Four Pillars To A Fulfilling Life P.2

We believe that simplification is the key to living a fulfilling life. Sometimes we’re surrounded with too many distractions and people to think about our own lives.

But when you break it down, it is pretty straightforward. We believe that the key to a fulfilling life lies in four pillars: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Last week we covered the first two – physical and mental – so naturally this week, we’ll get to the last two – emotional and spiritual.

We’ve found that each of these ‘rules’ needs to be satisfied in order to keep our bodies and minds in complete working order.

We don’t believe that any one is more important than the other. Each pillar should be strived for equally. They are all important when chasing the fulfilling life.

Each pillar is a support beam holding up the building (your body and mind). Strong building blocks create a strong unshakeable fortress. When you are unshakeable, the world does not affect you and can live to your own volition.

Emotional

The emotional pillar solely consists of a single category – your relationships. Broken down into several subcategories – friends, intimate partners, co-workers and strangers – they can impact your mood, actions, and, in turn, your life.

Who you choose to surround yourself with directly affects the building blocks to your unshakeable fortress.

1) Friends

Your friends can make or break you. They can make you laugh uncontrollably or cry endlessly. Choose them wisely. Surround yourself with friends that have your best interests in mind. Friends that will help you in your time of need. Friends that can lift you up, when you’re down.

2) Intimate Partners

Your intimate partner can be the guiding light or the darkness in your life. Choose a partner that will challenge you and force you to grow. Someone that will tell you you’re wrong and pat you on the back when you’re right.

People stay in horrible relationships for a multitude of reasons – dependency, loneliness, and insecurity – but never realize that it’s toxic. Toxic relationships are a barrier to your end goal.

3) Co-Workers

You have direct power over the first two categories, but for co-workers, sometimes we’re stuck with negative, life-draining people. Co-workers that complain endlessly and demand our immediate attention for meaningless tasks and water-cooler gossip. Even so, you have some power.

Say you have work to and walk away or you can listen to them for a brief moment, but never give their negativity weight in your head. Let it enter your ears and immediately let the negativity vanish into the air.

4) Strangers

Strangers are the most insignificant group, but they also possess the most power. We seem to internalize their uninformed opinions of ourselves – body image, life choices or negativity – and allow it to affect our mood and actions.

Acknowledge these people as an insignificant group. Don’t give them the power over you. Take them with a grain of salt and shrug them away. Shrug away their negative opinions and little problems. They are there to pin you to their low level.

You are a compilation of the five closest people to yourself. If you surround yourself with toxic people, you eventually become toxic. Eventually, you’ll stop laughing, growing and appreciating as their negativity seeps into every orifice.

Spiritual

The spiritual pillar is completely open to interpretation. Whether you’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist or any other faith, simply have something.

You don’t even need to be religious. You can simply just sit in silence everyday and meditate or believe and appreciate life itself. Whatever your beliefs consist of, just give yourself some time every single day to silently reflect.

When we work out, we’re told to allow our muscles some rest to recover. What about our most precious asset? The organ that completely affects all that we feel, manifest and do.

Sit down and think about absolutely nothing. Spend some time each day and simply practice gratitude. Gratitude for life, love and friendships. For the simple pleasures – water, food, ability to breathe – the things we often take for granted.

Your brain needs the same rest that your body craves after a long workout. The effects are immediate and drastic. Suspend the amazing feeling and continue to strive towards it each day.

We have found that when we simultaneously improve all four of these pillars, everything in our lives seems to fall into place.

We all face difficult times and unexpected problems. When we work everyday to improve our four pillars, no matter how great the struggle, we seem to overcome it easily.

Today and everyday, aim for constant improvement.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free and love on.

1 Timeless Way To Improve All Your Relationships

Most people will give you the same answer to the following question:

“Do you treasure your relationships?”

I asked myself that question yesterday and the answer was an obvious ‘yes!’ It is just a common trait that we share as social beings.

But then I asked myself a follow-up question. And most people, myself included, cannot answer with the same authenticity and assertion.

“How do you treasure your relationships?”

This question is a lot harder to answer. I found myself stuck, racking my brain for answers.

When was the last time I told someone I treasured them? When was the last time I paid a loved one a simple heartfelt compliment? Unfortunately, I have failed at this task.

While most people do treasure their relationships, they often forget to show it. Here’s how to remedy this major problem.

1. Friendships

My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything that is in my power to help them. Even if it were out of my power, I’d still attempt to move the world.

Most people would identify with the similar sentiment.

But it has been too long since I’ve said or did something that conveys my feelings. Today, I picked up the phone and told two of my friends that I love them. I told two of them, that I’m there for them no matter what.

I told two of them that they can vent and I’ll listen, they can cry and I’ll have a free shoulder, and they can feel lonely and I’ll always be behind them like their shadows.

Today, meet-up, call, text, email, Facebook, MySpace, or any other cryptic interaction you use and tell your friends that you treasure them.

2. Your Significant Other

I started seeing an amazing girl over the last month and half.

