Blog

Being Confident Without Being Arrogant

We naturally assume that when someone has problems with confidence, it’s that they don’t have enough of it. But this isn’t always true.

Confidence, like most other traits, is a spectrum. You can have too little, which results in a low self esteem, or you can have too much which results in arrogance.
You can say hubris if you want to sound polite and fancy.

The key is to have a healthy confidence. Like the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears you shouldn’t have too much or too little, but just enough.

Having a low self esteem can make you hate yourself, but being arrogant can make everyone else hate you.

Having a low self esteem can lead to:
Self sabotage, poor relationship and social skills, lack of assertiveness, neediness or dependence, and when it gets really bad it can lead to things like eating disorders and self harm.

But on the other end of the spectrum, arrogance can lead to:
An inability to handle criticism, a lack of empathy, having unreasonable expectations of favourable treatment and delusions of grandeur.

Which are all pretty undesirable personality traits.

Maintaining a healthy confidence is a fine line to walk and you need a lot of qualities. It’s accepting yourself even if you aren’t perfect. It’s having a healthy self-esteem, and it’s having the ability to go through life knowing deep down that for better or worse, you are who you are and that is okay.

So what are the three main qualities you need in order to walk that fine line between self deprecation and delusions of grandeur?

Humility

It can be hard to walk that fine line when you are really good at something. When you are winning your first reaction might be jumping up in the air screaming “Yes! Who’s the best!? I’m the best!”

But that is a sure fire way to look arrogant.

When you win, use humility to make others around you feel good. When you lose, use humility to know that you can always improve next time.

Respect

If you respect yourself and the people around you a healthy self-confidence is sure to follow.

Don’t put yourself in situations you don’t feel comfortable in and try not to put yourself down too often. Respect yourself in this way, as well as the people around you.

It might take time to develop this trait, but start by catching yourself whenever you aren’t showing respect to yourself or the people around you.

Generosity

We tend to have negative self-talk constantly. We spend so much time beating ourselves up that it’s no wonder we don’t have a healthy confidence.

Be generous in giving yourself compliments and pats on the back. And while you’re at it, be generous with others in this way.

A few kind words can go a long way to making your day—or someone else’s—a thousand times brighter.

With these three tips, we can feel good about ourselves without becoming arrogant in the process. We often tend live in one extreme or the other, but true happiness and lasting confidence comes from balance.

So exercise humility, show yourself some respect and be generous with kind words—you’ll build a foundation of self-confidence that will carry you throughout life.

A Sedentary Life WILL Inevitably Kill Us.

A set of common complaints most of us have are, ‘I have too many problems. I can’t deal with these problems. I wish I didn’t have so many problems. I wish my life were easier.’

But what is an easy life?

Is it a picture perfect neighborhood with white picket fences and perfectly groomed lawns? Is a life without problems and when they do arise, they’re solved like the ending of family sitcom?

Would that make us satisfied?

I think a life devoid of challenge, problems and tough times is far worse than any picturesque sitcom life. Such a life would not be satisfying mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Life is meant to be challenging, difficult and arduous. Without these integral characteristics of life, we would often feel unfulfilled and unhappy.

All of our growth, progression and perspective in life directly erupt from our challenges and experiences. In these moments, all our mental and physical strength is galvanized towards a specific moment, as we harness the hidden power deep within ourselves to overcome any feat.

The perfect life leaves us sedentary. If we don’t constantly chase never-ending improvement, we will eventually become unsatisfied with our circumstances.

Soon we will start feeling unsatisfied with the white picket fences and the perfectly groomed lawns. Without real problems to challenge us, we will lose the drive to improve.

Perspective of Problems

Our problems gives us the opportunity to grow and improve, but only if we view them as such.

When we are faced with problems, we can feel and think only one of two ways-The positive or the negative.

Two Twins

Who we choose to embody will inevitably change our perspective. Weighing the circumstances, which person – the negative or the positive – will produce the better result?

