I get love from everyone I meet.
I don’t mean to sound egotistical but for my whole life most people have just generally liked me.
It’s probably just because I like 99% of people I meet. If you like someone, they are a lot more likely to like you to some extent.
It puts an asterisk beside your name at the least.
I receive and give love to some extent with most people in my life, and it is part of what drives me everyday. It keeps me in a positive mood and gives me more energy.
Honestly, I owe my life to the people who just give me a smile, a moment of their time, a laugh.
It hurts so much to lose part of that when I wrong someone I care about.
I’ve done it a million times. I have cheated, lied, back-stabbed, and done it all over again.
I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost lovers. Every time, I lose a piece of what makes me happy.
So I sit. I sit down and regret everything. I think about it all in my mind. I picture it and apologize.
No one hears.
I just feel empty when I think about these things. Even after so much time, if I think about it, it drains my energy.
Then I start thinking about all the energy that I have spent wondering, regretting, or analyzing the past. This is all energy I could have spent making a better future, or even just a content present.
I have decided that I will not let the mistakes I have made in the past affect my future.
The only way to show respect to the people I have wronged, is to learn from it.
The only problem is, in order for me to do this, I have to throw away the memories.
Maybe I’m a coward.
I can never think back to these memories and avoid that empty feeling of regret. Maybe that is something I will learn in time.
For now I will throw them away. All my opinions, all the wondering, the regret, the hate.
And just maybe when I’ve learned in time, I can revisit these memories, and only see the little piece of love we shared.