How To Deal With Regret

Sometimes I ask myself – “do you feel like you should be different? Or act differently? Or feel differently?”

I don’t know if everyone asks himself or herself the same questions. Maybe you can quell my thoughts in the comments section below.

Recently, I’ve come to a realization. Everything that I have been through – the ups, the downs, the struggles and turmoil and everything in between – have made me the person I am today.

Regret is insignificant. No matter how hard we try, at this very moment, nothing about the past can be undone.

Regret is backward thinking

When you look to the past for answers, you are fighting an uphill battle. You desperately struggle as you battle the ravaging tides and the harsh winds.

Eckhart Tolle believes your egoic won’t let the past go because it needs it to feel alive. Your egoic mind wants to feel significant so it latches onto the past.

It keeps you living and thinking backward. It holds you in a troubled state. Your relationships, your work, and worst of all, yourself, crumble as you’re suspended in ‘regret thought-processes.’

The more you dwell in the past, the stronger your egoic mind grows. Like a feral animal, the more meat you give, the more it wants.

Present is forward-thinking

This very moment is all we have left. This very moment is the only one that can be changed, cherished and adored.

Even as write this, moments pass. The less I regret, the less I dwell, the more seamlessly the present moment passes.

There is little time to regret. In this very moment, there is only time to be content.

Be grateful that you are alive and breathing. Be content with the ability to think clearly and feel wholly.

Any room for future thinking?

Future thinking will also ruin you. Future thinking is just as toxic as regret.

Currently the future does not matter. Even as you begin to say the word fu-ture that first syllable is forever lost in the past.

That syllable should be let go, just as the future should.

The Love Exercise

There is no room for regret in this moment. Instead, spend a little time just being. Spend some time appreciating the person you are – maybe it’s your hair, eyes, or your brain.

Or pat yourself on the back for a small win – maybe it’s your first day sticking to a new diet or maybe you made it an entire day without having a cigarette.

This is an exercise I frequently do to avoid regret. The idea occurred to me after reading Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant.

He was at the point of killing himself because of all the common pressures that plague us – lack of love, security, support and freedom – until one day he decided to look into the mirror and say “I love you” over and over again.

He cured himself through positive reinforcement. I find that the same works with regret. Spend time today, and every single day, to giving yourself trying the Love Exercise.

Soon you will regret less and your egoic mind will detach. You will begin to love the person you are. You will begin to appreciate the present moment.

I wish nothing but amazing vibes to all our readers. I know whatever plagues you – whether regret, pain, or the future – you will overcome it.

And if you need a little push along the way, 2HelpfulGuys is here for anything.

Until next time my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free and love on.

The Most Powerful Technique For Change: The Interrupt Mantra

I Was Starting To Feel Like A Robot.

After being alive for 22 years so many of my reactions were automatic, as if the result of programming over time. Even my thoughts were automatic.

Someone insults me, I become angry and brood over it. A girl that I think is cute stands near me, I immediately become self conscious. I worry about things I can’t control even though I know it does nothing to help, I become anxious.

I would spiral into my thoughts without ever taking a moment to question whether these feelings and thoughts really represented me, or if they were just auto-pilot responses.

Your Brain Wants To Conserve Energy.

Do you ever look out the window on a rainy day? At first the rain goes anywhere, but it quickly starts to form paths and the rest of the water follows down those paths. It’s easier to travel where it has already been, it follows the path of least resistance.

Your brain is the same way. If you have encountered a situation before, you’re brain will recognize it and go on auto-pilot, reacting the same way it did in the past. It will associate this situation with the situations before it and follow protocol.

*Beep Boop* Attractive member of opposite sex is nearby. Initiate low self-esteem thought pattern. *Beep Boop*

But I was tired of doing what I had always done, I was only getting what I had always got.

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”
-Albert Einstein

Seeing Things As They Are.

I wanted out of the endless loops and auto-pilot reactions. I wanted to take control of my life again.

I had to consciously choose to see everything with fresh eyes. I needed to decide at every moment if my thoughts were serving me, or harming me.

