3 Lessons From Our Mothers

If you had to clean up someones poop, puke, and pee, or had to listen to them cry and scream at all hours of day and night, you probably wouldn’t stand this person for very long.

Well, your mother went through that and a whole lot more for a very long time to make sure that you survived and became the slightly less poop and pee covered person that you are today.

Our mothers not only took care of us when we were disgusting and unruly, they also taught us a lot of the most important lessons we’ve ever learned.

We will never be able to repay our mothers, but at the very least we can say thank you every once and a while.

So this is an ode to the lessons our mothers have taught us, and a thank you note to all the amazing mothers out there.

We are born of love; love is our mother.
-Rumi

Sharing Is Caring

I grew up in a male dominated house. Needless to say, the boys of the house wanted to solve every conflict aggressively and had a hard time sharing anything. Whether it was time on the computer, toys, or treats, we wanted everything to ourselves.

But mothers will always step in and set it straight. She showed us the value of sharing our things, and thus our happiness, with others.

She also taught us this lesson through her everyday life. I frequently saw my mother pay for strangers, offer to pay for everyone in our group, and give presents at every opportunity.

She taught us that money comes and goes, but the impact that a small gesture can have on someone will last forever.

Give Everyone A Fair Shake

No matter who you were, if you came into contact with my mother she would give you the benefit of the doubt.

If everyone in the world was like this there would be no more sexism, racism, or any other of the prejudice diseases that plague humanity. When you treat each person as an individual and assume only the best of them—until they prove otherwise—you make the world a fairer place.

The media will try to convince you of a whole myriad of ignorant stereotypes, but the lessons from our mothers will always outweigh them and for that I am grateful.

Because of our mothers we know that each person is unique and deserves a fair chance.

Don’t Let The Opinions Of Others Affect You

My mother is a bus driver. She has told me many horror stories and she has been called every name in the book.

She’s been put down or attacked so many times that you’d lose count, but she never let the opinions of others affect her opinion of herself.

Sometimes it would get to her, but seeing the strength and determination that she mustered up during those moments was inspiring.

I learned that other people can only affect you as much as you let them affect you and this is one of the most important lessons a person can learn.

When I think of the mothers of the world I think about determination, unconditional love, overcoming obstacles, and doing things you never thought you’d do because you love that little life more than anything in the whole world.

Raising you was the hardest thing someone ever had to do in their entire life. So today, take the time to thank them. This is for all the mothers out there.

I love you mum. Thank for putting up with all the poop, the pee, the aggression, the rebellion, the shortcomings and the times I didn’t appreciate you like I should have.

I’ve finally learned my lessons.

What are some of the lessons that your mother taught you? Leave them in the comments!

1 Timeless Way To Improve All Your Relationships

Most people will give you the same answer to the following question:

“Do you treasure your relationships?”

I asked myself that question yesterday and the answer was an obvious ‘yes!’ It is just a common trait that we share as social beings.

But then I asked myself a follow-up question. And most people, myself included, cannot answer with the same authenticity and assertion.

“How do you treasure your relationships?”

This question is a lot harder to answer. I found myself stuck, racking my brain for answers.

When was the last time I told someone I treasured them? When was the last time I paid a loved one a simple heartfelt compliment? Unfortunately, I have failed at this task.

While most people do treasure their relationships, they often forget to show it. Here’s how to remedy this major problem.

1. Friendships

My friends mean the world to me. I would do anything that is in my power to help them. Even if it were out of my power, I’d still attempt to move the world.

Most people would identify with the similar sentiment.

But it has been too long since I’ve said or did something that conveys my feelings. Today, I picked up the phone and told two of my friends that I love them. I told two of them, that I’m there for them no matter what.

I told two of them that they can vent and I’ll listen, they can cry and I’ll have a free shoulder, and they can feel lonely and I’ll always be behind them like their shadows.

Today, meet-up, call, text, email, Facebook, MySpace, or any other cryptic interaction you use and tell your friends that you treasure them.

2. Your Significant Other

I started seeing an amazing girl over the last month and half.

I treasure her. Every single moment that I share with her is never a waste. Every single moment has a burst of bliss, energy and affection. When I’m around her, I feel like that cartoon wolf with the bulging eyes and heart.

