How To Tango With A Monster

I was looking through my earlier posts and realized how much I’ve progressed as a writer, and more importantly, as a person. When I first started writing, a thought monster consumed me.

This monster of self-doubt clasped onto my soul and dragged me down. Some days I felt like I couldn’t do it. Some days I felt like no would listen to me, that I couldn’t help anyone. That upset me.

My brain constantly yelled at me, endlessly dragged me down with self-doubt. The thoughts continued to circulate through me, till I was consumed by them. I couldn’t afford to let the thought monster win.

I’ve figure out effectively how to battle the thought monster and here’s how I did it.

Ground yourself.

Live in the present moment. Self-doubt arises from past experiences or future unimaginable problems. The past and the future simply do not matter. Now is the only moment that matters.

The past is irreversible and the future doesn’t exist. Instead, the future is comprised of a series of ‘nows.’ ‘Now’ is the only time that truly matters, as it inevitably and continually occurs.

At this present moment, I am happy. My body is functioning optimally (or as optimally as I think). I am able to think clearly. These are the positives occurring right now. Staying present is the key to being able to focus on the positives, right now.

Have a Kit-Kat

or any chocolate bar. The choice of chocolate really does not matter. The only thing that matters is taking a break. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take some time away from your inner contemplations.

I used to lie in bed till 2AM, constantly worrying about everything. The monster had a firm grip of me until it pushed me off the bed. I learned something from one of my favorite authors: schedule your problems for later.

I tell myself: “I know this is the 2AM tango.” I make an appointment with myself for 2 in the afternoon. I say, “I’ll figure out these worries then, but right now, I’m going to sleep.”

Then I sleep. At 2 in the afternoon, I realize that none of those worries were valid. They were illusions that melted with daylight.

When in doubt, breath.

When I’m riddled with self-doubt, my breaths are shallow and fast. Sometimes, I forget to breathe, till I turn a different color.

So I fight it. I stop everything and just focus on my breath. I feel the air filling my stomach and exhale deep till there is nothing inside. It works so I do it.

Shifting your focus away from doubt, even for a moment, distracts yourself. Sometimes, distracting yourself is hard because you are doing something. But you’re always breathing so you can always distract yourself.

The monster is strong some days, but I feel like I can persevere. The self-doubt holds everyone equally. Some people just have better control over it.

I firmly believe in my abilities and myself. I know that one day I will help a lot of people. I know that my message is out there for people to read and watch and ponder over, and hopefully, benefit from.

The monster needs your attention to survive. Without it, it will wither away and die. Live now, schedule your worries for another time, breathe and pay no attention to doubt and I promise your doubts will die.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

The Dark Cave

I wouldn’t consider my job the greatest in the world, but it’s decent. I have lots of free time and I’m able to pretty much govern myself.

I’m a operations coordinator. I oversee peoples’ parties, make sure things go smoothly and clean up. Pretty much, I’m a glorified janitor.

Hmm, doesn’t sound as glamorous as ‘operations coordinator.’

People book party rooms for all sorts of happy events: Birthdays, weddings, baby showers and retirements (are retirements happy?). These are all pinnacle moments in peoples’ lives.

Ideally, the hosts should be ecstatic to be celebrating with their family and friends.

Instead, I see the opposite. I see grumpy, anxious hosts enter, spewing a flurry of curse words like some sort of pirate.

But wait; isn’t this supposed to be a happy occasion?

It seems to me, the hosts forgot what they’re celebrating. They choose to be miserable because something wasn’t set up properly.

These little problems ruin their entire occasion. They are forever flustered about everything.

They’re trapped in this dark cave from which everyone eventually emerges.

I’m reminded of the last time I let little things bother me. It sucked. I was flustered and anxious. It was pitch black in my cave. I didn’t know how to deal with everything.

Little problems are just that…

Little. When you make small things into big things, you forget about the important things. You forget to enjoy the present moment. You stop looking for laughter and enjoyment and focus on that insignificant issue of a table being set up wrong.

They Ruin You

Like an apple left out to oxidize, you slowly start to turn. You steer your attention towards more insignificant problems. This process is gradual. All these little problems compile.

