Three Keys To Improving ANY Relationship

Improving relationships with friends and significant others is a common goal amongst people. People want to connect more with others, on a deeper level.

That has led me to consciously consider my interactions and change them. It begins with having a good intention.

We meet great people and we’re so overwhelmed with excitement. We build this amazing relationship with that person and everything is great.

But then, the excitement dwindles and we get caught in a routine and we start to develop little pet peeves. That initial spark is forgotten. That zest of why the person was great eventually fades.

To create, improve or rejuvenate a once great relationship, your intention must be to be great. You have to make the other person feel great. You have to make the other person feel appreciated and loved. It’s difficult and we all fail, but I think these three methods can strengthen and improve any relationship.

Key #1 –  Be Present

I went out with this girl for coffee. Midway through, her phone rang and she was on it for 15 minutes, as I stared in dismay. After her social call, she couldn’t let go of her phone, constantly texting or fiddling.

She was sharing her eye contact between her phone and I. She couldn’t give me her undivided attention for longer than three minutes. I find that incredibly problematic.

Most issues in relationships are caused by a lack of attention. You cannot show respect to someone, pick up on peoples’ non-verbal cues or feelings and completely understand the other person unless you’re completely present in their lives.

But, you can stand out. You can be the anomaly. Make a meaningful connection with your eyes and body, be present and envelope them with your unhindered presence.

Leave your phone on silent when you’re with loved ones. Or just leave it at home, and go for a walk with the person. Give them your undivided attention and they will understand how much they mean to you.

The cellphone ding makes people feel important, but what’s more important than the person across from you sharing a coffee right now?

Key #2 – Appreciate Them

Most people get wrapped up in the idea that appreciation involves extravagant gifts or these large spectacles like writing ‘thank you” in the sky. I thought I needed those to show people how much I cared for them.

But people don’t want your gifts. They just want to be appreciated, appreciated for all the little things they do, and feel and, most importantly, appreciated for who they are.

Appreciate who they are as a human being and, above all, be there for them. Be there when they need you, and be there even when they don’t.

Through all their ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ and trials and tribulations, they want to know that you’re there and that you truly care.

The people in your life want to feel your real appreciation. Thank you loses its’ meaning the more you say it. Instead, say ‘I appreciate you for…’

Key #3 – Make Complimenting a Daily Habit

There is a lot of power in words and they often get taken for granted. We think nice things about our friends and significant others, but rarely express them.

It seems like criticism gets more of the spotlight than compliments. In reality, compliments should be dominating the life-stage.

We’ve become people that forgot how to say nice things. When was the last time you complimented your friend or significant other? Personally, it has been three days and that’s a long time to hold nice comments in.

Make it a daily habit, or instead, a challenge, to compliment someone you care about. Solidify it into your daily routine and don’t feel completely fulfilled until you’ve made someone’s day through your words.

Say something meaningful and unique to make each compliment really matter. Make the person in your life feel like there is no one else deserving of those words in that very moment. True compliments arise from love and adoration.

This is the hardest step of the three because it requires both of the above steps. You need to be present to recognize the little quirks and you need to be able to appreciate that person for who they are.

These methods will change and impact your relationships in a very significant way. They are simple and just require a little presence, appreciation, and daily kind words.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

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Live Like You’re in Your Underwear

It seems to me that everyone has a double personality. Everyone seems to be hiding who he or she really is. People are afraid to be judged and scrutinized.

People seem to put on a mask, a façade, to hide themselves from the rest of the world. Everyone has a certain way of acting in front of their family, friends, co-workers, managers, acquaintances and strangers.

I’m equally guilty of this, although I feel I am at a lesser capacity. I feel like I am the same person in public, as I am around my house in my underwear.

Am I different? I don’t know. I try to act the same with everyone. That way, there are no unpleasant surprises and miscommunication. What you see is what you get. I find it easier to live one life, rather than a series of multiple ones, catering to different audiences.

Why do people lead these multiple lives?

As mentioned, I think because the majority of people are afraid of not fitting in. Everyone wants everyone to love them, so people cater to each other. They pretend to be something, or like something, or say something out of the ordinary.

I was guilty of this. I had a mid-mid-life crisis already. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I tried to desperately fit in with everyone. Said the right things, liked the right things, acted the right way.

But when I came home, I felt hollow, almost like an alien, different. I spent all day being someone else and it started taking a toll on me. It started to change me into something I didn’t like.

