A Problem Person or A Solution Person?

Everyday we’re confronted by problems and challenges in varying degrees. They are seemingly endless. “My boss hates me! I can’t deal with Sally. I have no friends.”

With each passing day, more seem to arise, till they consume us. The only thing you crave is a breath of fresh air, as you desperately gasp.

Running away isn’t a permanent solution. You have to deal with them head on. You have the option between two different types of people.

Are You a Problem Person?

Unfortunately, the majority is this person. Sometimes, I’m this person. I focus on the problems and wallow in them, letting them consume me, till they affect everything.

Thoughts, feelings, and habits all go down the tubes, as I internally scream, ‘why me!’

This type of person is only concerned with one thing – when is the next problem going to arise? They expect more problems, and it’s almost like, they need the problems.

They need them to self-identify with a helpless self, with a vulnerable and weak self. Recently, I allowed my problems free reign over my thoughts. They ran like a broken record, over and over.

But I came out of it. How? I self-identified with a different kind of person.

Be a Solution Person

I sat down with my good friend, old-fashioned pen and paper. I jotted down my problems with little dashes beside them. I tried to come up with as many solutions as possible.

It took a very, very long time and most of them were unusable, far-fetched even. But there they were, on paper. After two hours and thirty-six ideas, one was decent enough to implement.

Be the person to seek actionable steps to your problems. Figure out a way to get yourself through your struggles. Internal and external problems can all be solved with conscious realization.

Confront your boss and ask what you can do better. If he still hates you, quit, find another job. Trying to satisfy someone who cannot be satisfied isn’t worth your sanity.

Is Sally really worth all the trouble she’s giving you? Maybe she’s a complaining acquaintance. Walk away. Maybe she’s a close friend or family. Walking away isn’t realistic. Limit contact. You don’t need the added negativity.

You don’t need friends to be happy. Find happiness in yourself. When you fix yourself, you can show everyone how amazing you are. Approach strangers, listen openly, ask questions, and be present in their lives. Help them first, and they will help you. Be their friend first, and they will be yours.

It is significantly harder to figure out solutions, than it is to wallow in your problems. But, with the prospect of retrieving control of your feelings and habits, it’s well worth the extra struggle.

Start the habit of creating solutions. It will be hard. It will take a very long time. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you will be able to solve all your problems without struggling. You’ll be able to solve other peoples’ problems.

I’m not at that level yet. I still have to figure out all my problems. But I know if I practice enough, I can be a true solution person.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

pronl

62 thoughts on “A Problem Person or A Solution Person?

  1. I really appreciate this post–I am naturally a solutions person but live with a problems person, which has been quite a struggle for me. However, I agree that nothing good can come from wallowing in the problem and live can be infinitely better when you actively look for solutions!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a bit upsetting and while, I don’t advocating trying to change other people, it is hard to accept. I feel like change must come internally but maybe assisting the person through their problems would help them. Show them that there ARE solutions to their problems, and hopefully, over time they will realize that on their own. And, hopefully, they start seeking solutions to their problems on their own accord!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s precisely the reason I wrote this because I was in that similar situation. Being a person that mostly identifies as a solution person, I was emotionally attached to a problem person. After many many failed attempts at trying to help her, I had to disconnect.

        It is very hard.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Great comparison. Everyone should aim to be a solution person. At work I found that the more I wallowed and complained the worse I felt. Other people did not care that I had a problem. When you start finding solutions to your problems regularly, the solutions come easier and easier each time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re completely right and you uncovered the core message of my article quite well! In the end, everyone has their own internal struggles and problems. Complaining wouldn’t make anyone more compelled to help because they have their own ‘going-ons.’

      Figuring out solutions will only benefit you in the longterm. For me, I rather figure out my problems, rather than letting them effect me.
      Thank you for the comment! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Unravelling The Knots and commented:
    Great post, I just had to share.

    I think as one who suffers from a range of mental disorders (It’s not as bad as that sounds, lol) I think I can identify with being a “problem person”. Too often, especially suffering from depression or eating disorders or borderline, we become bogged down by negative thoughts and spend more time focussing on what is wrong than how we can change it.

    I recently spoke to a friend recently who was off loading about the same problem he has had for a while which is really getting him down to the point of self harming again and I simply said: “The only way to stop the decent into the black hole is to either change the situation or to change the way you are thinking about the situation.”

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I whole heartedly agree with your last statement: The only way to stop the descent into the black hole is to either change the situation of change the way you are thinking about the situation.

      But I understand that it is hard especially with mental health cases. However, keeping your advice in mind, you have to approach the situation differently. More often than not, changing brain chemistry (the cause of mental health) is difficult. But I believe that if you change your perspective on the issue, brain chemistry will inevitably change with it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well said 🙂 From experience I can say I fully agree with all the above and yes, it is easier said than done a lot of the time. This changing brain chemistry thing is something I want to write a post on.

        Like

  4. You’re so right. A majority of people do seem to be problem people, they invite or even create their own misery. I found out long ago that the first step to being a solution person is to prioritize the problems, solve the most important one now and leave the rest for later.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, that’s just splendid! If you’ve figured that portion out, I think you’re well on way on the right path! I like to prioritize everything, including problems and issues!

