How To Deal With Regret

Sometimes I ask myself – “do you feel like you should be different? Or act differently? Or feel differently?”

I don’t know if everyone asks himself or herself the same questions. Maybe you can quell my thoughts in the comments section below.

Recently, I’ve come to a realization. Everything that I have been through – the ups, the downs, the struggles and turmoil and everything in between – have made me the person I am today.

Regret is insignificant. No matter how hard we try, at this very moment, nothing about the past can be undone.

Regret is backward thinking

When you look to the past for answers, you are fighting an uphill battle. You desperately struggle as you battle the ravaging tides and the harsh winds.

Eckhart Tolle believes your egoic won’t let the past go because it needs it to feel alive. Your egoic mind wants to feel significant so it latches onto the past.

It keeps you living and thinking backward. It holds you in a troubled state. Your relationships, your work, and worst of all, yourself, crumble as you’re suspended in ‘regret thought-processes.’

The more you dwell in the past, the stronger your egoic mind grows. Like a feral animal, the more meat you give, the more it wants.

Present is forward-thinking

This very moment is all we have left. This very moment is the only one that can be changed, cherished and adored.

Even as write this, moments pass. The less I regret, the less I dwell, the more seamlessly the present moment passes.

There is little time to regret. In this very moment, there is only time to be content.

Be grateful that you are alive and breathing. Be content with the ability to think clearly and feel wholly.

Any room for future thinking?

Future thinking will also ruin you. Future thinking is just as toxic as regret.

Currently the future does not matter. Even as you begin to say the word fu-ture that first syllable is forever lost in the past.

That syllable should be let go, just as the future should.

The Love Exercise

There is no room for regret in this moment. Instead, spend a little time just being. Spend some time appreciating the person you are – maybe it’s your hair, eyes, or your brain.

Or pat yourself on the back for a small win – maybe it’s your first day sticking to a new diet or maybe you made it an entire day without having a cigarette.

This is an exercise I frequently do to avoid regret. The idea occurred to me after reading Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant.

He was at the point of killing himself because of all the common pressures that plague us – lack of love, security, support and freedom – until one day he decided to look into the mirror and say “I love you” over and over again.

He cured himself through positive reinforcement. I find that the same works with regret. Spend time today, and every single day, to giving yourself trying the Love Exercise.

Soon you will regret less and your egoic mind will detach. You will begin to love the person you are. You will begin to appreciate the present moment.

I wish nothing but amazing vibes to all our readers. I know whatever plagues you – whether regret, pain, or the future – you will overcome it.

And if you need a little push along the way, 2HelpfulGuys is here for anything.

Until next time my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free and love on.

How To Escape From A Rut

I’ve been in a complete standstill for the last three weeks. I was stuck, unhappy and saw no end to it. But, today is the first day I actually feel ‘alive.’

I made a conscious decision to pick myself up by the bootstraps and start anew. I realized three things that pulled me out and, today, I started my day properly.

It begins with a change in perspective.

Realize that it will end

In the natural progression of life, standstills will happen. They will occur frequently and, perhaps, for extended periods of time. But realize this portion of your life is short-lived.

You will feel better, if you allow yourself to.

Life occurs in cycles. As sure as the seasons change from fall to winter, spring to summer, so will your ups and downs. At some point in your life, ruts will occur, but don’t wallow. Realize it and push through.

Use it to grow stronger

In my last article, I mentioned that every negative situation has a positive. Well, every bad stretch serves a purpose to your larger life.

This bad portion, for lack of better words, is bad. But treasure and notice the changes.

A stronger person is born out of ruts because you learn. You learn how to manage debilitative emotions, how to handle lack of progression, and how to pull yourself out.

Take this valuable knowledge and store it in your back pocket. When the next one occurs, you apply it and learn more, carrying little bits of knowledge throughout your entire life.

Actively search for solutions while you’re in this phase. Every rut has a silver lining. Explore it.

Have an end goal

I don’t know the exact reason for my rut. I woke up and felt different. This different feeling held on for the next three weeks. Maybe I let school or my relationships get to me.

Regardless of the reason, when I look forward, everything changes. In a few months, I’ll be done school and moving out. That is my end goal. This rut is a momentary.

Everything changes when I enter a new phase in my life and that excites me. It breathes new life into my lungs.

Have a goal solidified in your head. Keep the image strong and push toward it. Through your rut, hold it firm and be steadfast. Goals are important to give you that little extra nudge.

Ruts will occur. It keeps life different and interesting. If we didn’t have them, we would probably complain about a mundane life. If we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t be able to cope.

And, worst of all, we wouldn’t grow as a person. Growth is the central purpose in life. Through ruts, we become stronger, happier and more fulfilled.

We can learn a lot from them. So don’t toil and wallow. Stop, learn and progress.

Be bold, be free and love on.

