3 Ways Your Brain Damages Your Self-Esteem

Your brain wasn’t made for the modern era. 

For most of human history we were hunter gatherers surviving in tribes. We didn’t have the stimulation of technology, the safety net of modern medicine or the vastly interconnected social system that we have now.

Because of this fact, our brains and bodies have some left over mechanisms and responses that aren’t exactly suited for our time. Today we are going to be talking about one of the mechanisms and responses that we have left over from a distant past: cognitive biases.

Cognitive biases are tendencies to think in certain ways that can lead to systematic deviations from a standard of rationality or good judgment.

Specifically we’ll explore how these cognitive biases can help cause one of the most rampant mental well-being problems that we all have in common, a low self-esteem.

While you think every decision and thought you hold is completely voluntary, I’m here to show you that the shortcuts your brain takes deeply impact how you view yourself and the world around you. Once we are aware of the tricks our brain can play on us, we can control them a little more.

Negative Bias

Negative Bias refers to the notion that, even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature (e.g. unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social interactions; harmful/traumatic events) have a greater effect on one’s psychological state and processes than do neutral or positive things.

In other words, something we consider very positive could have less of an affect on our mental state and behaviour than something we find to be less intensely negative. It could take 5 positive experiences to outweigh one negative.

If you go outside and five people compliment you, but one person insults you, the insult might affect you more than all of the compliments combined. With this in mind it’s easy to see how our self esteem can be skewed from what it could be if we weighed the positive and negative equally.

Attentional Bias

Attentional Bias is the tendency of our perception to be affected by our recurring thoughts. For example, people who frequently think about the clothes they wear pay more attention to the clothes of others.

Put in the context of self esteem it is easy to see how this could become a problem. If we already think negative thoughts about ourselves often, this bias will send us into a spiral. We will believe that other people are thinking negative things about us and it will become a point of focus for us.

This bias will affect our behaviours and mood based on reoccurring thoughts. If those thoughts are negative (which the negative bias can cause) then we are fighting an uphill battle.

Spotlight Effect

The Spotlight Effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one’s own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon.

This can easily damage an already bruised self esteem in that we may believe that everyone around us notices all of the flaws that we see in ourselves. We believe that everyone sees our pimples, or our nervousness in conversations, or our clothes, or height, or whatever else already makes us feel self conscious.

These biases in combination can be detrimental to our mental well-being if we are not aware of them. It’s hard to fight against millions of years of evolution and a brain that we don’t have complete control over. But we have to try to be aware so that the next time some bad happens, we can try to truthfully balance it against the good. Or that we can catch ourselves the next time we are in a spiral of negative thoughts. Or that we can realize that the people around us don’t actually pay as much attention to our flaws as we believe.

If we can keep these biases in mind and try to mitigate their affects whenever possible, we can help lessen the damage they have on our self esteem and live a better quality, happier life.

The 3 Mindsets You Need To Be Happy

When I was younger I had a blood disorder that affected my serotonin levels and caused me to be depressed.

At seven years old I would watch cartoons and break out into tears. I felt like I was losing the battle against my emotions.

I thought a lot about what it means to be happy, and how I could be happier despite this chemical imbalance.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever really won this battle of emotions. I still have ups and downs, good days and bad days.

But I’ve realized that when it comes to being happy, the circumstances don’t matter that much. It’s all about your perspective and your mindsets.

So here are the 3 mindsets that we need to be happy.

1) Our Present Does NOT Dictate Our Future

No matter where we are, how we feel, or what we are doing—that doesn’t decide what will happen in our future.

When everything is going wrong in our lives, we’ll have a hard time imagining a hopeful future.

And you aren’t the only person that gets trapped in this feeling of doom and gloom. Impact bias is the tendency for people to overestimate the length or the intensity of future feeling states.

When we are depressed we can only assume that we will be depressed forever. We are twenty feet deep in a hole with only a shovel—we feel we can only go further down.

But if we have this mindset instilled within us, we’ll be able to get out eventually.

2) The Past Is A Story, The Future Is An Imagination

If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
But, if you are at peace, you are living in the present.
-Lao Tzu

We spend a lot of time regretting the past, or worrying about the future. But we don’t realize that these things are not exactly what they seem.

Humans are naturally pretty terrible at remember the past. Every time we recall a past memory we are actually remembering the last time we remembered it. In this process we alter the memory.

After years and years, the past is just a collection of completely inaccurate stories we tell ourselves. Some of us tell happy stories, some tell sad stories, but they are all stories.

Don’t base your emotions on the past.

The rest of the time we spend worrying about the future.

