How To Tango With A Monster

I was looking through my earlier posts and realized how much I’ve progressed as a writer, and more importantly, as a person. When I first started writing, a thought monster consumed me.

This monster of self-doubt clasped onto my soul and dragged me down. Some days I felt like I couldn’t do it. Some days I felt like no would listen to me, that I couldn’t help anyone. That upset me.

My brain constantly yelled at me, endlessly dragged me down with self-doubt. The thoughts continued to circulate through me, till I was consumed by them. I couldn’t afford to let the thought monster win.

I’ve figure out effectively how to battle the thought monster and here’s how I did it.

Ground yourself.

Live in the present moment. Self-doubt arises from past experiences or future unimaginable problems. The past and the future simply do not matter. Now is the only moment that matters.

The past is irreversible and the future doesn’t exist. Instead, the future is comprised of a series of ‘nows.’ ‘Now’ is the only time that truly matters, as it inevitably and continually occurs.

At this present moment, I am happy. My body is functioning optimally (or as optimally as I think). I am able to think clearly. These are the positives occurring right now. Staying present is the key to being able to focus on the positives, right now.

Have a Kit-Kat

or any chocolate bar. The choice of chocolate really does not matter. The only thing that matters is taking a break. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take some time away from your inner contemplations.

I used to lie in bed till 2AM, constantly worrying about everything. The monster had a firm grip of me until it pushed me off the bed. I learned something from one of my favorite authors: schedule your problems for later.

I tell myself: “I know this is the 2AM tango.” I make an appointment with myself for 2 in the afternoon. I say, “I’ll figure out these worries then, but right now, I’m going to sleep.”

Then I sleep. At 2 in the afternoon, I realize that none of those worries were valid. They were illusions that melted with daylight.

When in doubt, breath.

When I’m riddled with self-doubt, my breaths are shallow and fast. Sometimes, I forget to breathe, till I turn a different color.

So I fight it. I stop everything and just focus on my breath. I feel the air filling my stomach and exhale deep till there is nothing inside. It works so I do it.

Shifting your focus away from doubt, even for a moment, distracts yourself. Sometimes, distracting yourself is hard because you are doing something. But you’re always breathing so you can always distract yourself.

The monster is strong some days, but I feel like I can persevere. The self-doubt holds everyone equally. Some people just have better control over it.

I firmly believe in my abilities and myself. I know that one day I will help a lot of people. I know that my message is out there for people to read and watch and ponder over, and hopefully, benefit from.

The monster needs your attention to survive. Without it, it will wither away and die. Live now, schedule your worries for another time, breathe and pay no attention to doubt and I promise your doubts will die.

Be bold, be free, and love on.

67 thoughts on “How To Tango With A Monster

  1. This article hits so close to home that I feel like you read my mind as you wrote it!! So nice to hear I am not the only one that lies awake in the wee hours worrying about EVERYTHING. Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Everyone does it. But most wouldn’t admit it as much as they seem. You’re not alone and I hope this helps you. I’ve spent countless hours awake and I feel Altucher’s schedule tip works wonders.

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Self doubt is something i’ve recently discovered is huge in my life. I find the first step is recognizing it… I’m constantly coaching myself with the phrase “you are too hard on yourself”. It’s crazy how just realizing this instantly takes away from the size of these monsters. It’s still a battle after that… but a battle that is bite size and able to be confronted in a more “grown-up” way rather than a child hiding or throwing a tantrum (on the inside) about. Loved the article. Sticking it in my back pocket. Live in present… Great point.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a great method! Recongnizing and acknowledging your problem is the first step, and a great one, if I might add! Your method is incredibly effective. I find that when you first address your monster, it DOES in fact make it smaller. Your perspective on this is simply amazing and incredibly true!

      Thank you for your comment! I know my readers will appreciate it as much as I have! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. No problem! I find that being present is incredibly important! I love chocolate too. I just recently got a job a chocolate store. I think I’m gonna put on some weight haha!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s great to hear! I’m glad we agreed on something and hopefully, this helped you a little bit. I know it’s helped me.

      Like

  3. Hey !
    can i just say… i don’t think breath is meant to distract ourselves. or at least in my experience, if i do breathe to get out of my head trip, if anything, breath focuses me even more and gets me out of my headtrip, which was the distraction in the first place. does that make sense? so when there’s breath, attention comes into the body and out of the monster. it’s the monster that’s distracting us!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right. The monster does distract us! But I think the breath is a way of focusing away from that monster! The monster will be there for as long as you pay attention to it. For me, refocusing on my breathing helps me shift focus, which kills the monster!

      Like

  4. I was once in your shoes before as what you were before. But in my case it took me more than 10 years before I realized that I will pursue my passion in writing.

    I hope and Pray that my energy today will sustain until infinitely.

    Your post helped me a lot.

    Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe that it is never too late to start something new. I actually find it amazing that it ONLY took you 10 years before you pursued a passion in writing. Most people don’t pursue anything. You possess a fire inside you that pushes you. Everyone possesses it, but some people need the extra push to spark it. I have to commend you!

      Like

      1. Thanks for the inspiration. Certainly, you are right. I was looking for an opportunity to fire me up and I have it already. I will keep the fire burning and load some extra woods in the future.

        I am so happy now that I am able to do the thing that I love most. I thank to to all my internet buddy and the pusher, that include you, for facing my doubts and fear.

