The Single Biggest Factor Affecting YOUR Mood

“Are you okay Steven? I can sense something’s wrong.”

I love people who actually pay attention to those around them. They are the best kind of people.

She was right, I wasn’t my usual self. The problem with being energetic and positive all the time is when your mood slips even a little, people notice.

The truth is I had been working two jobs, waking up at 5:45am, working until midnight and doing it again the next day.

Even though everyone knows me as someone who is always happy, it was taking a toll on me and people were noticing.

I used to believe that the ultimate factors dictating my moods were the people and situations around me, now I think in a completely different way.

I like to put my focus towards the factors I can control, while focusing less on the factors that I have less control over.

If you have terrible coworkers, you might be stuck with them. If you have bad in-laws, you’re stuck. A dysfunctional family, good luck because you’re stuck. The weather will be shitty, someone will insult you, and a bird will shit on your head.

That’s life.

So what are the factors affecting your mood that you have control over?

Well, one of the main factors will be our focus for today.

Your Sleep.

It’s not any sort of revelation that sleep affects your mood. There are a ton of studies showing a very strong link between a lack of sleep and increased stress, irritability, anxiety, depression, increased risk of chronic diseases, learning/memory problems and many more disturbing symptoms.

Not only does a lack of sleep increase these symptoms, but it’s been proven that a lot of these symptoms can make it harder to get a good nights sleep. Now that’s a vicious cycle.

We don’t get enough sleep and the crap of the world affects us more, because the crap of the world affects us more, we have a harder time getting to sleep.

Rinse and repeat until you’re having a meltdown because someone cut in line and now you’re that crazy person.

Once I experienced an involuntary ten minute nap between shifts, I knew that I had to fix things.

Here is what we need to do to get our sleep, and our moods, back on track.

See The Light.

Our light consumption throughout the day is one of the biggest factors that affects the quality of our sleep.

Hundreds of years ago when we had little artificial light and relied mostly on the sun, this was not a problem.

These days the sun could go out and no one would even notice. We’d light the skies with our tiny glowing screens. But the problem with these glowing screens is that they produce blue light which messes with your melatonin production.

Your melatonin production regulates your circadian rhythms and lets you body know it’s time to sleep. When you check Facebook right before bed, taking in that blue light, you suppress your melatonin and ruin your sleep before it even starts.

My rules for light consumption are as follows:

• Lots of light in the morning
• No electronics/screens 1 hour before bed
• Have a low light lamp for before bed
• Get blackout curtains

A good general rule to follow is when the sun is up, turn up the lights. When the sun goes down, turn them down. This will help your body develop and maintain a natural circadian rhythm.

Before Bed Foreplay.

You would never just jump into bed with a significant other without building up to it, so why do you just hop into bed and expect a good night sleep?

You need to develop and routine that leads up to your bed time so that your body knows it’s time to count the sheep and sleep away.

This routine should start at least 40 minutes before your bed time, and remember, no electronics.

You can read a little, meditate, have a sleepy time tea, take a shower, brush your teeth, whatever helps your body simmer down and get ready for the sandman. Just don’t drink alcohol too close to bed and don’t exercise too close to bed.

Another thing to include in your routine is the time you go to sleep and wake up. Scientists have found that if you can go to sleep and wake up at roughly the same time at least 6 times a week, you’ll have easier and better quality sleep.

Build a routine, fiddle around with it, and catch those Z’s.

I just woke up from twelve hours of sleep, my body must have really needed that. I feel better than I have in the last week, but it will take a while to get things completely back on track.

There are so many unintended consequences when we don’t give our body the proper sleep it deserves.

It can start with irritability and stress, but over time it can shape our personality, ruin our relationships and take a sledgehammer to our health.

In real life you might have terrible coworkers and a dysfunctional family. Someone might insult you and a bird might shit on your head.

But in your sleep, in your dreams, that’s where it’s decided. That is where you find happiness.

How To Escape Loneliness

Our family surrounds us at birth, and they’re present for the most part throughout your life, but they never warned you of the loneliness in this world. They never prepared you for the harsh truths and rough life that you may lead.

You were thrown headfirst endlessly seeking happiness and pleasure. Through the entire journey you fall and fail, and fall and fail some more, trying to find a speck of happiness in someone or something.

Your Social Circle

I depend on my social circle to a very large degree. I don’t know who I would be without them. I would be lost.

But before this blissful time, I was hopelessly alone. All through elementary and high school, I just had myself. I was ridiculed and severely unhappy.

In elementary school, I would pretend I was sick and stay home. In high school, I hung out with the librarian and that was where I would eat my lunches, while he talked about his war stories and medical history.

Neither of us enjoyed it.

