The Judge and Jury

I find that I am constantly at arms with myself. I argue and bicker with myself. I reminisce terrible memories. I think about my future and past. I explore all the possible outcomes, good and bad.

I have talked about the two voices in your body before. The brain and heart voice control everything in your body. These two forces centrally control your thoughts and emotions and your actions and reactions.

The brain voice takes over. The brain voice is the judge and the jury. In the grand scheme of everything, your biggest critic is yourself. The rest of the world continues to live their lives, while you wallow in self-turmoil.

You stop yourself from attaining, achieving and progressing. I don’t want to point fingers directly at you. I am equally guilty of this.

Making the List

Setting goals are important. It gives you something to strive towards. It produces an image of an endgame or a stepping-stone towards a possible endgame.

Often, we are afraid of our goals. We set them and see them as daunting. They are daunting. They are scary. But they’re supposed to be scary. The fear is good for your body. Your body (heart voice) is telling you that this NEEDS to be done.

I hate to say it: No one cares about you

Facing the facts, people in general are self-absorbed. No one is looking and no one cares what you do. This goes for the majority of people, obviously. I would hope your friends and family would care if you suddenly started using heroine.

However, aside from your family and close friends, people do not care if you achieve your goals. You can either choose to achieve them or not. But in the end, the only person you are failing is yourself.

It sucks when someone else disappoints you. But that is short-lived. When you fail yourself that is something your brain voice takes control of and replays it endlessly. Do not allow your brain to have that control over you.

the_watcher_and_deadpool_by_skottieyoung-d330e5qNo one is watching

I am guilty of thinking that all eyes are on me. I feel the blank judgmental stares of everyone when I am doing something daunting. It is one of the reasons I feel so out of place talking to girls. I feel like everyone is watching me and waiting for me to screw up.

The same feelings resurfaced when I first started working out. I felt people stare and whisper under their breath, “Who is this fat kid? What is he trying to do? He looks so stupid right now.”

 

But I realized quickly that no one is watching. The majority of people are self-absorbed and cannot see three meters ahead of themselves. Those judgmental stares were all manifested by my brain voice.

No one is watching me, as I stutter when I talk to girls. In fact if they are watching, they are probably wondering, how I managed to muster the testicular fortitude to approach someone.

You have to ignore all the voices and stares, believe in yourself and take a leap of faith. In the grand scheme of things, when you are lying on your deathbed, the last thing you will be thinking about is “I’m glad I played it safe and avoided judgment.”

The Two Voices of The Body

One lives in the heart and the other in the brain. The heart voice says, “Trust yourself and be bold,” while the brain voice says, “You can’t do it. You might as well just give up.”

I deal with self-doubt every single day of my life. It takes over my brain and body and before long; my thoughts began to wander to the ‘dark side.’ I start questioning my abilities, strengths, and aspirations.

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt” – Honore de Balzac

I enter into a state of disarray, constantly questioning myself. I’m riddled with rationalizations, instead of solutions, for the problems in my life.

I’ve been running this blog for nearly two months now and I feel relieved. I have lasted this long. But, without fail, before I hit publish, terrible feelings surface from my brain.

What if people don’t like me? What if people don’t like what I have done? What will they think?

These terrible thoughts circle my head. It pushes me to the point where I can barely function. But then, I hit publish and the other voice surfaces. I get a short-lived feeling of happiness, before the endless doubt surfaces.

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The voices wage endless wars amongst themselves. I feel like I have some control over them. I use these techniques to tame my brain voice.

A) Ground Yourself

Live in the present moment. Self-doubt arises from past experiences or future problems/hindrances. The past and the future simply do not matter now. Now is the only moment that matters.

The past is unchangeable and irreversible and the future never actually arrives. Instead, the future is comprised of a series of ‘nows.’ ‘Now’ is the only time that truly matters, as it inevitably and continually occurs.

At this present moment, I am not hungry or thirsty. I am relatively happy. My body is functioning optimally (or as optimally as I think). I am able to think clearly. These are the positives occurring right now. Staying present is key to being able to focus on the positives, right now.

B) Have a Kit-Kat

Or any chocolate bar. The choice of chocolate really does not matter. The only thing that matters is taking a break. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take some time away from the project.

Sometimes, writing one article takes several days because I just can’t handle the content. My brain voice tells me, “Your content sucks. Your examples suck. Why do you even bother writing?”

Shifting your focus away from what we are stuck on helps us take a new perspective when we come back to it.

C) Feign Confidence

The seeds of self-doubt are strongest in my life as it pertains to girls. Girls will eternally confuse me. The self-doubt is rooted in a lack of confidence.

I recently started talking to a girl (big news, I know). But the whole concept of texting, mixed signals and smileys furthers the self-doubt.

What impresses her? Does she like me? Will she like me?

Flying, X-ray vision, and super strength are all great powers. But I want what Mel Gibson got when he electrocuted himself in a hot tub. I feel like that would be the ultimate power.

Feigning confidence is my method to dealing with the endless doubt that women bestow on me. Screw listening to your brain voice and let the confidence arise from your heart voice.

Be wary when feigning confidence. Sometimes, it can be misconstrued as cocky. Be genuine, be bold, and be truthful. Everything will work out. That is what I tell myself everyday.

The brain voice is strong some days, but I feel like I can persevere. I feel like I can let my heart voice take control. The seeds of self-doubt are implanted in everyone equally. Some people just have better control over them.

Like flowers, a lack of attention will never allow them grow. Pay no attention to doubt, avoid negative thoughts, take a step back, and feign confidence. I promise those seeds will wither and die.

What helps you overcome doubt in your abilities?

cando