When was the last time you expressed how you felt to your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? When was the last time you told them that you felt like the cartoon wolf when you cast your eyes on them?

Tell them and show them through your eyes and ears. They don’t want your money or fancy gifts. They just want you, through and through, fully.

Today, stare into their eyes and say something meaningful and heartfelt.

3. Family

Their love and affection is almost expected and that’s a terrible way to live because we take them for granted. I am guilty of this and extremely embarrassed.

I’ll be moving out of the nest and spreading my wings next Friday and as that day nears, I find myself getting bluer.

That expected love and affection from my family will not be an everyday occurrence and it seems that I have not treasured them as much as I should of.

I’ll miss just simply talking to them about nothing, resting my head on their shoulders, or receiving a warm hug.

Today, rest your head on your families shoulder, hug them, and tell them that you appreciate and love them for everything.

4. Strangers

The sad fact is that not everyone has friends, significant others, or families to treasure. If you lack one, depend on the other two. And if you lack the above three, you can treasure this category of people.

When you interact with a stranger for a brief moment – a cashier, a banker, a co-worker or even a telemarketer can quickly become someone to treasure. As awkward as it may feel in the moment, tell the stranger that you appreciate them.

Watch how they react to your heartfelt words. They will blossom and unfold in front of your eyes. They will begin to glow and radiate warmth towards you.

Telling or showing your loved ones that you care and treasure them will change and improve all your relationships. It produces profound affects on anyone you interact with.

Today, I hope you take a little bit of time out of your schedule and treasure your relationships. It is as simple as listening, asking, and cherishing, complimenting, being and loving.

As always, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

CREATING UNSHAKABLE HAPPINESS

Everyone wants to be happy.

Well, most people I’ve met want to be happy. I won’t say everyone because I am sure that there are certain people out there who want to be sad and hey, if they are happy being sad, then let them be sad… and be happy about it.
If you are happy to be sad, then are you sad or happy? My brain hurts.

For those of us who want to be happy, it can seem like an impossible goal at times.

Someone new comes into your life and you are ecstatic. You get a new car and you take any excuse to go for a ride because you love it. Maybe you even earned a promotion and everything is looking up in life!

But then that person ends up hurting you, that car costs more in insurance, and that promotion has a lot more work with only a minor increase in pay.

How can we be happy when there is always a good and a bad side to every situation we encounter?

Happiness must come from within.

If your happiness comes from anywhere but inside yourself, it can be taken away.

I’m not saying that you should never allow yourself to feel happy because of the people and things around you, I’m just saying that you should strive to achieve a baseline happiness that comes from within yourself.

That way when things go wrong in life—which they will, often—you will be able to take it in stride and learn from it, without it destroying your happiness.

If you want to develop a baseline happiness that emanates from within yourself, like anything else, it will take conscious effort. The most important step you can take towards this goal is to understand what we generally attach our happiness to.

The person (relationships), the car (material objects), and the promotion (goals).

The Person: Relationships.

I’ll let you in on a secret, I have a bit of a crush on someone.

For the past year I have consciously avoided girls because I have wanted to focus on my dreams. From the ages of fifteen to twenty two I never spent much time out of relationships.

I thought that having someone special in my life was integral to my happiness. The problem with thinking that anything outside of yourself is integral to your happiness is that the outside object is bound to fluctuate, and cause your happiness to fluctuate with it.

Every time my significant other would be distant, or things wouldn’t be working out exactly as I wanted, I would spiral downward. It would ruin my mood for days at a time.

Now I have a crush on someone and when things don’t go exactly as I want, I can feel the negativity knocking on my mental door.
Though this time, it is different.

Now I have learned that you can and should allow the people in your life to give you those amazing happy feelings, but you should never base your happiness on those people.

Take in the positive, but when you feel the negativity creeping in, remember that you are enough of a reason to be happy. No person can affect your baseline happiness if it emanates from within you.

The Car: Material Objects.

How many people think they would be happy if they only had all of the material things they want in life.

A new car, a new house and some diamonds sure do sound like they would make you happy! The truth is, that is just not the case.