I treasure her. Every single moment that I share with her is never a waste. Every single moment has a burst of bliss, energy and affection. When I’m around her, I feel like that cartoon wolf with the bulging eyes and heart.

When was the last time you expressed how you felt to your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? When was the last time you told them that you felt like the cartoon wolf when you cast your eyes on them?

Tell them and show them through your eyes and ears. They don’t want your money or fancy gifts. They just want you, through and through, fully.

Today, stare into their eyes and say something meaningful and heartfelt.

3. Family

Their love and affection is almost expected and that’s a terrible way to live because we take them for granted. I am guilty of this and extremely embarrassed.

I’ll be moving out of the nest and spreading my wings next Friday and as that day nears, I find myself getting bluer.

That expected love and affection from my family will not be an everyday occurrence and it seems that I have not treasured them as much as I should of.

I’ll miss just simply talking to them about nothing, resting my head on their shoulders, or receiving a warm hug.

Today, rest your head on your families shoulder, hug them, and tell them that you appreciate and love them for everything.

4. Strangers

The sad fact is that not everyone has friends, significant others, or families to treasure. If you lack one, depend on the other two. And if you lack the above three, you can treasure this category of people.

When you interact with a stranger for a brief moment – a cashier, a banker, a co-worker or even a telemarketer can quickly become someone to treasure. As awkward as it may feel in the moment, tell the stranger that you appreciate them.

Watch how they react to your heartfelt words. They will blossom and unfold in front of your eyes. They will begin to glow and radiate warmth towards you.

Telling or showing your loved ones that you care and treasure them will change and improve all your relationships. It produces profound affects on anyone you interact with.

Today, I hope you take a little bit of time out of your schedule and treasure your relationships. It is as simple as listening, asking, and cherishing, complimenting, being and loving.

As always, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Three Methods To Overcome An Emotional Rut

I’m in physical, spiritual, and emotional distress right now. I had an entire motivational article written for today, but I decided to postpone it.

My body physically aches, my mind drifts to the forgotten past and distant future, and I feel like I’m losing control of my emotions, functioning minimally, as I drift through each day, a hazy blur.

In phases like this, contrary to my better judgment, I tend to focus on what. Now more than ever, I need to reframe my mind towards where. One ‘w’ acknowledges, and the other, directs.

Don’t Ask, “What am I currently focusing on and thinking about?”

We give our brains free-reign over us. Through millions of years of evolution, thoughts are left to the unconscious mind, wantonly unguided. Pondering what, is just being aware of your current thoughts. Being in the present is important but is very different from choosing to direct your mind.

The brain prefers effortless unconscious processes, but it inevitably hinders your progress, pinning everything down. Free-reign over your thoughts destroys your energy.

Thanks evolution.

Instead I have to preemptively battle my thoughts. Asking what emphasizes now, but asking where focuses on the place I want to be. I’m not the pilot now, my brain is. Being in control requires conscious control.

Ask, “Where shall I focus my thoughts right now?”

This forces me to consciously be aware of my thoughts, feelings, and energy. This means being aware of such things and choosing to guide them rather than letting them unconsciously or automatically drive me.

Through conscious awareness I can slowly start to rehabilitate my emotional and spiritual system. I have to refocus my thoughts and actions towards this central goal.

Sleep like a sloth

Recently, I’ve been tremendously lacking in this area. Between work and work and her, sleep is a distant memory. I can feel the effects on my mind. Diminutive sleep pushes your brain into autopilot.

Sloths always seem to have that big goofy smile on their faces. I think it’s because they sleep at least ten hours a day. I have to start carving out time each day for sleep. I have to be as diligent as a sloth.

Appreciate Yourself

We have talked about being grateful for everything around us. Even when things seem bleak, there is always at least one thing to be grateful for. But, we never really focus on ourselves.

I ask myself two questions: “What is my favorite physical aspect about myself? What is my favorite emotional quality about myself?”

When you’re in distress, the only things you focus on are negative aspects. In these moments of turmoil, turn inwards. Discover what you love about yourself. These questions are unbelievably hard to answer. Force yourself to find something.

Tag Someone In

I realized this morning, that I haven’t seen my rocks, my support group, in a long time. Somewhere, between the hustle and bustle of work and life, I forgot to make time for them.

I saw them three times a week forever, but this last little stretch was barren. Today, I saw Steven for the first time in a few weeks. He injected much needed support, positivity and love into my life.

When you’re in need, reach out. Sometimes it’s the only thing that will save you. Your support group is there to help you succeed and live, thrive and prosper. They look out for your best interests.

I practice what I teach and I teach what I practice. Somewhere along the lines I forgot about that. I try to help to as many people as possible through my works, but today, you helped me.

You are part of my extended family. You share my happiness, positivity, zest for life and, inevitably, my pain. Every one of our readers that views, likes, comments, shares, and shows any other form of love, know that I am so appreciative. I know today I will be okay because you are all here for me. I love all of you.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Thanksgiving Celebrations

I woke this morning to a rather pleasant surprise. This blog almost has a THOUSAND followers. That’s huge. Almost a thousand people are reading my work. I am honored and incredibly thankful.

Today is also the national Canadian day of thanks. Tonight, people will be sitting down at their long dining table with their extended family, using the coveted silverware.

Not me.

Thanksgiving has never been a big event for me. Then again, no holiday has ever been a big event in my house. Everything just gets swept under the rug.

One reason: My family is broken.

So today, there will be no turkey carving ceremonies. No grandiose meals, filled with laughter. No drunken uncle bumbling around telling corny jokes. And, worst of all, no thanks.

I’ve learned to improvise. I don’t need a special day for thanks. You don’t need one either. For some reason, we see Thanksgiving as the only day to be thankful. What about the other 364 days?

For me, I’m thankful every single day. I’m thankful for my life, my body, and the world. I’m thankful for my friends and (little) family. I’m thankful to be in Canada where the biggest problems are tax-season and figuring out what to wear in the morning.

Most people can’t say the same. Most people don’t have what we have.

I am fortunate enough to be typing this on a computer in the quiet. I am fortunate enough to have the Internet to post this and read all your wonderful comments. You are fortunate enough to be reading this, on your computer, using your Internet.

There is so much to be thankful for everyday, that one day doesn’t seem to do justice.

The ‘Be Grateful’ List

Everyday, starting today, write down things that you are grateful for. Contemplate and dig. Search for everything. There are so many things that we take for granted.

If you start to struggle, dig deeper. It’s there. Something. There is always something. Struggling is good. When you find something to be grateful for, you will appreciate it much more.

On my particularly crappy days, writing this list helps. I feel rejuvenated. No matter how bad things may be, there is always something I can be grateful for. That’s the positive side of it all.

For me, I am grateful every morning. I wake up and my phone dings because of WordPress. I have new likes and comments and follows to reply to which makes my heart happy.

Write that list. Count your blessings.

I don’t need a turkey-carving ceremony or grandiose meals. I have everything that I love. I love everything that I have. There is no more for negativity.

I don’t need a drunken uncle. I have you. And I am grateful.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

GETTING OUT OF A FUNK

I’m in a bit of a funk.

Something is off, though I am not sure what.

When something happens and it upsets me I can figure out how to solve the problem, and then the bad mood will go away.

When I don’t have a reason for being in a weird mood I become frustrated. Everything piles up on me without explanation.

I feel lonely and empty. I start to view everything from a negative light. I’m not like myself at all.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.

How do we escape these feelings if we don’t know where they come from?

I prefer to focus on solutions rather than the problems so let’s ignore the thousands of hours we could spend figuring out the why, and instead focus on the how.

These are four tips I remind myself of every time I get into one of these moods. I hope that they help you as much as they have helped me.

Write your grateful list.

You don’t have to be surrounded by family eating turkey to be grateful.

You will be beat up, tired, lonely and heartbroken throughout this life. During these times being grateful for whatever you do have can be the only thing that saves you.

I jump to this tip as soon as I feel even a slight funk coming on.

Write down ten things you are grateful for, or twenty, or thirty. As many as you need to remember that there is always something in your life worth feeling good about.

The worse off you are, the deeper you will have to dig. But if you find something to be grateful for at rock bottom, you’ll never have to worry about falling again.

Change the channel.

If you are in a bad mood, think back to a time when you were happy. What was really all that different?

You still had troubles, worries, fears and problems. You were still the same living, breathing person you are today.

I remind myself of this to remember that my mood isn’t who I am.
It’s just a channel I’m on.

Do anything you can to change that channel. Don’t give in and listen to that sad music, instead watch a stand up special.

Instead of writing your sad poetry try playing chess online, meditating, reading or anything that is outside of the norm for you.

Shake things up and change your channel.

Focus on others.

Being upset requires a certain degree of selfishness. “Why are things so bad for me? Why don’t they love me? Why can’t I just catch a break?”

I’m not saying it’s wrong, that’s just the way I look at it.

To get out of the funk, you have to switch your focus to others.

I prefer to do this by messaging someone I haven’t spoken to in a while out of the blue. I don’t try to get their advice or burden them with my problems. I tell them that I miss them. I try to express how much they mean to me regardless of how close we are to each other.

There are many ways to shift your focus though. Anything from volunteering to spending some time petting a cat will help.

It’s hard to feel down on yourself when you are focused on someone else. I guarantee if you make another person’s day brighter, you will catch some of that light as well.

When all else fails, decide to reset tomorrow.

Sometimes I am in a funk, I’ve tried everything, and there is no way out.

At this point I remind myself that this is just a feeling, not who I am. Maybe today is a write off, but tomorrow is a new day.

You will be happy again, and unfortunately, you will also be sad again.

But every day ends, and every new morning will begin. Focus on restarting tomorrow.

Writing this has helped me with my funk. For that, I thank you. By doing this I have focused on others and changed the channel.

I think today is a bit of a write off, so I’ll go to bed now.
And tomorrow… well, tomorrow is another day and I am grateful.