The mind: A beautiful servant, a dangerous master.”
-OSHO

Many of the qualities that I didn’t want were being inflated by these auto-pilot reactions.

Once I started seeing everything for what it was and not allowing these automatic thought patterns take over, I realized that I had not respecting myself.

I was allowing myself to become angry over nothing, to worry about nothing, to feel unworthy over nothing. My automatic reactions were always negative.

I needed to change the way I reacted to things. I needed to interrupt these automatic negative thoughts and replace them with my own, more useful, positive thoughts.

The Interrupt Mantra.

This is a resourceful technique that I have taught to many people with great success.

Once you have identified a negative automatic thought pattern—maybe you get lost in thoughts of being unworthy, angry or depressed—you have to come up with an interrupt mantra that combats it.

If you have problems with anger your interrupt mantra might read something like this: “I am a calm person, I value my happiness over all else and I will not let outside events control me.”

When a situation arises that sends you into the auto-pilot response of getting angry, you interrupt those thoughts with your interrupt mantra. Repeat your mantra as many times as you need to until you pull yourself out.

At first the interrupt mantra will just serve as a way to stop yourself from spiraling into your negative thoughts, but after enough practice your new way of thinking will be your brains first reaction. It will be the path most taken, and will thus become the automatic response.

Try creating an interrupt mantra that suits your needs.

A couple examples:

ANGER: “I am a calm person, I value my happiness over all else and I will not let outside events control me.”

CONFIDENCE: “Being confident is not the absence of nerves, but carrying on despite them. I am confident that I can handle any situation that comes my way, even if it makes me nervous initially.”

ANXIETY: “It is useless to worry about things that I can not control. I am calm and I trust that everything will work out. Even if I worry sometimes, I will not let my worries beat me.”

SADNESS: “I am a strong person. I have been sad before and I have made it out alive. I can’t be defeated by sadness and I won’t allow it to take over.”

These interrupt mantras can be the first step in changing the way you react to the situations you face in life. It will feel a little unnatural to say them at first, you might not believe the words that are coming out of your mouth, but keep repeating them.

Keep interrupting the negative auto-pilot responses and keep reaching towards something better for yourself. You don’t deserve to be angry, sad, anxious, lonely, jealous, or anything that you don’t want to be.

You can change the way you think, but it won’t be easy.

See things the way they are, decide what you want them to be, and use your interrupt mantra to move towards that goal.

The rain on your windowsill doesn’t automatically have to be a sad sight.
It can be whatever you want it to be.

The Dark Cave

I wouldn’t consider my job the greatest in the world, but it’s decent. I have lots of free time and I’m able to pretty much govern myself.

I’m a operations coordinator. I oversee peoples’ parties, make sure things go smoothly and clean up. Pretty much, I’m a glorified janitor.

Hmm, doesn’t sound as glamorous as ‘operations coordinator.’

People book party rooms for all sorts of happy events: Birthdays, weddings, baby showers and retirements (are retirements happy?). These are all pinnacle moments in peoples’ lives.

Ideally, the hosts should be ecstatic to be celebrating with their family and friends.

Instead, I see the opposite. I see grumpy, anxious hosts enter, spewing a flurry of curse words like some sort of pirate.

But wait; isn’t this supposed to be a happy occasion?

It seems to me, the hosts forgot what they’re celebrating. They choose to be miserable because something wasn’t set up properly.

These little problems ruin their entire occasion. They are forever flustered about everything.

They’re trapped in this dark cave from which everyone eventually emerges.

I’m reminded of the last time I let little things bother me. It sucked. I was flustered and anxious. It was pitch black in my cave. I didn’t know how to deal with everything.

Little problems are just that…

Little. When you make small things into big things, you forget about the important things. You forget to enjoy the present moment. You stop looking for laughter and enjoyment and focus on that insignificant issue of a table being set up wrong.

They Ruin You

Like an apple left out to oxidize, you slowly start to turn. You steer your attention towards more insignificant problems. This process is gradual. All these little problems compile.

