FINDING YOUR PURPOSE

My last post was called “LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF”

It was about a big change in my life that I have made in order to follow my dreams.

In this post I received a question from “TheFourthIdiot” owner of the blog http://inspiringinfinity.wordpress.com/

His question was essentially this:
How do yo proceed down your path if you are not even sure if it is the right path? How do you develop the unshakable faith required to take great leaps towards this dream in the face of risk?

First, I will speak about my general perspective on finding life’s purpose and then I will give practical tips to help you find out what your purpose is, or build confidence in the purpose you already feel.

I have always struggled with the idea of a single purpose or dream.

I wrote an article about this some time ago when I was contemplating the future in a panic, wondering if I’ll ever figure out what I want to do with my life.

I had tried so many things and failed spectacularly at every single one of them. I had gone deep into different paths and realized that none of these things were right for me.

But what I didn’t realize back then was that each path had led me to the next. Not only that, each path gave me new tools to carve my way through the next.

Learning drums taught me the universal truths to learning anything. Being in a band taught me how to get people to work together towards a goal. Doing sales taught me the ability to articulate myself more efficiently and convincingly.

Alas, none of these paths were right for me. I’m writing this blog and doing these videos right now and I still can’t be sure if this is my life’s mission.

But now I have confidence that moving forward down this path will give me new tools and lead me where I need to go.

Your dream will change as you grow.

This is inevitable. You aren’t meant to just do one thing with your life.

But you are meant to pursue things in your life that are meaningful to you. If you aren’t going after any dream then you won’t be lead to the next one.

My main point here is that you should never fear whether your path is right or wrong.

You will never have to retrace your steps on this path and start over.

If it isn’t meant to be, a new path with appear somewhere down the road when you are a new person with new tools and different perspectives.

But you have to start somewhere.

So here are my practical tips for figuring out what you should be doing right now.

Some questions with some important answers.

Answer this list of questions over the period of a week. Keep them in the back of your mind and write down anything you come up with throughout this time.

What are you hobbies/passions?

I don’t just mean flying kites and collecting stamps. Write down anything you do that you don’t get paid for and enjoy nonetheless.

Blogging, video games, gardening, meditation, yoga, fitness, dieting, helping people, building, drawing, photography, knitting and a world of others can fall into this category.

What are your talents/skills.

What have you learned throughout your life that you are good at?

Can you play an instrument? Are you good with your hands? Are you good with words? Do you have a knack for organization? What have you shown an aptitude for in your current and previous jobs?

Write down all of your talents because more than likely some of these things will be incorporated in your path.

When have you been happiest?

Think back to your past jobs, experiences and hobbies to further define what makes you happiest. These things will be clues to what the overarching theme of your life should be.

What do you want to be remembered for?

This is a question that gave me a lot of insight into what I wanted to do with my life.

After much thought I realized that I wanted to be remember for helping people. I didn’t know how I would help people or who I would be helping, but I knew that I wanted to make people’s lives better.

How do you want to be remembered? As a millionaire business guru? As a creator of beautiful works of art? Or as someone who raised a beautiful family that will go on to improve the world?

Combining these answers with the next exercise will get you that much closer to knowing what you should be working towards.

Invigorate or debilitate?

Write down everything you do for a week, even the boring tasks.

Breakfast, showering, playing video games, projects, work, social life, everything.

Once you have done this I want you to create two columns on a “T Chart”. One for things that invigorate you, giving you energy/happiness, and one for things that debilitate or drain you.

Split everything you have done that week into these two columns.

You will often find that the path you should be working towards involves things you are already doing. Look through the list of invigorating things, combine it with your list of passions and your list of skills.

Lay it all out in front of you and look at it every day. Let these things cultivate in your mind.

Now that you know what you enjoy, what you are good at, the things that invigorate you in your life, the times you were happiest and the way you want to be remembered, I am confident that your next path will appear from the fog.

No one can tell you what your path is.

And you can’t even be sure that you will stay on the same path for the rest of your life.

But follow the path that lies before you now, one that leads you to a dream, and you will gain new tools and perspectives that will open new paths in the future.
That is what will give you the confidence to move forward.

You never have to worry about failing. I’ve failed a million times, but moving forward towards a dream has always lead me in the right direction.

