a castle on sand.

Even basing your happiness on the love of another person can be dangerous, and unfair to them.

So what can we do to build up a baseline happiness that will remain intact through the trails of life?

Here are my three tips to cultivate a strong foundation and baseline to your happiness.

Only Spend Time On Things You Care About

The theme of today’s society seems to be sacrifice.

You go to a school you don’t care about to work on projects you don’t care about to get a job you don’t care about. All the while you are sacrificing your happiness.

You might spend time with people you don’t care about, read things you don’t care about (AKA: fear-driven news) and go to events you don’t enjoy.

All of this is chipping away at your foundation of happiness and slowly lowering your baseline.

One of the best ways to cultivate a relentless happiness that will stand up to whatever life throws at you is to spend as much of your time as possible with the people you love, doing the things you love.

Treat Your Body With Respect

Whenever I’m in a bad mood I don’t look to the situations in my life for an explanation, I immediately ask myself if I have been treating my body with respect lately.

It has been proven that their are very strong links between sleep, physical/mental diet, exercise and your moods.

If you don’t ever move your body and get your endorphins going, and if you never get enough sleep and constantly take in junk food and junk mental content, you are going to have a hard time keeping good spirits.

I’ve come to learn that the way you treat your body affects your happiness more than almost any outside situation could.

If you eat a little better, sleep a little more, move your body a bit and watch the thoughts you allow into your mental space, your base level of happiness will jump by leaps and bounds.

Share The Positivity

The best way to cultivate something within yourself is to inspire it within someone else.

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
-Buddha

When you consistently help others uplift their moods, it will have long lasting effects on your natural level of happiness.

This is why people can lower their stress levels simply by petting a cat. It feels good to make someone or something else feel good.

When you help others find their way to happiness where ever you can, you learn new paths and perspectives that will aid you in your own journey towards happiness.

Writing and researching for these articles has taught me so much that I never would have otherwise learned about happiness, but it’s the responses I get when I’ve helped someone else that make me happiest.

If I can help a couple people every once and a while then I know that I have something to feel good about.

So don’t spend your time doing things you don’t care about, treat your body with respect, and then share whatever happiness you can.

You’ll create a baseline of happiness for yourself that will withstand any outside circumstances.

And isn’t that what we all want, just to be happy?

How To Escape From A Rut

I’ve been in a complete standstill for the last three weeks. I was stuck, unhappy and saw no end to it. But, today is the first day I actually feel ‘alive.’

I made a conscious decision to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start anew. I realized three things that pulled me out and, today, I started my day properly.

It begins with a change in perspective.

Realize that it will end

In the natural progression of life, standstills will happen. They will occur frequently and, perhaps, for extended periods of time. But realize this portion of your life is short-lived.

You will feel better, if you allow yourself to.

Life occurs in cycles. As sure as the seasons change from fall to winter, spring to summer, so will your ups and downs. At some point in your life, ruts will occur, but don’t wallow. Realize it and push through.

Use it to grow stronger

In my last article, I mentioned that every negative situation has a positive. Well, every bad stretch serves a purpose to your larger life.

This bad portion, for lack of better words, is bad. But treasure and notice the changes.

A stronger person is born out of ruts because you learn. You learn how to manage debilitative emotions, how to handle lack of progression, and how to pull yourself out.

Take this valuable knowledge and store it in your back pocket. When the next one occurs, you apply it and learn more, carrying little bits of knowledge throughout your entire life.

Actively search for solutions while you’re in this phase. Every rut has a silver lining. Explore it.

Have an end goal

I don’t know the exact reason for my rut. I woke up and felt different. This different feeling held on for the next three weeks. Maybe I let school or my relationships get to me.

Regardless of the reason, when I look forward, everything changes. In a few months, I’ll be done school and moving out. That is my end goal. This rut is a momentary.

Everything changes when I enter a new phase in my life and that excites me. It breathes new life into my lungs.