We stress about deadlines, awkward conversations, whether we will find love, get the job, and even whether or not we will be happy.

Think about that. We ruin our happiness in the present because we are worrying about whether or not we will be happy in the future.

Humans are bad at correctly recalling the past, and we are also terrible at predicting the future. Every doomsday scenario that plays out in our heads fail to come to pass.

The solution is to not regret the past, but move on, and not worry about the future, but live in the moment.

3) We Don’t NEED A Reason To Be Happy

This is the most important mindset for happiness. If you need a reason to be happy, your happiness can always be taken away.

Happiness is something we should try to cultivate within us. We need to learn to be happy for the sake of being happy.

Material possessions, promotions, friends, relationships, respect—these are all great and should make us happy, but we should never rely on them to be happy.

If we learn to be happy for no reason at all, we’ll be able to keep our happiness no matter what happens around us.

And that’s what we all want right, to be happy?

3 Reasons You SHOULD Procrastinate

We live in a hustle and bustle world. Full of deadlines, sports metaphors, and motivational quotes about smashing through our goals.

In the religion of hustle and bustle, there is but one sin:

Procrastination

We have been so indoctrinated into the world of the hustle that even a momentary lapse of procrastination immediately causes guilt.

We feel guilty because procrastination doesn’t get us to the next stage, it doesn’t get us closer to our dreams, it doesn’t get us anywhere.

We are all in the rat race, blinders up, on full tilt, and there is no reason to slow down.

Unless, there is?

[Spoiler Alert: There is.]

Procrastination For Percolation

Some of our problems feel like brick walls. The non-stop hustlers would tell you to go gung-ho into that wall until you smash through it, but this doesn’t always work.

Archimedes had a problem. His king was given a gold crown, but wasn’t sure if it was pure gold. To tell if it was pure gold Archimedes would need the exact volume of the crown, which would be difficult to say the least.

When did Archimedes discover the answer to his problem? When he was in the bath. In a moment of excitement he leaped out of the bath, running around the streets yelling Eureka!

He didn’t discover the answer in his lab, or while he was hard at work. He discovered it while procrastinating because he was allowing the problem to percolate in his mind.

If we always hustle, we never have time to let things stew, and sometimes that is exactly what we need to reach our ‘Eureka!’ moment.

Procrastination For Reevaluation

Procrastination can be a good time for something else as well.
Deciding if this thing is even right for us!

It doesn’t matter how busy we are or how many goals we accomplish if they aren’t leading towards our authentic dream life.

How much time do we waste doing things that don’t really matter, all because we never take the time to step back and look at the big picture.

If we are procrastinating that much, we should take it as a sign that we need to reevaluate why we are tackling this task in the first place.

Procrastination For Energy

If we burn the candle at both ends, we’re going to burnout.

Life requires a certain balance, even if the hustle religion would like to tell us otherwise.

When we spend all of our time grinding towards our dreams, we leave no time for ourselves to look up and enjoy what we’ve accomplished so far.

We need to have days of fun. We need to have days of rest. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Our goals feel fruitless if we don’t take the time to enjoy the fruits of our labour.

In the religion of the hustle and bustle, to procrastinate, is to sin. But nothing is ever that simple. We can’t distill life into the equation ‘Hustle = Accomplishment = Happy.’

So don’t feel guilty the next time you procrastinate. Take some time to let the task percolate in your mind, reevaluate the situation, and do something that recharges you.

In the land of the hustle and bustle, the occasional procrastinator is king.

Do you think it’s okay to procrastinate? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

3 Lessons From Our Mothers

If you had to clean up someones poop, puke, and pee, or had to listen to them cry and scream at all hours of day and night, you probably wouldn’t stand this person for very long.

Well, your mother went through that and a whole lot more for a very long time to make sure that you survived and became the slightly less poop and pee covered person that you are today.

Our mothers not only took care of us when we were disgusting and unruly, they also taught us a lot of the most important lessons we’ve ever learned.

We will never be able to repay our mothers, but at the very least we can say thank you every once and a while.

So this is an ode to the lessons our mothers have taught us, and a thank you note to all the amazing mothers out there.

We are born of love; love is our mother.
-Rumi

Sharing Is Caring

I grew up in a male dominated house. Needless to say, the boys of the house wanted to solve every conflict aggressively and had a hard time sharing anything. Whether it was time on the computer, toys, or treats, we wanted everything to ourselves.

But mothers will always step in and set it straight. She showed us the value of sharing our things, and thus our happiness, with others.

She also taught us this lesson through her everyday life. I frequently saw my mother pay for strangers, offer to pay for everyone in our group, and give presents at every opportunity.

She taught us that money comes and goes, but the impact that a small gesture can have on someone will last forever.

Give Everyone A Fair Shake

No matter who you were, if you came into contact with my mother she would give you the benefit of the doubt.

If everyone in the world was like this there would be no more sexism, racism, or any other of the prejudice diseases that plague humanity. When you treat each person as an individual and assume only the best of them—until they prove otherwise—you make the world a fairer place.

The media will try to convince you of a whole myriad of ignorant stereotypes, but the lessons from our mothers will always outweigh them and for that I am grateful.

Because of our mothers we know that each person is unique and deserves a fair chance.

Don’t Let The Opinions Of Others Affect You

My mother is a bus driver. She has told me many horror stories and she has been called every name in the book.

She’s been put down or attacked so many times that you’d lose count, but she never let the opinions of others affect her opinion of herself.

Sometimes it would get to her, but seeing the strength and determination that she mustered up during those moments was inspiring.

I learned that other people can only affect you as much as you let them affect you and this is one of the most important lessons a person can learn.

When I think of the mothers of the world I think about determination, unconditional love, overcoming obstacles, and doing things you never thought you’d do because you love that little life more than anything in the whole world.

Raising you was the hardest thing someone ever had to do in their entire life. So today, take the time to thank them. This is for all the mothers out there.

I love you mum. Thank for putting up with all the poop, the pee, the aggression, the rebellion, the shortcomings and the times I didn’t appreciate you like I should have.

I’ve finally learned my lessons.

What are some of the lessons that your mother taught you? Leave them in the comments!

1 Effortless Tip That Will Change Your Life

There is one simple action that can instantly transform your life and the lives of the people around you. It has the power to invigorate, inspire, and include.

It’s something that costs nothing and but its’ intrinsic value is incomparable.

But most people forget about it. Or stop doing it. Or pick the negative alternative. I believe that many personal problems can be solved using this one simple action.

The simple technique isn’t hidden in Pandora’s box or shrouded in clouded mystery. It has always been there, available to you, waiting for the right moment to shine.

So what is it, you ask? I hope you’ve figured it out by now and doing it as you read this.

Of course! Eureka! The simple technique is a:

Smile.

I spend my weekday mornings commuting to school on the bus, surrounded by so many scowling faces. It seems like we’ve forgotten how to smile.

We’ve forgotten how to be happy. Forgotten how to feel happiness. Forgotten how to show happiness.

When we were children, we never needed a reason to smile. It was automatic, almost instinctual. Literally anything made us smile and it was suspended there. We giggled and played, which made us giggle more. It was an endless cycle.

But somewhere along the lines, we grew up. We forgot how to keep a suspended smile. And when it did rear its’ beautiful head, it quickly disappeared.

But your smile is eager! Your smile wants to be shown to the world. It craves your attention. It has profound effects on you and everyone else around you.

To Invigorate.

When someone smiles at you, you can’t help by smile back. Your response is automatic. It is genuine and it is heartfelt.

For a brief moment in time, you share something with another and you feel invigorated. You are happier, more satisfied, and more loved.

I invite you to be the person that invigorates. Be the first to make someone feel happier, satisfied and loved. Aim to invigorate someone’s life.

You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

To Inspire.

When someone smiles at you, you get this ‘aha’ moment. Suddenly everything appears clearly, more distinct.

Your body and mind are inspired to feel happier. When you are inspired, life seems easier. You’re suspended on top of the world. Nothing seems to break you.

I invite you to be the person that inspires. Be the first to make someone feel like they are on top of the world. Give someone the ability to be formidable in the face of adversity.

You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

To Include.

When someone smiles at you, inside your own body there is a mix of incredibly complex chemicals. I don’t know the science, but you share an instant connection with that person. You instantly like that person.

That connection makes you want know that person. You want that person in your circle because he/she sheds positive light. That simple smile includes you into their world and shares their love.

I invite you to be the person that includes. Be the first to make someone feel like they are part of your life. Share your positive light and love.

You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

What if I can’t smile?

Force yourself to smile. Force yourself to hum a tune. Act as if you were already happy, and that will trick your brain into being happy.

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under more direct control of the will, we can directly regulate the feeling, which is not.” – William James, Psychologist

Now is the time to smile. If you can’t, now is the time to hum or sing or dance. It is time to forget everything and simply smile.

So I invite you now to share a simple smile with me? Share a simple smile with a loved one? With a stranger? With a co-worker?

There are countless opportunities to smile and people to direct it to. Start today. You’ll change their lives and, in turn, change yours.

Be bold, be free, and love on.