But being afraid to follow a dream, that will only lead to nightmares.

With love,
Steven Farquharson, 2HG.

Endless Progression

Today was the first day at school. I was sitting in the lecture hall and I was looking at my older articles for inspiration to write about. I just couldn’t think of a topic.

Clearly, I was not paying attention to the lecture. I do not enjoy school, but that’s neither here nor there.

Earlier in my writing ‘career,’ I wrote an article untitled “The Summer Bucket List.” This article outlined everything I wanted to achieve by the end of the summer.

In it I mentioned skydiving, lavish trips to Vegas and NYC, and the ‘Go’ Game, among many other things.

As I was looking at this list, I realized that I hadn’t achieved any of it. I was a total failure. I set a bunch of goals and didn’t accomplish any of them. It was disheartening.

But, I had done other things. And while they weren’t listed goals, they were important. They helped me grow in more ways than one. I am a different person because of them.

For example, I started a business with my mother selling Indian sauces. That was a huge accomplishment. I started learning Spanish. That was a huge accomplishment. I became more focused, serious (in terms of life), and confident. That was a huge accomplishment.

Some things can be overlooked

Goals are just goals. Yes, it is incredibly important to have concise goals. But some things can be overlooked. Sure, I didn’t skydive. But really, if I did, would it have changed me?

Sure I didn’t go to NYC and Vegas. But, if I did, would I have made me any different? I feel like I would have had a lot of fun, been in the hole a few thousand dollars, and continued the same path that I was on.

I wasn’t able to finish the summer bucket list. That’s okay. I am still progressing, still changing, and still improving.

Two Sides to Every Coin

Life is interesting. There are literally two (or more) ways to deal with every situation. There is never one route to consider. I love that about life.

I could have looked at my incomplete list and been completely shattered. I could have wallowed in my own failures and stayed sedentary. There is no progress in wallowing. There is only self-loathing and self-pity.

That route leads to nowhere. You continue to dwell in the past mistakes and failures and hinders your ability to move forward, to look at the other routes.

For me, I’ve realized that there are two options: an optimistic and a pessimistic option. I opt for the optimistic approach. I just feel overall better when doing so.

Inadvertently, I realized an incredible lesson today. Goals are incredibly important. It can be the difference in achieving and not achieving something. They are necessary to progressing, developing, and growing.

As long as you are progressing in one-way or another, you’re doing great. Sedentary behavior produces a sedentary self. Always look for a new way to progress, a new way to improve.

But equally as important in progressing, is the recognition of self. Next time you set a goal for yourself and don’t complete it, do not wallow.

Use it as a stepping-stone to complete at a later date. Lastly, recognize that it is not the end of the world. You are still you. You are still amazing. You are still beautiful. And you are still progressing.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Expand Your Toolbox Today

Recently, my manager asked if I wanted additional training in any other areas. Initially, I was reluctant. I don’t want to stay at my current job because, well, it’s only a job. I have bigger hopes and aspirations.

But, I decided to say yes. Why? Well, because ANY skill you acquire will double your chances for success.

But Leroy, “not all skills are equal and not all skills are important. Hence, they can’t double your chances of success.”

Yes, you’re right. I whole-heartedly agree with you. Obviously, some skills are more important than others, and the tenth skill you acquire might have less value than each of the other nine.

But when you approach learning a new skill with the mindset that it will double your odds of success, you instantly trick your brain into being more proactive in your pursuit of learning.

If I told you that taking a website coding class, will double your chances of success, the chances of you acting increases. If instead I only offered a vague opinion that acquiring new skills is beneficial, you might not feel particularly motivated.

A) Where Do I Start?

Method 1: Be a kid again

It’s difficult to figure out where to start. For me, I like to remember all my passions before I reached ten-years-old. Before ten, my brain was still malleable enough to absorb everything, but not yet tainted by formal education.

When you were a kid, the things you enjoyed were almost instinctual, rather than influenced. You understood that you liked something for the mere fact that it brought enjoyment to you.

Start there. Remember all the things you enjoyed and pursue similar skills. As you start learning those, diversify. Jump into random categories that interest you.

Method 2: Consume News

If you have trouble finding something to read, start with the topics that interest you, even if they may be something trivial like gossip and celebrity scandals. Over time, you will enjoy the experience of reading and start sampling topics that wouldn’t have interested you before.

Personally, I read news from business, health, science, technology, and politics. Continue to expose yourself to new topics, primarily the ones that interest you the most.

But be weary, consuming some news can be a huge downer if you pick the wrong topics. Try to avoid stories about tragic events and negativity and focus on the positive aspects of science, technology and business.

B) It Gets Easier

When you first try to learn a skill it can be daunting. You can’t see yourself learning something that, at the time, seems impossible. But once you understand a few core concepts it gets easier.

A huge advantage of learning as much as you can in different fields is that the more concepts you understand, the easier it becomes to learn new ones. The learning process snowballs into other fields, consistently teaching you new skills.

Imagine explaining to an alien the concept of a zebra. The learning curve would be steep. If the next thing you tried to explain were the concept of a horse, the conversation would be much shorter. You simply have to say that the horse is a lot like the zebra, without the black and white stripes.

The process of learning continues to simplify itself, as you progressively absorb more knowledge of varying skills.

C) How Do I Be Perfect at EVERYTHING?

The short answer to that question is, “You don’t.”

You do not need to seek mastery or perfection in any skill. The idea is that you can increase your market value just by being good –not perfect– at more than one skill.

In terms of success, you are better off being good at two complementary skills rather than being extraordinary at one. In some cases, being extraordinary at one skill will pay off, but for the majority of us regular people (ME), diversifying your toolbox will lead to success.

Do not pursue perfection, but pursue learning. Aim to learn as many skills as possible. They will eventually help you out in one situation or another. The more you learn, the better you become.

Diversify your toolbox today by learning something, anything. Learn to whistle with two fingers, sewing basics, draw a cat, or tinker with a basic sound system. I promise you, once you learn something, you will be closer to success.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Keep Pushing On

Hola, cóma estás hermoso, or is it hermana? I hope I’m right. One of those mean sister and the other means beautiful. I get the two confused. I mean to say beautiful.

This post is late. Well, I mean clearly, you’ve already figured it out. I’ve been busy. Ugh, I hate making excuses. It is my own fault. I have been slacking, mistreating my body and this was the result.

I’ve been doing too many things. One of which, is trying to learn a new language, as you saw above. I’ve tried multiple times and failed, as you MAY have seen above.

I was forced to take French all through elementary school. Want to know the only thing I remember?

“Il fait du soleil” 

It’s sunny outside. I find it perplexing that that is the only thing I got out of six years of French. It hasn’t provided me with any assistance through my life. Well, maybe if a person would ask me the weather AND needed to know it in French AND it was actually sunny outside (I am a terrible liar. I blink too much).

Then I tried to learn Mandarin. In my opinion, it is THE hardest to learn, second only to English. I figured if I am going to learn any language, why not pick the hardest one. I skipped everything else and went to the top shelf. Mandarin is hard because it’s all tonal and depending on what part of the word you emphasize, determines its meaning. It was challenging to say the least.

I sat there for countless hours in front of Rosetta Stone trying to figure out the word and picture combination. I suck. I quit. I got down on myself.

I tried other languages and programs and failed miserably. I thought maybe learning a second language wasn’t in the stars for me. Am I destined to speak only one?

Recently, I discovered I had a neighbor. Well, I mean, everyone has neighbors. Let me rephrase. Recently, I discovered I have an attractive neighbor. I had no idea she ever existed. I met her once, but I don’t remember. Maybe I was too intimidated when I first met her and my brain decided to hermit away.

“Where are you going with this Leroy?”

Don’t worry. I’m getting to the point, albeit slowly.

She has a good heart. She’s cool and she makes me laugh (and not that type of lame chuckle, but a hardy stomach laugh). And she’s really nice on the eyes (by that I mean, like very very attractive). Also, she’s Uruguayan.

See, I am slowly getting to the point. She’s teaching me Spanish. It’s difficult but not to the point where I am willing to quit. She says I’m good at rolling my “Rs.” Literally EVERY ‘r’ is rolled in Spanish. My name in Spanish is really Lerrrrrrrrroy.

-Pause for laughter-

Anyways, point being, persistence is key. Everything takes time and perseverance. I’ve always been told that good things come to those who wait. That is a lesson in patience but can also be used as a rationale for learning.