They add up, brown. Before you know it, like the gradual process of the apple, you’re spoiled, core out.

Choose Freedom

When in doubt, shrug it off. Don’t let these little problems affect you. When you let it get to you, your life gets affected.

You won’t be able to think and act properly. You start giving in to your vices. You may chomp on your nails. You may smoke or drink. You may want to punch a wall or hurt yourself, or worse, someone else.

These things will weigh on you, like you’re carrying a hundred-pound sandbag. If you let it affect you, you’ll be forever weighted and hindered.

To Learn or Not to Learn 

I like to think of these problems as miniature hurdles, each trying to teach you a little something as you jump them. These problems are a test for you to overcome, to help you progress, to make you stronger.

If you don’t learn from your problems, you’re bound to repeat it. There will only be darkness.

Here lies the pinnacle choice. Do you squander your time complaining and getting angry or do you utilize this moment and seek a way to make your life better.

Every single situation has a good and a bad. What do you choose to focus on? Who will you be after you come through that dark cave?

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Dark_cave

The Green-Eyed Monster

When I was in elementary school, there was this kid, my friend. For confidentiality, let us call him Q (I very recently watched James Bond, but completely irrelevant).

Anyways, Q had everything. He was good looking; he had money, friends and, the cherry on the cake, any girl to his liking. He was somewhat of a king at my elementary school.

He had his birthday party (I can’t remember which one) at his house. He lived in this massive house with archways, pillars and the whole shebang. We ran around and played with his home laser tag set and dined on homemade tacos. I was brimming with jealousy.

Every night I would go to bed, hoping to wake up in his house, in his bed, in his shoes. I would dream that I was him, surrounded by a mountain of money, girls and friends. I wanted the same fate. Why was I born in this life and him in that? I couldn’t comprehend it.

The jealousy grew inside me and slowly turned into hate and loathing for the world and for him. Before long, that was the only thing I could think of. It consumed me, occupied all my time and distracted me.

Jealousy always comes from a place of insecurity. I was incredibly insecure with myself. I did not feel comfortable in my own skin, I had trouble making friends, and I just felt different.

Jealousy_by_IMustBeDead

A) Be Sherlock Holmes

You have to identify where the jealousy is coming from. For me, it came from a lack of physical and emotional control. I felt like I did not have any control of my emotions or actions. It was almost like I was a soulless drone.

There could be one or a multitude of reasons behind your feelings. Be like Sherlock Holmes and connect all the pieces together into an intricate picture. Your lifeblood is at stake here. The circumstances are large.

B) Address it Head On

Approach the person or just do it internally. I don’t know where Q is now, but I never confronted him with my envy. I idled by until high school separated us.

Instead, I identified it internally. I wrote down what made me jealous and why. I’ve found that writing it down helps me analyze thoughts. I had to stop comparing myself to others. I still constantly do that and it is a terrible flaw.

Most people are trapped with the green-eyed monster because they fail to confront it. Instead, they let it fester and grow. Confronting the situation will kill that monster.

C) It Does Not Change Your Circumstances

Envying someone does not have any bearing on you. It just progressively puts you in a more depressed and anxious state. It just pushes you further from your goals.

Being jealous of material possessions does not make it easier for you to attain it. You do not need the latest iPhone or that 80-inch SMART television. But if you do want something, go and get it.

The only thing stopping you is your jealousy.

D) You are Amazing

You have to realize that you are amazing the way you are. You are different, but then again everyone is different. Different is by no means bad.

I view the difference as unique. I am not different. I am unique. The green-eyed monster cannot take hold if you believe that you are unique. With uniqueness comes a whole new set of ideas.

Maybe you want a better nose, but the nose you have now is great. It’s unique; it has a little point to it. It’s cute.

I don’t have mountains of money, girls, and friends but that doesn’t matter anymore. Envying someone that has that just pushes me further away from my goals

I have let jealously control my actions and thoughts for far too long. It is time I let go and focused on myself.

If you have any personal methods to overcome jealousy, please leave your comments below.