How To Escape Loneliness

Our family surrounds us at birth, and they’re present for the most part throughout your life, but they never warned you of the loneliness in this world. They never prepared you for the harsh truths and rough life that you may lead.

You were thrown headfirst endlessly seeking happiness and pleasure. Through the entire journey you fall and fail, and fall and fail some more, trying to find a speck of happiness in someone or something.

Your Social Circle

I depend on my social circle to a very large degree. I don’t know who I would be without them. I would be lost.

But before this blissful time, I was hopelessly alone. All through elementary and high school, I just had myself. I was ridiculed and severely unhappy.

In elementary school, I would pretend I was sick and stay home. In high school, I hung out with the librarian and that was where I would eat my lunches, while he talked about his war stories and medical history.

Neither of us enjoyed it.

Your significant other

One of the earliest memories of relationships was from grade 3. Susie was her name. Or maybe, it was Suzy? I told her I liked her, and she screamed and ran away. All the kids made fun of me. I was unhappy.

So what? If girls had cooties, I was okay with it.

Apparently, my peers weren’t. I never had another relationship until high school, which ended terribly and I was emotionally destroyed. After the break-up, I would work seventy-hour weeks just to drown out the emptiness I felt.

Work, work, sleep, and repeat.

Curtis had an xbox

The kid down the street had an Xbox. I hated him. I wanted an Xbox. I deserved one. I got decent grades and I never hurt anyone. Why did he get one and I didn’t?

His parents were rich.

Maybe you have both, friends and a significant other, but something is missing. Your social life is flourishing, but you need an xbox to be happy. That will impress others! If others are impressed, they’ll like you and you’ll be happy.

But then I got that Xbox, and I had a sense of bliss for a little while. But, no one was impressed, no one liked me, and I wasn’t happy.

What’s the solution?

I like to think all factors in my life as external factors. These only supplement happiness, but they don’t provide baseline happiness.

Baseline happiness comes from inside you. It comes from own self-realization that you’re worthy to be happy. Everyone can be happy, but it must come from within.

My friends provide additional happiness, but, first, the baseline must be achieved. In order to make friends, I had to be happy first. I had to realize that I am worthy enough to have friends.

I don’t have a significant other to share everything. However, I am happy, and in time, someone significant will come, but only after I’ve accepted myself wholly.

Xbox and copious amounts of money will not bring you happiness. It might make your life easier for a little bit. But it’s never enough. The richest people are also the most unfulfilled. They realized, the hard way, that money can’t buy happiness. You will be able to have anything you want, but in the end, those items bring just momentary happiness.

When you are able to be happy alone, everything else falls in place. You have to discover intrinsic happiness for yourself. Being happy will take work and time, but search for it.

Give yourself a moment each day to figure out what happiness means to you, what it will take, and how you can achieve it today. Happiness varies from person to person. Discover it for yourself.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

64 thoughts on “How To Escape Loneliness

  1. My significant other is the one who I share most of my time with. Even though I do not accept myself fully, mostly because I do not know myself fully- I feel as though he is my life partner. It just feels like it was meant to be. I agree that you do find happiness from within, but I also feel like this world is worth sharing. He is the one I want to share everything with! Thank you for the post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is really nice to have someone you completely connect with! That’s great to hear that you found someone like that! In all honesty, I don’t doubt that I will find someone, but until then, I will find happiness within myself!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I never thought I would find him, but after getting through a couple failed relationships, he just appeared. I never expected it. Maybe it will happen when you least expect it! Either way…life is amazing, and you seem to know that already 🙂 Have an amazing day!

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  2. Wise words that I love and believe. I have said for some years that my true happiness starts with myself which so many people do not understand. I am very content and happy with solitude, I’m not lonely or unhappy, yet people can’t understand that and insist that I need someone, anyone, around me at all times to be happy. I understand and accept that my lifestyle is not for everyone, but it is for me. Now if I can just get others to understand that THEIR lifestyle is not for me.

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    1. I totally understand where you are coming from. Through this blog, I’ve personally realized that everything I say, all the advice I give, and everything I write about is how I personally would deal with these situations. These are just what got me through certain things in my life and they may or may not work for someone else. It’s difficult when people try to impose their viewpoints and values on you. It’s hard to leave that kind of thinking. I wrote a recent article untitled “Two little that will change your life.” You can check that out, if you need any tips. I’ll link it below.

      I commend your thinking. You don’t need people to find happiness, it comes from within you. That’s great! 🙂

      http://2helpfulguys.com/2015/01/07/two-little-letters-that-will-change-your-life/

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    1. You’re completely right. When you compare yourself to others, you will never be completely satisfied with anything, in any area of your life.

      Getting the message is hard, and hopefully, if enough people share this, I will get it across. It is hard to start but once you discover happiness, it gets easier to get the ball rolling.

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  3. I think you guys are right on.

    Your Xbox story made me laugh. I remember the times when everyone had video games and my parents did not allow us to have any. I did have Tetris on the computer. But I remember it being a treat when my friends would let me okay on theirs. Of course, I was terrible and would lose every time. But it was fun. I don’t know how old I was, but at some point, my parents’ restrictions became a source of pride for me. Other people at school would be incredulous that I had never touched a Nintendo-whatever-it-was. And I’d be all proud to say no. Like it set me apart and I felt like I was a better person for it. Lol. Kids.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a very interesting way to look at it! I wish I had that perspective as a kid. In my childhood, having a xbox was to fit in. And since I never fit in, I coveted that video game system and needed it. But it was interesting because even with it, nothing really changed.

