Being Confident Without Being Arrogant

We naturally assume that when someone has problems with confidence, it’s that they don’t have enough of it. But this isn’t always true.

Confidence, like most other traits, is a spectrum. You can have too little, which results in a low self esteem, or you can have too much which results in arrogance.
You can say hubris if you want to sound polite and fancy.

The key is to have a healthy confidence. Like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears you shouldn’t have too much or too little, but just enough.

Having a low self esteem can make you hate yourself, but being arrogant can make everyone else hate you.

Having a low self esteem can lead to:
Self sabotage, poor relationship and social skills, lack of assertiveness, neediness or dependence, and when it gets really bad it can lead to things like eating disorders and self harm.

But on the other end of the spectrum, arrogance can lead to:
An inability to handle criticism, a lack of empathy, having unreasonable expectations of favourable treatment and delusions of grandeur.

Which are all pretty undesirable personality traits.

Maintaining a healthy confidence is a fine line to walk and you need a lot of qualities. It’s accepting yourself even if you aren’t perfect. It’s having a healthy self-esteem, and it’s having the ability to go through life knowing deep down that for better or worse, you are who you are and that is okay.

So what are the three main qualities you need in order to walk that fine line between self deprecation and delusions of grandeur?

Humility

It can be hard to walk that fine line when you are really good at something. When you are winning your first reaction might be jumping up in the air screaming “Yes! Who’s the best!? I’m the best!”

But that is a sure fire way to look arrogant.

When you win, use humility to make others around you feel good. When you lose, use humility to know that you can always improve next time.

Respect

If you respect yourself and the people around you a healthy self-confidence is sure to follow.

Don’t put yourself in situations you don’t feel comfortable in and try not to put yourself down too often. Respect yourself in this way, as well as the people around you.

It might take time to develop this trait, but start by catching yourself whenever you aren’t showing respect to yourself or the people around you.

Generosity

We tend to have negative self-talk constantly. We spend so much time beating ourselves up that it’s no wonder we don’t have a healthy confidence.

Be generous in giving yourself compliments and pats on the back. And while you’re at it, be generous with others in this way.

A few kind words can go a long way to making your day—or someone else’s—a thousand times brighter.

With these three tips, we can feel good about ourselves without becoming arrogant in the process. We often tend live in one extreme or the other, but true happiness and lasting confidence comes from balance.

So exercise humility, show yourself some respect and be generous with kind words—you’ll build a foundation of self-confidence that will carry you throughout life.

An Update From 2HelpfulGuys!

Hey guys and gals, some very exciting things are coming soon in the world of 2HelpfulGuys. We will be relaunching our YouTube, putting out new books, starting a newsletter and redesigning our website.

When we redesign our website we may not appear in your WordPress reader any longer so if you would like to continue to be updated on all of the new exciting things we will be doing (and get some exclusive content) please join our newsletter.

To join our newsletter Click Here and enter your e-mail. To thank you for joining us you will get a FREE digital copy of our new book ‘Not so F.A.Q.: Common Questions, Uncommonly Asked’

We are honored to have over 9,000 readers and hope that you continue to enjoy the content we provide.

As always, you can like us on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe to us on YouTube to see our relaunch videos the moment they come out.

We look forward to continuing to grow together with you.

Sincerely,
2HelpfulGuys

The Recalibration Technique

Habits control every aspect of our entire lives. What time we wake up in the morning to what we consume daily to whether or not we binge eat those cookies are all governed by habits.

What is a habit?

A habit is a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

As we continually do the same activities every day, our brain becomes accustomed to the same stimulation. It forms strong neural connections, which makes the activity easier and easier to occur.

Eventually, our brain conducts itself automatically. It chooses to take the shortest, simplest path to immediate gratification.

Binge eating cookies is just an automatic habit because our brain knows we love cookies. Smoking cigarettes when we’re stressed are automatic patterns that our brains use because at one time we used cigarettes to cope with stress.

Building strong effective habits are the foundation for a stable healthy lifestyle. But today, we’re not going to focus on my unhealthy addiction to cookies or someone’s unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Instead, let’s talk about the Recalibration Technique

Everyone has goals and aspirations that they want to achieve. We have dreams that garner all our attention and energy but over time we dwindle, until our dream is left stranded.

