No Matter What, Today Could Be Different.

On Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Tumblr, Twitter… everyone is perfect.

Every picture is of people laughing with friends and having drinks, or of beautiful food that’s perfectly angled with just the right lighting.

There are no pictures of those 2am tears. No pictures of pimples or pus, or throw up on your clothes in the back seat of your friends car. Those were my clothes, I was so embarrassed.

If you never met a single person face to face and all you had to judge people by were their social media profiles, you’d think everyone lived a perfectly happy life.

You’d think that they had no problems, no struggles.

But the truth is, every day is a struggle. Every day there are battles.

And a lot of those days you are going to lose.

You won’t go to the gym, you’ll smoke that cigarette after saying you’ve quit. You’ll feel guilty, ashamed and disgusting.

You’ll spend whole days in bed when you should be doing homework, work projects, cleaning, or something. You should be doing something, anything, but there is so much piling up that it paralyzes you and you do nothing.

Some days you lose, and you feel useless. 

Everyone has those days. Everyone has those internal battles.

What separates the people who crumble under the pressure from those that become stronger?

The Morning After.

What happens the next morning?

You either lament, or you try again.

You either step back up on the battlefield or raise the white flag before the day even starts.

Everyone loses. It’s the people who waste no time, no energy even thinking about putting up that white flag that will prevail.

It’s the people who go into their day knowing that there could be blood and pain and they will lose more often than not, but they know this and they commit to fighting that battle every single day.

Every day they will fight for their dreams, for their happiness, and sometimes, for the willpower just to get out of bed.

Any energy spent regretting and reliving the past instead of focusing on your present is wasted energy.

So what if you binge ate yesterday, so what if you didn’t have the courage to speak to that guy or girl again? So what if you spent the whole day feeling useless and questioning the futility of your existence in a cruel universe that barely knows you exist?

That was yesterday, and this is today.

The people who become stronger under the pressure are the people who can let go of yesterday and stop it from contaminating today.

The more energy you spend regretting the past, the less energy you have to break the cycle and make today different.

It doesn’t matter how many hours, days, or years you’ve spent living below your potential. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve felt useless, walking around in a daze.

No matter how many embarrassing stories and mistakes you’ve made over time, you could wake up the morning after and believe that today will be different.

Putting your focus and energy on re-imagining and rethinking the past just traps you there.

Every morning wake up and tell yourself that yesterday is gone, and today will be different.

With love,
Steven Farquharson

How To Escape From A Rut

I’ve been in a complete standstill for the last three weeks. I was stuck, unhappy and saw no end to it. But, today is the first day I actually feel ‘alive.’

I made a conscious decision to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start anew. I realized three things that pulled me out and, today, I started my day properly.

It begins with a change in perspective.

Realize that it will end

In the natural progression of life, standstills will happen. They will occur frequently and, perhaps, for extended periods of time. But realize this portion of your life is short-lived.

You will feel better, if you allow yourself to.

Life occurs in cycles. As sure as the seasons change from fall to winter, spring to summer, so will your ups and downs. At some point in your life, ruts will occur, but don’t wallow. Realize it and push through.

Use it to grow stronger

In my last article, I mentioned that every negative situation has a positive. Well, every bad stretch serves a purpose to your larger life.

This bad portion, for lack of better words, is bad. But treasure and notice the changes.

A stronger person is born out of ruts because you learn. You learn how to manage debilitative emotions, how to handle lack of progression, and how to pull yourself out.

Take this valuable knowledge and store it in your back pocket. When the next one occurs, you apply it and learn more, carrying little bits of knowledge throughout your entire life.

Actively search for solutions while you’re in this phase. Every rut has a silver lining. Explore it.

Have an end goal

I don’t know the exact reason for my rut. I woke up and felt different. This different feeling held on for the next three weeks. Maybe I let school or my relationships get to me.

Regardless of the reason, when I look forward, everything changes. In a few months, I’ll be done school and moving out. That is my end goal. This rut is a momentary.

Everything changes when I enter a new phase in my life and that excites me. It breathes new life into my lungs.

Have a goal solidified in your head. Keep the image strong and push toward it. Through your rut, hold it firm and be steadfast. Goals are important to give you that little extra nudge.

Ruts will occur. It keeps life different and interesting. If we didn’t have them, we would probably complain about a mundane life. If we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t be able to cope.

And, worst of all, we wouldn’t grow as a person. Growth is the central purpose in life. Through ruts, we become stronger, happier and more fulfilled.