        Thanks

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Great suggestions. We all wrestle with doubts at one time or another. It helps me to keep them in perspective I remember that doubts are fears that arise in the mind, that fade away if we don’t give them power. Why I love your 2 pm appointment suggestion! Your posts are always positive and constructive. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re incredibly right! I love your perspective on it! When you pay them attention, you’re giving them free reign over your body and mind! You let them manifest and fester until they consume you.

      Thank you so much for the kind words! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello everybody,

    what a wonderful post 🙂

    Love and hug the monster in you and it will be your best friend – but will then go away in a fast manner…

    If you accept the situation in which you are in – make it aware, how you feel, do not suppress your current situation. Make it clear and try to what is upsetting you.

    Then the monster is getting smaller and smaller…

    Anyone of you thought about being highly-sensitive?

    Watch this trailer:

    Or have a look at this page:
    http://www.sensitivethemovie.com/

    Probably it could help some of you to get along better…

    But now: Take care all of you and hear from you soon 🙂

    So long and thanks for all the fish,
    Julia

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My tango lasts until between 2:30 and 3am. Once I get to sleep I’m fine and usually sleep well, except never long enough. My current record is 5 hours.

    What’s so ridiculous is I do all of the things you mentioned during my daytime hours. Additionally, I have learned to walk away from problems for a few hours that I can’t find the solution to.

    What’s with the nightly tango?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no. That sounds terrible. How is your pre-sleep routine? I find that having a routine really helps me find sleep. A few things that I do:
      1) Have a set sleeping time (9:30-10PM)
      2) Avoid food about 2 hours before
      3) Avoid electronic devices 1 hour before. Read instead

      Try the scheduling your problems for a time in the afternoon. I found that worked incredibly well for me. Sometimes if none of these tips work, you should consult yourself. Sit down and consciously spend time figuring out what it is you are worrying about. Address your problems and brainstorm solutions for them.
      Ask yourself:
      1) What are my problems
      2) Which ones can be solved right now? How?
      3) Which ones can be solved in the next day? Week? Month? Year? How?

      Sometimes, figuring out exactly what your problem is helps.

      Like

    1. I actually love mindful mediation! I was doing it for a long time and found some amazing benefits!
      Don’t worry, procrastination only arises from lack of topic. Talk your writing in small parts, instead of looking at the big picture!

      Like

  8. Hello everybody,

    what a wonderful post 🙂

    Love and hug the monster in you and it will be your best friend – but will then go away in a fast manner…

    If you accept the situation in which you are in – make it aware, how you feel, do not suppress your current situation. Make it clear and try to what is upsetting you.

    Then the monster is getting smaller and smaller…

    So long and thanks for all the fish,
    Julia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. These are all great tips Julia! And I completely agree with you! Thank you so much for contributing! I know my readers will love and appreciate it, as much as I do! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks 🙂

        By the way: Do you speak or understand German? I was wondering how it come because you are following my blog 😉
        Another by the way: I love the 2 Gentlemen very much! It is outstanding – of course only for people really understanding it ;-)))
        Take care both of you and hear from you soon…

        Cheers, Julia

        Like

  9. Dude! Totally know what you mean. Mine were Mind Monkeys. Spiteful little barstewards that scamper around whispering negative shite. ‘You aren’t good enough, who’s going to pay you for advice, you’re too fat to date, you look a mess.. ‘ On and on they go and pop up night and day to keep you company and scare away the Unicorns of Positivity that would occasionally trot along to gee you up. I’ve been monkey free on the whole since this summer after years if crippling monkey action. I’m staying with the Unicorns now. Oh and Peanut Butter Chunky KitKat.. THE BOMB.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s amazing to hear and you’ve hit the monkey on its stupid head! I’m so glad to hear that you are rid of your monsters. They’re truly terrible soul-sucking creatures!

      Also, thank you for the reblog! We truly appreciate you spreading our word! We just want to help as many people as possible and you’re really helping us with that goal! 🙂

      Lastly, KitKat Chunky Caramel ❤

      Like

  10. This was especially timely! Since I have just left a ten year job because there was nowhere to go but out and I saw the writing on the wall~! And because I am starting a new job next week. Obviously, I haven’t had to be the new kid for a decade so it is scary but exciting. This post was just what I needed!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure you’ll do great! In the end, imagine it as another step in life. I truly think that if you believe in yourself, the world will open up to you. In the meantime, use those scared feelings as a push towards something better! 🙂

      Like

  11. I am sure this will help many people. I think the true value of being strong enough to go through and get through things is that you can pass on your insights and become the inspiration of having done and succeeded. That is a great thing to pass on to other people.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel like we thing similarly. I would hope that through my many mistakes and life experiences, I can save people countless hours on their problems and negative feelings. I do love this comment, so much because it’s a reminder that people do appreciate the work I put out. 🙂

      Like

  12. Some helpful advice from a helpful guy 🙂 It’s funny how we can forget to do something simple – like breathing, when we’re stressed. Eating chocolate is also quite therapeutic. Thanks for following my blog. I can always do with a bit of help, even if I hate to ask for it. Best wishes, Melissa 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Eating chocolate is incredibly therapeutic! I forgot to include that in this list. Truth be told, there are an incredible amount of ways to fight self-doubt.

      Thanks for your addition! I know my readers will appreciate this just as much as I have! 🙂

      Like

  13. hello leroy its dennis the vizsla dog hay this sownds like gud advice to me but i am not allowd to hav chocolat on akkownt of it is not gud for me!!! nekst time i am nervus at 2am i wil definitly hit mama and dada up to giv me a yummy fish skin tho!!! ok bye

    Like

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