      Like

  5. I like this very much, at the end of last year I thought no more resolutions, how about a plan instead something that I can carry with me at all times, then I read a quote “You can’t solve your problems with the same thinking that created them” Wow with that in mind i wrote a new mission statement and 3 weeks into the new year it’s been challenging but by changing my thinking I’ve effected real changes in a couple of areas, and it has made such a difference.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Completely right! Change the way you’re thinking and approaching situations and you will be able to find ore solutions to your problems. Or maybe, and I’m VERY guilty of this, make a minor problem bigger than it is and let it affect you.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It is comforting to know that most of us try to be better, deal with our trials in a graceful way. Yes, problems/trials/fears they say works like this. “I ran and they all ran after me. The farther we run, the faster the fear comes to find us.” So you are right, we better learn how to face whatever/whoever it is unpleasant and try to do something to make the situation better. Right thinking, right action.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Completely agree and I love the quote. I think it summarizes the article very well! Problems WILL always be there. That’s just a part of life! But I believe that it all lies in perspective. Change the way you look at a problem, and you change the way you feel about it. The ultimate goal for sentient beings is happiness, but problem people inadvertently chase sadness through their perspectives.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I like this post as it speaks the truth. It is so much easier to complain, cry and find excuses to make yourself look like a victim than it is to actually face the problems and find solutions to them.

    We tell ourselves lies all the time and we can get so caught up that, in our heads, a certain position of planets in a neighborhood galaxy becomes a valid reason why we can’t do something. In reality, we are just too lazy and unwilling to do what we’re supposed to.
    We just don’t want to make an effort and create a better life for ourselves because there’s something so captivating about comfort that leaving it seems frightening.

    Unfortunately for us, life usually starts where our comfort zones end.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love this comment so so much. You’re completely correct and as I mentioned, it is easier to wallow. We’re all guilty of it. But, as you said, life starts where our comfort zone ends, and that’s where happiness can be attained, where the true change occurs. That is where actual progress is recognized.

      When we cross the threshold that is our comfort zone, we begin to change drastically!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Boy! Do I know how you feel! I most often find that the solution lies in the way I’m treating others. I know if I change that, I can also change the outcome of how they’ll treat me. But most definitely, as you say, take action! And yes, sometimes new beginnings are in order. Follow your gut instinct. They’re the hardest decisions to make, but usually provide you with the best outcome. I’m so glad of the way you man up to things and know the kinds of perplexing things you must face… Garbage in? Garbage out! So much depends upon what you’ll allow into your mind when your mood is saying: No! Keep strong, and lets keep an eye on each other for that matter. Cheers my friend!

    Like

    1. You’re completely right. The thing that stuck most from your comment was “garbage in, garbage out.” I truly believe in that principle. The way you treat your body in respects to food, exercise, thoughts and actions has direct correlation to how you perform and act. It is important to focus on more solutions because those, in itself, are the feelings and thoughts that you put into your head. If you constantly take in problems and internalize them, you will only continue to produce garbage.

      Thank you for such an insightful comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s funny to me; whne Im in male mode, I’m admittedly problem person. I’m always waiting to get kicked in the teeth again. Waiting for the next calamity, The next problem around the corner. My confidence has been shaken to the very core. When I’m Caden, I’ve found that I’m the exact opposite. I exude confidence and charisma, I know what I need to do, the solutions are within easy reach. I wonder why that is? Certainly a question to ask my Psychologist. I would certainly like to exude those same characteristics as a guy again. I suppose there is nothing to do, but do it.

    Ever & Always,
    A very resolute Caden Lane

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Regardless of male mode or female mode, I think it lies in perspective. While in male mode, you are a problem person, I think it’s about your frame of thinking. Why do you feel like your confidence is shaken? I think, you have to understand that issue. When I have confidence issues (almost weekly), it is usually deep-down insecurity. But I never understand it to be deep-down insecurity until I actually sit down and ask myself “Why am I feeling like this?” Similar to Caden, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling confident right now?” I believe that characteristics can be changed, but it stems from perspective and certain approaches. Understand where the confidence issue and confident boosts arise from.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Such a relative post for me! I’m starting to think that maybe all the “problems” I’m having with my work is really the problem of my own perspective and not the work at all. I think I might try the paper and pen idea and see if it helps me get back on track. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope it does help! It has really helped me through a lot. I think it definitely lies in perspective, as with most things in life. Change your perspective and you immediately change the way you look at everything, problems included!

      Like

  11. I very much enjoyed this post, so thank you for posting it! However, I do have a question. This post very much read a bit like solutions always have to be logical. However, there are “problems” where perhaps logic has no place being. Rather, perhaps there are times when it is best to surrender to what we are feeling in the moment. However, I feel that for many people to surrender to emotions, something so illogical, is uncomfortable for us as human beings. Especially, in this modern era. So, my question is, perhaps we as individuals should search for integrative solutions that blend logic, emotion, and spirituality into one solution with various levels?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right about logic. No solution or problem is finite. I think that logic has a place in solutions, but so do emotions and spirituality. I deal with each problem depending on the gravity of the problem. For example, just today something happened and I let it bother me for the larger part of the day. But then, I meditated (spirituality) and the problem seemed to disappear. Even now, as I write about this problem, it doesn’t bother me. The spiritual ‘letting-go’ has allowed me to move past the problem. So to answer your question, yes! You can use any mix or single integrative solution for any problem. It’s all a matter on what works best and what works for you.

