Our Fears Are A Double-Edged Sword

I once watched a woman on Maury who was terrified of cotton balls. She would dream of a giant cotton ball man murdering her most nights.

She was so terrified that she hardly left the house. She succumbed to the fear and it consumed her entire life.

We all have fears. Some of us are terrified of spiders or heights and some fears are more rational than others.

My main fear is failure. I’m afraid of disappointing others, failing to accomplish my dreams and goals, and failing myself.

Failure will inevitably destroy us if we allow it. It has the power to paralyze our bodies and leave us broken and sedentary.

It makes us tremble, keeps us from leaping into new experiences and challenges. It debilitates our growth process and hinders our ability to learn.

These are my fears, and maybe if you experience the same ones, we can learn from them together.

A) Failure as a fellow human

Sometimes I am afraid that I am not enough for others. Sometimes I feel like I should do more, say more, and be more.

The thought of letting the people I love down feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to be more present, more appreciative and more loving.

Let us all aim to be stronger individuals towards others – friends, partners and strangers alike – and aim to impact each and every individual we encounter in a wholly positive manner.

B) Failure to pursue my passion

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never reach my goals. While these moments are seldom, they come rushing and almost overcome my entire being.

The thought of not reaching my potential feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to work harder, smarter and use my time wisely. We should never compromise our passion and life to pursue work that does not truly make us happy.

Let us all aim to pursue our passions, so our work-life and passions become intertwined into one sole entity.

Our energy and life is limited. Why should we spend one single moment not being completely content in our work life?

C) Failure as myself

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never be truly enough for myself. Sometimes insecurities resurface and it can be hard to wrap my head around it.

The thought of succumbing to my insecurities feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to battle the insecurities head on. Work through them one by one and leave them broken and battered on the floor.

Let us all cast away our insecurities in the successful attempt to grow into the strongest version of ourselves. Everyone has insecurities that resurface from time-to-time, but let us never allow time to wallow in them.

Fear as a Stepping-Stone

As debilitating as fear can be, it is completely necessary for us to grow and progress. Fear is an astounding motivator. It is our worst enemy, but it can also be our best friend.

When my fears of failure resurface, there are only two options: succumb and wallow or fight and grow.

The latter is more appealing than the former. Without our fears, we would never truly understand where our weak points lie and what we must do in order to grow. 

Even though the worst thing I can think of in life is failing others and myself, I am very grateful for all my fears. Without my fears, I would never truly understand the importance of presence, hard work, appreciativeness, passion and love.

However, while putting all this out in the universe, I wonder if there are others that fear the same things.

Or, maybe, all my fears are just as irrational as a giant cotton ball man murdering me.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Shia LaBeouf Says “Stop Giving Up!”

We love motivational videos with a passion. They are a guilty pleasure.

That is why we were ecstatic when we saw that Shia Labeouf had put out a motivational video.

It is to the point and we love it. One of the lines is a classic.

“If you are tired of starting over, stop giving up.”

So, we’re here to explore all the reasons that we might give up, and stop it from happening.

We Expect Results Too Fast

When we first start on a new venture we want everything to work out perfectly. In our mind’s eye we see the stars aligning and all of our dreams coming true overnight, but it never works that way.

The thing is, anything that comes fast, will go just as quickly. Even then, it isn’t what we are getting that is important, it is who we are becoming. And becoming something takes time.

If you aren’t where you want to be yet, it’s because you don’t deserve to be there yet. You haven’t put in the time, the effort, the persistence, or the blood, sweat and tears required. When you deserve the thing you are after, you’ll get it.

So don’t give up.

We Fear The Future

We are terrible predictors of the future.

Think of all the doomsday scenarios that have played out in your head throughout the past. How many of them ended in your life being ruined forever? Probably a lot of them. But right now look around, has your life actually been ruined forever, even once? Probably not.

If you are reading this right now that means that you have internet and probably food and shelter, so it’s safe to say that your doomsday scenarios never came true.

We Dwell On Mistakes

A mistake won’t become a regret unless we fail to learn from it.

That is what mistakes are for. We need to make mistakes so that we can learn and become better. Another word for a collection of mistakes is experience.

We Overwork Ourselves

The religion of hustle and bustle tells us that we have to work 24/7/365 if we want anything in life, but if we don’t have balance we will eventually give up. 

Always remember that there is no finish line. If we want to get in shape and we do all these crazy diets—never eating anything we enjoy and put ourselves through hell—what will happen once we reach our goal?

We will go off the crazy diets, lose all our progress and start again. There is no finish line, once we reach a goal it isn’t “happy ever after,” we have to maintain it. If we reach our goals through means that are not sustainable then we won’t be able to keep what we get.

We Fear Change

If I told you that in fifteen years, you, and your life, would be exactly the same as it is right now how would you feel? Probably pretty crappy. That sounds a little like a nightmare right?

So if that is the case then why are we so afraid of change!?

The fear of change is an immediate fear that we have to confront to conquer, but the fear of staying the same is gradual. The only difference is, when we realize that we are afraid of changing, we can do something about it. But by the time we realize that we’ve stayed the same, we can’t go back.