Which perspective will make us stronger, or, conversely, weaker? In the ultimate end, who we embody is completely our choice.

We can choice to be wholly negative and wish for the picturesque white picket fences, or we can be wholly positive, push through our problems with great stride and grow stronger.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

jack

Our Fears Are A Double-Edged Sword

I once watched a woman on Maury who was terrified of cotton balls. She would dream of a giant cotton ball man murdering her most nights.

She was so terrified that she hardly left the house. She succumbed to the fear and it consumed her entire life.

We all have fears. Some of us are terrified of spiders or heights and some fears are more rational than others.

My main fear is failure. I’m afraid of disappointing others, failing to accomplish my dreams and goals, and failing myself.

Failure will inevitably destroy us if we allow it. It has the power to paralyze our bodies and leave us broken and sedentary.

It makes us tremble, keeps us from leaping into new experiences and challenges. It debilitates our growth process and hinders our ability to learn.

These are my fears, and maybe if you experience the same ones, we can learn from them together.

A) Failure as a fellow human

Sometimes I am afraid that I am not enough for others. Sometimes I feel like I should do more, say more, and be more.

The thought of letting the people I love down feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to be more present, more appreciative and more loving.

Let us all aim to be stronger individuals towards others – friends, partners and strangers alike – and aim to impact each and every individual we encounter in a wholly positive manner.

B) Failure to pursue my passion

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never reach my goals. While these moments are seldom, they come rushing and almost overcome my entire being.

The thought of not reaching my potential feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to work harder, smarter and use my time wisely. We should never compromise our passion and life to pursue work that does not truly make us happy.

Let us all aim to pursue our passions, so our work-life and passions become intertwined into one sole entity.

Our energy and life is limited. Why should we spend one single moment not being completely content in our work life?

C) Failure as myself

Sometimes I am afraid that I will never be truly enough for myself. Sometimes insecurities resurface and it can be hard to wrap my head around it.

The thought of succumbing to my insecurities feels soul crushing.

With this thought in the forefront of my mind, I aim to battle the insecurities head on. Work through them one by one and leave them broken and battered on the floor.

Let us all cast away our insecurities in the successful attempt to grow into the strongest version of ourselves. Everyone has insecurities that resurface from time-to-time, but let us never allow time to wallow in them.

Fear as a Stepping-Stone

As debilitating as fear can be, it is completely necessary for us to grow and progress. Fear is an astounding motivator. It is our worst enemy, but it can also be our best friend.

When my fears of failure resurface, there are only two options: succumb and wallow or fight and grow.

The latter is more appealing than the former. Without our fears, we would never truly understand where our weak points lie and what we must do in order to grow. 

Even though the worst thing I can think of in life is failing others and myself, I am very grateful for all my fears. Without my fears, I would never truly understand the importance of presence, hard work, appreciativeness, passion and love.

However, while putting all this out in the universe, I wonder if there are others that fear the same things.

Or, maybe, all my fears are just as irrational as a giant cotton ball man murdering me.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.

Meditation Will Save Your Life

A friend recently told me he had coughed up blood due to stress. He discovered the harmful effects that can be caused by holding on to stress, anger, frustration and other negative emotions.

The best way to solve this problem is meditation.

I could write about the scientifically studied effects of meditation: reducing stress, pain, anxiety, aging, depression, feelings of loneliness and inflammation at the cellular level.

Or how it increases your immune function, positive emotions, emotional intelligence, compassion, ability to regulate emotions, ability to introspect, grey matter in key areas of your brain, focus, multitasking, memory and creativity.

But instead, I would like to write about the most important benefit that meditation gives us.

The Ability To Let Go.

We are always our own worst critics. I label almost everything I do as “not good enough” no matter how many people tell me otherwise.

We all judge our bodies, habits, careers, intelligence, and lifestyles more than anyone else ever could. We beat ourselves up so much and the worst part is that we think it is normal.

