More Control In Your Life

We cannot control every aspect of our lives and we shouldn’t even attempt to. In fact, most of the misery people feel in life comes from attempting to control the uncontrollable.

We can’t control the economy or the weather. And we most definitely cannot control others.

All we can control is ourselves – our character, our outlook, our actions and contributions.

Everything else, for the most part, is largely uncontrollable.

But still, we try. Why?

It is an instinctual desire to have a larger sense of control over our inner and outer worlds. We want control over our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We want to control our outcomes and the relationships we have in the outside world. But we mustn’t stray to far.

Control is a double-edged sword

If we have too much control, we can become rigid and inflexible. We start expecting things to turn out exactly as planned and lose our ability to adapt when things go awry.

On the opposite end, if we have no control in our lives, we can feel like we’re in a tailspin. No control means little choice over our wills, paths and life purposes. We are left to the whims of luck and chance.

We can’t tell you how much control is sufficient. It varies from person to person. Our levels of control might be someone else’s definition of too much or too little. We all need different levels at different points in our lives.

Although, through our many experiences, we have figured out one thing we can control, without wandering too far in either direction.

Control our inner world

Sometimes the bus arrives early and we miss it by a few moments. Or someone close to you hurts you. Or it could be as trivial as your roommate drinking all the milk.

Regardless of the problem, most of what happens to us is completely out of our control. However, our ultimate response – how we react – is directly under our control.

How we perceive each situation determines how we feel. But, a positive outlook is tougher than we might expect. Our perceptions are informed by a compilation of what we consume on a daily basis.

Almost everything we see or read is some form of negativity or chaos. The average person watches four hours of television and then spends another few hours browsing the Internet.

Between the television and the Internet, we can’t escape the clutches of negativity.

If we want to control our inner world – our thoughts, feelings and actions – we have to consider the information we consume.

Perhaps we should use the extra ‘TV time’ purposefully consuming positive and empowering information. Or meet with friends that will lift us up. Or work through and tackle new challenges that remind us how strong we really are.

We have to safeguard our outlook to control our interpretations of the world around us. We have to seek optimism with urgency.

Being an optimist means that we are able to find the glimmer of good in every person, situation, and problem. We able to be hopeful when things go awry. We are able to adapt when things don’t proceed as planned.

Optimism, like pessimism, is a choice completely under our control. Given the choice, which should we choose – a life of positive experiences or negative expectations?

Which way shall we steer our lives today and every day?

What will we stand for today? Will we allow petty situations to overwhelm us? What kind of positive values and beliefs shall we release to the world every day?

When we align our positive outlook with diligent intention, we can begin to take control of our internal worlds and feel happier and more fulfilled.

We can face the worlds’ challenges head-on and become an unshakeable fortress.

So today, when everyone is trying to control the bus schedule or trying to stop their roommates from drinking all the milk, spend your time purposely with the intent of controlling your unshakeable optimistic outlook.

As always, our beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Five Maxims of a Real Challenge

I was always mediocre at math. I barely scraped by and opted out as soon as I could. I recently started learning microeconomics. It hurts my brain. However, it is incredibly stimulating.

The perspectives, the intricacies of supply and demand, and the theory behind it all. With each problem I solve, I feel a sense of fulfillment, a sense of triumph. I’ve conquered another fraction equation, albeit barely.

However, the overarching doom of math looms over me. Still, I love it because it is challenging.

Everyone Needs a Real Challenge

All the physical, psychological, and spiritual growth you’ve experienced as a human being has been a result of a challenge. It has destroyed your barriers and pushed you against the ropes. In those particular moments your concentration was invigorated, your ingenuity called upon, and your fortitude and courage tested.

The struggle meant something to you and you focused on the activity without any perception of time. Self-consciousness seemed to melt away. That’s when real growth and change occurred.

Goals vs. Real Challenges

We all have plenty of goals in our daily lives and are busy multitasking, trying to satisfy our co-workers and spouses, while dealing with our day-to-days. Even ‘challenging’ goals hardly demand your concentrated attention, and mostly consist of daily routines.

A real challenge, on the other hand, demands your full efforts and abilities. There lies the true difference between feeling a real challenge versus ticking something of a goal list.

Goal thinking is about the destination; figuring out the ending outcome. Challenge thinking commands thoughts about the journey; it’s about giving more of yourself.

Maxim #1: A Real Challenge Demands Undivided Attention

A real challenge demands your undivided attention, as it absorbs and engages your entire mental and physical presence. It requires focus and must be something important, that compels completion now.

Each economics lesson, strained my mental capacity to the point that my brain sweat. Struggling through galvanized complete concentration. Similarly, public speaking doesn’t allow you do have side-thoughts. Everything occurs in the moment.

Maxim #2: A Real Challenge Stretches You

Choose challenges that are slightly beyond your comfort zone, that stretches your abilities. Aim to feel a little strain.