But when was the last time we sat down and consciously thought and put purposeful energy towards our purpose?

From time to time it’s worthwhile to stop and take stock of our lives. But it seems we only do this practice towards the beginning or end of a year.

To deepen our understanding of our purpose we must first learn lessons from the past and move with purposeful action towards the future. We must continue to refocus our lives and slowly build clarity of our purpose.

The Recalibration Technique provides a framework to build focus and clarity. Through these two simple questions that we developed, we are able to recalibrate our minds when we falter.

1) Am I purposefully using my time and energy towards my dream?

With the constant hustle of life, it can be hard to focus on our purpose and ourselves. We get lost in the fast lane, as life passes us by.

We should ask ourselves this question to refocus our life and make small steps towards our passions. Aim to move towards your goal by just 1% each week.

If you want to write a book, write just one paragraph (or page) a day. If you want to paint a masterpiece, just do a few strokes a day. If you want to learn, sing, or act, just make some small moves by reading, humming or roleplaying every day.

Every day is a new day to move closer to your dreams. Use it appropriately.

Without a clear understanding of where our lives are heading and when we will achieve it, we are just wasting our most precious resource – energy.

2) Where can I expend less energy to spend more on my dream?

Everyday we are constantly bombarded with mind-numbing tasks. People want our energy and time and we allow them to steal it without batting an eyelash.

Refocus your spare time and energy towards your goal. Ask yourself where you frequently compromise your time. Where do you frequently consume negativity because you feel like you are stuck in a situation?

We are never stuck in any situation. We choose to be in the current situation through our mindsets and perceptions.

Which situation or action can we desist to pursue more purposeful actions towards our happiness and dream? When can we say a resounding ‘No’ to the negative energy, people and situations in our lives to pursue the positive counterparts?

Your choices and decisions make up whom you are. Chose them wisely.

Here is your mission if you choose to accept it:

Ask yourself these two simple questions once a week and slowly move towards once a day. Take some time, find a quiet spot and write or type your way through the answers.

The Recalibration Technique is intended to help you live with greater purpose and more passion. As the habit is solidified, your brain will constantly refocus your life and will take the shortest, easiest path towards it.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free and love on.

THANK YOU

I’ve been writing consistently for just about a year now.

At first, writing was just a cathartic exercise to help me express myself and feel relief from the things I struggled with. In all honesty my first post was about a woman that I liked and how I didn’t feel good enough for her.

I started writing at a time when I felt like I had no one to talk to. I know that I have many people in my life that care about me, but I didn’t want to change the image they saw of me.

So I wrote everything down online, and for a long time no one paid attention. I didn’t mind that.

But eventually people started relating to my stories. I always tried to put a positive spin on everything and focus on solutions to these struggles, instead of the endless negatives that came with them.

Fast forward a year and 2HelpfulGuys has released our first book.

“Not So F.A.Q.: Common Questions, Uncommonly Asked.”

It is a compilation of questions Leroy and I receive on a daily basis. Some are the most common questions about confidence and health etc., and some are more specific questions that strike a chord within us.

In this book I wrote my answers as if the asker and I were sitting outside looking at the stars in deep conversation.

I answered with my heart and put my own experiences with these struggles out there for them to relate.

Although I was answering one person, this conversation would not be for their eyes alone, and that scared me. Not only was I revealing myself to anyone who would care to look, but people would be paying for these insights.

I’m not good at asking people for money. With this book I’ve had a really hard time asking people if they’d like to buy, simply because I want to share this message with everyone without strings attached.

But the problem is that I want this to be my career. I want so desperately to have the resources to continue to spread our messages and help the people we resonate with.

Leroy and I at 2HelpfulGuys have dreams so big that they would surely be laughed at, but we have a deep routed attraction towards these dreams and the good that they will accomplish.

Even with this in mind, I still have a hard time asking people if they want to buy our book.

This made me worry.

I didn’t know if I was good enough, after all, I’m still a work in progress. I’m not perfect and I’ve never been perfect. I’ve often felt like I’ve been worse than most people out there.

But someone left a review to our book that made me realize that all of this worrying and fear was unwarranted. One specific thing that they said struck a chord with me.