Three Methods To Overcome An Emotional Rut

I’m in physical, spiritual, and emotional distress right now. I had an entire motivational article written for today, but I decided to postpone it.

My body physically aches, my mind drifts to the forgotten past and distant future, and I feel like I’m losing control of my emotions, functioning minimally, as I drift through each day, a hazy blur.

In phases like this, contrary to my better judgment, I tend to focus on what. Now more than ever, I need to reframe my mind towards where. One ‘w’ acknowledges, and the other, directs.

Don’t Ask, “What am I currently focusing on and thinking about?”

We give our brains free-reign over us. Through millions of years of evolution, thoughts are left to the unconscious mind, wantonly unguided. Pondering what, is just being aware of your current thoughts. Being in the present is important but is very different from choosing to direct your mind.

The brain prefers effortless unconscious processes, but it inevitably hinders your progress, pinning everything down. Free-reign over your thoughts destroys your energy.

Thanks evolution.

Instead I have to preemptively battle my thoughts. Asking what emphasizes now, but asking where focuses on the place I want to be. I’m not the pilot now, my brain is. Being in control requires conscious control.

Ask, “Where shall I focus my thoughts right now?”

This forces me to consciously be aware of my thoughts, feelings, and energy. This means being aware of such things and choosing to guide them rather than letting them unconsciously or automatically drive me.

Through conscious awareness I can slowly start to rehabilitate my emotional and spiritual system. I have to refocus my thoughts and actions towards this central goal.

Sleep like a sloth

Recently, I’ve been tremendously lacking in this area. Between work and work and her, sleep is a distant memory. I can feel the effects on my mind. Diminutive sleep pushes your brain into autopilot.

Sloths always seem to have that big goofy smile on their faces. I think it’s because they sleep at least ten hours a day. I have to start carving out time each day for sleep. I have to be as diligent as a sloth.

Appreciate Yourself

We have talked about being grateful for everything around us. Even when things seem bleak, there is always at least one thing to be grateful for. But, we never really focus on ourselves.

I ask myself two questions: “What is my favorite physical aspect about myself? What is my favorite emotional quality about myself?”

When you’re in distress, the only things you focus on are negative aspects. In these moments of turmoil, turn inwards. Discover what you love about yourself. These questions are unbelievably hard to answer. Force yourself to find something.

Tag Someone In

I realized this morning, that I haven’t seen my rocks, my support group, in a long time. Somewhere, between the hustle and bustle of work and life, I forgot to make time for them.

I saw them three times a week forever, but this last little stretch was barren. Today, I saw Steven for the first time in a few weeks. He injected much needed support, positivity and love into my life.

When you’re in need, reach out. Sometimes it’s the only thing that will save you. Your support group is there to help you succeed and live, thrive and prosper. They look out for your best interests.

I practice what I teach and I teach what I practice. Somewhere along the lines I forgot about that. I try to help to as many people as possible through my works, but today, you helped me.

You are part of my extended family. You share my happiness, positivity, zest for life and, inevitably, my pain. Every one of our readers that views, likes, comments, shares, and shows any other form of love, know that I am so appreciative. I know today I will be okay because you are all here for me. I love all of you.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

HOW TO MASTER JEDI MIND CONTROL

Over the last couple of years I have become fascinated with the idea that everything in your life is a result of what goes on in your mind.

If there are two twins that are the exact same in every way, except that one is relentlessly positive and the other is endlessly negative, their lives would be completely different.

They could encounter the exact same scenarios and obstacles but they would perceive them in different ways. The positive person would see them as a chance to grow, and the negative person would see them as evidence that you can never succeed.

With this in mind I am convinced that learning to skew your mind towards the positive and the useful is the best way to completely transform your life.

Here are the three steps to learning to control your mind like a Jedi.

1) Observe your thoughts.

In order to start controlling the endless chatter in your mind you first have to get rid of the idea that you are your thoughts.

We tend to think that the chatter in our mind is who we are and that is it, but that is just a part of who you are. You are your whole body from top to bottom and your entire subconscious, not just your conscious thoughts.

Now what you need to do is to step back from your thoughts and observe them. Start keeping track of when you are thinking negatively. The next time you find yourself upset, step back for a second and think “Wow, I have a lot of negative thoughts right now.”

Doing this will help you catch yourself in these useless reflexive thought cycles. Nothing good comes from beating yourself up or feeling sorry for yourself so the more you start to catch yourself, the quicker you can implement my next step.

2) Cancel your negative thoughts.

Now that you are starting to keep an eye on what you are thinking instead of just letting the chatter go on, you can start to pull yourself out of these habitual thought patterns.

Your brain doesn’t like using a lot of energy, so if you are a person who naturally reacts negatively, your mind will jump to that first because it is easy. Doing something outside of the norm requires conscious effort, something your brain would rather avoid.
Yeah, thanks evolution, we really appreciate that…

My favourite way to pull myself out of my bad habitual thought cycles is to use an “interrupt mantra.”

