The Judge and Jury

I find that I am constantly at arms with myself. I argue and bicker with myself. I reminisce terrible memories. I think about my future and past. I explore all the possible outcomes, good and bad.

I have talked about the two voices in your body before. The brain and heart voice control everything in your body. These two forces centrally control your thoughts and emotions and your actions and reactions.

The brain voice takes over. The brain voice is the judge and the jury. In the grand scheme of everything, your biggest critic is yourself. The rest of the world continues to live their lives, while you wallow in self-turmoil.

You stop yourself from attaining, achieving and progressing. I don’t want to point fingers directly at you. I am equally guilty of this.

Making the List

Setting goals are important. It gives you something to strive towards. It produces an image of an endgame or a stepping-stone towards a possible endgame.

Often, we are afraid of our goals. We set them and see them as daunting. They are daunting. They are scary. But they’re supposed to be scary. The fear is good for your body. Your body (heart voice) is telling you that this NEEDS to be done.

I hate to say it: No one cares about you

Facing the facts, people in general are self-absorbed. No one is looking and no one cares what you do. This goes for the majority of people, obviously. I would hope your friends and family would care if you suddenly started using heroine.

However, aside from your family and close friends, people do not care if you achieve your goals. You can either choose to achieve them or not. But in the end, the only person you are failing is yourself.

It sucks when someone else disappoints you. But that is short-lived. When you fail yourself that is something your brain voice takes control of and replays it endlessly. Do not allow your brain to have that control over you.

the_watcher_and_deadpool_by_skottieyoung-d330e5qNo one is watching

I am guilty of thinking that all eyes are on me. I feel the blank judgmental stares of everyone when I am doing something daunting. It is one of the reasons I feel so out of place talking to girls. I feel like everyone is watching me and waiting for me to screw up.

The same feelings resurfaced when I first started working out. I felt people stare and whisper under their breath, “Who is this fat kid? What is he trying to do? He looks so stupid right now.”

 

But I realized quickly that no one is watching. The majority of people are self-absorbed and cannot see three meters ahead of themselves. Those judgmental stares were all manifested by my brain voice.

No one is watching me, as I stutter when I talk to girls. In fact if they are watching, they are probably wondering, how I managed to muster the testicular fortitude to approach someone.

You have to ignore all the voices and stares, believe in yourself and take a leap of faith. In the grand scheme of things, when you are lying on your deathbed, the last thing you will be thinking about is “I’m glad I played it safe and avoided judgment.”

Leap of the Edge

My fears have controlled me for far too long. I let them take over and consume me. Change me into something I do not want to be. I am fearful of failure and judgments, fearful of girls and fearful of the future, to name a few.

Overcoming fear is a hard task. I am scared because I want to be scared. Thinking of all the past moments, my body trembles and my brain delves into multiple terrible scenarios.

Leap. Don’t think about it too much.

Just do it. Jump. Jump of the cliff. I’ve always loved the way cartoon characters run right off cliffs, then look down for a hapless frozen moment before plummeting into the abyss.

That is the boldness I need. That is the strength I need. Slowly, I will build it. Slowly, I will continue to improve.

leap-of-faith

A) Fearful of Failure and Judgments

I have a gut-wrenching fear of starting something just to have it crash and burn. Everyone will watch it happen. Everyone will watch me crash like the countless people who tried to fly before the Wright Brothers.

Leap. Don’t think about it too much.

I started a YouTube channel (2HelpfulGuys). I am a terrible actor, but I tried it. I leaped into the abyss. It was terrifying, but fun. I felt a thrill, a thrill I have never felt before.

I got compliments, instead of judgments. It was endearing. I also got two ‘Thumbs Down’ on the video. It hurt for a second, but those people do not matter. There will always be naysayers in your life. There will always be people that will try to push you down, keep you at their level. Ignore them they do not matter.

B) Fearful of Girls

Recently, I feel like I have written about girls a lot. There is a reason, I will elaborate later. But, I feel like I will never understand girls. Yet, I love them. They keep on my toes, push me to limits and challenge me.

Leap. Don’t think about it too much.

Recently, one girl in particular made me leap. I jumped off that cliff, burst my protective bubble and showed her a glimpse of what ‘Leroy’ is.

I crashed and burned. But, that is okay. I did it. I leaped. I opened myself up. I shared. I explored. I laughed. I smiled. I learned.

I learned something incredibly valuable. Sometimes, you need to crash and burn. You need to make mistakes. The leap was more satisfying than I could have ever dreamt off. It shadowed the minor failure. It is okay to crash and burn.

I feel like there are ill feelings between the two of us. I hope I am wrong.

C) Fearful of the Future

I have so many goals for myself. Sometimes, I think they are unrealistic, but that is not the right attitude. I can achieve anything that I want. I know I can. You can achieve anything you want. It’s important to believe that.

A wise friend explained to me that there are three different types of people in California:

1) The person that goes and falls flat and fails,

2) The person that goes and barely scrapes by, and

3) The person that goes and makes it big

Why am I mentioning this? Well, my best friend and I are planning on moving to California as early as January 2016. I do not want to fall in the first two categories. I am deathly afraid of the future.

Leap. Don’t think about it too much.

Still, I must go. I must prove something to myself. This will be the biggest leap I will have to make. This will be a life-changing leap. You cannot be afraid of the future. Being afraid will continue to hinder your abilities and aspirations.

Leaps of faith are necessary to learn, grow and change. They are needed to progress and evolve.

For me, even publically stating my fears is a leap of faith. Do it now. I did it. You have to. List your fears. But remember,

Leap. Don’t think about it too much.