You’ve heard a millions times that the richest people on the planet can often be the most depressed, and that the poorest can often be the happiest. If that is true, then how can material objects be the key to happiness?

The problem with material objects is that once you have them, the happiness will wear off over time.

When you first get that new flashy car, you will love driving it. You’ll jump at any opportunity to take it out for a spin just so you can show it off.

But humans aren’t thermometers. If you put a thermometer into cold water, it will read the water’s exact temperature no matter how long you leave it there. Move it to warmer water and it will indicate the exact temperature there as well.

Now, if you stick your hand in cold water and then warm water, the warm water will feel piping hot because you just had your hand in cold water. But leave your hand in that warm water for long enough and it will feel normal.

What am I trying to say here? Humans are sensitive to novelty and change, but novelty wears off in time and because the norm.

You had a crappy car and then bought a great car, awesome!

But a year after your purchase while you’re stuck in traffic, you won’t be thinking about your amazing car. The novelty will be gone and you will feel the same as if you were stuck in traffic in your old car.

The same principal applies to all material possessions. They will feel piping hot at first, but eventually they will be the norm and the novelty will be gone.

The Promotion: Goals.

This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

When Leroy and I started our blogs the world didn’t bat an eye. No one cared.
But we were happy.

Then eventually we started getting a like or two. From then on, if we didn’t get any likes on our content we would feel like failures.

Then we started reaching some of our goals like getting two hundred views on a post, after that anything less was a disappointment.

The problem with basing your happiness on reaching your goals is that every time you reach a goal, you want to reach further, and again, you aren’t happy unless you do.
And once you do, your expectations are raised again!

You can’t win a race if the finish line keeps moving, and you can’t base your happiness on your goals if your goals always grow.

Again, I’m not saying that you can’t allow yourself to be happy because you have someone new in your life, you got a new toy, or you reached a long sought after goal. I’m just saying that you should never base your happiness on these factors.

I encourage you to cultivate a sense of inner happiness that relies on no outside factors.

Allow happiness to come from outside but when negativity tries to enter, remember that your happiness is based in yourself, not on anything else.

 Be happy because you deserve to be happy, regardless of outside circumstances.

With love,
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys 

Three Methods To Overcome An Emotional Rut

I’m in physical, spiritual, and emotional distress right now. I had an entire motivational article written for today, but I decided to postpone it.

My body physically aches, my mind drifts to the forgotten past and distant future, and I feel like I’m losing control of my emotions, functioning minimally, as I drift through each day, a hazy blur.

In phases like this, contrary to my better judgment, I tend to focus on what. Now more than ever, I need to reframe my mind towards where. One ‘w’ acknowledges, and the other, directs.

Don’t Ask, “What am I currently focusing on and thinking about?”

We give our brains free-reign over us. Through millions of years of evolution, thoughts are left to the unconscious mind, wantonly unguided. Pondering what, is just being aware of your current thoughts. Being in the present is important but is very different from choosing to direct your mind.

The brain prefers effortless unconscious processes, but it inevitably hinders your progress, pinning everything down. Free-reign over your thoughts destroys your energy.

Thanks evolution.

Instead I have to preemptively battle my thoughts. Asking what emphasizes now, but asking where focuses on the place I want to be. I’m not the pilot now, my brain is. Being in control requires conscious control.

Ask, “Where shall I focus my thoughts right now?”

This forces me to consciously be aware of my thoughts, feelings, and energy. This means being aware of such things and choosing to guide them rather than letting them unconsciously or automatically drive me.

Through conscious awareness I can slowly start to rehabilitate my emotional and spiritual system. I have to refocus my thoughts and actions towards this central goal.

Sleep like a sloth

Recently, I’ve been tremendously lacking in this area. Between work and work and her, sleep is a distant memory. I can feel the effects on my mind. Diminutive sleep pushes your brain into autopilot.

Sloths always seem to have that big goofy smile on their faces. I think it’s because they sleep at least ten hours a day. I have to start carving out time each day for sleep. I have to be as diligent as a sloth.

Appreciate Yourself

We have talked about being grateful for everything around us. Even when things seem bleak, there is always at least one thing to be grateful for. But, we never really focus on ourselves.

