Our Fears Are A Double-Edged Sword

I once watched a woman on Maury who was terrified of cotton balls. She would dream of a giant cotton ball man murdering her most nights.

She was so terrified that she hardly left the house. She succumbed to the fear and it consumed her entire life.

We all have fears. Some of us are terrified of spiders or heights and some fears are more rational than others.

My main fear is failure. I’m afraid of disappointing others, failing to accomplish my dreams and goals, and failing myself.

Failure will inevitably destroy us if we allow it. It has the power to paralyze our bodies and leave us broken and sedentary.

It makes us tremble, keeps us from leaping into new experiences and challenges. It debilitates our growth process and hinders our ability to learn.

These are my fears, and maybe if you experience the same ones, we can learn from them together.

A) Failure as a fellow human

Sometimes I am afraid that I am not enough for others. Sometimes I feel like I should do more, say more, and be more.

The thought of letting the people I love down feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to be more present, more appreciative and more loving.

Let us all aim to be stronger individuals towards others – friends, partners and strangers alike – and aim to impact each and every individual we encounter in a wholly positive manner.

B) Failure to pursue my passion

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never reach my goals. While these moments are seldom, they come rushing and almost overcome my entire being.

The thought of not reaching my potential feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to work harder, smarter and use my time wisely. We should never compromise our passion and life to pursue work that does not truly make us happy.

Let us all aim to pursue our passions, so our work-life and passions become intertwined into one sole entity.

Our energy and life is limited. Why should we spend one single moment not being completely content in our work life?

C) Failure as myself

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never be truly enough for myself. Sometimes insecurities resurface and it can be hard to wrap my head around it.

The thought of succumbing to my insecurities feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to battle the insecurities head on. Work through them one by one and leave them broken and battered on the floor.

Let us all cast away our insecurities in the successful attempt to grow into the strongest version of ourselves. Everyone has insecurities that resurface from time-to-time, but let us never allow time to wallow in them.

Fear as a Stepping-Stone

As debilitating as fear can be, it is completely necessary for us to grow and progress. Fear is an astounding motivator. It is our worst enemy, but it can also be our best friend.

When my fears of failure resurface, there are only two options: succumb and wallow or fight and grow.

The latter is more appealing than the former. Without our fears, we would never truly understand where our weak points lie and what we must do in order to grow. 

Even though the worst thing I can think of in life is failing others and myself, I am very grateful for all my fears. Without my fears, I would never truly understand the importance of presence, hard work, appreciativeness, passion and love.

However, while putting all this out in the universe, I wonder if there are others that fear the same things.

Or, maybe, all my fears are just as irrational as a giant cotton ball man murdering me.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

One Simple Tip to A Better Life

The girl I was with recently said, ‘How are you so confident?’

The truth is, I don’t know. The majority of my life was spent an unconfident mess. There is something wrong with being unconfident.

In my last article, I referred to being confident as absolutely essential to getting a job. In general, I believe that confidence is essential to leading a fulfilled life.

Confidence allows you to decide what you want and when you want it. It allows you to grow as person.

So few people are confident. People are scared or worried of everything. I was scared of failing, scared of embarrassment, and scared of rejection.

But, it was my job to overcome it.

I tried to retrace my journey towards confidence. Here’s what I came up with:

A) Friends

When I was a teenager, my mom wanted to inspect my friends. She made sure that I didn’t associate with ‘bad people.’ At that time it meant, ‘the thugs that drank on park benches.’

She realized that friends DIRECTLY impacted a person. Whether they are positive or negative influences, they eventually rub off on you.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

If you want to be confident, it starts with your inner circle. I was fortunate enough to stumble into my circle. It consists of extremely confident and positive people. They have had profound effects on my personality.

I urge you to shed the toxic, negative relationships in your life and pursue ones that will impact you positively.

B) Absorb Knowledge

PURSUE IT. I know it sounds simple, but most don’t do it. Learn everything you possibly can. Start by reading or watching ‘how-to’ videos or interviewing people.

Out of competency comes confidence. The more knowledge you possess, the more confident you will be. One of my earlier passions was politics.

I studied everything about government, economics, business, and war. I learned that everything the news was reporting was a complete nonsense. When political debates came up, I was confident in my knowledge.

I explained myself and stood for something. My ideas came from an area of confidence, which were backed by knowledge.

C) Reassure Yourself 

“I, Leroy Milton, will be confident today.”

That is one my affirmations that I recite every morning and night. It reminds me everyday that I have to be confident. This affirmation is like a goal for me.

I have to hit it everyday. I have to make sure that my confidence is tested everyday.

Even my mantra, “Be Bold, Be Free, and Love On,” is a reminder to myself. Being bold is the FIRST STEP, because only then will I be free to love.

D) Jump In

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

I wasn’t ‘taught’ how to swim. I got pushed into the deep-end at the tender age of nine. It was a type of Darwinian trial, but I’m still here and I can swim.

Plus, my dad wasn’t going to let me drown. I’ve realized that most of your ‘worst-case scenarios’ only exist in your head.

A girl slapping me in the face when I ask her out is far-fetched. The girl won’t publicly yell at me when I try to talk to her.

Sometimes, you just have to leap in feet first. Trial and error is the most effective way of learning. You can figure out what works and what doesn’t based on your personality.

There it is. I think that’s all of it. I’m sure there were more factors in my fabled journey to confidence, but nothing as significant as these.

Even though these scenarios only exist in my head, I’m still scared of failing, embarrassment and rejection. But in the end, it doesn’t matter.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

How To Get ANY Job…Unconventionally.

Last Wednesday I accidentally got a job. I was going into this chocolate store and before I knew it, they were interviewing me. I wasn’t even slightly prepared.