When we aren’t holding grudges against ourselves, we are holding on to all the negativity the world gives us.

Something makes us angry in the morning and it ruins our day, or something stresses us out and we can’t let go of it. We hold on to anger, sadness, envy, stress, regret and so much more.

Our mental well-being is one of the most important building blocks to a happy and fulfilled life. If we don’t have a healthy mind we can never get near our full potential.

We are robbing the world of the beautiful gifts we could be sharing, just because we can’t seem to let go of any of the things that do us no good.

When We Meditate.

We focus on the breath. It might not seem like much, but it is hard.

Thoughts will come up and we will get trapped in them for minutes at a time before snapping back and re-focusing on the breath.

We will have thoughts about the things that have angered us recently, the things we dislike about ourselves and the world; all the automatic and vindictive thoughts that circle in our brain on a daily basis.

When we practice snapping out of these thought patterns and focusing back on our breath we are constantly exercising our ability to let go of the thoughts that only hurt us.

Over time we get quicker and quicker at this until our negative knee-jerk reactions can no longer drag us down the rabbit hole.

When We Are In The Real World.

After practicing meditation and letting go, we become experts in daily life.

When we see someone more popular, richer and better looking than us, we get jealous. But we’ve practiced for this, and so we immediately let go and go about our day without a second thought.

When someone cuts us off in traffic, instead of letting the anger build and ruin our day, we let it go. When we have thoughts that put down and hurt us, we let them go.

We let go of everything that does no good for us and we never look back.

That is what meditation gives us, a second chance after every negative thought, every unhealthy emotion, and every harmful event.

In practicing meditation, we practice letting go. And when you let go of the bad, you make a lot more room for the good.

 

Cellphones Are Ruining Your Memories

Yesterday was my last day of my arduous university education. As I walked down the aisle adorned in a black and maroon gown, I noticed something strange.

Hundreds of parents proudly staring at their accomplished children, but not with their eyes, but through their tiny pixelated camera and cellphone screens.

Through their four-inch screens, they attempt to record and capture every single moment.

We have forgotten how to record treasured moments with our hearts and eyes. Instead of experiencing new delicacies, events, concerts and treasured memories first-hand, we choose to stare into our little screens to record and photograph every moment.

Moments are once in a lifetime

Why does time seamlessly pass as we age? Because somewhere along the line we forgot to savor the current moment.

We have become so caught up in capturing and immortalizing these experiences to share with our friends and family, that we forgot to immortalize them in our hearts.

Our memories of events are distant blurs because we never really experienced them. We view our most treasured memories through LCD screens.

We forget that moments can never truly last forever unless we experience them first-hand. Through human experience, they are immortalized.

When we proudly share our feelings of the moment they are solidified in our memories.

There will never be another university graduation, first birthday party or concert, the exact same as the previous one. These little moments, the minor alterations, are what makes our memories memorable.

No amount of recapping through our cellphones and cameras will make us relive that memory.

Truly savoring the moment first-hand is the unparalleled power of human experience. Truly being able to see, hear and feel the emotion and intensity in a room is what creates true memories.

Use technology sparingly

There is a fine line between excessive use and under-use. Everything in life is a spectrum. Too much technology limits the creation of true memories, while no technology reduces the ability to share our experiences.

We shouldn’t destroy our cellphones and revert back to the Stone Age. But we also shouldn’t use technology as a placeholder for the human experience.

We understand our devices are important for contacting loved ones, scheduling, recording memories and occasionally playing Clash of Clans. But that line is severely crossed when we spend the majority of a would-be treasured event experiencing it through four-inch screens.

So before we indulge in breath-taking food, enjoy our favorite musicians, or experience once-in-a-lifetime events, let us be wary of our devices, be grateful for the moment and begin to truly appreciate all that surrounds us.

Until next time, my beautiful readers,

Be bold, be free, and love on.