Have a goal solidified in your head. Keep the image strong and push toward it. Through your rut, hold it firm and be steadfast. Goals are important to give you that little extra nudge.

Ruts will occur. It keeps life different and interesting. If we didn’t have them, we would probably complain about a mundane life. If we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t be able to cope.

And, worst of all, we wouldn’t grow as a person. Growth is the central purpose in life. Through ruts, we become stronger, happier and more fulfilled.

We can learn a lot from them. So don’t toil and wallow. Stop, learn and progress.

Be bold, be free and love on.

HOW TO MASTER JEDI MIND CONTROL

Over the last couple of years I have become fascinated with the idea that everything in your life is a result of what goes on in your mind.

If there are two twins that are the exact same in every way, except that one is relentlessly positive and the other is endlessly negative, their lives would be completely different.

They could encounter the exact same scenarios and obstacles but they would perceive them in different ways. The positive person would see them as a chance to grow, and the negative person would see them as evidence that you can never succeed.

With this in mind I am convinced that learning to skew your mind towards the positive and the useful is the best way to completely transform your life.

Here are the three steps to learning to control your mind like a Jedi.

1) Observe your thoughts.

In order to start controlling the endless chatter in your mind you first have to get rid of the idea that you are your thoughts.

We tend to think that the chatter in our mind is who we are and that is it, but that is just a part of who you are. You are your whole body from top to bottom and your entire subconscious, not just your conscious thoughts.

Now what you need to do is to step back from your thoughts and observe them. Start keeping track of when you are thinking negatively. The next time you find yourself upset, step back for a second and think “Wow, I have a lot of negative thoughts right now.”

Doing this will help you catch yourself in these useless reflexive thought cycles. Nothing good comes from beating yourself up or feeling sorry for yourself so the more you start to catch yourself, the quicker you can implement my next step.

2) Cancel your negative thoughts.

Now that you are starting to keep an eye on what you are thinking instead of just letting the chatter go on, you can start to pull yourself out of these habitual thought patterns.

Your brain doesn’t like using a lot of energy, so if you are a person who naturally reacts negatively, your mind will jump to that first because it is easy. Doing something outside of the norm requires conscious effort, something your brain would rather avoid.
Yeah, thanks evolution, we really appreciate that…

My favourite way to pull myself out of my bad habitual thought cycles is to use an “interrupt mantra.”

An interrupt mantra is something that you start repeating over and over once you realize that you are in one of these cycles. It will replace your useless thoughts with the exact opposite and more useful thoughts.

If you are someone who has problems with procrastination, once you realize that you are thinking “Man, I hate doing this work, I just want to relax and watch some Netflix” you have to switch to your interrupt mantra. It could be something like “I am energized and ready to take on anything. I’ll conquer this project with ease and energy to spare.”

Repeat that as many times in a row as you have to and after a while of canceling your negative thoughts, your mind will start to reflexively jump to the positive and more useful thoughts.

It only makes sense that your procrastination will naturally shrink when your reflexive thoughts are that of being energized and ready to conquer the obstacles ahead of you.

Interrupt mantras can work for any negative thoughts. If you have negative thoughts about your confidence interrupt them with “I am an amazing and confident person. I am going to start giving myself the credit I deserve.”

If you have problems with willpower interrupt those thoughts by saying “I have tons of willpower to spare. I am a strong person who can beat any temptation with ease.”

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed whether it be ten, twenty, or thirty times in a row.

3) Meditation.

This step isn’t required, but it will make the whole process ten times easier. When I started meditating I didn’t realize just how impactful it would be. I also didn’t realize how many of my favourite celebrities and great thinkers meditated.

Everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to Katy Perry, to Oprah Winfrey and more credit meditation as a key part of their success and ability to stay balanced.

We could discuss meditation for hours, the spiritual aspects, the physical effects it has on the brain over time or even just the calming effect it can create instantly. But for now there is one plus side to meditation that I want to share with you.

It allows you to step back from your thoughts.