Don’t Be Afraid of Failure 

When you try to learn something new, it can be daunting. New things are hard. I used to be a terrible failer. I used to fail and give up. Feel depressed about it and move on.

When I first started to learn golf, I could not hit the ball off the tee. I struggled, I swung, I whipped and got frustrated. Then after a lot of badgering I went golfing again. I hit it. It was a great feeling.

Success is a rush. It sent a shock of endorphins through my body. I love golf now. I’m not winning the PGA anytime soon, but that’s okay. I still enjoy it. Don’t you want to experience that same rush?

Persevere, Persevere, Persevere  

You need to continue. Fail, it’s good for your soul. You need it. Don’t get down on yourself. Everything can be learned and perfected. It’s one of the reasons that we are out of the food chain.

Through perseverance we have literally escaped the food chain. If humans gave up so easily, it would be a completely different story. There aren’t cheetahs waiting for us at the train station.

We have an amazing ability to learn anything we put our mind towards. But often we give up after the first failed attempt. I am guilty of this.

You need to wait and listen and learn. You can’t get down on yourself. Some things have a steeper learning curve, some not so much, and some things just come naturally. Don’t be afraid. Embrace it.

I feel like this time will be different. I will learn Spanish, partly because a piece inside me screams ‘NEED’ and partly because my neighbor is captivating.

A Pillar in Success

Personally, I used to always struggle with confidence. I do not want to make it seem like I’m complaining about my past, so I shall spare all the spicy details.

Long story short, I struggled with confidence. I am still infected with this ‘disease’ (because that is what IT really is), but not as frequently or severely.

There are two forms of confidence, outer and inner. Outer confidence comes from material items such as money, cars, clothes, etc. These are superficial, in my opinion. Inner confidence comes from within. It encompasses everything you are and are proud of.

Building inner confidence is a fundamental pillar in the structure we call life. Here is how I started to build inner confidence. Try it, it may work for you as well.

1) Don’t Be Afraid to Fail

Everyone is afraid of failing. I am guilty, I’ll be the first to admit it. But I feel like you have to fail, a lot, to really understand inner confidence. Confidence has to be built through failure.

Through failure you learn where your strengths and weaknesses lie. You learn how to approach the situation differently. You learn how to improve, develop and progress.

You need to fail. It is an important process in the struggle to succeed. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it and fail a lot. Then, learn. Learn how to overcome and improve.

Everything is an experience and there is no getting worse. It is built in our genetic code, the more we do something, the better we get. It is a basic repetition principle. Through failing you improve AND build inner confidence, all wrapped in one neat little ball.

2) Be Yourself

Too many people are afraid to be themselves. We all put up walls to hide our true selves. We all keep the ‘embarrassing’ areas of our lives for a select few.

“Be yourself” gets thrown around too loosely these days. When I say “be yourself,” I mean to the extreme. Don’t be afraid to express yourself to everybody around you.

Would you rather have safe interactions with everyone who ‘like’ you as an acquaintance or would you rather be polarizing and have some people dislike and some people who absolutely love you.

Be genuine and be you. You are amazing the way you are. You may like constructing ships in bottles or the Backstreet Boys or baton twirling. You may find that embarrassing, but guess what?

That’s you! You love it. Show others that you love it! Weed out the people that don’t love it and embrace the ones that do.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” – Dr. Seuss

3) Don’t give a shit 

Live your life how you want to. Don’t try to live up to anyone else’s rules or the rules of society. They are only there to smush (is that a word?) you in a little cookie cutter. More often than not, most people do not fit in that cookie cutter and feel terrible about it.

The key to not fitting in is to just not fit in. When I was a kid, I used to smush (I’m going to use it anyways) Lego blocks together. I learned very fast that certain blocks do not work well with each other. 

Be that block. Be different. If you want to wear a fuzzy pink and yellow zebra sweater, wear it. If you want to go outside and yell or let loose sometimes, just do it. You need to challenge yourself sometimes to grow.

Inner confidence is the clinch pin to success, fostering relationships and everything else in between.

What do you think about confidence? If you have any tips/tricks on building confidence that have worked for you, please comment below. I would love to hear from you. Till next time readers!

Be bold, be free, and love on.