Don’t go from difficulty level one to level ten. Instead, try two or three instead, and feel the stretch with an impending sense of gratification.

I have a base level understanding of math, but economics forces my brain to use everything I know, plus a little more. If you’re a good public speaker that relies on notes, choosing to go without notes will stretch you.

Maxim #3: A Real Challenge Tracks Performance

Provide yourself with performance markers to track your progress during your challenge. While it seems like common sense, few people build progress checks into their challenges.

People get inspired, start strong, and fizzle out shortly after. Crafting your next challenge with progress markers will not only be more satisfying, but also makes it easier to continue.

Economics becomes a more satisfying experience when I can measure my competency. Presentations are more fulfilling when you can see the audience’s faces and reactions to your voice.

Maxim #4: A Real Challenge Possesses a Sense of Completion

Have a finish line in the forefront of your mind. A sense of completion gives your challenge an end. Pat yourself on the back when you hit each marker. Each small win will push you toward the next.

On Khan Academy, each lesson awards points that add to my total score, unlocking benefits. Even though the points are moderately meaningless, I strive. With each lesson, I collect more, chasing a sense of completion.

The public speaker tracks each speech and grants a pat on the back for each section of the speech. Negative or positive outcomes don’t matter; allow sense of completion to dominate.

Maxim #5: A Real Challenge Allows Sharing of Experiences and Results

You feel fulfilled implementing the last four maxims, but this last one puts the icing on the cake. Talking about and celebrating our personal victories with others is a powerful psychological experience.

Imagine the difference in feelings between the following scenarios. You practiced hard for a presentation, and after the mental strain of writing and memorizing; you completed a daunting speech in front of 400 people.

In one ending, you walk alone to your car, go home and never speak of it again. In the other, you celebrate with the energy of the crowd and hug your family and friends. Which outcome feels more fulfilling?

Talking about how strenuous microeconomics is fills my mind with an unabated sense of gratification. Sharing my experiences and results brings forth a recognition of my hard work and perseverance, which contributes to my sense of self-fulfillment.

Sometimes, I want to quit economics, but I am constantly reminded of these five maxims. Reflecting on each of my previous challenges, made clear sense that these five maxims were present. Now that you’re conscious of them, use them to intelligently craft new challenges that push you further in all areas of your life.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

The Minimalist Experiment

I’ve entered a new phase in my life. I’ve realized that over the many years of life, I have amassed far too much crap.

Crap that just sits there, collects dust and tricks my mind. Tricks my mind into happiness, contentedness, and security. I threw out most things and donated the good ones.

My mom yelled in the background, “What are you doing? This is still good!”

It may be still good but there is just too much clutter in my room. I can’t think with all this noise. Everything just sits there, staring at me.

I was introduced to minimalism recently.

My Definition of Minimalism: The process of having few personal possessions, limiting the need to want.

I don’t need all these things. I’ve held onto these items forever and can’t bare to throw out anything. Do I need them? Everything changed when I went on that donation/throwing out rampage. I’ve kept these items in a vain attempt to physically manifest my perceived happiness.

Most of these things mean nothing to me. I have no real attachment to them, but I still feel the need to have. These items did not bring any happiness to me. And when they did, it was only momentary.

My money and time was invested in physical items that had little or no value and producing little momentary happiness. I’ve kept all the items that I hold dear: books (knowledge), some clothes (personal well-being), and assorted birthday presents (memories/treasured possessions).

Everything else went in the trashcan or the donation box. I feel good. I feel less cluttered. I can finally think and navigate my room with ease. I can breathe easy.

I’ve realized that the more things I had, the more I wanted. Surrounded by clutter, I had the subconscious need to have more clutter.

“What’s one more item in the sea of items?”

I kept spending frivolously on items that did not bring me long-lasting happiness. Now everything changes. I will start to save my money, spending them only on experiences.

I will spend on gifts for friends/family, social events, knowledge and trips. I will save and invest. I will invest in long-lasting happiness and treasured experiences.

I am fortunate enough to have everything I need. For most people, they can’t say the same. Yet, people live on next to nothing and still hold a gleaming smile.

“How? Why?”

People do not need much to be happy and strive. The basic essentials, good friends and experiences are all a person needs. We have been brainwashed by consumerist ideals.

They convince us that we need more things for happiness. A bigger house, a new car, a 100-inch HD 3-D television. In the grand scheme of everything, these things mean nothing.

I realize that now. Those items meant nothing to me. I can live happily without the clutter.

I feel like it has taken me 23 years to realize this one incredibly valuable lesson. I have the rest of my life to look forward too and I feel like this is a major epiphany in my life.

I urge you, my beautiful readers, to do the same. Petty items will not produce long-lasting happiness. They will clutter you, consume you and trick you into happiness. I urge you to live simply and simply live.

Speaking for myself, I already feel at ease. I am experiencing the calming effects of minimalism. Maybe it is just in my head. But, I figure, that’s the only person I need to convince. Myself.

Be bold, be free, and love on.