We can learn a lot from them. So don’t toil and wallow. Stop, learn and progress.

Be bold, be free and love on.

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4 Steps For A Successful ‘New Year, New Me’ Mentality

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be hitting twenty-four. Coincidentally, it’s also the New-Year. So today, I will be reflecting on my year of life. It has been an interesting journey.

A year ago, I didn’t have anything. This blog, the YouTube channel, all the lovely readers, the confidence, the support and love, were all missing from my life. I was a wandering soul, trying to figure out my purpose.

My conscious goal was to figure out my life and in March 2014, I found solace in helping people. With each article, I felt a sense of satisfaction. My purpose became clearer, more refined.

Starting a New Year is interesting for many reasons. Among the sea of ‘New Year, New Me’ people there are a few that prosper. My goal is to increase that few from a hypothetical 10 out of 100, to a hypothetical 90 out of 100. Reaching everyone is foolhardy, but I can definitely increase that number a little bit.

Here’s what I’m going to do tomorrow.

Scratch that. I’m starting today.

1) A New Habit

Aside from the core habits – sleep, diet and exercise – there are many others you can implement. I’m solidifying an older routine into my daily practice: 10-minute meditations.

We’ve talked about meditations in the past, but humor me for a second. Your brain is the central entity responsible for all your thoughts, feelings and actions. It is responsible for everything; consciously and unconsciously in your body, yet we allow no rest.

When was the last time you did nothing – no thinking, worrying, fiddling? Your answer, like mine, is probably never. You have 10 minutes a day to dedicate to nothing.

Set a timer and focus on breathing. The hardest thing isn’t finding the time, but sitting still for 10 long minutes. It will be hard, but the more you do, the more benefits you reap and the practice becomes easier.

2) Determining Your Landmarks

I’m already one semester closer to graduating. What seemed like an eternity in September has passed and April is on the horizon. Time has a way of rapidly passing if you don’t monitor it.

Today, consciously think about where you want to be in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. How do you want to feel physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally at those landmarks?

Decide the method you’re going to implement to feel that particular way. Write them down; post them somewhere visible, somewhere significant to you, as a reminder.

3) Live Fully Through Your Landmarks

Aim to improve insignificantly each day with your landmarks in the forefront of my mind. Improving yourself by 1% each day is insignificant, but that’s all you need.

Don’t try and climb your mountains everyday. Instead, take three steps and rest. At the end of year, you’ve improved 365% and you’re at the top of the mountain, well rested, stress free, and happy.

4) Reevaluate

Businesses release their results quarterly to show their progress, strengths and weaknesses and general hiccups. Become a major business. Every three months, revaluate your life.

The questions I ask myself:

  • Have I been living congruently through my landmarks?
  • Am I fulfilled with all aspects of my life? If yes, continue on your path. If no:
  • What can I do to reevaluate and reinvigorate to achieve my next landmark?

Take time each quarter to assess your progress, your strengths and weaknesses and your hiccups. “Where am I faltering? Where can I improve? What is the biggest thing holding me back from achieving my goals?” are all questions you can ask yourself multiple times a year.

This year, like last year, will be tremendously different, if I allow it to be. If I implement this four-step method, I know I won’t be one of the ‘new year, new me’ people that fail and ponder what went wrong at the end of 2015. I hope you implement these methods and questions. If you do, 2015 will be your year.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

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Live Like You’re in Your Underwear

It seems to me that everyone has a double personality. Everyone seems to be hiding who he or she really is. People are afraid to be judged and scrutinized.

People seem to put on a mask, a façade, to hide themselves from the rest of the world. Everyone has a certain way of acting in front of their family, friends, co-workers, managers, acquaintances and strangers.

I’m equally guilty of this, although I feel I am at a lesser capacity. I feel like I am the same person in public, as I am around my house in my underwear.

Am I different? I don’t know. I try to act the same with everyone. That way, there are no unpleasant surprises and miscommunication. What you see is what you get. I find it easier to live one life, rather than a series of multiple ones, catering to different audiences.

Why do people lead these multiple lives?

As mentioned, I think because the majority of people are afraid of not fitting in. Everyone wants everyone to love them, so people cater to each other. They pretend to be something, or like something, or say something out of the ordinary.

I was guilty of this. I had a mid-mid-life crisis already. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I tried to desperately fit in with everyone. Said the right things, liked the right things, acted the right way.

But when I came home, I felt hollow, almost like an alien, different. I spent all day being someone else and it started taking a toll on me. It started to change me into something I didn’t like.