With the type of meditation I do the point is to focus on your breath so intensely that your thoughts cease. Now, during meditation you are sure to have thoughts pop into your head. In this case you just allow them to surface without analyzing them, and then get back to focusing on your breathing. If you get an itch on your leg, you feel it, but then immediately bring your attention back to your breath.

This will train you to be able to have a thought or emotion surface without allowing it to pull you into its rabbit hole. This way when something happens in your daily life that aggravates you, instead of stewing over it for hours and ruining your whole day you can step back and say “is this really a useful thing to focus on? Do these thought patterns improve my life in any way shape or form, or do they just serve to steal energy and happiness from me?”

Armed with this ability to step back and question these reflexive thoughts, you can truly start to control your mind and use it for your own self improvement.

A quote that has been repeated by many of the great minds of the world, and is very close to my heart is: “The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

This quote perfectly explains the two different relationships you can have with your mind.

Either you control it, or it controls you. The decision is yours.

With love
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys

Reduce Your Negativity in 4 Ways

Back in March, I started this site as a producer of positivity and hope for the masses. That goal is still incredibly strong inside me. I feel the burning urge to help people.

I feel compelled to help people through my stories and experiences. Everyday, I wake up and check my statistics for the site. I am delighted that people are reading and commenting and enjoying this site. Thank you, by the way.

I am more than content to help people, in whatever small way possible. That being said, I aim to be a ray of positivity in peoples’ lives.

There is so much negativity in the world. It seems as if people are drawn to it. The more they hear about it, the more they want to participate in it.

People surround themselves with negativity through their everyday lives. And for those who do not surround themselves with it, negativity seems to seek them out.

A) FAMILY and FRIENDS

I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have many positive and loving people in my life. These people have molded the man you are reading about today.

But, these people weren’t always there. I had to go through an intense sifting process to filter out the toxic people in life.

I suggest doing the same. Pessimistic people continue to suck the soul from your body. They want to complain, gossip, hate, negative-ate (a patented Leroy word) all their feelings on you.

You don’t need all that in your life. Cut them.

B) TELEVISION 

I BARELY watch television these days. This is partially due to the lack of time, but also because there isn’t anything to watch.

There are so few good (by ‘good,’ I mean positive) shows out there. The majority of them are crime dramas and news.

When I was growing up, there were shows like Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Wholesome television shows with positive messages about family, love, and friendship. Now the biggest shows are about jealousy, backstabbing and meth.

When did we turn towards the dark-side? While these shows are ‘entertaining,’ negative messages are propagated. Through cinematography we consume so much negativity and hate.

C) THE NEWS

This is somewhat similar to television, except for the fact that the news is literally EVERYWHERE. It’s hard to escape it. I never ever watch or read the news.

This is not due to ignorance. Under qualified, stupid reporters that spread negativity reports the news. There is never anything positive on the news. No heroic stories? No Jimmy opening up a lemonade stand? No nothing.

“But how will you fit in?”

A new friend told me in high society, people would look down on you if you don’t know current events. While that may be true, I don’t really care.

My main question is “why?” To fit into some negativity small-talk box? To surround myself with all the negative people, I’ve spent the majority of life avoiding?

Personally, I find it a waste of time.

D) SOCIAL MEDIA

Cyber-bullying is all the rage these days. It is a huge problem. Back in my day (am I really that old?), kids just called me fat and pushed me around. It hurt, a lot. But I got over it.

There is a key difference between my childhood bullying and modern bullying. My bullying was unavoidable. I had to go to school everyday. Social media isn’t necessary. Delete it, you don’t need it.

Similarly, negativity is found in literally all over the Internet. YouTube trolls, Facebook arguments, and Twitter ‘beefs.’ Do not subscribe to these forms of avoidable negativity.

Use these ‘tools’ but do not get consumed by them.

SOLUTION?

Use the word ‘No’ more often. There is great power in that word. Take control of your life. Opt for ‘No’ to anything and anyone you do not want in your life.

Say ‘no’ to mindless meetings, negative people, social media ‘beefs,’ anger, and regret. Mindless television and news. Say no to all the negativity in your life. The moment you do so, you’ll notice an incredible change.

Life will be simpler, almost serene.

“When you have a tiny piece of shit in the soup, it doesn’t matter how much more water you pour in and how many more spices you put on top. There’s shit in the soup.” – James Altucher

Say ‘no’ when people try to place a little piece of shit in your soup.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

How to: Learn ANYTHING.

I’ve talked about learning Spanish before. I go through many phases in my learning where I am gung-ho about something for a period of time and I fall short of completing.

I cannot make excuses for my hindrance in the learning process. I didn’t put my full energy towards something.

Once again, over the past few days I’ve undertaken Spanish. I feel like a completely different person this time around. I’ve realized that in order to learn something you need the interest AND you need focused unadulterated attention.

A) Pick something that interests you

And run with it. If you want to learn something, first and foremost, the love and passion has to exist. If you do not thoroughly enjoy what you’re learning, you will either fall off or forget everything after a momentary lapse.

For me Spanish has always been a goal but I also really do enjoy Spanish as a language. As an adage, moving to Spain is a possible outcome in my life and being prepared is integral.

B) Pure Dedicated Unadulterated Time

Learning a skill requires a set amount of time every single day. It seems like a large commitment, but if you want to learn something, you need to put in the time.

Not only is the mere time required, but also the need for unadulterated time. All your attention must be focused on the learning process, free of distractions, noise and external thoughts.

Half an hour a day is all you really need to pick up something. Any more would not be efficient on your learning process. Consuming large amounts of information for long periods of time each day will burn out your precious willpower.

Feeling exhausted, your daily consistency will suffer because you attribute exhausted feelings with learning.

I have recently started to adopt to-do lists in my daily life. Personally, I find it incredibly satisfying crossing something off my list. Spanish is one of those tasks on my list. Each day I dedicate 30-45 minutes of time to learning Spanish. I find that I retain about 85% of the language and it keeps me coming back for more each day.

C) Consistency 

“Long-term consistency trumps short term intensity” – Bruce Lee

Bruce Lee hit the nail on its head. Your brain learns through long-term consistency rather than sporadic bursts of intensity. In that regard, keeping a regular schedule each day assists your brain in the learning process.

Also, previously mentioned, willpower plays an integral role in learning. Long-term consistency allows you to expend the perfect amount of willpower on learning without being completely drained and exhausted.

D) Be like a Child 

I think a life of learning is like existing on a balance beam. As a child, there is no fear, no sense for the danger of falling. The beam exists as a wide and stable surface, which allows for creative leaps and fast learning. If you happen to fall off, you simply get back up.

As you get older, you are more aware of the risks of injury. You play it safe, making very safe moves. The beam is narrow and the mere thought of plunging is embarrassing and paralyzing.

Learning as a child is simplistic. Nothing really matters but the love of learning. A new skill to a child is not seen as a daunting task – rather an exciting learning experience.

Capture that feeling as an adult and learn through enjoyment. Learn without the fear of embarrassment, ridicule and judgment. Leap off of the balance beam knowing that there is a soft cushion below you.

E) Failure

When you think about learning, do not fear anything. You are supposed to fail. In my opinion, it is incredibly important in the learning process. It keeps you grounded and prepares you for the worst.

Failure should be seen as an unavoidable – but satisfying – factor. If you fail, you know that you are doing something right. Learning is a hard process and failure is there to keep you on the right track.

Embrace failure with the thought that you are doing something right. Use it as a stepping-stone to the next juncture of the learning process.

Spanish has always been a goal for me. Embarking on this journey has been incredibly gratifying. I allow myself to learn every single day and I reap the benefits. Learning is important to your personal growth. Go forth and learn something new. It will change your life.

Be bold, be free, and love on.