They add up, brown. Before you know it, like the gradual process of the apple, you’re spoiled, core out.

Choose Freedom

When in doubt, shrug it off. Don’t let these little problems affect you. When you let it get to you, your life gets affected.

You won’t be able to think and act properly. You start giving in to your vices. You may chomp on your nails. You may smoke or drink. You may want to punch a wall or hurt yourself, or worse, someone else.

These things will weigh on you, like you’re carrying a hundred-pound sandbag. If you let it affect you, you’ll be forever weighted and hindered.

To Learn or Not to Learn 

I like to think of these problems as miniature hurdles, each trying to teach you a little something as you jump them. These problems are a test for you to overcome, to help you progress, to make you stronger.

If you don’t learn from your problems, you’re bound to repeat it. There will only be darkness.

Here lies the pinnacle choice. Do you squander your time complaining and getting angry or do you utilize this moment and seek a way to make your life better.

Every single situation has a good and a bad. What do you choose to focus on? Who will you be after you come through that dark cave?

Be bold, be free, and love on.

The Two Voices of The Body

One lives in the heart and the other in the brain. The heart voice says, “Trust yourself and be bold,” while the brain voice says, “You can’t do it. You might as well just give up.”

I deal with self-doubt every single day of my life. It takes over my brain and body and before long; my thoughts began to wander to the ‘dark side.’ I start questioning my abilities, strengths, and aspirations.

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt” – Honore de Balzac

I enter into a state of disarray, constantly questioning myself. I’m riddled with rationalizations, instead of solutions, for the problems in my life.

I’ve been running this blog for nearly two months now and I feel relieved. I have lasted this long. But, without fail, before I hit publish, terrible feelings surface from my brain.

What if people don’t like me? What if people don’t like what I have done? What will they think?

These terrible thoughts circle my head. It pushes me to the point where I can barely function. But then, I hit publish and the other voice surfaces. I get a short-lived feeling of happiness, before the endless doubt surfaces.

The voices wage endless wars amongst themselves. I feel like I have some control over them. I use these techniques to tame my brain voice.

A) Ground Yourself

Live in the present moment. Self-doubt arises from past experiences or future problems/hindrances. The past and the future simply do not matter now. Now is the only moment that matters.

The past is unchangeable and irreversible and the future never actually arrives. Instead, the future is comprised of a series of ‘nows.’ ‘Now’ is the only time that truly matters, as it inevitably and continually occurs.

At this present moment, I am not hungry or thirsty. I am relatively happy. My body is functioning optimally (or as optimally as I think). I am able to think clearly. These are the positives occurring right now. Staying present is key to being able to focus on the positives, right now.

B) Have a Kit-Kat

Or any chocolate bar. The choice of chocolate really does not matter. The only thing that matters is taking a break. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take some time away from the project.

Sometimes, writing one article takes several days because I just can’t handle the content. My brain voice tells me, “Your content sucks. Your examples suck. Why do you even bother writing?”

Shifting your focus away from what we are stuck on helps us take a new perspective when we come back to it.

C) Feign Confidence

The seeds of self-doubt are strongest in my life as it pertains to girls. Girls will eternally confuse me. The self-doubt is rooted in a lack of confidence.

I recently started talking to a girl (big news, I know). But the whole concept of texting, mixed signals and smileys furthers the self-doubt.

What impresses her? Does she like me? Will she like me?

Flying, X-ray vision, and super strength are all great powers. But I want what Mel Gibson got when he electrocuted himself in a hot tub. I feel like that would be the ultimate power.

Feigning confidence is my method to dealing with the endless doubt that women bestow on me. Screw listening to your brain voice and let the confidence arise from your heart voice.

Be wary when feigning confidence. Sometimes, it can be misconstrued as cocky. Be genuine, be bold, and be truthful. Everything will work out. That is what I tell myself everyday.

The brain voice is strong some days, but I feel like I can persevere. I feel like I can let my heart voice take control. The seeds of self-doubt are implanted in everyone equally. Some people just have better control over them.

Like flowers, a lack of attention will never allow them grow. Pay no attention to doubt, avoid negative thoughts, take a step back, and feign confidence. I promise those seeds will wither and die.

What helps you overcome doubt in your abilities?