Your significant other

One of the earliest memories of relationships was from grade 3. Susie was her name. Or maybe, it was Suzy? I told her I liked her, and she screamed and ran away. All the kids made fun of me. I was unhappy.

So what? If girls had cooties, I was okay with it.

Apparently, my peers weren’t. I never had another relationship until high school, which ended terribly and I was emotionally destroyed. After the break-up, I would work seventy-hour weeks just to drown out the emptiness I felt.

Work, work, sleep, and repeat.

Curtis had an xbox

The kid down the street had an Xbox. I hated him. I wanted an Xbox. I deserved one. I got decent grades and I never hurt anyone. Why did he get one and I didn’t?

His parents were rich.

Maybe you have both, friends and a significant other, but something is missing. Your social life is flourishing, but you need an xbox to be happy. That will impress others! If others are impressed, they’ll like you and you’ll be happy.

But then I got that Xbox, and I had a sense of bliss for a little while. But, no one was impressed, no one liked me, and I wasn’t happy.

What’s the solution?

I like to think all factors in my life as external factors. These only supplement happiness, but they don’t provide baseline happiness.

Baseline happiness comes from inside you. It comes from own self-realization that you’re worthy to be happy. Everyone can be happy, but it must come from within.

My friends provide additional happiness, but, first, the baseline must be achieved. In order to make friends, I had to be happy first. I had to realize that I am worthy enough to have friends.

I don’t have a significant other to share everything. However, I am happy, and in time, someone significant will come, but only after I’ve accepted myself wholly.

Xbox and copious amounts of money will not bring you happiness. It might make your life easier for a little bit. But it’s never enough. The richest people are also the most unfulfilled. They realized, the hard way, that money can’t buy happiness. You will be able to have anything you want, but in the end, those items bring just momentary happiness.

When you are able to be happy alone, everything else falls in place. You have to discover intrinsic happiness for yourself. Being happy will take work and time, but search for it.

Give yourself a moment each day to figure out what happiness means to you, what it will take, and how you can achieve it today. Happiness varies from person to person. Discover it for yourself.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Three Methods To Overcome An Emotional Rut

I’m in physical, spiritual, and emotional distress right now. I had an entire motivational article written for today, but I decided to postpone it.

My body physically aches, my mind drifts to the forgotten past and distant future, and I feel like I’m losing control of my emotions, functioning minimally, as I drift through each day, a hazy blur.

In phases like this, contrary to my better judgment, I tend to focus on what. Now more than ever, I need to reframe my mind towards where. One ‘w’ acknowledges, and the other, directs.

Don’t Ask, “What am I currently focusing on and thinking about?”

We give our brains free-reign over us. Through millions of years of evolution, thoughts are left to the unconscious mind, wantonly unguided. Pondering what, is just being aware of your current thoughts. Being in the present is important but is very different from choosing to direct your mind.

The brain prefers effortless unconscious processes, but it inevitably hinders your progress, pinning everything down. Free-reign over your thoughts destroys your energy.

Thanks evolution.

Instead I have to preemptively battle my thoughts. Asking what emphasizes now, but asking where focuses on the place I want to be. I’m not the pilot now, my brain is. Being in control requires conscious control.

Ask, “Where shall I focus my thoughts right now?”

This forces me to consciously be aware of my thoughts, feelings, and energy. This means being aware of such things and choosing to guide them rather than letting them unconsciously or automatically drive me.

Through conscious awareness I can slowly start to rehabilitate my emotional and spiritual system. I have to refocus my thoughts and actions towards this central goal.

Sleep like a sloth

Recently, I’ve been tremendously lacking in this area. Between work and work and her, sleep is a distant memory. I can feel the effects on my mind. Diminutive sleep pushes your brain into autopilot.

Sloths always seem to have that big goofy smile on their faces. I think it’s because they sleep at least ten hours a day. I have to start carving out time each day for sleep. I have to be as diligent as a sloth.

Appreciate Yourself

We have talked about being grateful for everything around us. Even when things seem bleak, there is always at least one thing to be grateful for. But, we never really focus on ourselves.

I ask myself two questions: “What is my favorite physical aspect about myself? What is my favorite emotional quality about myself?”

When you’re in distress, the only things you focus on are negative aspects. In these moments of turmoil, turn inwards. Discover what you love about yourself. These questions are unbelievably hard to answer. Force yourself to find something.

Tag Someone In

I realized this morning, that I haven’t seen my rocks, my support group, in a long time. Somewhere, between the hustle and bustle of work and life, I forgot to make time for them.

I saw them three times a week forever, but this last little stretch was barren. Today, I saw Steven for the first time in a few weeks. He injected much needed support, positivity and love into my life.

When you’re in need, reach out. Sometimes it’s the only thing that will save you. Your support group is there to help you succeed and live, thrive and prosper. They look out for your best interests.

I practice what I teach and I teach what I practice. Somewhere along the lines I forgot about that. I try to help to as many people as possible through my works, but today, you helped me.

You are part of my extended family. You share my happiness, positivity, zest for life and, inevitably, my pain. Every one of our readers that views, likes, comments, shares, and shows any other form of love, know that I am so appreciative. I know today I will be okay because you are all here for me. I love all of you.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Guest Post: A Tale of Two Losses

I have the honour of presenting another guest post today! This comes from Dignified Anonymity. She is a stellar writer covering a variety of topics. You can check out her blog here! http://dignifiedanonymity.com

As always, I welcome all guest posts. My hope is too one day have this blog as a massive self-help/advice forum for the WORLD to use. This my aspiration and I know it will come true! So please, do not hesitate to contact me to have your work featured here! So without further ado, I give you “A Tale of Two Losses.”

 

A Tale of Two Losses

Before everything else, here’s a confession: when I pitched the guest post idea to Leroy, I was talking about something like “5 important life lessons”. But alas, I found it absurdly hard to create a numbered list based on my story. So I decided to change the approach a little bit, and came up with a recap of two unforgettable events that happened in my lengthy history of more than twenty years.

Loss #1: Dumped by a guy after being together for one month.

The guy and I met at a part-time job. He said it was “love at first sight”; though I had never believed in that sort of stuff, it still sounded flattering. The relationship started one week after we met, and ended one month later. Well, actually it should have already ended when the guy started to disappear on me after two weeks, but I refused to accept the truth right away. It wasn’t my first love really, and the most intimate thing we had ever done was nothing more than kissing (on the cheek). But since he vanished, I still cried every single day as if it was the end of the world, until everything was washed away by the tears.

Lesson learnt: Give time, some time.

During the aching course of self-healing, I performed some strange rituals. I watched the entire Sex & the City DVD deluxe collection all over again (which includes all six seasons and the two movies), chatted with random strangers on Bazoocam, and deleted all characters on Diablo 3 to start from scratch again. By distracting myself with these time-consuming activities, I started to get better.

And I began to realize that no one is obliged to love us except ourselves. Just like the change of seasons, the feelings and preferences of humans will hardly be static. That’s why no matter how good a relationship is, it still has a chance to reach an end some day. And if it’s meant to happen, the only best thing we can do is to let go. There’s really no use to cling onto the past. Don’t underestimate the healing power of time; give yourself and time some time, and magic will start working. Believe or not, “this too, shall pass” is more than a common proverb.

Loss #2: Got laid off by a company.

Ironically, the layoff happened two days after my birthday. Things were perfectly normal in the morning, until that email arrived at the inbox of mine and a few other colleagues who were on the same boat. Yes, an email – the boss didn’t even bother to talk in person. The “reason” for the layoff? “Company restructure.” When a colleague demanded an explanation, the boss immediately picked up his bag and left. I was shocked, devastated, and totally caught off guard. I did not know how to tell my family and my friends about it. “How are they gonna judge me? Would I be labeled as a loser?” These thoughts alone had made me feel completely broken and even ashamed, to the extent that I would secretly doubt whether I would be able to survive the storm.

Lesson learnt: Predict and prepare for the worst before the storm actually comes.

In fact, I could sense that shadows were stirring, and a lot of the symptoms emerged before the storm actually hit. Missed revenue goals? Check. Risky pivots? Check. Shady boss? Check. But I chose to ignore them. I thought that I would become an idiotic victim of self-fulfilling prophecy if I kept thinking about those negative signs. So instead of properly preparing myself for the worst, I only wished that those symptoms would magically disappear, that they were only my illusions, and that they were merely the products of “overthinking”. But apparently, I was WRONG.

In the recent times of economic instability, it’s always better to prepare for anything, including the worst. Regardless of what your skills are, get really good at them and stay updated. At the same time, expand your toolbox through learning and exploration. The better you are equipped, the fewer worries you have; even if you were hit by a huge tsunami, you would find your lifeboat.

Last words

While no one wishes to enter the realm of agony, there’s always a time to lose in life.

And if those dramatic plots are already written on my scripts, it’s always better for them to happen sooner than later. I am no longer the same person I was before all that happened after all; “I made it through somehow, and I’m so much stronger now.”

Where Did All The Laughter Go?

I recently began a practice where I watched stand-up comedy every single day. It wasn’t something I really considered important or practical, but it was something I enjoyed.

I constantly searched for new standup specials: Louis C.K. Gabriel Iglesias, Kevin Hart, Dave Chappelle, John Pinette, Katt Williams, etc.

I laughed very hard. Every single day I inserted a reason to laugh without even realizing it. As children we laugh about 300 times a day. As an adult, that number is reduced to a meager 7 times.

How did we go from 300 to 7? Did we cross some bridge of tears and now here we are: Mindless drones that wake up, go to work, participate in office politics, watch Breaking Bad, and then go to sleep and die?

Laughter is really hard as an adult. It must be, right? Going from 300 to 7? There must have been some sort of life-changing traumatic event that occurred between childhood and adulthood.

We need to get back to our childhood roots. We need to laugh more. Here are some the reasons why we don’t laugh and the activities that will help:

A) Play

As children we spend all day playing. We go to school and have about 2 hours of playtime between recesses and lunches. Then after 3PM it was all systems go and my friends and I would play until dark.

All the play was squeezed out of everyday till there wasn’t anymore time. That cycle continued every single day.

Every day, from now on, I will play.

B) We drink alcohol 

Drinking alcohol can be a fun time. I don’t want to be a downer or a hypocrite. I drink alcohol sometimes. It’s a part of being social.

For a short time, it helps loosen inhibitions and there are a variety of reasons (sex) why someone would want to participate. But the truth is that alcohol is a depressant.

When you wake up from a night of drinking, you feel slightly more depressed than your baseline of depression. Then, you go to a shitty job (because work sucks), filled with other depressed medicated people.

Then we feel like we’re in a loop, trapped and struggling to reinvent ourselves. Reduce your drinking to a few times a MONTH (if that) and see how you feel.

C) We are afraid to look stupid 

It’s interesting that children get embarrassed about some things. But as adults we monitor ourselves constantly. The feeling is multiplied ten-fold when we reach adulthood.

You’re judged by your looks, opinions, and what we do moment-by-moment. We wear the right uniform to work. We say the right things. We categorize ourselves in the correct groups, never falling out of the line for fear of scrutiny from our peers.

Kids don’t worry about these things on a daily basis. They jump for joy, dance in public and CRY. As adults, we can’t cry when we don’t get our raise or promotion.

At night, speaking for myself, I ponder what I did wrong, what people thought of me, what I wrote, and what I said. I replay my day, totally squandering the opportunities to have fun and laugh.

“Be who you are and say what you think because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter, don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

D) Adults have to clean their washrooms

We have responsibilities and priorities. We have to worry about money and life and sex and taking out the garbage. It isn’t fun not being able to handle our responsibilities, which inevitably happens at least once or twice in life.

You feel like killing yourself and crying and then medicating yourself to feel better, which makes it incredibly hard to laugh.

Although laughter is more of a cure for endless responsibilities.

E) Fresh Prince became Walter White

When I was a kid the best show on TV was watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. It was filled with wholesome laughs and pressing family matters demonstrated by Will Smith.

Then TV shows became about “friends” living in lavish apartments with no ‘real’ problems except for who is sleeping with whom.

Now the ‘best’ TV shows are about meth dealers who kill people and medieval beheadings (spoiler alert).

These shows make it hard to insert laughs in your day. There are a lot of funny shows on TV such as: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Family Guy, Arrested Development, Seinfeld, Brooklyn 99, and Simpsons.

Some of those are no longer on air, but you’re already on the Internet (reading this) so start streaming. Start with those and if you want to add to the list in the comments, I’d be eternally grateful.

F) Get some funny people

Spending time with good people is always a surefire way for more laughs. Recently, I’ve been hanging out with my neighbor (I know, I’ve mentioned her a lot, but bare with me).

She’s incredibly funny and easy to talk to. There hasn’t been a moment with her that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed. She provides some quality side-splitting laughs and one of the few that remains consistent.

Spend some more time with your friends. Set aside some time each day to hang out with someone that makes you laugh.

G) Get some fast laughs 

With YouTube and High Speed Internet, quick laughs are only about 15 seconds away. Here’s what I’ve watched over the past couple days:

• GameGrumps – Shovel Night Series
• JonTron – Titenic (no that’s not a typo)
• Louis C.K. – Hide and Seek skit
• Dave Chappelle – Excerpts from the Chappelle Show
• My own video – Defeat Procrastination Now!

Speaking for the current moment in time, I still feel like I am not quite up to 300 laughs a day. I think about too many things a day. Ideas, what I’m going to write next, my goals and aspirations, which leaves very little time for laughter.

I have to learn how to take my 50,000 thoughts a day to 15,000 so I have more time for funny thoughts and laughter. Slowly I will work on it. How many times do you laugh per day? Insert more laughs into your day and grow happier.

Be bold, be free, and love on.