“This book is inspiring because the authors pull back the polished masks folks wear and show the teeming process that is happening underneath. The reader is invited to actively think along with the answers being presented, and instead of being the last word on the subject, the answers that the authors give are more like a jumping off place.”

I don’t have all the answers, and I would never try to say that I am better than anyone else. I am still going through the process of improving myself every single day, and this reader understood that.

I was so worried that people would expect our answers to be a one stop cure to everything that they struggle with, but the truth is, we can only offer each other a new path to journey; a new perspective and new tools to carry with us in our growth.

Writing these articles week after week, working through my problems with you and hearing your insights has helped me to grow in ways I could never have imagined.

So I’m writing this post for you, our readers, as a thank you for giving us the opportunity to grow with you.

I’ve written about my fears, my dreams, and my mistakes, and every time we have helped each other work through these difficulties.

With our growing popularity I have often become tempted to leave out the blood, sweat and tears from my stories for the fear that people will think I am not a worthy teacher.

But as always you have shown me that these struggles are what connect us. We all go through tough times, it is what makes us human.

So thank you for teaching me every day, for growing with me and for accepting me as I am, at my highest and at my lowest.

I will continue to serve you to the best of my ability, and maybe one day in the future we will sit underneath the stars and have those beautifully deep conversations about the trials we’ve struggled through and the dreams we yearn for.

Until then,

Steven Farquharson, 2HelpfulGuys

A Pillar in Success

Personally, I used to always struggle with confidence. I do not want to make it seem like I’m complaining about my past, so I shall spare all the spicy details.

Long story short, I struggled with confidence. I am still infected with this ‘disease’ (because that is what IT really is), but not as frequently or severely.

There are two forms of confidence, outer and inner. Outer confidence comes from material items such as money, cars, clothes, etc. These are superficial, in my opinion. Inner confidence comes from within. It encompasses everything you are and are proud of.

Building inner confidence is a fundamental pillar in the structure we call life. Here is how I started to build inner confidence. Try it, it may work for you as well.

1) Don’t Be Afraid to Fail

Everyone is afraid of failing. I am guilty, I’ll be the first to admit it. But I feel like you have to fail, a lot, to really understand inner confidence. Confidence has to be built through failure.

Through failure you learn where your strengths and weaknesses lie. You learn how to approach the situation differently. You learn how to improve, develop and progress.

You need to fail. It is an important process in the struggle to succeed. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it and fail a lot. Then, learn. Learn how to overcome and improve.

Everything is an experience and there is no getting worse. It is built in our genetic code, the more we do something, the better we get. It is a basic repetition principle. Through failing you improve AND build inner confidence, all wrapped in one neat little ball.

2) Be Yourself

Too many people are afraid to be themselves. We all put up walls to hide our true selves. We all keep the ‘embarrassing’ areas of our lives for a select few.

“Be yourself” gets thrown around too loosely these days. When I say “be yourself,” I mean to the extreme. Don’t be afraid to express yourself to everybody around you.

Would you rather have safe interactions with everyone who ‘like’ you as an acquaintance or would you rather be polarizing and have some people dislike and some people who absolutely love you.

Be genuine and be you. You are amazing the way you are. You may like constructing ships in bottles or the Backstreet Boys or baton twirling. You may find that embarrassing, but guess what?

That’s you! You love it. Show others that you love it! Weed out the people that don’t love it and embrace the ones that do.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” – Dr. Seuss

3) Don’t give a shit 

Live your life how you want to. Don’t try to live up to anyone else’s rules or the rules of society. They are only there to smush (is that a word?) you in a little cookie cutter. More often than not, most people do not fit in that cookie cutter and feel terrible about it.

The key to not fitting in is to just not fit in. When I was a kid, I used to smush (I’m going to use it anyways) Lego blocks together. I learned very fast that certain blocks do not work well with each other. 

Be that block. Be different. If you want to wear a fuzzy pink and yellow zebra sweater, wear it. If you want to go outside and yell or let loose sometimes, just do it. You need to challenge yourself sometimes to grow.

Inner confidence is the clinch pin to success, fostering relationships and everything else in between.

What do you think about confidence? If you have any tips/tricks on building confidence that have worked for you, please comment below. I would love to hear from you. Till next time readers!

Be bold, be free, and love on.