We Never Visualize What Is Possible

We don’t believe in ourselves, and the reason we don’t believe in ourselves is that we never visualize ourselves conquering our goals.

People say daydreaming is useless but all of the world’s greatest people daydreamed about greatness before they ever made it there. They imagined exactly how it would feel. They saw themselves accomplishing great feats and changing the world.

If we never visualize and put ourselves in that category, that caliber, then we will never believe in ourselves enough to make it. We will doubt ourselves and eventually give up.

Visualize yourself in your greatest state. Visualize the possibilities and don’t worry about the process. Most of the time you figure out the process as you go, but you have to believe that you can reach your goals if you are ever going to start.

So those are the most common reasons why people quit, and why we should never listen to them. Don’t let these fears and anxieties take over your life. If you quit before giving it your best shot, you’ll always regret it.

FINDING YOUR PURPOSE

My last post was called “LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF”

It was about a big change in my life that I have made in order to follow my dreams.

In this post I received a question from “TheFourthIdiot” owner of the blog http://inspiringinfinity.wordpress.com/

His question was essentially this:
How do yo proceed down your path if you are not even sure if it is the right path? How do you develop the unshakable faith required to take great leaps towards this dream in the face of risk?

First, I will speak about my general perspective on finding life’s purpose and then I will give practical tips to help you find out what your purpose is, or build confidence in the purpose you already feel.

I have always struggled with the idea of a single purpose or dream.

I wrote an article about this some time ago when I was contemplating the future in a panic, wondering if I’ll ever figure out what I want to do with my life.

I had tried so many things and failed spectacularly at every single one of them. I had gone deep into different paths and realized that none of these things were right for me.

But what I didn’t realize back then was that each path had led me to the next. Not only that, each path gave me new tools to carve my way through the next.

Learning drums taught me the universal truths to learning anything. Being in a band taught me how to get people to work together towards a goal. Doing sales taught me the ability to articulate myself more efficiently and convincingly.

Alas, none of these paths were right for me. I’m writing this blog and doing these videos right now and I still can’t be sure if this is my life’s mission.

But now I have confidence that moving forward down this path will give me new tools and lead me where I need to go.

Your dream will change as you grow.

This is inevitable. You aren’t meant to just do one thing with your life.

But you are meant to pursue things in your life that are meaningful to you. If you aren’t going after any dream then you won’t be lead to the next one.

My main point here is that you should never fear whether your path is right or wrong.

You will never have to retrace your steps on this path and start over.

If it isn’t meant to be, a new path with appear somewhere down the road when you are a new person with new tools and different perspectives.

But you have to start somewhere.

So here are my practical tips for figuring out what you should be doing right now.

Some questions with some important answers.

Answer this list of questions over the period of a week. Keep them in the back of your mind and write down anything you come up with throughout this time.

What are you hobbies/passions?

I don’t just mean flying kites and collecting stamps. Write down anything you do that you don’t get paid for and enjoy nonetheless.

Blogging, video games, gardening, meditation, yoga, fitness, dieting, helping people, building, drawing, photography, knitting and a world of others can fall into this category.

What are your talents/skills.

What have you learned throughout your life that you are good at?

Can you play an instrument? Are you good with your hands? Are you good with words? Do you have a knack for organization? What have you shown an aptitude for in your current and previous jobs?

Write down all of your talents because more than likely some of these things will be incorporated in your path.

When have you been happiest?

Think back to your past jobs, experiences and hobbies to further define what makes you happiest. These things will be clues to what the overarching theme of your life should be.

What do you want to be remembered for?

This is a question that gave me a lot of insight into what I wanted to do with my life.

After much thought I realized that I wanted to be remember for helping people. I didn’t know how I would help people or who I would be helping, but I knew that I wanted to make people’s lives better.

How do you want to be remembered? As a millionaire business guru? As a creator of beautiful works of art? Or as someone who raised a beautiful family that will go on to improve the world?

Combining these answers with the next exercise will get you that much closer to knowing what you should be working towards.

Invigorate or debilitate?

Write down everything you do for a week, even the boring tasks.

Breakfast, showering, playing video games, projects, work, social life, everything.

Once you have done this I want you to create two columns on a “T Chart”. One for things that invigorate you, giving you energy/happiness, and one for things that debilitate or drain you.

Split everything you have done that week into these two columns.

You will often find that the path you should be working towards involves things you are already doing. Look through the list of invigorating things, combine it with your list of passions and your list of skills.

Lay it all out in front of you and look at it every day. Let these things cultivate in your mind.

Now that you know what you enjoy, what you are good at, the things that invigorate you in your life, the times you were happiest and the way you want to be remembered, I am confident that your next path will appear from the fog.

No one can tell you what your path is.

And you can’t even be sure that you will stay on the same path for the rest of your life.

But follow the path that lies before you now, one that leads you to a dream, and you will gain new tools and perspectives that will open new paths in the future.
That is what will give you the confidence to move forward.

You never have to worry about failing. I’ve failed a million times, but moving forward towards a dream has always lead me in the right direction.

But being afraid to follow a dream, that will only lead to nightmares.

With love,
Steven Farquharson, 2HG.