I ask myself two questions: “What is my favorite physical aspect about myself? What is my favorite emotional quality about myself?”

When you’re in distress, the only things you focus on are negative aspects. In these moments of turmoil, turn inwards. Discover what you love about yourself. These questions are unbelievably hard to answer. Force yourself to find something.

Tag Someone In

I realized this morning, that I haven’t seen my rocks, my support group, in a long time. Somewhere, between the hustle and bustle of work and life, I forgot to make time for them.

I saw them three times a week forever, but this last little stretch was barren. Today, I saw Steven for the first time in a few weeks. He injected much needed support, positivity and love into my life.

When you’re in need, reach out. Sometimes it’s the only thing that will save you. Your support group is there to help you succeed and live, thrive and prosper. They look out for your best interests.

I practice what I teach and I teach what I practice. Somewhere along the lines I forgot about that. I try to help to as many people as possible through my works, but today, you helped me.

You are part of my extended family. You share my happiness, positivity, zest for life and, inevitably, my pain. Every one of our readers that views, likes, comments, shares, and shows any other form of love, know that I am so appreciative. I know today I will be okay because you are all here for me. I love all of you.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

3 WAYS TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE MORE

A lot of people feel alone. They feel like they don’t have a connection to those around them.

I know how that feels. When I was younger I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals, I didn’t get a whole lot of practice socializing with people my own age.

Spending most of my time with doctors, nurses and my mom made me feel alienated when it came time to engage with others at my school.

But there was an upside.

Doctors and nurses are some of the most caring people you will ever meet. They are intelligent, polite and empathetic. Every time I was in their care I felt appreciated and important. They were family to me.

I’ve wondered what made my connection with these people so deep and profound. I can still picture the faces and emotions associated with so many of the beautiful people I met at different hospitals.

Here are three conversational habits I internalized that helped me foster a deep connection with those around me.

Make eye contact and listen intently.

My doctor would walk into the room and greet my mother. He would then make his way over to me, bend down to my eye level, look me right in the eyes and give me a firm handshake.

The entire time we talked he would keep eye contact with me. I felt like he absorbed every single word I said. His focus never drifted from me, it made me feel like I mattered.

Too often we have conversations that we aren’t fully invested in. When someone is talking we take that as an opportunity to think about what we are going to say next instead of paying attention to what the other person is saying.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
-Stephen R. Covey

Worse yet, we might take the chance to check our phones, think about our day and zone out the other person completely.

Don’t waste the time talking to someone if you aren’t going to listen as well.

Cater the conversation to the other person.

The nurses and doctors would always ask about me.

“How are you feeling? How was your day? What are you thinking about?”

We all know that one person who will tell the same story to everyone they see in a given day and make every conversation about themselves. Maybe they bought a new phone and now they’ll show it to everyone. Maybe they didn’t get a lot of sleep and now that will be their topic of the day.

They somehow seem to direct every conversation to themselves.

Guess what. Not only is this terribly self important, but it’s also boring. Do you really want to have the same conversation about your new phone ten times in one day?

When you start wondering how other people are and what is going through their mind, you get a lot more out of your conversations. More variety, more connection, more perspectives.

If you have something nice to say, say it!

My mom would always tell me “Steven, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

That is fine and dandy, I can agree with that.

But that isn’t my main concern. In this day and age compliments are rare. I hear friends tell me “Wow, that girl has nice eyes.” but they never actually tell the girl.

What if that compliment would have made her day?

She might be having a horrible morning. She might be feeling down in the dumps after a bad break up. One compliment can change a persons entire mood.

I live my life by the motto “If you have something nice to say, say it!” I want to point out every single piece of good that I see in the people around me.

When you give someone a compliment they like you more, and their connection with you deepens. A compliment may not change their life, but it might change their life for that moment. Isn’t that good enough?

So, I hope that these tips will help you foster a deeper connection with everyone around you. It is one of the most noble goals you can pursue.

I’ll never get to thank the people I met that have made such a deep impact on me, but I hope to leave the same impact on those around me.

As always, I’ll see you next Friday.

With love,
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys