The Most Helpful Guide To Being Likable (25 tips)

I was a shy kid when I was younger.

I wasn’t exactly normal. I had a blood disorder and I had a special teacher in class because I had trouble learning and fitting in.

Also, I had ridiculously curly hair, it was an afro.
Why did my parents let me have an afro!?

The worst part is that hair would be so awesome right now.
I was ahead of my time.

Needless to say, I just wanted some love… Or at least some like.

We all want to be liked, right? These days people generally like me, but sometimes I still feel like that weird kid with the curly hair. I’m still hoping to be liked every day.

So that is what I’m here to do today, help all the weird people become more likable… Okay, normal people can read this too.
Who am I kidding, NO ONE is normal!

So here it is: The Most Helpful Guide To Being Likable.
These tips are in no specific order. Let’s go!

1) Smile!

Everyone is happier around people who smile. If you smile more often, guess what? People will smile back. You will brighten up their day a little bit and they will like you more because of it!

70% of communication is non-verbal and when you smile you show that you are happy, confident, and attentive. This is key in becoming more likable.

2) Eye Contact!

Studies have shown that people who maintain higher levels of eye contact appear to be more likable, stable, confident, trustworthy and attractive, among other qualities.

Not only that, but maintaining eye contact shows that you are fully engaged in the interaction instead of thinking about tomorrows breakfast. People like being valued over breakfast foods, trust me.

3) Offer Compliments!

We are all insecure, and if you say you aren’t insecure then that means that you are not secure in your insecurities! So what should we do to help each other out with these pesky insecurities?

If you have something nice to say, SAY IT! A compliment can turn someone’s day around completely and they will like you more because of that.

4) Keep Promises!

No matter how small a promise is, it is still a promise. If you can’t keep to your word then no one will trust you. If people can’t trust you then how can they like you?

In this age of ditching plans and forgetfulness, reliability is a rare quality. If you keep promise people will remember.

5) Don’t Speak In Monotone!

Imagine the teacher from Ferris Bueller’s day off. Would you want to hang out with that guy?

No one wants to listen to someone who sounds like a robot. Use different tones and volumes in your speech to keep the other person’s attention.

6) Use Names!

We all like hearing our own name, it’s like a sweet song to us. It let’s us know that the person talking to us sees us as an individual and that they care enough to remember us.

This works even better if you remember someone’s name the second time you bump into them. It creates familiarity and comfort, which everyone likes.

7) Laugh!

There is something called the “law of state transference.” It states that if you are showcasing a certain emotion or state, that people around you are more likely to experience that emotion as well.

Can you remember the last time someone very sad was around you. It probably made you feel a little awkward, and sad as well. Even if your jokes aren’t the greatest, if you are genuinely laughing, the other person will be much more likely to laugh as well. Try it out!

8) Slight Touches!

We all like human contact. It releases small doses of the chemicals in our brain that can cause us to feel love. That doesn’t mean that if you touch someone they’ll turn into a love zombie for you, but a slight touch can cause someone to be more endeared towards you.

Just make sure they are very slight touches in safe place. Don’t reach below the belt. Keep it to the shoulders, arms, or upper back and do it in a joking and playful fashion.

9) Open Body Language!

70% of communication is non-verbal. When you stand with your arms crossed and your head slightly down you will be subconsciously conveying to everyone that you are not open to conversation or other people.

Open yourself up, lean back, uncross your arms and smile. All signs of openness will show people that you are ready to engage, and people will like that.

10) Pay Attention!

Use your listening skills, stay off your phone and show the people around you that when you are talking to them, they are your highest priority. No one wants to repeat themselves, and no one wants to talk to someone who doesn’t even value them enough to give them their attention.

11) Show Confidence!

When you are confident, people will gravitate towards you. If you seem awkward people will assume that any interaction with you will be awkward. And who wants that? Not me, not the cashier, and not even your grandmother.

12) Exit Small Talk ASAP!

Small talk is needed to start off a new relationship, but you will never leave any sort of lasting impact on people if you only ever engage in small talk.

Use my guide to get from small talk, to deep relationships and you will never have to spend twenty minutes discussing the weather again!

13) Find Common Ground!

Most of the time people enjoy talking about things that they enjoy. Who would have thought?

If you want someone to enjoy your company more and like you more, find some common ground that way you can both enjoy the conversation. This will create a snowball effect of enjoyment.

14) Provide Value!

If you can teach someone something, they will be more likely to remember and like you. It’s even better if it’s something that pertains to them. Providing value isn’t just for business, it’s for relationships as well.

15) Groom Yourself!

If you are smelly, people might not like being around you, sorry. You can’t change who you are but a general rule is that you should try not to be too offensive to the senses.

Groom yourself, shower, put a little effort into your style and you’ll instantly be more likable.

16) Be Positive!

Don’t be a Negative Nancy, a Debbie Downer, a Pessimistic Paul or a Gloomy Gary.

As we’ve learned you’ll end up bringing others down through the law of state transference and they won’t like it, or you, very much at all. Stay positive, people will like you more and you’ll like yourself more.

17) Tell Stories!

Nothing is better than a good story, and nothing is more painful than a bad one. Through good stories you can make people happy, make them laugh, teach them something, leave them in awe, or cause a whole spectrum of other outcomes.

Humans have communicated through stories since we could speak, and maybe even before that. Become a better story teller and all of your relationships will improve.

18) Tell a Secret!

Studies have shown that when you tell someone a secret, even a small one, it will make them trust you more. This is probably a similar effect to state transference, if someone trusts you enough to tell you a secret, then you are more likely to trust them.

And as we’ve said before in the promises section, a base level of trust is a requirement for likability. Secrets create familiarity as well, making you seem closer to the person you entrust your secret with.

19) Mirroring!

In the same vein as finding common ground, we like people who share similarities to us. A known way of creating that feeling of similarity and familiarity is to slightly mirror the person you are speaking with.

Standing in a similar stance and using similar hand gestures can help in creating this perceived similarity, but don’t focus on this to much or you won’t be paying attention. Which is point 10.

20) Ask a Small Favour!

The Benjamin Franklin Effect is the idea that when we do someone a favour, we justify it to ourselves by thinking that we did the favour because we like the person. If you ask someone for very small favours, they will oblige and then like you more. Plus, you will get the opportunity to thank them and they will feel good about themselves. It’s a win-win.

“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
-Benjamin Franklin

21) Be Humble!

While you should be confident enough to strike up conversations and hold your own, don’t brag too much and try to impress people. No one likes a ‘one-upper’, someone who always has to outdo every story that people tell.

Just be comfortable in who you are, and show some humility.

22) Don’t Judge Anyone!

You don’t want people to judge you, so why would anyone enjoy being judged by you.

Even if you aren’t judging the person that you are talking to, if you are judging others around them, they will assume you judge them when they are not around. If you show that you are an accepting person they will feel much more comfortable around you and like you a lot more for it.

23) Ask Questions!

Asking genuine questions will lead to deeper conversations and show people that you have an actual interest in them as a person. Don’t make the conversation all about yourself, ask some good questions and you will find so much more beauty in the people around you.

24) Acknowledge Everyone!

When you are walking down the street, nod at people and smile at them. Ask your cashiers how their day is going. Acknowledge as many people as you can and everyone will like you more. After a while of doing this, you will become more confident and you will naturally radiate a positive, open energy.

25) End on Good Terms!

The first impression you make on someone, and the last impression you make before leaving are important. When you are done talking with someone, take the time to tell them that you enjoyed the conversation.

This will put the law of state transference into effect and they will probably say that they enjoyed talking to you as well. This is a compliment, a sharing of mutual enjoyment, and a great way to leave a good impression for next time.

Well, those are my tips.

I still feel like that weird kid sometimes, but I try to follow these tips so that I can have the best possible relationships with everyone around me because you know what?

We all have weird people inside of us who just want to be liked.

I like you, and I hope you like me too!

How To Go From Small Talk To Deep Relationships

I love those beautiful nights under the stars, engulfed in conversations about life, purpose and love. When time stands still and the only thing that exists is the connection between you and the other person.

Those are the connections that I live for.

I think everyone has that deeply beautiful side to them, just waiting for someone to reach out and connect to it. Sometimes I just want to walk up to a person and ask them about their dreams, the things they are afraid of and the disappointments that have forged their character.

I want to know every detail about them, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I love that imperfectly perfect image that you discover as you chip away the walls that we build so high.

But you can’t connect to someone on that level right away. You need to start somewhere and build rapport, and there is only one way to do that.

Small Talk

Anyone that knows me well enough knows that I hate small talk. I don’t like all the fluff that surrounds it.

“Wow, the weather is really terrible today, right?”
“How about X sports team, they’ve really been doing badly, right?”

Maybe it’s just me but I don’t really care about that kind of thing, and two people talking about things that don’t interest them, excite them, or reveal any of their beauty makes for a pretty mundane experience.

But, since small talk is never going to go away and is necessary for building a relationship, I’ve decided that I will make it my goal to have the best small talk experiences and transition to real conversations as quickly as possible.

Once you build rapport you can start to relate to a person and explore who they really are. That is where real relationships are forged. That is where you find the people that you can call crying at 2am, the people you can rely on during the good and the bad.

So this is my guide to getting through the small talk as quickly and gracefully as possible, allowing real conversations to flow and real relationships to be cultivated.

Names

I was going through the motions with a customer when he stopped me.

“What’s your name?”
“Oh, It’s Steven.”

And from that point on he used my name in every other sentence. The conversation was amazing and I felt like I had known him my whole life by the end of it. There was a certain warmth to the whole exchange that made it feel that much more real.

Everyone knows that when you meet someone the first thing you should do is introduce yourself, the part where most people fail to capitalize is that they are just going through the motions. Most people don’t even remember the names of those that they engage in small talk with.

When you introduce yourself make sure that you remember the persons name and use it throughout your conversation. People love hearing their name and it creates a sense of familiarity that is essential in transitioning from mundane small talk to anything bigger.

Another thing to keep in mind is that after the introduction people usually never hear your name again, so it’s easy for them to forget it. If you can, mention your own name more than once throughout the conversation so they have a chance to convert it to their long term memory.

You can do this two main ways:

• Address yourself by name. For example, “So I thought to myself, ‘Steven, you have got to get better sleep.'”
• Use your name in dialog. For example, “So my friend said to me, ‘Steven, you have got to get better sleep.'”

If you remember their name while helping them to remember yours, you will have a much better chance of leaving a lasting impression and deepening the connection.

Ask Questions

The second way to ensure that you build a real connection and avoid being stagnant in small talk is to ask questions.

We love our names, and we also love talking about ourselves. It’s understandable, we know ourselves better than any other subject so it comes naturally. When we ask someone about themselves it makes them feel important and interesting.

A real interest in other people is the best gift that you can give them. Too many people only care about themselves and it ruins a lot of potentially beautiful relationships.

Whether it’s deeply revealing questions or just your basic small talk questions, you should always keep in mind the 5 W’s. (And the one H)

Who, what, where, when, why, and how.

Whenever someone makes a statement you can build the conversation off of it by asking a question that gets them to reveal more details about their statement.

If someone mentions that they went to a certain university you now have the ‘where’ and ‘what’ but you can still ask them why they chose that university, how they got along there, or when they started.

When you keep those 6 questions in mind you can always slip one in to continue the conversation and reveal a little bit more about the person.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you should avoid questions that have one or two word answers. If you get a short answer, ask a follow up question and continue exploring the details.

Offer Compliments

You might be noticing a trend by now. Having productive small talk that actually leads to a real relationship is all in making the conversation about the other person.

We say their name to create familiarity and make them feel important. We ask them questions to make the conversation flow better, since we are all experts in the subject of ourselves. And we should also offer them compliments.

There is nothing more powerful than a real compliment and there is something to be noticed in everyone.

My general guideline for compliments is that I try to avoid anything generic. It is always better to give a compliment that you actually believe. Also, I usually like to break my compliment into two statements, first I introduce the compliment and then I detail it.

“You are honestly such a positive person. It’s so nice to see someone with such a genuine smile on their face.”

A real compliment can go a long way in cultivating a connection with someone.

The saying goes, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But I have always preferred my own version, “If you have something nice to say, you have to say it.”

Mirror Them

People feel more comfortable when they are talking to someone who reflects their mannerisms, tone, talking speed, and general energy levels.

It helps to cultivate that feeling of familiarity and give the impression that you are both on the same page.

While you should follow your partners lead to make them feel comfortable, don’t copy everything they do down to the T.

If they are calm and relaxed, and you are chock full of energy, there won’t be any cohesion in your conversation.

Match their general vibe and the conversation will be smoother and overall more enjoyable.

Hopefully with these tips you will be well on your way to having small talk that actually leads to something instead of being a stagnant dead end.

I still dream of the day that I can walk up to someone and immediately have those amazing discussions about life, love, fear, ambition, and all the other things that make my heart beat a little faster.

But until then, let’s take our small talk from being a chore, to being a door to something beautiful. Because we all have that beauty inside of us, we just have to get comfortable enough to let it out.

Thank you for being a part of this beautiful conversation, I love you all.

The Most Powerful Technique For Change: The Interrupt Mantra

I Was Starting To Feel Like A Robot.

After being alive for 22 years so many of my reactions were automatic, as if the result of programming over time. Even my thoughts were automatic.

Someone insults me, I become angry and brood over it. A girl that I think is cute stands near me, I immediately become self conscious. I worry about things I can’t control even though I know it does nothing to help, I become anxious.

I would spiral into my thoughts without ever taking a moment to question whether these feelings and thoughts really represented me, or if they were just auto-pilot responses.

Your Brain Wants To Conserve Energy.

Do you ever look out the window on a rainy day? At first the rain goes anywhere, but it quickly starts to form paths and the rest of the water follows down those paths. It’s easier to travel where it has already been, it follows the path of least resistance.

Your brain is the same way. If you have encountered a situation before, you’re brain will recognize it and go on auto-pilot, reacting the same way it did in the past. It will associate this situation with the situations before it and follow protocol.

*Beep Boop* Attractive member of opposite sex is nearby. Initiate low self-esteem thought pattern. *Beep Boop*

But I was tired of doing what I had always done, I was only getting what I had always got.

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”
-Albert Einstein

Seeing Things As They Are.

I wanted out of the endless loops and auto-pilot reactions. I wanted to take control of my life again.

I had to consciously choose to see everything with fresh eyes. I needed to decide at every moment if my thoughts were serving me, or harming me.

“The mind: A beautiful servant, a dangerous master.”
-OSHO

Many of the qualities that I didn’t want were being inflated by these auto-pilot reactions.

Once I started seeing everything for what it was and not allowing these automatic thought patterns take over, I realized that I had not respecting myself.

I was allowing myself to become angry over nothing, to worry about nothing, to feel unworthy over nothing. My automatic reactions were always negative.

I needed to change the way I reacted to things. I needed to interrupt these automatic negative thoughts and replace them with my own, more useful, positive thoughts.

The Interrupt Mantra.

This is a resourceful technique that I have taught to many people with great success.

Once you have identified a negative automatic thought pattern—maybe you get lost in thoughts of being unworthy, angry or depressed—you have to come up with an interrupt mantra that combats it.

If you have problems with anger your interrupt mantra might read something like this: “I am a calm person, I value my happiness over all else and I will not let outside events control me.”

When a situation arises that sends you into the auto-pilot response of getting angry, you interrupt those thoughts with your interrupt mantra. Repeat your mantra as many times as you need to until you pull yourself out.

At first the interrupt mantra will just serve as a way to stop yourself from spiraling into your negative thoughts, but after enough practice your new way of thinking will be your brains first reaction. It will be the path most taken, and will thus become the automatic response.

Try creating an interrupt mantra that suits your needs.

A couple examples:

ANGER: “I am a calm person, I value my happiness over all else and I will not let outside events control me.”

CONFIDENCE: “Being confident is not the absence of nerves, but carrying on despite them. I am confident that I can handle any situation that comes my way, even if it makes me nervous initially.”

ANXIETY: “It is useless to worry about things that I can not control. I am calm and I trust that everything will work out. Even if I worry sometimes, I will not let my worries beat me.”

SADNESS: “I am a strong person. I have been sad before and I have made it out alive. I can’t be defeated by sadness and I won’t allow it to take over.”

These interrupt mantras can be the first step in changing the way you react to the situations you face in life. It will feel a little unnatural to say them at first, you might not believe the words that are coming out of your mouth, but keep repeating them.

Keep interrupting the negative auto-pilot responses and keep reaching towards something better for yourself. You don’t deserve to be angry, sad, anxious, lonely, jealous, or anything that you don’t want to be.

You can change the way you think, but it won’t be easy.

See things the way they are, decide what you want them to be, and use your interrupt mantra to move towards that goal.

The rain on your windowsill doesn’t automatically have to be a sad sight.
It can be whatever you want it to be.

1 Indisputable Way To Overcome Bad Days

We all have bad days. They are inevitable. Sometimes they are life-changing and devastating. In my last article, I said that change is necessary. Change is important for personal growth.

It is necessary because life wants to test your limits. It pushes you to your limits. And in that ‘make it or break it’ situation is where real growth occurs.

That being said, you still have to overcome the bad day. How do you conquer something when everything around you collapses and just nothing goes your way?

Well, yesterday my laptop died. Just two weeks before one of the biggest changes in my life, it dies and extra expenses occurred. But, worst of all, there goes all my data.

All my articles, journals, school assignments, and ideas, gone.

Poof.

Note to self: Excessively back-up everything from now on.

I wouldn’t find out for five hours if anything could be recovered. Waiting five hours were like standing on upright needles, holding a pink elephant above my head.

I screamed and cried. “Why does this always happen to me?” I affirmed. I even prayed.

I lost everything.

But then, I stopped. I dug inside myself. I began to come to terms with it. I started to rationalize.

Did I really lose everything? Well, no. I’m still here. I’m still breathing, walking, thinking, and feeling. To me, that is a miracle.

You are always alive

No matter how bad the situation is, if you are able to share your experience, thoughts and feelings with anyone, even yourself, there is still something to cling on to.

I found solace in that thought.

Data is nothing when it’s compared to your own life, your own humanity. In fact, very few things are considered devastating when you compare it your existence.

Next time something dramatic happens, sit and think:

“Well, what else? Can I breathe, feel, and think? Can I walk? Can I depend on someone? Am I able to come up with ideas? Can I be grateful?”

If you can say a resounding ‘yes!’ to even one of those, then you cannot be shaken.

“I cannot be thrown off the block during this challenge. This bad day does not define who I am. It will not throw me off my course.”

That is my mantra. Try it. Repeat it yourself out loud, over and over again.

When something devastating occurs, there is nothing that can pull you out but yourself. Social circles, family and prayer will definitely help, but in the end, it lies within you.

You possess the unbridled power to change how you feel and how you react to any given situation. Introspection can do wonders when you’re having a terrible day.

Nothing is as bad as it seems when you compare it to your humanity.

As for my data, I recovered it and, through it all, I didn’t lose my sanity standing on upright needles, holding a pink elephant above my head.

Until next week my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

1 Painless Tip You Need To Adjust With Sudden Change

…And my university is on strike. That’s great! That’s exactly what I needed.

-Insert my very sarcastic face here-

I don’t know how long this will hold out for, but the last time it lasted four months.

I was supposed to finish and graduate school in March, move out and start my life. I was supposed to focus on 2HelpfulGuys and write more, make more videos, and really start to focus on helping people.

I was supposed to do a lot of things, but it all hinged on school ending. Now everything is ruined. Everything is going to spiral and go downhill.

But wait, maybe it isn’t as bad as I think it is. I wrote previously that there is a positive in every situation. Maybe there is a glimmer of light somewhere in this.

I’ve discovered it over the course of the last two days. It was a valuable lesson that I needed to learn and, hopefully, you can learn as well.

Sometimes Strikes Happen

That’s just the fact of the matter. It can’t be avoided and it can’t be altered. Sometimes, things just don’t pan out the way you want.

I’ve governed the last 8 months of my life with a regimented strict routine. Sometimes there were little blips. Every time that happened, I whined a little bit.

“Oh man. I can’t believe X, Y, and Z just happened. Now my entire schedule is ruined.” 

I ruined my own day, all by myself. But in reality, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Everything carried on. I was okay. I was alive. I was still breathing.

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Sometimes life wants to see how you work under pressure. Life wants you to grow and transform, with each pitch it dishes out.

Change is meant to keep you on your toes, to keep you nimble and ready. Acknowledge the change as ‘good’ and carry on.

When is Change Bad?

My change was a strike, and that’s manageable. But sometimes, life throws you a huge life-changing curveball.

Someone close to you passes away, you may lose your job suddenly, or you fail your family, or worse, yourself.

It’s easy to say, “just make some lemonade, when life hands you lemons.” However, fact of the matter, we all cope differently, but we sometimes we just can’t make lemonade.

Sometimes the pressures of life closes you in this tiny inescapable box and all you want to do is have just one breathe of fresh air.

We’ve all been there. I know I have.

Take a break from it all. Allow yourself to be upset and remorseful. We are not emotionless automatons. Those emotions are natural and you should experience them.

Look inward, deep inside yourself and you will find solace. Then, look outward, to your support system and you will find solace.

We all share these bad life-changing curveballs. Confide in someone. People naturally want to help each other, for the plain reason that we, ourselves, were once alone and stuck in that oxygen-less box.

Accept.

When you expect a straight ball, life decides to pitch you curve. Be aware, be ready, and invite it. Use it as a stepping-stone to the stronger version of yourself.

In wake of the curveball, ultimately we must accept it. The ball curved, it already happened and it can’t be undone. Give yourself some time and allow yourself to move on.

For me, this strike is literally life changing. But it’s time for me to accept and move on.

I hope you do the same with all your curveballs. And for whatever struggle you’re facing, Steven and I are here to help.

Until next time my beautiful readers,

Be Bold, be free, and love on.