Live life like there is a sign above your head

I like to imagine that there is a sign above my head at all times. The sign reads out to the rest of the world exactly I am. It reveals everything I am to the rest of the world.

What does your sign say? Mine says something like:

1. Falls for girls too easy

2. Has a minimum of 50,000 thoughts a day

3. Time-traveller

4. Sometimes gets deeply upset

5. Tries to be positive, no matter what the situation

6. Used to be a heavy partier and drinker.

7. Hurts people sometimes

There’s more but I’ll spare the details for fear of making it sound like a dating profile. But imagine, if everything about you was displayed above your head?

How do you choose to live your life? How would everyone react to you? Realistically, being you comes at no extra expense to yourself.

There are six billion people in this world. You are not meant to fit into everywhere. Everyone is not meant to like you. In fact, most people will hate you. They will reject your ideas, your feelings, your thoughts and your goals.

They will try to fight you, hurt you, and push you down. However, despite this, what do you have to lose? These people still exist if you pretend to be someone else.

Save yourself the trouble, the anxiety, and stress and be yourself. Show your true colors. Appreciate who you are and stand up for what you think is right.

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Above all else, aim for positive energy, aim to help each other, and aim to make others happy. These are tasks that are often overlooked. Give someone a compliment today and I promise you it will make that person (and you) feel amazing.

Speaking for myself, I don’t want my public sign saying anything terrible for the world to see. Live your life in same way you are living, when you’re at home in your underwear.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

The Power of a Compliment

“ ___________, you look beautiful today.” Earlier this week, I said that to a co-worker. I really thought nothing of it. I thought she looked really pretty that day and decided to tell her.

At that time, it was just a thought I had. I found out yesterday, that those words made her feel amazing.

-Inner Conversation- Well Of course, Leroy! You can call anyone beautiful and they’ll absolutely melt (as long as you’re being sincere). –Inner Conversation-

I had no idea at that time, but those few simple words lit up her day, she said. She was having a terrible struggle inside (none of power-of-words-300x236which I knew about) and something as simple as you look nice today had a profound effect on her.

There is so much power in words. I feel like most people do not realize its impact. Personally, until this moment, I never really (I MEAN, REALLY) thought about the impact of words.

The impact it can have on people. The impact it can have on emotions and feelings. The impact it can have on people’s thoughts. It is incredibly powerful.

Nice things are simply not said enough. 

Compliments are usually kept to themselves. The majority of the time people only think about a compliment. It is a rare occasion when it’s actually spoken. Why though?

Maybe people think it may be misconstrued? Maybe they’re just shy? Or maybe people are afraid of being accused for hitting on someone. These all seem like terrible excuses.

For me, I realized that nice things are simply not said enough. Instead, we dish out criticisms and “constructive criticism.” There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, but why not say something positive in lieu?

It is an upsetting realization, but negative things are said more than positive things. We spend our time gossiping, putting people down and hurting people, lying to people, instead of complimenting them.

Where has all the love gone? Or maybe it was just never there? Regardless, we need to bring it back to life.

Everyone has their own struggles.

I express my thoughts through this blog. Prior to this venue, they were held within my head, festering and compiling upon itself and eating away at me. This is my venue to vent, express, and deal with my many thoughts.

But for the people who can’t vent, their struggles are inside their own head. Everyone has their own struggles, their own problems, and their own negative emotions to deal with.

A simple kind word has a profound effect on people. It alleviates their problems (even if it is for a brief moment), boosts good mood, and dishes out a dose of positivity in, what may be, their negative life.

I learned this valuable lesson this week. From this day forth, I will focus on casting away negative words. I will pay close attention to my own gossip, criticism, and negative words.

I will intervene when someone tries to put people down and hurt people. I am going to start the activity of complimenting (at least) one person each day. Slowly that number will rise. Whether it can be misconstrued as flirting or not, I will do it for the simple opportunity of making someone feel happy.

I implore you today and everyday, to do the same. I am only one man. I can only reach so many people. There is great power in simple compliments. Instead of even risking the chance of hurting someone, help someone with your words.

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well” – Robin Sharma

At the end of the day, words are free. They are able to love, accomplish, and create everything. Be the change, be the positive in someone’s life today.

Be bold, be free, and love on.DailyKindness_Flyer3OFF