      Like

      1. My wedding ring slipped off my finger and is hiding, so I think I’m losing a little weight! One apple instead of a candy bar at a time . . .

        I’m really looking forward to the book! Thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. i think that being/becoming a solution person brings about more fire, more action, and more excitement for life !! in regaining or trying to regain control and setting out intentions and acting on them to bring about change.. and what a beautiful process, isn’t it!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This blog is very true and I have to admit I’m more of a problem person. A lot more. I can come up with solutions when I finally decide to do so, but that decision can take a long while. Still, I feel I’m heading towards more solutions, less whining, but, as you said, it’s harder. But it’s also much more rewarding and satisfying, which I try to keep as my motivators.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Completely right! It is hard. We’re all guilty and we all fail sometimes. But make small manageable goals. Move towards a solution person just 1% a day. That’s small, right? That’s doable, right? 1% is such a minute change but it compiles! End of the year, you’ve improved 365%!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Have you considered being both? Have thought of the possibility that being both productively could be greatness?
    One step at a time….. Like you mentioned- you are still trying to figure out all of your problems (that may have built up)
    Once you become a “solution person” your going to require problems to solve….
    “problems” get a bad reputation- they can easily overwhelm anyone when they become overabundant, but when balanced, problems are going to be wanted in order for you to solve them

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know that being both is good. Problems WILL continue to arise. That’s just a fact/part of life. The problems are endless. And regardless of the person, there are only two prospects: Happiness and sadness. Also, your approach to them can be only one of two: A victim or a solver. A victim is just someone that feel sorry for themselves and wallows. It’s the victim that choose sadness. It’s the solver that chooses happiness.

      Problems are NEVER wanted, but they always come. I don’t know anyone that asks for more problems, unless they completely self-identify as a victim (which in most cases, is not a public identification)

      Like

  15. Of course I failed to properly explain myself… lol This is a problem I’m always trying to resolve haha

    What I was trying to say or point out is that (like you even said) “problems will continue to arise”
    So, by default we will all will be problem people…. —–I MUST MENTION AGAIN THAT “PROBLEMS” GET A BAD REPUTATION—-

    Meaning that a problem is not automatically a bad thing, Actually, problems are potentially a opportunity for “solvers” to discover new things or simple a beneficial challenge
    Problems are problematic for those who do not become solvers

    does that make more sense ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it does, but I still stand by what I said, more or less. Problems aren’t necessarily a bad thing, but as I mentioned, problem people view them as bad. Solution people view them as good, as a chance to improve and progress.

      Regardless, I’m not saying that problems are good or bad, I’m more saying that people (including myself) need to change their perspective on how they view problems.

      Like

  16. Believe it or not, I was raised by 2 solution people. If either my brother or I gripped or complained, we didn’t get sympathy or ready solutions. We got “So what are you going to do about it?” There were times we needed help finding the solution but one was never just given to us.

    Like

  17. Great insight. Not only do you discuss the “problem,” you offer a “solution.” Like many writers, I exorcise a sufficient amount of demons through the seventy-odd plastic keys under my fingertips. However, the tangible, visceral act of putting pen to paper – forming ink-laden letters that create words that build to sentences that are as uniquely connected as the flesh of my hand is to the synapses generated deep inside my brain – is what most often produces a rewarding outcome. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂 Peace.

    Like

  18. I am a HR professional and I tell my team never come to me with a problem if they don’t have some solutions, they stopped coming to me as often…find your own solutions and choose your attitude! Great article..

    Like

    1. That’s amazing advice! I don’t know if you listen to audiobook, but check out one by Derek Sivers about CDBABY. It’s an amazing one about entrepreneurship and, more importantly, about leadership and solutions!

      Like

  19. Do you take things too personally? Overanalyze the situation? Feel defensive? Then you are almost certainly among the group classified as Highly Sensitive People.

    Experience motivates most of us to avoid or minimize interacting with such people. But sometimes that problem person is a sibling, a boss, a coworker. Even your mother. And managing the relationship by distancing yourself or cutting it off altogether is impossible or undesirable. The goal, in such cases, is to prepare in advance for an encounter, knowing it will take a special effort to hold onto your own sense of self, and to stay calm.

    Like

  20. Reblogged this on A Glimpse Inside of a Troubled Mind and commented:
    You don’t need friends to be happy. Find happiness in yourself. When you fix yourself, you can show everyone how amazing you are. Approach strangers, listen openly, ask questions, and be present in their lives. Help them first, and they will help you. Be their friend first, and they will be yours.

    Like

  21. I think you’re missing a critical in-between: a content person. It’s not always about problems and solutions. Sometimes it’s about realizing that you don’t have any problems. Isn’t that the goal in the end?

    Like

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