I haven’t job ‘hunted’ in a while, but recently some of friends were complaining that no one was hiring.

Yet, they REALLY wanted me. They were trying to sell me the job! The whole thing was surreal. How did I do it? Not sure, but here’s what I came up with:

A) Confidence 

I feel like it all starts here. This is the determining factor for almost everything in life. You need to be confident when approaching your future employer. When I approached them, I remember saying, ‘I will be the best employee you’ve ever hired.’

People respond to confidence. So few people are confident, that when it’s demonstrated, it comes off as a shock.

A few tips to confidence: look at them in the eyes as you sell yourself. Acknowledge what they said and respond concisely. Use open body language (Google it).

Active conversation comes with confidence. When you are confident, you are attentive and sharp.

B) You are human and guess what… 

So are they. We are all the same mouth-breathing, pooping disgusting people with pretty little masks on.

Treat them as such. Do not place them above yourself. You may think that because you are asking for a job and they get to decide, that puts them above you.

Well, it doesn’t.

Before you approach them, remember that they’re just like you. Treat them as such. Treat them like you’re trying to befriend someone for the first time. Aim for that balance between playfulness and seriousness.

C) Be Yourself 

Even complete strangers can pick up on your façades. Your masks will only hurt you when you approach. Being your genuine self allows people to see your true personality.

And, if by some divine luck, you managed to snake past the interview wearing your mask; your co-workers will eventually see who you really are. Save yourself the embarrassment and be genuine.

D) Make Them Laugh 

In the dating world, the top quality that women look for in a man is ‘funny.’ Not rich, happy, or successful but funny. There has to be some validity to that.

The manager that you’re talking to also loves to laugh! So make him/her laugh. Swear if you must. What I said was, ‘excuse my language, but shitty customers are just that, shitty.’ They laughed.

Swear only if you absolutely have to, but use the ‘excuse my language’ precursor. It seemed to work for me.

Laughter is the way to anyone’s heart. It’s proven. Look at all those dating sites.

E) Show Value 

The best question that is asked in all interviews is, ‘what can you bring to the table?’ I love this question because I can say literally say anything to win them over.

In this particular case, I said, ‘my knowledge.’

“Everyone you will ever meet, knows something you don’t” – Bill Nye

That reminds me that I know a lot of things that the employer doesn’t know. I can use my own knowledge to sell that. I used my knowledge of psychology to teach them something.

You know a lot of things that your future employer doesn’t know either. Use it. Teach them something. They will listen and they will love you.

F) Rules of the Game 

I don’t think there are any rules to this game. Too many people subscribe to the rules and let opportunities pass them by. We’re told to say certain things and act a certain way.

‘Sticky’ questions like ‘what do you pay’ and ‘what can you, as the employer, offer me’ are off the table for most. For me, they aren’t. When you ask the employer, what they have to offer YOU, it’s like their trying to sell you the job.

The roles are reversed. You’re really interviewing them, but they don’t know that.

I think rules are meant to be broken. These tips are all unconventional and this article has gone on too long. As a later point, I will make a part II. For now, go forth and get any YOU desire…unconventionally.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

 

The Dark Cave

I wouldn’t consider my job the greatest in the world, but it’s decent. I have lots of free time and I’m able to pretty much govern myself.

I’m a operations coordinator. I oversee peoples’ parties, make sure things go smoothly and clean up. Pretty much, I’m a glorified janitor.

Hmm, doesn’t sound as glamorous as ‘operations coordinator.’

People book party rooms for all sorts of happy events: Birthdays, weddings, baby showers and retirements (are retirements happy?). These are all pinnacle moments in peoples’ lives.

Ideally, the hosts should be ecstatic to be celebrating with their family and friends.

Instead, I see the opposite. I see grumpy, anxious hosts enter, spewing a flurry of curse words like some sort of pirate.

But wait; isn’t this supposed to be a happy occasion?

It seems to me, the hosts forgot what they’re celebrating. They choose to be miserable because something wasn’t set up properly.

These little problems ruin their entire occasion. They are forever flustered about everything.

They’re trapped in this dark cave from which everyone eventually emerges.

I’m reminded of the last time I let little things bother me. It sucked. I was flustered and anxious. It was pitch black in my cave. I didn’t know how to deal with everything.

Little problems are just that…

Little. When you make small things into big things, you forget about the important things. You forget to enjoy the present moment. You stop looking for laughter and enjoyment and focus on that insignificant issue of a table being set up wrong.

They Ruin You

Like an apple left out to oxidize, you slowly start to turn. You steer your attention towards more insignificant problems. This process is gradual. All these little problems compile.

They add up, brown. Before you know it, like the gradual process of the apple, you’re spoiled, core out.

Choose Freedom

When in doubt, shrug it off. Don’t let these little problems affect you. When you let it get to you, your life gets affected.

You won’t be able to think and act properly. You start giving in to your vices. You may chomp on your nails. You may smoke or drink. You may want to punch a wall or hurt yourself, or worse, someone else.

These things will weigh on you, like you’re carrying a hundred-pound sandbag. If you let it affect you, you’ll be forever weighted and hindered.

To Learn or Not to Learn 

I like to think of these problems as miniature hurdles, each trying to teach you a little something as you jump them. These problems are a test for you to overcome, to help you progress, to make you stronger.

If you don’t learn from your problems, you’re bound to repeat it. There will only be darkness.

Here lies the pinnacle choice. Do you squander your time complaining and getting angry or do you utilize this moment and seek a way to make your life better.

Every single situation has a good and a bad. What do you choose to focus on? Who will you be after you come through that dark cave?

Be bold, be free, and love on.