An interrupt mantra is something that you start repeating over and over once you realize that you are in one of these cycles. It will replace your useless thoughts with the exact opposite and more useful thoughts.

If you are someone who has problems with procrastination, once you realize that you are thinking “Man, I hate doing this work, I just want to relax and watch some Netflix” you have to switch to your interrupt mantra. It could be something like “I am energized and ready to take on anything. I’ll conquer this project with ease and energy to spare.”

Repeat that as many times in a row as you have to and after a while of canceling your negative thoughts, your mind will start to reflexively jump to the positive and more useful thoughts.

It only makes sense that your procrastination will naturally shrink when your reflexive thoughts are that of being energized and ready to conquer the obstacles ahead of you.

Interrupt mantras can work for any negative thoughts. If you have negative thoughts about your confidence interrupt them with “I am an amazing and confident person. I am going to start giving myself the credit I deserve.”

If you have problems with willpower interrupt those thoughts by saying “I have tons of willpower to spare. I am a strong person who can beat any temptation with ease.”

Rinse and repeat as many times as needed whether it be ten, twenty, or thirty times in a row.

3) Meditation.

This step isn’t required, but it will make the whole process ten times easier. When I started meditating I didn’t realize just how impactful it would be. I also didn’t realize how many of my favourite celebrities and great thinkers meditated.

Everyone from Arnold Schwarzenegger, to Katy Perry, to Oprah Winfrey and more credit meditation as a key part of their success and ability to stay balanced.

We could discuss meditation for hours, the spiritual aspects, the physical effects it has on the brain over time or even just the calming effect it can create instantly. But for now there is one plus side to meditation that I want to share with you.

It allows you to step back from your thoughts.

With the type of meditation I do the point is to focus on your breath so intensely that your thoughts cease. Now, during meditation you are sure to have thoughts pop into your head. In this case you just allow them to surface without analyzing them, and then get back to focusing on your breathing. If you get an itch on your leg, you feel it, but then immediately bring your attention back to your breath.

This will train you to be able to have a thought or emotion surface without allowing it to pull you into its rabbit hole. This way when something happens in your daily life that aggravates you, instead of stewing over it for hours and ruining your whole day you can step back and say “is this really a useful thing to focus on? Do these thought patterns improve my life in any way shape or form, or do they just serve to steal energy and happiness from me?”

Armed with this ability to step back and question these reflexive thoughts, you can truly start to control your mind and use it for your own self improvement.

A quote that has been repeated by many of the great minds of the world, and is very close to my heart is: “The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

This quote perfectly explains the two different relationships you can have with your mind.

Either you control it, or it controls you. The decision is yours.

With love
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys

Pour Out Your Soul, Fill The Void

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been depressed in the past. I’ve looked in the mirror without being able to understand the person looking back at me.

What do you want? What makes you happy? Why do you feel this void inside regardless of how things appear on the outside?

During these slumps I spent most of my time sleeping, eating out of boredom, devouring whole seasons of shows and consuming whatever I could to satisfy the feeling, or lack there of, inside me.
I felt unfulfilled and useless.

I still feel this way sometimes but I’ve learned how to push through it with one simple question that I ask myself every morning.

Do I want to be a consumer, or a producer?

Logically, if you feel an emptiness inside you, you are missing something that will make you feel complete again. I learned that this isn’t the case.

Instead of taking things in I started to pour everything out of myself. I poured out my heart, my emotions, my soul into my writing. It made me feel something that I hadn’t felt in a long time…

Producing pride.

Downward spirals and never ending consumption will lead to guilt. It’s a cycle. You’re empty so you try to distract or satisfy yourself with movies, video games or food but it doesn’t change anything and the more you consume, the more guilty and empty you feel.

Pouring out what you have left in you into something, anything, can make you proud again. You have something to look forward to instead of just passing the time.

It doesn’t have to be art.

You can start a business, volunteer to help build homes for people or even just create deeper connections with the people around you. As long as you are producing something that allows you to look forward and feel like you are useful.

Think of anything you can put into the world today and start on it. Happiness is more about where you are going than where you are now.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to take things in.

You just have to find a balance. Someone who spends all day being creative and working is bound to burn out eventually. That can be just as bad.

I feel that most people are unbalanced right now. As a society we have lost a lot of creativity and self-esteem. We think that we don’t have anything of value to add to the world, but imagine if people tried to live up to their full potential.

Imagine if they stopped trying to fill the void with material possessions, or distract themselves from it with movies, games and Facebook.

Writing in this blog and creating deeper connections with the people around me has helped me so much. I feel like I have something to offer the world again and although I go into slumps sometimes, I can pull myself out much quicker.

Maybe the void is meant to push you forward. I don’t know if I will ever be completely happy, but if I was, would I continue to push on?

I’ll probably never have to find out because the void is a part of me, and for now, I’ll pour out my soul from it.

With love,
Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys