3 Ways Your Brain Damages Your Self-Esteem

Your brain wasn’t made for the modern era. 

For most of human history we were hunter gatherers surviving in tribes. We didn’t have the stimulation of technology, the safety net of modern medicine or the vastly interconnected social system that we have now.

Because of this fact, our brains and bodies have some left over mechanisms and responses that aren’t exactly suited for our time. Today we are going to be talking about one of the mechanisms and responses that we have left over from a distant past: cognitive biases.

Cognitive biases are tendencies to think in certain ways that can lead to systematic deviations from a standard of rationality or good judgment.

Specifically we’ll explore how these cognitive biases can help cause one of the most rampant mental well-being problems that we all have in common, a low self-esteem.

While you think every decision and thought you hold is completely voluntary, I’m here to show you that the shortcuts your brain takes deeply impact how you view yourself and the world around you. Once we are aware of the tricks our brain can play on us, we can control them a little more.

Negative Bias

Negative Bias refers to the notion that, even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature (e.g. unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social interactions; harmful/traumatic events) have a greater effect on one’s psychological state and processes than do neutral or positive things.

In other words, something we consider very positive could have less of an affect on our mental state and behaviour than something we find to be less intensely negative. It could take 5 positive experiences to outweigh one negative.

If you go outside and five people compliment you, but one person insults you, the insult might affect you more than all of the compliments combined. With this in mind it’s easy to see how our self esteem can be skewed from what it could be if we weighed the positive and negative equally.

Attentional Bias

Attentional Bias is the tendency of our perception to be affected by our recurring thoughts. For example, people who frequently think about the clothes they wear pay more attention to the clothes of others.

Put in the context of self esteem it is easy to see how this could become a problem. If we already think negative thoughts about ourselves often, this bias will send us into a spiral. We will believe that other people are thinking negative things about us and it will become a point of focus for us.

This bias will affect our behaviours and mood based on reoccurring thoughts. If those thoughts are negative (which the negative bias can cause) then we are fighting an uphill battle.

Spotlight Effect

The Spotlight Effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one’s own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon.

This can easily damage an already bruised self esteem in that we may believe that everyone around us notices all of the flaws that we see in ourselves. We believe that everyone sees our pimples, or our nervousness in conversations, or our clothes, or height, or whatever else already makes us feel self conscious.

These biases in combination can be detrimental to our mental well-being if we are not aware of them. It’s hard to fight against millions of years of evolution and a brain that we don’t have complete control over. But we have to try to be aware so that the next time some bad happens, we can try to truthfully balance it against the good. Or that we can catch ourselves the next time we are in a spiral of negative thoughts. Or that we can realize that the people around us don’t actually pay as much attention to our flaws as we believe.

If we can keep these biases in mind and try to mitigate their affects whenever possible, we can help lessen the damage they have on our self esteem and live a better quality, happier life.

3 Terrible Ways Self-Sabotage Ruins Our Success

When Steven and I first started 2HelpfulGuys, we didn’t have a vision. We didn’t even have an idea.

We knew we wanted to help people in some way. We wanted to impact peoples’ lives through our articles and cheesy videos.

We couldn’t start anything until we had a great name behind us. We sat there for hours trying to come up with one.

Steven and I stared at my laptop screen, then back at each other, then back at the laptop screen. We were shouting out random synonyms for the words like ‘happy’ and ‘life’ and ‘positive.’

Nothing really stuck, except us. We were stuck.

Be honest now, how often do you sabotage yourself?

For most people, it’s almost daily. We have dreams at night that make us ponder incredible possibilities for the future. But as the morning sun rises we let our dreams die in the daylight.

We wake up and carry on with our monotonous lives because of self-sabotage. We’re afraid of what might be. We’re afraid of our seemingly impossible challenges.

We stay in our secure little 9-5 bubbles, despite the endless unhappiness.

Self-sabotage ruins our dreams, and in turn, us.

When Steven and I ask people why they don’t pursue their dreams, we receive the same three excuses. It is the same excuses that we once had when we started 2HelpfulGuys.

1) I don’t know how?

No one begins an endeavour knowing exactly how to do it. Everything is one giant trial and error process.

We filmed out first YouTube video on my terrible laptop camera. It barely worked and when it did, I couldn’t find the file. Worse, when we tried to upload it, the video didn’t work.

‘This file is the wrong format.’ Those words still haunt my dreams.

Through all the struggles, we figured it out. How? There’s one word that opens up our entire world.

“Google.”

If you can’t find it on Google, find a free book on Amazon. If it’s not on Amazon, find a volunteer on Meetup.com. Information is more accessible now than any other point in history, and most of it is completely free.

Use it to your advantage and learn all the applicable skills you need to further your dream.

The Internet is a beautiful place filled with useful information, if we can just tear ourselves away from Facebook, memes and cat pictures.

2) There just isn’t enough time in the day

I’m sure we can all agree that we share the same amount of time in any given day. No one has developed a magical potion or time machine that changes it.

This comes down to priorities. This comes to down to personal motivation and sheer diligence. If you have a goal, dedicate time each day to complete it.

Schedule time every single day and don’t end the day without furthering yourself in some small, even insignificant, way.

If you can move closer to your goal by just 1% each week through reading, writing or learning, you’ll be more than halfway by the end of the year.

That’s doable, right? One measly percent?

3) I need ______ to be successful

Fill in the blank.

Everyone believes they lack something important before they can reach their dream. Whether it is money, knowledge or any other blank in our personal book of excuses, we are more than comfortable abusing it.

In truth, there isn’t anything lacking. All you need is you. You are more than enough. Everything great started with one person. It took one person to come up with an idea and build something great.

Only then, did people notice and start to help.

Following your dreams requires only your complete and undivided attention and effort. Without you, nothing is possible.

So today and every day, take the plunge. Cast away your excuses and start to take action.

Let us use all the free resources possible, manage our time better, and believe in our abilities.

And, as far as being stuck on the name, it didn’t matter.

We were just 2 guys trying to be helpful.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Five Maxims of a Real Challenge

I was always mediocre at math. I barely scraped by and opted out as soon as I could. I recently started learning microeconomics. It hurts my brain. However, it is incredibly stimulating.

The perspectives, the intricacies of supply and demand, and the theory behind it all. With each problem I solve, I feel a sense of fulfillment, a sense of triumph. I’ve conquered another fraction equation, albeit barely.

However, the overarching doom of math looms over me. Still, I love it because it is challenging.

Everyone Needs a Real Challenge

All the physical, psychological, and spiritual growth you’ve experienced as a human being has been a result of a challenge. It has destroyed your barriers and pushed you against the ropes. In those particular moments your concentration was invigorated, your ingenuity called upon, and your fortitude and courage tested.

The struggle meant something to you and you focused on the activity without any perception of time. Self-consciousness seemed to melt away. That’s when real growth and change occurred.

Goals vs. Real Challenges

We all have plenty of goals in our daily lives and are busy multitasking, trying to satisfy our co-workers and spouses, while dealing with our day-to-days. Even ‘challenging’ goals hardly demand your concentrated attention, and mostly consist of daily routines.

A real challenge, on the other hand, demands your full efforts and abilities. There lies the true difference between feeling a real challenge versus ticking something of a goal list.

Goal thinking is about the destination; figuring out the ending outcome. Challenge thinking commands thoughts about the journey; it’s about giving more of yourself.

Maxim #1: A Real Challenge Demands Undivided Attention

A real challenge demands your undivided attention, as it absorbs and engages your entire mental and physical presence. It requires focus and must be something important, that compels completion now.

Each economics lesson, strained my mental capacity to the point that my brain sweat. Struggling through galvanized complete concentration. Similarly, public speaking doesn’t allow you do have side-thoughts. Everything occurs in the moment.

Maxim #2: A Real Challenge Stretches You

Choose challenges that are slightly beyond your comfort zone, that stretches your abilities. Aim to feel a little strain.

Don’t go from difficulty level one to level ten. Instead, try two or three instead, and feel the stretch with an impending sense of gratification.

I have a base level understanding of math, but economics forces my brain to use everything I know, plus a little more. If you’re a good public speaker that relies on notes, choosing to go without notes will stretch you.

Maxim #3: A Real Challenge Tracks Performance

Provide yourself with performance markers to track your progress during your challenge. While it seems like common sense, few people build progress checks into their challenges.

People get inspired, start strong, and fizzle out shortly after. Crafting your next challenge with progress markers will not only be more satisfying, but also makes it easier to continue.

Economics becomes a more satisfying experience when I can measure my competency. Presentations are more fulfilling when you can see the audience’s faces and reactions to your voice.

Maxim #4: A Real Challenge Possesses a Sense of Completion

Have a finish line in the forefront of your mind. A sense of completion gives your challenge an end. Pat yourself on the back when you hit each marker. Each small win will push you toward the next.

On Khan Academy, each lesson awards points that add to my total score, unlocking benefits. Even though the points are moderately meaningless, I strive. With each lesson, I collect more, chasing a sense of completion.

The public speaker tracks each speech and grants a pat on the back for each section of the speech. Negative or positive outcomes don’t matter; allow sense of completion to dominate.

Maxim #5: A Real Challenge Allows Sharing of Experiences and Results

You feel fulfilled implementing the last four maxims, but this last one puts the icing on the cake. Talking about and celebrating our personal victories with others is a powerful psychological experience.

Imagine the difference in feelings between the following scenarios. You practiced hard for a presentation, and after the mental strain of writing and memorizing; you completed a daunting speech in front of 400 people.

In one ending, you walk alone to your car, go home and never speak of it again. In the other, you celebrate with the energy of the crowd and hug your family and friends. Which outcome feels more fulfilling?

Talking about how strenuous microeconomics is fills my mind with an unabated sense of gratification. Sharing my experiences and results brings forth a recognition of my hard work and perseverance, which contributes to my sense of self-fulfillment.

Sometimes, I want to quit economics, but I am constantly reminded of these five maxims. Reflecting on each of my previous challenges, made clear sense that these five maxims were present. Now that you’re conscious of them, use them to intelligently craft new challenges that push you further in all areas of your life.

Be bold, be free, and love on.