Live life like there is a sign above your head

I like to imagine that there is a sign above my head at all times. The sign reads out to the rest of the world exactly I am. It reveals everything I am to the rest of the world.

What does your sign say? Mine says something like:

1. Falls for girls too easy

2. Has a minimum of 50,000 thoughts a day

3. Time-traveller

4. Sometimes gets deeply upset

5. Tries to be positive, no matter what the situation

6. Used to be a heavy partier and drinker.

7. Hurts people sometimes

There’s more but I’ll spare the details for fear of making it sound like a dating profile. But imagine, if everything about you was displayed above your head?

How do you choose to live your life? How would everyone react to you? Realistically, being you comes at no extra expense to yourself.

There are six billion people in this world. You are not meant to fit into everywhere. Everyone is not meant to like you. In fact, most people will hate you. They will reject your ideas, your feelings, your thoughts and your goals.

They will try to fight you, hurt you, and push you down. However, despite this, what do you have to lose? These people still exist if you pretend to be someone else.

Save yourself the trouble, the anxiety, and stress and be yourself. Show your true colors. Appreciate who you are and stand up for what you think is right.

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Above all else, aim for positive energy, aim to help each other, and aim to make others happy. These are tasks that are often overlooked. Give someone a compliment today and I promise you it will make that person (and you) feel amazing.

Speaking for myself, I don’t want my public sign saying anything terrible for the world to see. Live your life in same way you are living, when you’re at home in your underwear.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

The Green-Eyed Monster

When I was in elementary school, there was this kid, my friend. For confidentiality, let us call him Q (I very recently watched James Bond, but completely irrelevant).

Anyways, Q had everything. He was good looking; he had money, friends and, the cherry on the cake, any girl to his liking. He was somewhat of a king at my elementary school.

He had his birthday party (I can’t remember which one) at his house. He lived in this massive house with archways, pillars and the whole shebang. We ran around and played with his home laser tag set and dined on homemade tacos. I was brimming with jealousy.

Every night I would go to bed, hoping to wake up in his house, in his bed, in his shoes. I would dream that I was him, surrounded by a mountain of money, girls and friends. I wanted the same fate. Why was I born in this life and him in that? I couldn’t comprehend it.

The jealousy grew inside me and slowly turned into hate and loathing for the world and for him. Before long, that was the only thing I could think of. It consumed me, occupied all my time and distracted me.

Jealousy always comes from a place of insecurity. I was incredibly insecure with myself. I did not feel comfortable in my own skin, I had trouble making friends, and I just felt different.

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A) Be Sherlock Holmes

You have to identify where the jealousy is coming from. For me, it came from a lack of physical and emotional control. I felt like I did not have any control of my emotions or actions. It was almost like I was a soulless drone.

There could be one or a multitude of reasons behind your feelings. Be like Sherlock Holmes and connect all the pieces together into an intricate picture. Your lifeblood is at stake here. The circumstances are large.

B) Address it Head On

Approach the person or just do it internally. I don’t know where Q is now, but I never confronted him with my envy. I idled by until high school separated us.

Instead, I identified it internally. I wrote down what made me jealous and why. I’ve found that writing it down helps me analyze thoughts. I had to stop comparing myself to others. I still constantly do that and it is a terrible flaw.

Most people are trapped with the green-eyed monster because they fail to confront it. Instead, they let it fester and grow. Confronting the situation will kill that monster.

C) It Does Not Change Your Circumstances

Envying someone does not have any bearing on you. It just progressively puts you in a more depressed and anxious state. It just pushes you further from your goals.

Being jealous of material possessions does not make it easier for you to attain it. You do not need the latest iPhone or that 80-inch SMART television. But if you do want something, go and get it.

The only thing stopping you is your jealousy.

D) You are Amazing

You have to realize that you are amazing the way you are. You are different, but then again everyone is different. Different is by no means bad.

I view the difference as unique. I am not different. I am unique. The green-eyed monster cannot take hold if you believe that you are unique. With uniqueness comes a whole new set of ideas.

Maybe you want a better nose, but the nose you have now is great. It’s unique; it has a little point to it. It’s cute.

I don’t have mountains of money, girls, and friends but that doesn’t matter anymore. Envying someone that has that just pushes me further away from my goals

I have let jealously control my actions and thoughts for far too long. It is time I let go and focused on myself.

If you have any personal methods to overcome jealousy, please leave your comments below.