      Your perspective is great. I hope that more children share your perspective at even earlier ages!

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  4. Man, you had a rough patch, eh?

    Two things have helped me in the area of loneliness. One is getting out in the wilderness. I find that even alone out there I feel far more peace. Oddly enough, it’s when I am in the city that I feel alone, rather than when hiking.

    The second is Meetup.com, which is an amazing resource for people who want to find people to hang out with. I wish there were more groups in my area — most cities have hundreds or thousands, while we have three — but I’m grateful for the ones we have here.

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    1. I haven’t really had a rough patch. More like a momentary lapse in happiness. But it’s safe to say, that I’m back. Writing is therapeutic to me and it helps me figure out solutions, most of which I pass on to my readers. Hopefully, if they experience the same things, they can avoid the heartaches and arduous trial-and-error and take my idea.

      Something about is so serene. I’ve always discovered peace in the wilderness. I have to agree you on that one!

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  5. I have a funny quirk where I isolate intentionally- I really do like time alone, to do the things I love- writing, and drawing, and reading, random attempts at crafty projects. With two kids and a full time job, and no significant other, time alone is rare, and I snatch it up. But I work from home, alone, and spend most nights at home, with my kids…eventually, I start getting weird and unhappy, and I don’t know exactly why. Then a friend will come over for a visit, and when they leave, I feel recharged and happy again. Too much time alone, even when you are comfortable with it, can be a bad thing, too. People need time with friends for adult conversations! Otherwise you find yourself telling the cashier at the gas station things he never wanted to know about your life! 🙂

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    1. Completely agree with you! Time alone is as much needed as time with other people! The thing is finding a healthy balance. That’s hard for most people, but you seem to have quite the handle on it! I completely cherish my time alone because I’m similar to yourself. I need to write, read and reflect everyday and that can only be done in my alone time!

      P.S. The cashier at the gas station is all too true! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That will take some mental evolution for some. In the day and age of obvious, external factors being the source of happiness.
    And that is funny because the stars will tell you that money does not bring happiness, yet we all want to be like them.
    And then we don’t dig deep enough to see what really makes them happy, it’s their wealth and fame (however unhappy they are) we are interested in.

    Everybody wants to be like a star or some famous person they know in the more materialistic ways, some don’t even know the happiness behind the person they work themselves to the grave trying to be like them.
    It’s not in our socialization to pursue true happiness, but prestige.

    Hence, our sadness.

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  7. I have to say I know I been thro some rough times lately myself but since reading you guys words I have to say it does and has helped me with some troubles I have been having lately myself and its so nice to read it to help in troubled times and kept me so motivated (even tho I do know alot of this myself!!).

    So in short guys keep it up it is sometimes easier to hear such advice from someone you don’t know (it is easier too to hear it from friends as they are the support and backbone when you need it)

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    1. I’m sorry to hear that! But I know you will persevere. You have to. You owe it to yourself and your life. Life is supposed to be a struggle, otherwise we’d get bored and hate it. Instead, these momentary lapses in happiness, puts the good times/moments into perspective for us. It shakes things up.

      I’m glad you enjoyed our posts! I hope you continue to benefit from them. I know you will be okay, so start believing that yourself! 🙂

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  8. So true! This knowledge comes with age, as so much else. Just imagine if we could see this earlier. ( Just a little would be fine ). When you are on terms with yourself you will be good company. I like your thinking and sharing!

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  9. Great post. I’ve actually experienced this in reverse to the way you have. For the majority of my life I was never even able to process the thought of being lonely. Throughout middle school and high school I had a very large circle of friends. After high school as people moved/married and lost contact, I was working in the NYC nightclubs, lounges, and events, meeting tons of people, always in contact with people (not saying they were friends) more like acquaintances. Within this large mix of contacts there were friends and close business partners that I some would call friends (I have a very individual and strict criteria to my definition of a friend)
    Anyway, when I had my house, my boat, jet ski blah blah (before SANDY) and also eventually bought my own bar, naturally resulted in plenty of people (claiming to be friends) which I wasn’t ignorant to the validity of their friendship (of course they just were trying to hop on the train of benefits)
    Well, after I had enough of the stress owning a bar and sold it, the circle of “friends” evaporated very quickly. Again, not surprisingly, or unexpected.
    Being completely honest, I initially missed the abundance of human contact, which very quickly faded out by this new available free time that I was able to think (uh oh) now that I wasn’t in the go-go-go-go fast paced anymore.
    As I began thinking about more things and thoughts of meaning/content or whatever you would call it. I found that even some of the people I was still speaking to, I had no interest in speaking to anymore.
    The reversal of experience I hope I was able to make clear. Went from always having an abundance of friends in he past – now have found my self to be more isolated (mostly my choice)

    I’m very selective of who I will accept or include in my life. This is because there isn’t a human void needed to be filled. There is only was distressful aspect for me if needed to refer “loneliness”
    While I have still a very few solid friendships and personal relationships that are fulfilling to basic interpersonal relationships…..
    My newly acquired loneliness or deficiency has been one of intellectual unavailability to have meaningful conversations with.
    ******When I say intellectual, I’m not referring to actual intelligence (Me smart, them dumb) NO!
    There just isn’t a open mind to have a conversation, with any substance…. Understand?

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  10. I found this post extremely relatable. We become so comfortable with our circle of people and in my opinion we loose sight of determining whether friends are people we enjoy hanging out with or simply convenient.

    Like

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